8.

Title: Formal Reporting Made Easy
Rating: PG-13
Pairing/Character/s: Yamamoto, Kenpachi, Madarame
Word Count: 406
Warning/s: OOC Craziness.
Summary: The eleventh division has a style of reporting all its own.
Dedication: Vinnie, cuz he’s probably not studying either.
A/N: As you can all probably tell, I’ve gone a little bit crazy.

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For some reason, all of the reports that filtered in from the eleventh division looked like hastily scratched ransom notices. You know, the kind that came from gangs or drug dealers or terrorists.

Yamamoto Genryuusai had confronted Zaraki about it, sarcastically stating that he might as well have his vice-captain write up all the necessary information if he was going to present his weekly reports in such a manner. He ceased being amused when, the next week, he’d gotten the eleventh division’s mandatory report in blue and orange crayon, complete with a piece of artwork that was unmistakably Zaraki (in blue) ripping off a Hollow’s head (in orange) with his bare hands. The caption read: “Ken-chan killz a Hollow dehd lots.”

When he’d written a missive of complaint to the eleventh division about it in response, the only reply he’d gotten was a hastily, messily scrawled note (in red, possibly the blood of a victim), that read as follows:

Dear old man,

Ya don’t like Yachiru’s pictures? Then don’t make little kids write Hollow killing reports. Told ya mine were fine as they were. Che.

Sign,

X

PS. Eleventh division currently outta ink. Better send some soon cuz the dead animal Yachiru brought back is runnin’ outta blood.

Yamamoto-taichou hoped that that was just Zaraki’s idea of a very tasteless joke.

When he got a complaint from the neighboring tenth division captain about the eleventh division throwing dead rabbit carcasses over the wall that separated their buildings, he quickly wrote out the requisition form for more ink and brushes to be sent immediately to the eleventh division headquarters.

The following week, he once again received the eleventh division’s reports. Thankfully, none of them were written in the blood of innocent woodland creatures nor were they scrawled in children’s crayons.

However, reading it off the naked back of Ikkaku Madarame made for a rather awkward atmosphere, as well as some rather impossible angles from which Yamamoto had to decipher the message.

Dear old man,

Thanks for the ink. Yachiru ate all the paper. Sendin’ Madarame instead. This week’s report is below the pants. Heh, enjoy.

Sign,

X

“I’ve always wondered why Zaraki signs with an X,” Yamamoto posed as regally as possible in an attempt to break the uncomfortable silence as he tried to transcribe the words dotting Ikkaku’s lower back.

“Dunno, sir. Think he likes pirates or something.”

“Aa.” Pause. “Um… please remove your pants.”

“Yessir.”

END