A/N: So, yeah, I'm back. And re-writing this story along the way. It's now written in full journal form, as it was always meant to be from the beginning. Revised some grammar aspects, too :) I have most of the story written already, so it shouldn't be long before I post the rest, I hope. Oh, and since this is a journal...real life people rant in their journals. Real life people pour their hearts outin their journals. I'm trying to be realistic with this, so, expect some of those things to jut out once in a while

And it'd be good if this new document editorkept the spaces I put between my punctuation and words this time! >:(

Commencing a new journal. New chapter of my life, new mass of paper with cover to write in. But I still have my old journals with me, to prevent them from being read by some nuisances at home called "siblings". Only the Gods know the variety of blackmail they'd use after they read them.

Anyway, I've arrived the Neverwinter Academy and was installed in the Junior Barracks, and I have the NICEST view of the city's RICHEST district: the Beggar's Nest. Just looking at the people outside makes me want to shut the windows and curl into a tiny little elven ball.

And that's why I've decided to come wasn't it? To play a hero and come to this effing bleeding city to try stopping the plague from spreading and reaching Waterdeep. My city. Because I really couldn't care less about who's dying here and who's not. What I really care about is who, from my family, will die from the plague if it reaches other places and who will not.

And speaking of them, of my family… I can only hope they're okay now. They were all against me coming to this place and now I know why. I knew that from the moment I entered this city. And as a reminder, I got my room's view.

Every single person out there looks doomed… They all do, not a single exception, not a single smile in their faces. I don't know how a plague managed to do this, but everyone, EVERY SINGLE PERSON I've looked at in this city looks worse than an orc that's been stomped over and over again by a giant. At least their faces do.

Anyway, I think Father will make a fuss over my choice of career. He kept going on and on, about me being a bard or a wizard, that even a sorceress would do the trick, that if I chose any other career to pursue, I'd sure be damned, or that, at the very least I should choose an honest pursue, etc, etc... But hey, it's MY choice, right. I don't want to pursue wizardry; I'd have to study endlessly until I managed to cast a spell right. Being a sorceress isn't much my style, because, seriously, I don't think I'd be able to summon raw power and conjure it into a spell... As for a bardish life... Well, I CAN sing, but if I try to raise my voice two octaves higher, I think the windows would break. Uh, yeah, I get out of tone easily. Oh, I know I could be a bard without being able to sing, but my view on bards is "they sing well, they're pretty, they can play any instrument and they can cast spells" and I'm not into two of those things, so no, not a bard for me.

So, what was left?

Barbarian was COMPLETELY off the hook. I don't have the strength to become one and I really don't care about that. Fighter and monk would be off the reach too, for the same reasons. Rangers and druids? I don't like living in forests, plus, I'm not good with animals. Then, there were the Rogues, and surprisingly, Rogues suit me. Sneaky, manipulative beings? You BET! Plus, I kind of have the persuasive style on me AND I can walk silently, so, it was obvious what I'd choose.

So, yup, I'm a rogue. And Father is going to kill me as soon as he knows. Wasn't it enough to come here against his will, he'd also have to bear with a child being a thief.

Oh, well, I'm finishing writing for today. The way this human girl is looking at me is scary.

Month 1, Day 20

Haven't written in a while, but I've been so busy with my training that I hardly have the time. Ketta makes sure everyone has their hands full ALL day and when she dismisses us, we can hardly open our eyes. Well, at least, I can't. Plus, we train in a dark environment, and it really hurts your eyes once you open the door and head to the main hall.

Well, at least I can see some traps now. Not the well-hidden ones, but... hey, it's only been a few days since I started training. And I've reduced the amount of noise I usually make when I'm walking. I can still be heard, but it'll change with time. Graduation's only in six months, anyway.

I'm so sleepy... I think I'll be going to bed now.

Month 3, Day 3

Another long break, huh?

New students are arriving today. People are making a fuss over it and it's annoying me. I mean, just because Lady Aribeth's actually cared to INVITE a certain person named Luana Goliar, it doesn't mean she REALLY is special.

She's a halfling. The wonder girl is a halfling. All guys are swooning over her, which sets something afire within me.

Seriously, she's not THAT pretty.

Month 5, Day 1

Got moved to the Senior Barracks. Wonder girl hates me, says that as rogue I suck and I really should pursue the whore career, because that's my only talent.

Oh, she also calls me "pointy ears". It's "whatever" to me, if you ask, because I have absolutely no problems with my pointy ears. For Corellon Larethian's sake, why would I mind being an elf? No, better, why would I mind having these ears when they help me listening to sneaky people like her?

I really get annoyed when she calls me "wench", though… But hey, she's got more men folIowing her like sick puppies, so she's the real slut, not me. Just because I use persuasion to get what I want, that doesn't mean I'm… like that. Plus, people only adore her because she was invited and all.

And, to my dismay, her room is next to mine. I mean, she's been getting promoted quicker than anyone else that has set his or her feet on this place. And I really don't get it.

Month 5, Day 24

Graduation's tomorrow. THANK THE GODS. I can't stand Luana anymore. And, to make things worse, everyone hates me. They call me a "heartless elf" because, JUST BECAUSE I said, once, that I couldn't care less about the people from this city, that what I really wanted was to prevent the plague from spreading to other cities. Oh, and it's also because Luana dislikes me and since everyone LOVES her, they have to hate me. Hey, who cares about your true personality when wonder girl hates you?

And oh, have I ever mentioned that I'm the only elf here, besides some of the instructors? No? Because I am! And it DOES put things into another perspective, whether I like it or not.

Well, at least I just have to stand for another night in this place...

Sehanine Moonbow, do give me, at the very least, this dreamless night… I want to get up tomorrow with a fresh head and high chin.

