Author's Note: If there are any formatting problems, I blame FanFiction. For some reason it wouldn't let me post the way I wanted until I converted the chapter to HTML and then to a .doc. Urgh. Thanks for the patience and thanks for sticking through this with me.

Obviously by now this is completely AU and if you hadn't realized that, then I don't know what you've been doing when you've been reading this. Good job.

Thanks to my beta PadfootsBitch, who is lovely and wonderful. Thank you to everybody who has reviewed. You are also lovely and wonderful and I eat up every word you give me. Thank you! Read on!

Lacuna
Chapter Fourteen
:.:.:.:.:

Just two days later, Draco could be found tramping the grounds at Hogwarts. It was a grey, depressing sort of day. The young man had his hood pulled over his stunning blond hair to protect against the drizzle and wind. The rain was slowly melting the accumulation of snow and Draco was grateful for it. He was not necessarily a fan of snow, especially having just returned from a sunny climate. Rain, he liked. Not when he was forced to walk outside in it, but when he could be near a roaring fire with a cup of hot tea and maybe a biscuit or two to satisfy him. Watching rain from a comfortable position was something else altogether.

Yes, he smiled to himself as he ascended the front steps of the castle. Sitting near a fire… maybe with Harry as they listened to the rain… now that would be more agreeable than this at the moment. However, Harry did not know Draco had returned. Harry also did not know that Draco was falling more and more in love with him by the second. It was a remarkable feat, really, when Draco had not even been in the other man's company very much in the past week. Remarkable, but true. Even if Draco had wanted to fight it, there was no help for it any longer.

With thoughts of Harry still drifting through his mind, Draco finally arrived at Snape's office with a peculiar smile. "I would suggest a Knut for your thoughts, but I am not sure I want to know," Snape spared him a glance upon Draco's entrance, but went back to rearranging a shelf of particularly nasty items in jars.

Draco whisked off his cloak and hung it on the back of a spindly chair. "Really?" Draco continued to smile. "You don't want to know how much I've remembered? Or how much I'm completely smitten –"

"I assure you," Snape interrupted without turning, "that I am perfectly content not knowing the latter. The former, however, is of much interest to me." With a final adjustment and a swipe at some dust, Snape turned to gift Draco with a penetrating stare. "Just how much have you remembered?"

Draco grinned up at Snape. "You know I'm just pissing around, Severus. As to your question, I have remembered a little. It is reassuring, I admit, to know I am able to remember more of my past, but I could deal without the nausea."

"How much is a little?" Snape asked, turning from Draco once more to rummage in his personal storage cabinet.

"I've remembered… I don't know, perhaps four memories. Maybe less, I'm not sure. These memories seem more numerous when I try hard to remember them. I think I just need to acclimate to the memories and allow them to make sense within my current understanding of my world. If that makes sense."

"You need to put them in a time frame, in a way," Snape said absently as he moved to another shelf.

"Yes, I suppose."

"I didn't tell you why I wanted you to come…. Ah." Snape pulled a vial of murky purple liquid from the cabinet and handed it to Draco. "I hid this – even from myself, apparently – because I have had a certain Defense teacher in my stores for reasons I do not want to know…." Snape rolled his eyes heavenward.

Draco took the proffered bottle and examined it for a moment. "And you allow him to?"

"I allow faculty into my stores if Madam Pomfrey cannot offer them what they need. It is not often that they do, however. My own private collection is in my chambers. Surely I've shared that with you?"

The blond nodded absently, turning the vial over his hands. "Yes, but it's been a while."

At that moment, a knock sounded on the door and when Draco turned around and saw who it was, a wave of nostalgia washed over him. "Well, well, speaking of the imbecile," Snape drawled.

Sirius Black bowed slightly to Snape. "Funny, I think my shampoo would say something along the same lines were it to see you." Black looked to Draco with a much kinder smile. "Draco," he greeted amiably. "I've been hoping to see you for quite some time now." He reached out a hand which Draco shook agreeably enough. He remembered Sirius Black as his Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher in his last two years at Hogwarts, but beyond that could not imagine why he would be so pleased to see him.

"Have you?" Draco responded with a quirk to his brow.

Black tilted his head to the side with a slight smile. "Do you remember my relation to Harry?"

For a moment, Draco merely stared blankly, but then he remembered the picture Harry had of this man and Remus Lupin at his house. He had never thought to ask about it until now. "I… well, I know there is a picture of you and Remus Lupin at Harry's, but, I'm afraid I can't recall why you would be so close to him. I'm sorry."

"Black is the… extravagant godfather to your Mr. Potter," Snape cut in sardonically.

Draco cut his attention between the two other men and shifted uncomfortably. They each glared daggers at one another. Draco cleared his throat. "Well, now I know what it's like to be in a room with the two of you at the same time. Pleasant. Well, Mr. Black, it's nice to meet… see you again."

"Please, call me Sirius," Black tore his gaze from Snape. "I thought it might be you coming to the castle. I saw you braving the weather out there."

"Yes, I was thinking on my way here that it would be much nicer sitting by a fire with Harry and a hot cup of tea."

For some reason, this statement made Black grin and he pulled back the chair Draco had flung his cloak over and sat. This action, naturally, made Snape scowl, but he made no comment. "I was just visiting Harry and Ayida yesterday, and it's funny that you should say that. You were in San Juan still, I presume?" Instead of waiting for an answer, he continued. "You see, yesterday's weather was the same as today and when Ayida went off to play in her play room, Harry said much the same thing to me as you just did."

Inexplicably, Draco felt his cheeks tint a shade pinker. "Oh, really?" he laughed shortly, hoping he did not appear as embarrassed as he felt. He did not know why he had felt the need to admit such a foolish thing. Snape was staring at him with a beady eye stare. Draco shifted. "Well, great minds… and all that," he trailed off and looked to the floor.

Black let out a bark-like laugh. "You two are a pair, you know? Look, Draco, I happen to know that Harry is home today. Molly was taking Ayida to Diagon Alley with Ron and Hermione's sprog. I don't think Harry would say no to a little company over his tea."

Draco gave a stilted nod. "Thanks. I'll keep that in mind."

