We do not own the Beast Wars. IceQueen howeverowns Kristy/Omie. this is the3rd in the Colony Reborn saga

Rag attack

By Landray Depth Charge

& Omicron the IceQueen

Depth Charge was extremely unhappy. He was knee deep in snow, he was tired, he was cold, he needed energon, and...Perhaps worst of all…he had Omie with him, and she was on the rag.

Omicron was stomping up ahead, glaring at what ever got into her line of sight. She may have the wonderful things know as tampons but there wasn't any kind of painkillers she needed in this time. Needless to say, she was one unhappy colony.

And Depth Charge, with her as his charge, was always with her so as to protect her. The poor manta was the butt of the PMSing girl's wrath, and he wasn't sure he could take the mood swings much longer.

Omie stopped suddenly, staring at something the ray couldn't see.

Uh oh... "What now?" asked the hunter as he stalked up beside her.

"Owww!" Omie sat on her heels, arms wrapping around her middle and a look of pain on her face. Grinding her teeth she shoved herself back up and stocked foreword again. Depth Charge's optics dulled. He hated seeing his Omicron in pain, but there was honestly nothing he could do about it.

"WHAT are you doing! Move it!" Omie yelled over her shoulder, quite determined to get as much walking in today as she could before being dragged back to the Ark by her Guardian.

"Don't order me around, Omie, or I won't be going anywhere."

Omie turned to stare at the ray for a moment (how the girl could stand the cold in only a jean jacket out here was beyond him) then she shrugged, "Fine stay here." turning around again she marched off.

Depth Charge sighed deeply and walked slowly behind her. "Your attitude begins to wear on me, Omicron," he growled, using her full name. He only used her full name when he was angry with her, and he was rarely angry with her.

"Well, do YOU have your insides ejecting blood in the most pain ways your body can think of? Hmm?" She looked over her shoulder at him.

"Am I the cause of it?"

"No, but that's not that poi-OOOO!" Omicron cringed and wrapped her arms around herself again as she hissed, "ARH! Kill me now!"

"If I didn't cause it than DON'T treat me like I did. Mood swings or not, I don't care. Understand?" He knelt by his charge, lifting her chin with his finger.

She glared and wondered if some how she could toss herself off a cliff when the ray wasn't looking, "Ow."

"Understand?"

"Ye'yeah, whatever." She batted at his finger then hissed again and seemed to fold herself up a little.

Depth Charge sighed and picked her up, cradling her, not letting her down. His steps were heavy as he trudged through the snow.

"I can walk!"

"I don't care!"

"...but walking is good for cramps..." Omicron paused then winced and tried to get deeper into the ray's arms, "Never mind, too cold."

"Just go to sleep if you can, all right?"

"Oooo...kay...Umm…'Charge?"

"…What."

"Can we like, hurry up? I gotta go..."

"..." Depth Charge sighed. "Pee in the bushes," he growled, dropping her in the snow. "I have to patrol all day, you know that."

"... I'll walk home then." Omicron turned herself around and started to do just that.

"I don't think so." His tail blade blocked her way.

"But it's COLD!"

"If you PEE on it, it won't be cold anymore!"

Omicron smacked the offending tail then shook her hand, "You have NO idea what it like! Don't you have ANY-WHAT in the name of Primus it THAT!" The girl gaped at some thing beyond the ray's tail. Depth Charge looked at her funny, and turned to see what she was looking at. "... stupid birds..." Omicron turned and marched off in the general direction they we suppose to go.

"..." Oh good Primus, I'm going to kill her.

"Hey! Did you know that if you put batteries in a flashlight backwards it'll suck in light?" The girl asked ad she picked her way through the snow.

"…Wait, what? Suck IN the light?" Depth Charge chuckled. "No it won't. The flashlight just won't work."

"It will TO work!" She glanced over her shoulder at him, "Rattrap showed me last week."

"Rattrap's head is full of cheese."

Omicron giggled, "Maybe, but he showed me some really cool stuff."

"Like what?" The exasperated ray queried.

"Like how to work the computers, do you know how hard it is to push those buttons? I swear they need some WD40 or something. Hey! Do you think coffins come with a lifetime guarantee?"

