Disclaimer: I do not own HHGTTG. And because of this Mr Adams will be spinning in his grave.

Dedication: For Les Lapins Mauvais and banana flavoured dragon.

Warnings- slash and unnatural biological happenings.

---

Somewhere in a large and ungainly Universe, these things happened. They ignored the fact that it was impossible for them to happen. Time and Space has had a lot of things screwing around with it, these events won't affect it in the least.

Arthur sighed as he lay comfortably in the Relaxation Suite, a damp cloth on his forehead and a cool drink within easy reach. His hands were crossed over his roiling stomach and he was trying to focus on the soothing music being played very softly in the background. It wasn't helping. For the past fortnight he'd been waking up with wretched nausea and a pounding headache, the former of which was so severe that he was forced to dash to the bathroom to avoid puking his guts all over the bedroom. He would feel like death warmed up, chewed, spat out, warmed up again and stamped on until late morning, when he would make a complete recovery.

Needless to say he was more than a little worried. The sicknesses on Earth had been bad enough, he really didn't want to get some vicious Galactic disease. Ford had been performing various 'medical examinations' on him, but since these 'examinations' involved nakedness and the copious use of warm oils Arthur doubted their usefulness in diagnosing his problem. Still, they had been very enjoyable all the same.

He absently rubbed a hand on his sore stomach, trying to resist the urge to curl up and die. He suspected Ford would be very angry with him if he died suddenly and didn't bother leaving a note for anyone. His lover was off somewhere booking an appointment with one of the few doctors left in the Universe who dealt with actual illness rather than the distribution of fake ones. The human sighed and reached for the drink, sipping at it. He had been lucky enough to acquire a low-alcohol beverage that, when very cold, tasted not unlike iced tea. He had tried in vain to find an alcohol-free version but it seemed such things didn't exist.

Arthur relaxed a little as the not-unpleasant feeling of the cool liquid trickling down his throat distracted his attention from his queasiness. Quiet moments like this had become increasingly rare in his regrettably action-packed new life and he wasn't going to waste a second of it. He was just drifting off into a light doze when he heard footsteps outside and a tentative knock on the door. He sighed again. Well, it was nice while it lasted. "Come in!" he called, wondering why whoever it was didn't just barge in like they all usually did.

The Earthman smiled and sat up as his Betelgeusian lover entered the room, then winced as the quick action set his nausea off again. Ford hurried over and carefully pushed him back into the sloped back of the deskchair-esque recliner. "Bad Arthur. Sit!" the shorter man teased.

Arthur groaned. "Suddenly I'm not so happy to see you," he murmured, his smile belying the truth of his words.

Ford smirked and leaned in to press an exaggeratedly sloppy smooch against Arthur's cheek, earning him a giggle and a half-hearted thump from the human. He stroked a wayward hair back from Arthur's forehead, discreetly checking his temperature- it was a little higher than normal.

"Well?" Arthur said, batting his hand away. "You've already started your customary check up so I'm assuming you didn't find anyone to help."

"Arthur, Arthur, Arthur. What have I told you about making assumptions?"

"As far as I can recall, you said 'it makes an ass out of you and mumptions'."

"Yes, well, the point is you're wrong. I have found somewhat to help. A Dr Fastinslotbarter."

Arthur blinked. "Any relation to Slartibartfast?"

"You know, its funny you should say that…" Ford paused for a moment, his eyes becoming distant as he thought. Arthur quickly became impatient with his musings and abruptly kissed him, which was always a successful (if time-consuming) way of distracting Ford's attention. And of making himself forget about his illness. Unfortunately, this method and its subsequent happenings had the side effect of making them rather late for their doctor's appointment.

Not that they cared.

---

Dr Fastinslotbarter couldn't help but smile as he glanced at his most recent patients through the window adjacent to the waiting room. They'd both been interviewed, checked, scanned and had samples taken from them (all of which showed very high recent hormone levels in both males). A completely incompatible mix of species, and they were so close it was cute. Currently the Betelgeusian (obviously the dominant one, the doctor decided) was unashamedly petting his ape-descendent partner. The human had been rather alarmed by some of the more…devoted nurses and their practice of feeling up everything that came their way. It had unnerved him a little and his sweetheart was now determinedly cuddling the Earthman and shooting death glares at any uniformed person unlucky enough to walk past.

Luckily for the nurses the pair had been tested separately- Dr Fastinslotbarter had lots of experience with Betelgeusians and he hated to have to re-attach his staffs' arms after close encounters with the possessive race.

The doctor glanced away as the senior nurse squelched in and stretched out a tentacle to take the completed analysis. He checked it through briefly, then felt his skin turn a more vibrant shade of orange as pleasure diffused through him. How he loved it when something like this happened. He assumed a professional face, feeling anticipation welling up inside. "Show them in please, Cradge," he said, straightening in his seat.

The sluglike nurse did as she was instructed then left the room, evidently on her way to spread the news to her colleagues. The doctor smiled warmly as the couple entered, gesturing them to the comfy consultation chairs with his third and fourth limbs. They sat, the Betelgeusian unconsciously taking his partner's hand in a comforting grip.

"Mr Prefect, Mr Dent, I have just received your reports back and you will be pleased to know that as far as we can see, your systems are perfectly healthy."

"Well, that's a relief!" interrupted Prefect, squeezing the human's hand. Mr Dent frowned in confusion.

"But what about my symptoms?" he asked.

Fastinslotbarter placed his first and second arm-joints on his desk, leaning forwards a little. "Well Mr Dent, I have some excellent news for you. Aside from a minor cancer we found in your digestive system, there appears to be nothing wrong with you. Of course, we cleared that little blighter up as soon as we found it."

The human surprisingly did not look reassured by this comment. "I have cancer?"

"No, no," the doctor replied, airily. "As I said, we've completely cleared that up for you. No, something else was causing your illness. Mr Prefect, Mr Dent, may I be the first to congratulate you!"

They both shook his appendages, looking nonplussed. "Erm…why?" the Earthman questioned.

The doctor's smile widened. "Because, Mr Dent, you are going to have a baby!"

The human blinked. Then blinked again. Then hit the floor with a thump as he fainted dead away.

"Ah," Fastinslotbarter remarked, turning to the equally shocked Ford Prefect, who looked as though he'd been turned to stone (a not uncommon occurrence). "I take it this is an unexpected pregnancy then?"

---

Gah! I know! An mpreg! It's disgusting! But seriously, who doesn't want to see what sort of child Ford and Arthur would produce? May take a while to update this. Intelligent flames are welcome- however, if you want to flame saying, "WTF! U R A BITCH! YUCK!" please sod off elsewhere.

Thanks for reading.