Snape chose then to give an annoyed sigh. "If you don't mind, Black, I have business to discuss with young Mr. Malfoy here." He raised a brow and nodded towards the door. "I assume I don't have to show you the way out?"

There was no question that Black did mind leaving. He narrowed his eyes at Snape as he stood and then proceeded to glare at the potion in Draco's hand. Clearly, he came to hear about Draco's condition. Draco sighed. "Really, Severus, if this has to do with my… condition, then I don't mind if he stays. Does it?"

"Does it have to do with your condition?" Snape confirmed. "Yes, it does. Black has no business hearing what the latest news is."

"Severus, I really don't care. Chances are he'll hear through the grapevine anyway. I'll tell Harry, Harry will tell those closest to him."

"Oh, Draco, that really wasn't my intention. I'd be lying to say I wasn't curious what Snape's come up with, but I don't want to intrude."

Draco forced a friendly smile. "It's fine… Sirius. Really, it's fine. Besides, I thought of something yesterday that I might like to have again, but I need help finding it. Since you're close with Harry, I have a feeling you would have an inkling as to where to start looking."

Black nodded. "Of course, I'll help you."

"Touching," Snape drawled. "Since you insist on letting him stay for this, Draco, I must insist on hurrying through the explanation." Here he threw Black a hostile glare. "The potion you hold in your hand is what I have been working on these past months. I have doubt it will be fully effective, but I am confident it will not hurt you."

"Do I drink it all then?" Draco inquired as he uncorked the bottle.

"Yes."

Draco downed the entirety and felt his mouth curl in distaste. "Ugh, that's awful. What does it do?"

"With any luck it will neutralize the toxicity in your blood. You wrote me a short letter the other day describing the nausea when you remember…. I had suspected you might experience something of the sort. If this works, you will no longer feel nauseated, and the threat to your life will be void. Give me your arm; I need a blood sample."

Mechanically, Draco held out his arm and looked away, straight at Black who was gnawing at his lower lip. Walkowiak took his blood every time they met in case something had changed, but Draco hated the sight of his blood leaving his body, and so needed to look away. "Finished," Snape murmured and pulled down Draco's sleeve. When Draco looked again, his blood was in a clear tube and Snape was waving his wand over it. Colourful tendrils of smoke were floating up into the air and finally a poof of blue smoke nearly obscured Snape's face from view. When it cleared, Snape was practically smiling.

"It wasn't 100 per cent, but it reduced the toxicity by 40. I suspect I need less lotuses and more Eriocaulon." He stared at Draco for a moment, but did not really seem to be looking at him. "Yes. Give me a week and I'll have a new formula ready for you. In the meantime, I think the potion helped you considerably. The nausea should subside somewhat."

"Thank you," Draco smiled. "Severus, I know you'll object, but I really would like to offer you some sort of recompense."

"I require nothing, Draco, you know that."

"I know, but, Severus…"

"But nothing, Draco. We will not have this conversation again, understand?"

"Fine."

Honestly, it was not fine. Draco wanted nothing more than to sulk at the moment. "Very well," Draco finally acquiesced after a few silent moments. "Sirius," he said more brightly as he turned to the other man. "Would you walk with me?"

Sirius nodded affably and exited ahead of Draco. "Please come to me a week from today, Draco. I will notify the healer of this."

Nodding, Draco gave an appreciative smile and followed Sirius. The other man waited outside the door for him and they walked side-by-side in silence until they reached the stairs. Sirius cleared his throat. "You needed my help, you say?"

"Yes. It's uh… not a very pressing matter, but important just the same." Draco halted his progress up the steps to press a hand into his pocket. Sirius stopped a couple steps above him and looked down. "You see," Draco continued, "when I returned, Severus was kind enough to return this to me." From within the pocket, he pulled his ring. It sat in the palm of his hand, glowing contentedly. A smile glanced across Draco's face as he looked at it, but he straightened it out as he looked up at Sirius. "I can't help but notice that Harry doesn't have his –"

"Yes," Sirius nodded, brow furrowed. "It was… misplaced somewhere along the way."

"I figured as much. The thing is I would feel a lot better if we were to attempt to look for it."

"It's a small object, keep in mind, Draco. There's no guarantee that we'll ever come across it."

"I'm determined to be at ease with myself, Sirius. That ring will help me come to terms with… everything."

"I understand, of course."

"There is one thing I would like to know. Are you aware if Harry ever tried looking for it?"

Footsteps approached the two men from below and Sirius paused before answering. Draco closed his fist around the ring and turned to see a Ravenclaw girl, possibly in fifth year, approaching the stairs. She had long, dark hair and was twisting it around her fingers with one hand while the other supported her bag on her shoulder. With a look of alarm, she noticed Sirius and Draco and stopped for just a moment. Then she smiled at Sirius and favoured Draco with a wary glance. "Professor Black," she nodded as she ascended the stairs.

"Good afternoon, Miss Rose. Visiting your brother in Slytherin, I presume?"

"Yes, sir. You know he's been having a dreadfully horrid time in that house all year. He thought for sure he would be in Ravenclaw with me. He's absolutely frightened of all of those Slytherins."

Draco felt the corner of his mouth curl up in amusement. "He was sorted into Slytherin for a reason," he said. "He'll find his way and niche soon enough."

The girl shot him another wary look, though this one was laced with suspicion. "I don't understand how. Bradley is terribly sweet and wouldn't hurt a fly, yet that hat sorted him into Slytherin of all houses!"

"Ambition doesn't equate evil, Miss Rose. Your brother must be intelligent, and he must show great ambition and cunning. Given the right direction, your brother will turn out to be an upstanding member of Wizarding society. Next time you see him, please inform him that a Slytherin is all bite and no venom, never deadly, and never, above all, willing to be restrained from biting."

Miss Rose blinked up at him. "You think that will help him? You're mad."

Draco smirked. "I'm a Slytherin. And yes, I do believe it will help him. I once said that to a good friend on his first night as a Slytherin. I believe it helped him."

Blinking some more, the young student tilted her head and stared at his face. "Do you mind if I ask your name? Only because you look very familiar to me."

