Hope for Better Days

Author: Emma

Rating: PG-13, but only for a little language

Pairings: None really, TsunadexOrochimaru if you must

Genre: probably angst

Disclaimer: That's right, in fact I do own Naruto…eeps! Or not…

Summary: It's hard to be betrayed by a friend, harder to let go of them completely, and harder still to kill them. Tsunade grapples with the prospect of having to kill Orochimaru.

The title comes from "Amazed", by the Offspring. The idea for this fic cam from irukasensei22, it could be considered the prequel to Now That You've Gone Away, but it stands alone.

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Tsunade flopped bonelessly into the desk chair. For a moment she lay still, letting the tension flow from her body. After a few more minutes resting she slowly sat forward. Tsunade held her face in her hands, silently sobbing. Once again she had failed, only now she had failed more than just herself, but rather the whole village. She was weak; too weak to even complete a mission necessary to protect the village.

Tsunade didn't move as she heard a window open on the other side of the room, nor did she when Jiraiaya entered through it. He crossed the room, but made no move to comfort his friend. Slowly Jiraiya lowered himself into a chair on the other side of Tsunade. They sat there, silently, not acknowledging each other. Jiraiya slowly lifted a hand and rested it on her head, supposedly in a comforting gesture.

"Why didn't you do it?" Jiraiya questioned softly, still not looking at her face.

When Tsunade didn't answer he elaborated, "Why didn't you kill him? After Orochimaru invaded you were in the perfect position to-"

"I couldn't," the whisper was barely there, but Jiraiya heard it nonetheless.

"Bullshit," Jiraiya said loudly, retracting his hand from Tsunade's hair. "He was right there, alone. You had twelve ANBU at your disposal. What stopped you?"

Tsunade shifted slightly to look Jiraiya in the face. Her eyes, her face, everything about her screamed how tired she was. For once she actually looked her fifty years. "I couldn't kill him; he's our friend."

Jiraiya's face darkened and his tone dropped almost to a growl. "Tsunade, that man, that…that creature, is not our friend. Our friend died over twenty years ago when he left Konoha. He betrayed you Tsunade," his voice rose almost to the point of shouting. "He betrayed au all!"

"I know that!" Tsunade stood up, banging a fist into the wall in frustration. Little cracks spread from where she'd hit and the whole wall looked ready to break. "I know that's he the enemy, but-"

She collapsed back into the chair, hiding her face in her hands. Softly she spoke, "But every time I look into his face I see the little boy I used to be friends with."

Jiraiya looked like he was about to interrupt, but she continued, "I keep expecting to turn around and tell me that my genjutsu needs work, or that I'm holding back his training." She gave up keeping back her tears and began to cry.

Softly, Jiraiya sighed and moved around the desk, pulling her into a comforting embrace. "I know it's hard, but think about all the evil things he's done. Think about all the people he's killed."

"I know, I know," she whispered, "but part of me still believes, still wants him to come back."

Abruptly, Jiraiya stood up, his tone becoming harsh. "Don't ever say that. The person you want back is a little boy that is now a ghost. You don't want him now," his voice softened somewhat. "He would only spoil the memories you have from when he was young."

"But I'm weak," Tsunade called angrily, glaring at Jiraiya, "weak like Sarutobi-sensei was. Both of us couldn't kill Orochimaru when we had a chance. I hate not being able to do anything, but I freeze up at the last moment."

"I suppose it's for the best," Jiraiya sighed. Tsunade looked at him curiously. "I swore on Sarutobi-sensei's grave that I would kill the snakey bastard," he grinned cockily. "Couldn't let you get to him first."

Tsunade grinned softly and Jiraiya sat back down. For a moment they sat silently, thinking. Jiraiya spoke up, hoping to get rid of the heavy mood that had settled over the room. "So, Hokage-sama," he said mockingly.

"Don't call me that, jackass," Tsunade interrupted.

"Do you get any perks with this job?"

Tsunade raised an eyebrow, "What do you mean?"

"Well…If you were Hokage, lots of places would give you free stuff. For instance the hot springs," his grin grew lecherous, "which you could pass along to me."

Tsunade opened her mouth, ready to call him an idiot, but closed it and shook her head, smiling. "You never change, Jiraiya," she grew serious and gazed out the window, "not like some people…"

Jiraiya frowned. His hopes were to get her off the subject of Orochimaru, but apparently it was all Tsunade could think about. "Look, Tsunade, don't dwell on this. You've got to accept your role of Hokage eventually and understand that it involves killing Orochimaru."

"Sure, it's easy for everybody else to day that!" she shouted, her eyes furious. "You don't know how much it hurt me when he left."

The air around Jiraiya darkened and immediately Tsunade wished she could take back her statement. "I don't, do I?" Jiraiya whispered dangerously, "I think I, Orochimaru's best friend would know how much it hurt, maybe even better than you."

"Jiraiya-"

"Tsunade, you will forget your hopes that he'll come back and you will move on enough to potentially kill him! Dwelling on the past is only hurting you!" Jiraiya panted from yelling so loudly at Tsunade.

Carefully, she moved from around the desk to put her arms around Jiraiya. It seems she isn't the only one that Orochimaru hurt so deeply. Both of them still hadn't fully let go of the past, despite Jiraiya's words. This outburst made that clear. "I'll try," came the whispered reply.

Jiraiya returned her embrace for a moment before standing up, preparing to leave. "I hope you can. There's nothing the village can do for you or vice-versa until you fully acknowledge Orochimaru as the enemy."

He went over to the window and just as he was leaving, she called out, "I'll see about those hot spring tickets… Jiraiya."