Month 5, Day 25

I think the whole damned ordeal at the Academy WAS FINALLY over today. I hated that place, I still do.

Well, I wouldn't bear such hatred for the Academy if other people didn't keep praising little halfling Luana and her utter chances of being the one who'd save us all from the plague.

I mean, I've completed my studies. Not THAT brightly (let's confess my fighting skills are not the best), but I actually can speak two words in a row without stuttering. And lie. I can lie perfectly without giving away any signs that I'm deceiving someone, unlike HER, but does anyone care about that? NO!

She's the bright kid. She's the dearest student. She's annoying too, but that is just when she's talking to me, apparently.

Anyway, onto what really matters…

Getting the key from Bruno was, in very crude terms, a piece of cake. Persuasion's never been better. Then Ketta sent me to the Hall, then, where Lady Aribeth was and I bumped into a half-elf named Shade.

"Watch your step, pointy ears." He told me, that overconfident look splattered across his face.

"I'm not the only one here." I shot back at him and swaggered away, my light green eyes never looking onto the ground. I think he gawped at me for a while, now knowing I could actually react that way (usually, I'd react by stealing something). I talked to the door's guard and he opened the door and motioned for me to get in, his gesture dry and swift.

This thing of keeping a journal has its ups and downs. I can't remember exactly what happened after I stepped through the door that led me to Aribeth, nor every single word that was spoken to me, hence why I cannot describe it fully, with every single detail. And trustworthily. But I'll try my best.

Everyone was staring at me, the moment I got in. Paladins, barbarians, other rogues, mages… I think that we had, at least, someone to represent a class. And I felt… scared. Unfounded fear, I'm sure of it now, but I was scared. Scared that everything people had been saying about me throughout these months had been true, that Lady Aribeth was just going to send me home, regardless of the time I'd spent in the Academy training hard, that I was a crappy fighter and that I wouldn't make a difference.

Of that last part… I still am scared of it now.

When everyone's gazes diverted from me, I saw her… Lady Aribeth. And, to my astonishment, she really was as people described her: stunningly beautiful, an aura of goodness surrounding her, the way her face was crinkled in worry for those who suffered for the plague, everything was there; the true and only epitome of perfection, so to say.

Then I realized I was acting like a fool by standing by the door and walked to a place where I could see what was happening without anyone noticing or bothering me.

Luana had a circle of people around her... she was probably recounting this morning's events, when she had Pavel's visit... or how she was invited, being the last one her favourite tale to tell in front of the fire so the children would sleep quietly. There was a man, probably a Paladin because of his equipment, talking to a woman. Maybe a sorceress, since she had those fancy clothes... and he seemed to be flirting with her... no he WAS flirting with her, because she was giggling constantly. It was annoying, truth to be said.

"Oh, and looks like the pointy-eared elf finished the training! How surprising!" I heard Luana sarcastically saying. I merely looked at her, my eyes fierce. Then, she laughed. "Oh, I'm so afraid of you, Meliner..." she mocked.

"You should be, then." I stated.

"Why should I, then?" she asked defiantly. I noticed Aribeth was looking at us, but she didn't say a word. Neither did I.

"Leave her, Luana." Paul said, "She's strange..." with this, I smiled slightly. That Paul was a human... a cleric, I believe, who, by the way, hates me too.

"But she's not immortal... and she does have a heart. And I bet there's rage growing inside her, with every single word I'm saying, is there not, Meliner?" Luana kept aiming at my patience, her goal to break it, "I bet that little heart of yours is now aching, knowing you'll never be a hero..." and she continued, "Elves don't make good fighters, do they? Your race is weak, futile and..."

"ENOUGH, LUANA!" a voice shouted. Aribeth's voice, "Do not insult a person because of the race."

"Sorry, Lady Aribeth." Luana apologized. I could see her blushing and it felt good... but at the same time, I felt ashamed of myself... why I was only happy when the others weren't? Was that bad of a person?

"Please, come here, Radrien." Aribeth said. I didn't know what she wanted from me, but I could tell that even that she was a half elf, I felt like a small worm when I was in her presence...Because when compared to her, I was like an ugly hobgoblin.

"Yes, my lady?" I asked.

"Radrien Meliner..." she said, "I heard you came from Waterdeep. It's quite a long way to travel, specially when it is to save people from a city you hardly know." Her voice somehow matched her appearance, soft and calm.

"I want to put an end to the deaths... I believe that there is a cure. And I believe that, if Neverwinter dies, other cities will follow. And I don't want to die from a disease." Okay, it wasn't completely a lie… I did want those deaths to end… but for the health of my family and me.

"So how do you want to die?" Aribeth asked, her face giving me a quizzical look.

"In a combat. Because I know that, even if I die, I tried to survive. I know that even if I die I fought until my last breath." I replied, looking at the ground. And I was surprised to see Aribeth smiling when I finished my sentence.

"Will you be willing to do that for Neverwinter?" she inquired with raised eyebrows.

"If I wasn't willing to do this for Neverwinter, then, why have I come here for?" Yeah, me and my half-truths again…

"May Tyr bless you, then." Aribeth said, "You can now leave the Academy. I hope I can meet you in the Temple of Tyr next week."

"I'll go there as quickly as I can." I said and left the room, not looking behind.

And I can say now that, when the Academy doors were being opened for me, it felt as if a new part of me was being formed, as if my life would never be the same.

But most of all, I felt like I'd passed the point of no return.

And I don't know why, but, as I'm writing this in my room at the Moonstone Mask, I know that I'm afraid. I'm so very afraid of the tomorrow that will come. I'm afraid of those plague carriers outside, I'm afraid of becoming like them.

But I must go on… Because I don't want that to happen to me nor to anyone I care for.