"Draco Malfoy," he nodded slightly with a small smile.

"Of course!" she exclaimed. "Everybody knows who you are. You and Harry Potter are all everybody talks about these days!"

Draco raised a brow at Sirius before looking back at her. "Flattered."

"I have to go tell him what you said! It'll definitely help if he knows who said it! Thank you! It was nice meeting you, Mr. Malfoy!" She turned back down the stairs. "Oh!" She turned back around. "See you in class tomorrow Professor Black!"

"Remember your essay!" he called.

"I finished it last week!" she yelled over her shoulder.

"That's a form of ambition!" Draco called as she rounded the corner and out of sight.

There was no answer, just her rapid footfalls against the stone. Sirius cleared his throat. "So… you asked if Harry ever looked for the ring. Not to my knowledge –"

Climbing the steps between them, Draco took Sirius by the shoulder and led him up the remaining stairs. "Come on, before my following catches me up."

Chuckling, Sirius hurried his steps. "Anyway, I don't believe he thought of the ring all that much. Ayida was new and you were gone. He had a lot on his mind."

"That's understandable. Do you have any clue as to where we might start?"

"I only have one," Sirius shook his head. "To search there I will have to gain Ministry clearance because they seized that house when they discovered Harry there."

They had arrived at the doors; Draco stopped just in front of them. "Do you think you could help me?"

"I already said I would."

"It would be a tremendous help, Sirius, you have no idea."

"I'm happy to do what I can. Merlin only knows how much I hate to be idle."

Draco smiled and pulled up the hood to his cloak. "It means a lot, really. So, we'll be in touch?"

"You won't stay for dinner? I stopped by the kitchens after lunch and smelled some really fantastic stuff for dinner."

"No, thank you," the blond shook his head. "I think I'll go visit Harry, have a cup of tea, maybe sit by the fire…." He winked as he opened the door and stepped through.

Though it was in a completely different part of the country, the weather at Harry's house was very similar as it was in Scotland. The only difference, Draco noted dismally as he walked up the front walk, was that it was pouring here. He was thoroughly soaked as he knocked on the door, attempting to get as close as he could so that the gutter covered his head.

The door opened a minute later revealing Harry in a pair of sweatpants and an ill-fitted burgundy T-shirt. Ill-fitted, Draco thought, because it hugged every dip and curve of his chest and arms. Draco stoically decided to concentrate on Harry's face.

"We're the topic of choice amongst fifteen year old Hogwarts girls, did you know? I actually feared for my life as I narrowly escaped a hoard of girls and boys alike just now."

Harry continued to stand there with his hand on the door and a fond look in his eyes. Only when Draco sniffed did he react. He blinked. "Come in. You're soaked through. You'll be sick and whining before we both know it." He grabbed Draco by the arm and pulled him into the house. "Why didn't you think to put a protective spell on so you wouldn't kill yourself with pneumonia?"

As Harry slowly peeled the layers of clothing from Draco, Draco stood shivering and smiling. "I was thinking something along the lines of a fire, a hot cup of tea, and you."

Harry paused. "Oh really? You say you've been to Hogwarts? Been speaking to Sirius Black at all?"

"Why would you ask that?" Draco inquired innocently when Harry had removed every bit of clothing except his boxers. "It's cold and wet, and you're warm and dry. It seems logical, yes?"

For a moment, it seemed as though Harry was going to pursue this line of conversation. Instead, he dropped his eyes from Draco's and cleared his throat. His cheeks were an interesting shade of pink, however, and Draco felt his heart skipping in his throat. "Entirely logical, yes," Harry said quietly. "I'll take care of your clothes then. Go make yourself comfortable. I'll bring something down for you to wear."

"Why don't you just put a drying spell on them now that they're off me?" Draco asked while pulling the waist of his boxers away from his body and doing just so to his boxers. He let the band snap back to his body with a sigh of relief.

"'S'not the same," Harry shrugged and disappeared further into the house, wet clothes bundled in his arms.

Shrugging to himself, Draco followed behind, taking the opportunity to discover Harry's arse once more. The sweatpants he wore were grey and riding low on his hips, and Draco was glad to see that they were not too baggy. Draco smiled to himself. Harry's arse filled the sweatpants out nicely, leaving just enough undiscovered for Draco's imagination to run wild. Yet… Draco tilted his head to the side and stopped when Harry dropped a sock. It seemed there was a good chance Harry was… commando.

"Bugger," Harry muttered under his breath and bent down to pick the sock up. Draco's eyes widened as Harry's shirt shifted up on his torso and the sweatpants went down showing not much but… just enough.

Draco swallowed, hard.

Harry stood, and the shirt stayed up. The pants slid back up, but only partway. The seat of his sweatpants were stuck…. This sight in front of Draco flustered him so; he let out a strangled, "Oh, God."

Harry was definitely commando.

Apparently, Draco thought to himself, he was hotter for nothing more than a commando Harry Potter in sweatpants and an ill-fitted T-shirt.

At his strangled exclamation, Harry turned. "Something wrong, Draco?"

It was an effort to drag his eyes up to Harry's face. It really was. "Wha'? Um…" The blond cleared his throat. "Oh, nothing. It's just… oh, God, I'm so cold. Um… so, is Ayida around?"

Harry, the annoying wanker, had a knowing look in his eyes as he smirked, smirked at Draco and shifted the bundle of wet clothes. "She's with Molly at Diagon Alley today. I'll be right back with something… warm."

Feeling particularly foolish, Draco slumped onto the couch in front of the fire. It was just embers now but his wand was in his pocket with Harry, so he waited. Some minutes later, Harry returned with a pair of black silk pyjamas and some thick, dark green socks. "I put on some tea," Harry commented, handing the pyjamas and Draco's wand to him.

"Thanks," Draco murmured and immediately set the fire to roaring. Standing once more to put the pyjamas on, Draco attempted to ignore Harry's piercing gaze. "These are nice," the blond commented as he pulled the top over his head. "No offence, but I never thought you would have such good taste."

"I don't," Harry smiled and pulled Draco back onto the couch. "They're yours. You left a few pieces of your clothing at our old place when you left, but I don't think you had meant to leave those. They were your favourite pair... when you actually wore pyjamas."

