204.

Title: Between Rivals
Rating: PG
Pairing/Character/s: Implied Ichigo+Rukia, and Renji+Rukia
Word Count: 741
Warning/s: Spoilers for up through Ch 195.
Summary: Ichigo would have been okay never seeing her again.
Dedication: Jen- You know, this started out as a contest entry and became something TOTALLY different I don't know why. Um… yeah. Sorry. -;;
A/N: Emo Ichigo? I can't really explain it either. sigh

It hadn't been the most pleasant thought, to be sure, but there had been something about leaving her like that that made it okay in its own way, because at least when they'd parted ways as they had, it had been with the knowledge that he hadn't let her down.

He thinks that if she had never seen him again, if his leaving Soul Society in triumph had been the last way she looked at his face, he would have been okay with that.

Because there's something unbearable about the thought of failing her that strikes him when he sits beside her in class now, she listening intently to the lesson while he feels like he's a thousand miles away and fading, disappearing piece by piece even though he's right next to her and she still looks at him like nothing's different at all.

He thinks it would have been okay, if she had never seen him again.

Because he feels that something horrible is upon them, and as glad as he is to be beside her after he thought he'd never see her again, he thinks that he would have been happier if her last memory of him had been the moment of his greatest success.

It would have been okay at that time, if he never saw her again.

If she never had to face the possibility that one day, he might fail her.

That thought alone is almost more frightening than everything that has been happening to him lately, the way he can picture in his mind, how she might look at him should he let her down like the others. It's almost unbearable.

And the more he thinks about it, the more he finds himself wishing that she hadn't come back at all. Not after what happened when he failed Chad and Orihime.

She is the last person in the world he wants to let down.

And the closer she is to him, he thinks, the greater the chances are of that happening.

The anxiety is overwhelming enough that one day, he takes Renji aside during lunch, and mustering up what parts of him he feels are still all there, he tells his rival, "If it comes down to it, I want you to promise me you'll kill me before I even have the time to think about hurting her."

Renji is perplexed by the thinly veiled plea from the man he considers his greatest opponent, and arching a brow, asks, "Not that your request ain't tempting, but what brought this on, exactly, kid?"

"Nothing," Ichigo assures the vice-captain, sticking his hands into his pockets and looking out over the edge of the school's roof. "It's just something I'm askin', okay?"

Renji's brow furrows and he crosses his arms, taking the time to regard the young human thoughtfully. "Kill you huh? Suppose that'd be like doin' the world a favor, right? Heh."

Ichigo smirks at the ironic truth behind Abarai's jab. "Thought you would like that. Now you gonna promise me or what?"

Renji snorts. "Che. Don't gotta. I'da killed you anyway, ya did something like that to her. Punk-ass brat."

Ichigo doesn't rise to the bait like Renji expects, but instead, looks up into the sky and breathes deeply, looking satisfied with Abarai's answer, as if a great weight has suddenly been lifted from his shoulders. "Alright then."

And Renji doesn't say anything, but the look in Ichigo's eye as he says that suddenly makes the redhead feel truly unsettled for the first time since coming up here with the young human.

Rukia finds them like that some moments later, sitting quietly. Suspicious, she asks them, "What are the two of you doing?"

Ichigo turns his head then, the first movement he's made since the last words were said between he and Renji. "Nothin'. Just talking."

Renji swallows, eyes still trained on Kurosaki with a mixture of vague fear and confusion. "Uh… yeah. Talkin'."

"About what?"

"Nothin'," Ichigo reiterates, turning to look into Renji's eyes very, very calmly. "Just guy stuff."

Renji manages to hold Ichigo's gaze for a moment before he sees something there that inexplicably, forces him to tear his eyes away from the orange-haired human. "Yeah," he murmurs weakly, "guy stuff."

She sighs, growing impatient with their reticence. "You're probably both being idiots about something or other, aren't you?"

Neither of them denies it.

END