Draco smiled as he stuffed his feet into the comfortable socks. "Then it's true. I do have impeccable taste."

Smiling along with him, Harry shifted slightly. He seemed hesitant to Draco. "So," he began after a few minutes of merely looking at the fire. "How are you feeling? Better?"

"Right now, yes," Draco looked at him. "I only get nauseous when I remember something."

"Right," Harry nodded. "And all your business is finished in San Juan?" Draco nodded. "You don't need a place for your things, do you?"

"No," Draco murmured, a laugh rising from his belly, but he contained his composure. "The manor," he said simply.

A blush rose immediately. "Of course. I forgot." From the kitchen, the teapot began whistling. Harry jumped from his seat. "Tea. Stay here, I'll get it."

It seemed like an extraordinarily long time before Harry came back from the kitchen. By then, his blush had receded, but as soon as they made eye contact, it rose again from under his ill-fitting shirt to his hairline. Draco made no comment on it for the moment and sipped his tea instead. He was extremely pleased to note that Harry had made Darjeeling, his favourite, and had added just the right amount of milk to it. "Perfect," he hummed and sipped more. At this, Harry blushed even harder. Draco cocked an eyebrow.

When his cup was empty, Draco set it aside and turned to face Harry who was still drinking. Harry avoided eye contact. "Can I ask you something that may put you on the spot?" Harry cleared his throat, drank some more tea and nodded with the cup in front of his face as if it offered him protection. "Why are you blushing? I have been trying to think it through, but I'm… well, I'm at a loss."

"You don't want to know," Harry murmured as he gently set down his cup, which was now as empty as Draco's. Harry seemed to be quite distraught with that fact and looked to the kitchen longingly.

"I would not have asked if I didn't," Draco replied reassuringly, placing his hand gently on Harry's knee. "I promise I won't laugh."

"It's not that. It's just that it would sound trite probably, and I suppose I'm attempting some sort of restraint concerning you so that you don't get frightened off by me again. It's rather an awful feeling when that happens, I think, so I've decided to stop doing it entirely."

Draco could not help but chuckle a little. He immediately sobered when Harry blushed again. "I'm sorry. I promised I wouldn't laugh. I won't be frightened off. Please just tell me what it is that keeps making you blush. I'm curious."

For a long time, Harry stared anywhere but at Draco and seemed quite insistent on not saying anything at all. After a couple minutes, when Draco still refused to back off and refused to quit staring at Harry, Harry gave a put-upon sigh and turned to him. His face was flushed anew. "It would be because of you, don't you think it obvious?"

"What? Your blushing? Because of me? I had gathered it was," Draco replied with a slight smile. "Isn't there something more perhaps, something I could put a stop to so you don't feel so embarra –"

"No, it's just because of you. I'm blushing because of who you are, of what you do, and how you make me feel, and how much I just want to kiss you. I had thought that I had the upper hand here when you couldn't drag your eyes away from my bum, but I was wrong. The thought that you were so attracted to me… filled me and made me lose the upper hand I was hoping to maintain, and…. So, you see there is nothing you can do because you can't help how I feel. I'm blushing just because of you. That's all."

Draco licked his lips feeling as though he were in a trance. He had leaned closer to Harry without his realising it and when he spoke, his voice was oddly quiet. "Well, you can hardly fault me for being me, can you?"

Harry seemed to just notice how close Draco had moved; his voice quaked as he replied "I had no intention."

"You know," Draco continued, his voice even quieter, almost reverent to their ears, "I want nothing more than to remember everything about you. Everything… absolutely every…." He trailed off. Harry's hand had come across Draco's torso and to his hip to rest possessively. They had gravitated nearer so that the tips of their noses touched lightly, but their mouths remained a good distance. Draco could feel and smell the slightly sweet scent of Harry's breath upon his face. It puffed against his lips and he wanted Harry to lean closer. They moved their heads slightly to the side as if to begin, and Harry's lips pressed nearer, and Draco's breath caught. Yes, please! he thought vaguely, but then Harry pulled abruptly away and Draco was suddenly keenly aware of his racing heart.

"I'm sorry," Harry whispered his voice cracking. "I'm sorry."

"No," Draco protested fiercely and pulled Harry's face towards his own. He stared fiercely into the confused green eyes for a moment before kissing him with more force than he would have liked. Harry quickly capitulated and the kiss softened but became no less fierce. For the next couple minutes, Draco lost himself to Harry's mouth, his tongue, and his strong hands. When they finally needed to come up for a little air, Draco was surprised to find himself straddling Harry's lap and with his hands tangled in the black mop of hair. Reluctantly, he removed his hands and placed them on Harry's biceps.

"I appreciate your restraint," Draco murmured, leaning down to kiss the corner of Harry's mouth. "But you will need to forgive me. As a child, I was never denied anything I wanted and it has taken a toll on my adult life. I only take what I want when I want it." He smiled to indicate he was making a joke but Harry only managed a weak smile. "Truly, I do appreciate your restraint, Harry."

Harry shrugged. "I didn't know I had so much restraint to be perfectly honest."

"I consider myself rather surprised as well," Draco replied, deliberately holding back a smile. "You seem to be the reckless sort. Though you are a Gryffindor, so I suppose I cannot fault you for that."

"No," Harry gave a weak chuckle, his hands coming to Draco's sides but then falling again to the cushions. "You can't."

Harry seemed to revert to his earlier shyness, his eyes fixed unseeingly just above Draco's belly button. It was incredibly intoxicating to Draco that it was he who elicited the response. He studied Harry's face, his strong jaw, the stubble that lined it; the slight worry lines around his eyes… perfect eyes… the line of his nose and the way it rounded out…. Draco reached up with the tip of his finger and traced first the top of Harry's nose and then his jaw line. He did not notice the look on Harry's face or the way his breathing had gone quietly laboured. All Draco could notice were the seemingly perfect lines of this other man's face, and how he could not remember a time he had studied it more carefully. And how Draco wanted this face… this face needed to greet him every morning. He wanted that again, because deep down he could feel how much he missed and needed it. Deep down, Draco suddenly knew without doubt how in love with Harry he had always been. This thought scared him just a little, but it calmed him to know Harry felt the same.

Oh, how he wanted that ring back, how he wanted to set things right, to put Harry at ease.

"I… I don't know where I stand with you any longer," Harry stammered. "You contradict everything you've said. You tell me to leave you space, so I try, but then you throw yourself at me. I don't… I can't."

"Harry," Draco murmured, reaching up to run his fingers through Harry's hair. "You don't know how much you have helped me simply by showing restraint the past couple times we've met. I know it doesn't seem like much to you, but I think it has been a great help. Where do you stand? I'll tell you, I believe it's right where you have always stood since the day we married."

Harry blinked up at him, his brows furrowing as he worked Draco's words through. Draco smiled. "Put your arms around me, Harry." It seemed Harry only replied with his body, not his brain. It seemed to be otherwise engaged as Draco settled himself more comfortably on his lap, his own arms going around Harry, his face resting gently against his neck. After quite some time, Draco placed a light kiss to Harry's neck and leaned away with a small sigh and even smaller smile. "It seems I'm having a difficult time restraining myself right now," he murmured.

"From what?" Harry inquired, hands pulling Draco's body nearer yet, though how that was possible Draco could not imagine.

"Touching you," Draco replied even as he reached up and pushed the hair away from Harry's face.

"Yes, well…." Harry shifted his eyes away, almost demurely and Draco smiled at that. It was obvious that Harry did not mind Draco's lack of restraint so much. "Are you hungry? I could start dinner. Ayida should be home soon."

"I'm suddenly famished, but I'll only allow you to make something if I can help, otherwise we're ordering out."

Harry's eyes lit up and his smile went straight through Draco's chest to make his heart constrict. With a slightly giddy laugh, Draco stood, offering Harry a hand up. Together, they retreated to the kitchen where they made dinner in silent companionship. They moved about the kitchen seamlessly as if they had done this a million times before, and Draco had to remind himself that they probably had done this at least a thousand times before. Inside, Draco was brimming with butterflies. Harry's face was pure bliss and Draco could not help but to brush by him with the tips of his fingers against his side, the back of his hand, the small of his back. After the initial surprised intake of breaths and glowing blushes, Harry caught on that it was okay and did the same to Draco.

As it turned out, Ayida was not returned to them in time for dinner. When Draco noticed that they were setting the table for two, he suggested they crack open the bottle of wine he had noticed while making dinner. The bottle had a thick layer of dust and Draco assumed it was to be for a special occasion. It took a moment for Harry to realise which bottle Draco was referring to, but when he did remember, his face lit up and he raced to the kitchen. While he was away, Draco took a moment and lit a few candles on the table. To him, this gesture did not seem overly romantic, but he knew that Muggles thought so and Harry used Muggle electricity for his lighting…. He dimmed the overhead lights and smiled at the effect. It really was rather nice. He quickly put a CD into Harry's stereo in the next room and hurried back just as Harry was entering the dining room. Harry stopped in his tracks and stared around before turning to Draco. His face was full of wonder, but then he blushed and went to his seat.

"I had bought this bottle not long before… well, before you left all those years ago," Harry said. Draco sat at the seat next to him. "It's a Cote de Bourg, and I had thought it would be nice to have a night to ourselves at some point soon." He grinned, somewhat ironically. "If I had known we wouldn't get a night to ourselves until over four years later… well, perhaps I would have taken it as an omen and wouldn't have bought it."

"Well, we're here now," Draco murmured and picked up his empty glass. "Open it now so we can enjoy it tonight… in our pyjamas."

Harry complied with a grin. They dished their meal of chicken onto their plates and ate in relative silence. When they did speak, the conversation was short lived, but Draco did not mind, nor did he think did Harry. When at last they had eaten their fill and their glasses were once again full, Draco leaned back in his chair and stared at Harry, something it seemed he could not stop doing tonight. "Molly still hasn't returned our daughter, I see," he commented, taking a sip from his glass.

"No," Harry murmured as he looked at her empty seat. "I love Ayida dearly and I know you must want to see her, but I really will have to thank Molly for keeping her so long tonight. I think I needed something like this."

Draco was saved the necessity of replying by a voice calling for Harry from the Floo. Harry went to answer it with a fleeting brush of fingertips at Draco's neck. Draco shivered, goose bumps running from his neck to his toes. It was minutes before Harry's return and when he did it was with a restrained smile. "Molly has just informed me that Ayida was very tired from their day out and refused to be brought home. She marched herself up to her room and put herself to bed at the Burrow."

"How convenient," Draco replied with a wry smile and stood. "That gives us a prime opportunity and I suggest we do not pass it up."

"What?" Harry inquired suspiciously.

"Well… we have had fine food, wine, and music. Now we shall have to accompany the music with a dance, no?"

"Draco, I'm not much of a dancer."

"You danced with me at our wedding, didn't you?"

"That was different. That was a special occasion."

Draco smiled. "Yes," he agreed quietly. "It was, but so is this… so is tonight."

It did not seem as though Harry really understood why tonight was so special, but he seemed to quickly put it into his own frame of reference. They were here, they were together, and Draco was not, for once, pushing Harry away. The two men moved together just as a new song started and Draco contentedly pressed his cheek against Harry's. "We can just sway or turn in circles if you like," Draco murmured, "Just as long as we're moving together."

"Anything is fine," Harry replied. "Lead and I'll follow."

Smiling, Draco lazily moved them in a simple dance, though they kept as close as possible and Draco soon shut his eyes to enjoy the warmth of Harry's body against his own. A warm fire and cup of tea indeed, he thought lazily and made a note to thank Black for the suggestion later. Within moments of that thought, however, Draco's mind drifted away from him and it transported him to another place and time.

It was a beautiful day. Crowds of people were dancing, laughing, drinking, and talking. Draco, himself was in the arms of the person he loved most dearly in the world. They were dancing and he thought he had never been so happy. He looked down at his left hand and smiled at the ring which was glowing so brightly upon his finger. It was his wedding day, he thought dazedly, and Harry Potter was his forever. Draco pulled a little away from his dancing partner and smiled happily at him. Harry's face must have mirrored his own soppy expression because someone shouted for them to get a room. "We can hex Seamus later," Harry promised and then snogged Draco properly.

Slowly, Draco opened his eyes to find that he was still dancing with Harry in the dining room. The lazy dancing had slowed down into an even lazier swaying motion. That dizzying elated emotion was still with him from the memory and he pulled back from Harry to look at him. He had obviously aged since that day…. They had both been so young when they married, but Draco… well, he could not help but feel his chest explode with happiness as he looked at Harry.

Harry blinked at him questioningly. "What is it?"

"Did we ever get to hex Seamus?"

"What are you on abo…." Harry trailed off, a sort of hope blooming upon his face. "Why would you say that?"

"I just remembered you promised we would hex him later when he kept heckling us at our wedding. Then we snogged. A lot."

"Our wedding," Harry whispered reverently. "You remember that?"

"I remember dancing with you. I remember feeling happier than at any other time of my life. I remember Seamus yelling at us to get a room." Draco blinked a couple times. "How in the world does Pansy put up with that git? I'll never understand how that couple came about."

Shaking himself, Draco smiled again at Harry, but his smile was quickly wiped away when he caught the look on Harry's face. His eyes were squinting, and his lips were pressed firmly together. It looked as though he was either trying not to sneeze or cry. "Harry?" Draco inquired softly. Harry weakly pushed away from Draco and pulled out the nearest chair and all but collapsed onto it with a strangled sob.

"I'm sorry," Harry said thickly, his head bent. Draco fell to his knees in front of the other man, but still he could not catch the look on Harry's face. "I'm trying so bloody hard to make this work, Draco. I am." His breathing became laboured as if hyperventilating, but he quickly recovered, though he was still breathing deeply.

"I know, Harry. I know that."

"No! You don't bloody well know a damn thing, do you, Draco?" Harry's head flew up and Draco reared back. There were tears welling in Harry's eyes. "You haven't been here! I've lived without you for four years. I thought you were fucking dead! Now you're back but it doesn't really matter anyway, because you don't remember anything. You don't remember our first kiss, the way you proposed, our wedding… you don't even remember our fights. You don't remember how you made me bloody miserable before we decided to have a child. You don't remember how you made me… you made me happy even when you made me miserable."

His head dropped again as he fell silent. Draco was at a loss for something to say. He hardly dared to touch him. This outburst was so sudden and yet, Draco felt he should have expected it. Soon, Harry's shoulders were shaking, though he made an attempt to keep his sobs inaudible. Draco heard Harry's voice break through in tremulous moans and Draco could feel his heart breaking.

"I'm supposed to be okay with this," Harry said after his breakdown had subsided to a manageable level. "I know I am. Everybody tells me I have to be okay and to give you time. I want to be okay with it. But I'm not okay with it. I'm not okay. Draco, I'm not okay and I'm sorry. Part of me just wants to tell you to leave and not come back until you know what you want. The other part wants desperately for you to stay and stay forever. I'm trying to make room for the other part that needs to be there for you, but there's no room. I'm so tired, Draco, of pretending to be fine. I can't pretend anymore. I'm not fine. If you don't want to stay with me right now then you need to leave to figure it out because you've got my right foot in cold water and the left in hot. I don't know what to do any more because I figure by now you're either in love with me or you're not."

"You think it's that simple?" Draco asked quietly.

"I don't believe anything is simple anymore."

"Then you should try to understand that my feelings for you are not quite so simple."

"I just want to know what you feel about me, Draco. Right now."

The words Harry wanted to hear were so close in coming, but Draco could not quite muster the strength to utter them. It was not as though he was uncertain of his feelings really. No, he was beyond sure, especially after the night they had just shared, that he was totally and completely in love with this man. It was also true, however, that his feelings were not so simple. He did not feel comfortable telling Harry that he loved him. Not yet. Besides, he just did not want the words to be said in a tense situation like this. The words would seem so contrived, so lame. And Draco did not want to sound contrived in a moment that he wanted to mean so much to both of them. As soon as he said it, Draco knew that there was no turning back. They would be together, and he wanted it to be better than this. When he had become an old romantic, he was not sure.

"I can see we have been going about this all wrong," Draco replied slowly and Harry looked up at him, having been looking down the whole time.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm not the only one who needs healing and I didn't see that, Harry. I was foolish for not understanding completely your point of view. I didn't know how much you've been hurting, but I see it now." Draco grasped his hand. "I don't fancy leaving just now, Harry. I think that at this point it would be better if we tried giving healing together a go. For once, we should also try walking in each other's shoes."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"It was more of a demand than a question. Besides, I'm not ready to give an answer. I know my answer, but I think we need each other right now to get better without that getting in the way." Harry made a face at this and Draco knew what he was thinking. "I didn't say I was leaving you once we get better."

"No, you didn't. But how do you know it wouldn't help us if I knew how you feel?"

"I don't know, but I see it as our best shot right now. Besides, Harry, it probably won't be long before I'm so tired of seeing you give me those big, round puppy eyes and give you my answer."

"I don't give puppy eyes," Harry automatically responded.

Draco smiled and gently wiped away a tear from Harry's cheek. "You do," he murmured.

Harry sighed and pulled Draco's hand away. "You'll want to see Ayida," he stated and stood. With a quick wave of his wand, their dishes vanished from the table. "I think Wednesday would be fine if you wanted to come and pick her up for the day."

"That's five days away," Draco replied.

"Yes," Harry turned and crossed his arms. Draco blinked at him in confusion. "Is there a problem?"

"Actually, yes there is. It's too far. I want to see you both before then."

Harry continued to stand obstinately, now avoiding Draco's eyes. "Well. Do you have another suggestion?" he asked rigidly.

For a moment, Draco thought before refocusing on Harry with a bright smile. "I want Ayida to see Malfoy Manor. She is, after all, my only heir and will be inheriting it one day. She should see it. I want you to come as well."

"I have no desire to see Malfoy Manor," Harry said bluntly. "I have seen it before and it didn't appeal to me then."

Though Draco guessed Harry had a reason for it, his answer stung and he took a small step back. "Well," he answered hesitantly. "Perhaps… it will appeal to you more now… under different ownership."

When no answer was forthcoming, Draco sighed. "Please come. I've made changes, small changes, but I can't really feel my father's presence there any more if that is what bothers you."

"This is what I mean, Draco," Harry finally said tiredly. "You can't even remember why I wouldn't want to go the manor, why I wouldn't want to see you there. I don't want to explain everything to you. I'm tired of this."

Again Draco took a step back. He stared at Harry for a few moments before turning slowly around to leave. When he was at the door, he turned his head. "Then it's safe to say then that you really don't want to ever hear how I feel about you. Because if you can't live with the fact that I can't remember everything, and perhaps never will remember everything, then you don't really want to be with me, do you?"

Harry stepped forward. "That's not what I said."

"That's what I heard."

"Draco, please. I'm sorry. It came out wrong then. I just meant that I want you back. I want you to get better… hell, why wouldn't I? Draco…" he sighed. "Please, I'll come to the manor with Ayida. Two days from now? Are you busy?"

Draco shook his head and looked down. "Come for lunch. If it's nice, we'll have a picnic."

"Ayida will like that. Are you angry?"

"No. I'm tired too. I should go home."

Taking Draco by surprise, Harry had moved towards him and wrapped his arms around Draco's waist from behind. "Don't leave if you're upset." Draco turned in his arms and pressed their cheeks together.

"I'm fine if you're fine."

With Harry's nod, Draco gave a weak smile.

"I didn't mean it," Harry reiterated. "Not like that."

"I believe you," Draco murmured and gently kissed him. "I should go."

Harry nodded again. "I'll get your clothes." After changing, Draco left with a heavy heart, but the need to find that ring was burning through him again. He had a lot to do in a day before Harry brought Ayida and there was no sense in waiting for tomorrow.

The following day, Draco started awake in the early morning hours. Upon opening his curtains, he found that the sun had yet to rise over the horizon, but he knew he could do little to fall back asleep. After all, he had had enough trouble falling asleep, and in waking so early, had received a scant few hours of rest.

The cause of his insomnia this night was Harry. This whole situation was becoming too emotional for the both of them and Draco could not fathom how much longer Harry could hold up. He was already beginning to show extreme strain, and Draco, who was under the very same strain (although was only now beginning to realise that they were experiencing much the same emotions and confusion), could do nothing now but empathize.

After the events of the previous evening, Draco felt that he and Harry had finally arrived at an impasse. Though Harry would undoubtedly continue to put on a brave face, Draco knew he did not want to keep going with the whole charade if Draco did not know what he wanted. They could move no further together if they remained in this odd limbo with one another. And after last night, Draco was sure. He could not risk losing Harry. Not again. He wanted to move forward and he wanted Harry to finally be happy. It scared him… it absolutely terrified Draco to think of marriage, but he loved Harry and that was the bottom line.

So, with his very determined mindset, Draco commandeered all of his remaining house-elves as soon as he stepped from his room and set them to work. If Harry disliked Malfoy Manor so much as it was, he would change it… or he would, at the very least, change the rooms Harry would undoubtedly see tomorrow. There would be no trace of either Narcissa or Lucius within the house. After he had sent every house elf scurrying but one, Draco returned to his room, commanding the last one to follow him.

"Bipsy," he addressed it as he rummaged through his wardrobe, "I want you in charge of this whole project. I want you to find the best Wizarding designer to be found in Britain and bring him or her to the Manor. Offer them twice the amount of money they would normally charge and tell them that I want the foyer, sitting and dining room, my father's office – I want it for my office – my mother's room, and the library refurnished by this evening. I want to see full results and refined taste, and I want nothing that looks like my parents possessions, got it?"

"Yes, Master Malfoy," Bipsy bopped his head up and down frantically.

Draco hung his selected robes on the outside of his wardrobe before turning to the house elf. "I have noticed that our old gardener has not been here."

"No, Master Malfoy, sir. Mistress Malfoy fired him a year ago for stealing. Bipsy is catching him doing it, sir."

Draco nodded briskly. "Good, good…. I suspect one of the house elves has been keeping the garden then?" At Bipsy's nod, Draco continued. "Then after you find a designer, please begin looking for a new gardener to employ, though spring is yet to come and I would like to help screen the prospectives. Now… I want you to run me a bath and when I'm through, I want breakfast ready."

"Yes, Master Malfoy," Bipsy agreed and hurried into the room's adjoining bathroom. Draco waited where he was thinking, silently pleased with his progress already. The house elves were quickly cleaning and helping out the new designer by ridding the rooms of anything Lucius or Narcissa had purchased. Luckily, these were highly outnumbered by the heirlooms spread throughout the house and he was hardly going to rid the manor of these items.

"The bath is ready, sir," Bipsy reappeared, bowing so low his nose touched the floor.

"Very well. One more thing, Bipsy, tomorrow my daughter and husband will be visiting the manor. I want everything to be in top order and I expect them to be treated just as you treat me. They are my family and as such, they are Malfoys."

Bipsy's eyes went large. "Oh, Master Malfoy has nothing to be afraid of!" he exclaimed. "Bipsy will welcome the new Master and Mistress Malfoy! Oh yes! Bipsy has much to do!" he continued to cry out even as he disappeared with a pop.

With a satisfied smile, Draco went to take his bath.

Just in time for lunch that day, Draco arrived at Hogwarts once more. He had caught Black in his office just after breakfast and they agreed to meet for lunch. Draco knew he had only just spoken to Black the previous day about Harry's ring, but he was much too impatient to set things right again. He needed to find that ring.

Black greeted him with a beaming smile and gestured for him to take a seat. "Sirius," Draco nodded and hung his cloak delicately over a hook behind the door. "I hope I'm not inconveniencing you."

"Not at all," Black assured him as he resumed his seat behind his desk. "For once I have been ahead of myself and I finished my grading this morning."

"So," Draco began hesitantly. "You are not engaged in anything for the remainder of the day?"

Black's smile returned though it was dampened slightly. "You're anxious to get that ring, aren't you?"

Letting out a long breath, Draco nodded. He could feel his cheeks tinting pink. "I've come to some final conclusions. And yesterday… well, yesterday I could tell Harry is tired of this whole affair and I would like to do something about it. I don't mean to push your progress, Sirius, but I really want to begin looking."

Black had smiled throughout Draco's small speech and continued doing so as he opened a drawer on his desk and pulled out a bottle of liquor. He proceeded to pour them each a glass and he did not speak until they had each taken a drink.

"It is rather lucky for you then that I already visited the Ministry last night after you left, and even luckier that I have such close friends within the Auror department."

"You gained clearance to wherever you want to look then?" Draco asked, his eyes lighting.

"Oh yes," Black agreed, taking a long drink from his glass. "And I'll certainly take you there, but only after we have eaten."

Only a highly toned sense of decorum made Draco eat slowly. The two men ate within the office, tended to by a house elf smaller than Draco had ever seen, but Black seemed taken with the small creature that he called Big. Draco could not decide if it was a joke because the elf could not have risen higher than their knees. Finally, after much anticipation on Draco's part, Black rose from his chair and summoned both of their cloaks. Wordlessly, they left the office and made fairly quick progress to the gates of Hogwarts. Once outside the gates, Black grasped Draco's arm and Disapparated.

They appeared outside a large house. It had a very old feeling to it, made of stone and magic creeping from every crack. Wizards had lived here since its creation and Draco could not help the small gasp that escaped his lips. "This is Theodore Nott's house. You think it's here?"

"Well, this is where Harry was found," Black replied, as he unsheathed his wand from his sleeve and proceeded to wave it about. Draco listened to him intone the many complicated spells, his mind carefully blank. "All right?" Black asked once he had his wand away. He was looking at Draco warily.

"Yes," he said slowly. "It's just… well, Harry never has explained what happened here. And I, I don't remember doing what he said I did… to Nott."

"Perhaps it's for the better," Black sighed and motioned Draco to follow him. "That memory can't be a very happy one."

"All the same," Draco murmured and followed Black into the house.

Draco kept his eyes averted from everything in the house that would remind him of the days he had spent here as a child, playing with Nott. The back of Black's head provided his distraction, and he knew Black was saying something, perhaps only muttering to himself, but Draco found he could not listen. "In here," Black's voice raised as he seemed to find the room he was looking for.

Entering the room as if there might be a threat from within, Draco kept silent as he finally lifted his eyes and surveyed their surroundings. They were in a study, and though Draco could not remember ever entering this room as a child, something about it seemed to be very familiar to him. He had been here before and it had not been too long ago.

Probably about four years ago, his mind quietly supplied to him.

After a few moments, Draco took a few halting steps forward. He cursed himself inwardly, drew a deep breath and continued more steadily into the oppressive room. The very air felt heavy with unhappy memories and Dark magic. It felt to Draco as if the feeling slowed his footsteps, breathing, and thinking. Black seemed unaffected. He was already rummaging through the drawers at the desk, a determined sort of set to his face. Suddenly, Draco was very thankful for him. For a moment, Black stopped sifting through the drawers and took a harsh sniff and then shivered.

"Damp, this house is," he muttered, continuing his progress through the desk. Draco nodded in agreement as he looked around. The walls were covered in books, and they still looked as if they were all in order, probably never to be disturbed until the Ministry released the property to the Wizarding world. Draco followed the line of books to his right and squinted when he noticed a place in the shelves where the books were askew. His eyesight went to the floor and he gasped quietly. There was a wizard slumped on the floor. Draco took a step closer.

He was dead.

Blinking, Draco looked to Sirius who was now casting spells at various objects and obvious hiding places. Draco turned back to the dead wizard and gasped again. He was gone. Swallowing thickly and feeling suddenly nauseous, Draco moved to one of the couches and sat heavily at the end. He did not realise that he had closed his eyes until Black snapped his fingers in front of his face. "All right, Draco?"

"Yeah," Draco murmured. "This room… it's just oppressive." He blinked a few times. "I'm just going to rest for a moment. I feel a bit dizzy."

As soon as he said it, a new wave of vertigo washed over him and he leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes. Black moved reluctantly away to continue the search. Of course, Draco recognised this dizziness. He had felt it plenty of times in the past few weeks, but Severus had been so hopeful that the potion had neutralized his blood… if even just a little. Draco felt nearly as bad as he had at the Wizarding Transportation Centre before he had admitted to himself that he loved Harry. The dead wizard he had seen… it had to have been a memory, Draco reasoned. He did not want to believe that he was finally losing it.

"I'm going through this door, Draco," Black called. "I think this is where they kept Harry, so it may be there. If you need anything, give a shout, all right?"

Draco gave a weak nod, cracking one eye open to see Black disappear through a door. As soon as the other man was out of sight, a movement caught his eye and he jerked up in his seat. Theodore Nott was sitting on the couch across from him, his face unwelcoming and just a little nervous. A man with brown hair and unremarkable facial features sat beside Nott, and he was staring at Draco raptly. "What of the baby?" the stranger inquired, biting his lip. Draco felt himself answer: "Dead. That's what they say anyway. Tiada miscarried and now is missing." The strange wizard looked down, seemingly stricken by the news.

Gasping for breath in order to stave off a bout of nausea, Draco shook his head and looked again at the couch in front of him. It was empty. Suddenly, wave after wave of vertigo washed over Draco and he shot forward and retched at his feet. He came up minutes later, cold sweat dripping down his forehead and drawing in gasping breaths. "Sirius," he tried calling for him, but it came out a hoarse croak. "Sirius, I need… need Severus."

With one more gasping breath, Draco collapsed to his side, welcoming the darkness that claimed him.

Author's Note: Chapter fifteen is in progress. I think this is the first time throughout the entire series that my posting of chapters has finally caught up to my writing. Not good. I am doing my best to finish it, but I don't know when it will be. Even if it kills me, I will finish this fic, because I think it would be about time for me to finish this series.

Anyway, I would appreciate a review, good or bad, I can take it. Thanks for reading and please be patient. I have every intention of finishing this fic!