"I wouldn't think so, considering the occupants are dead."

"But then the people are getting cheap stuff! How RUDE!" Omicron sniffed.

"Like...it really matters? They're dead!"

"So? I was dead, many times over. I would want a coffin with a lifetime guarantee!"

"Robots aren't put in coffins, Omie. Especially not those YOU are made up of."

"There was humans on Omicron too!" The girl turned and started walking backwards so she could look up at her Guardian

"Really. Not of MY knowledge there weren't, they were probably illegal. Omicron was a Cybertronian MILTARY training facility. No place for humans." Depth Charge knew what he was talking about, and would prefer NOT to talk about it at all.

"But I'm the one who should know! I mean I got like HOW many in me?" She stopped trying to figure that out, still walking backwards.

"... Ten thousand."

"Oh..." She turn back around "Dang...no WONDER it's hard to think sometimes." She face palmed then, "GAH! I have invaders in my head space!"

"Invaders? I'd hardly think of them as invaders. Most of those on Omicron were good, noble Maximals."

"Well...yeah...but their not in YOUR head!"

"I'd rather them to be." He walked on.

"..." She stopped and just stared after him, "Wait Depth Charge!" she jogged after him and managed to glomp his leg, "I'm sorry if I said something wrong!"

"...Omie, you're on the rag, EVERYTHING you say is wrong!"

She slumped and looked away, letting go.

"Just cool it." Which was hard to not do, considering it was 15 degrees outside. "Let's get back to base."

Omicron didn't say anything, just followed after the massive Maximal, hugging her arms and staring at the ground. The ray sighed deeply, his breath coming as a cloud of steam in the cold. He turned and swiftly scooped the girl into his arms. She still didn't say anything just shifted so a piece of the ray's armor didn't dig into her back.

"I'm sorry."

"You didn't need to call it 'the rag' you know." she muttered, why was it that guys, of any kind, had to refer to this week as 'the rag', 'bloody week' and stuff like that? Can't they just say 'period'? Is there some kind male taboo on it or something?

"What else is it called? Only way I've heard it referred to."

"It's called a period, come on, say it nice and loud with me, PEROID!"

He automatically clammed up. So it WAS a male taboo!

She humped, "And 'rags' are so uncivilized! Tampons are SO much better!"

He became uncomfortable. His knowledge on humans, particularly human females, was very limited. "...Uh huh...I wouldn't know the difference."

She went on heedless of his manner, "I mean Tampons are the BEST! I'd rather have that little bit of cotton shoved up there then some icky old rag. Even pads are better then a 'rag', but Tampons are still the best, you don't have to clean up all that blood every single time you change like you do with pads. You know what's REALLY a pain in the butt? Starting at school and having to use paper towels and not being able to get to your locker or the Nurse's office for a HOUR! I think only two of my teachers, out of six I might add, believed that I wasn't kidding. Talk about being insensitive!"

"I. Don't. Want. To. KNOW! I didn't ask!" Depth Charge cried. "So STOP it!"

"Yes you did, I heard you!" Omicron slumped, "Why do you people always ask me things then say you don't want to know anymore!"

"...You're crazy. I said, and I quote, 'I wouldn't know the difference'. Okay! Let me set things straight. I do NOT want to know about what the frag you organic females do once a month, nor do I want to know the nitty gritty slagging DETAILS of your personal HYGIENE during that time! Clear 'nough?"

"You don't have to yell you know, I'm right here." Omicron rubbed the side of her head

"Well..." He grunted uncomfortably. Depth Charge settled into an uneasy silence as he continued to trudge in the snow, holding his mood swinging charge to his chest.

"Why is this such a taboo for you guys?" Omicron looked up at the ray's face, honestly curios, nothing more. "I don't get it."

Crimson optics downcast to look at her, "That's the thing. Neither do I. I'm a robot, Omie. We don't have those parts, or those problems."

"...DANG!" She made a face, "Lucky slaggers..."

He sighed. "Point is, I don't understand what you are talking about, and the things you are insinuating...uh...aren't exactly aesthetic to minds eye, alright? I just don't want to know."

Omicron slumped back against her Guardian's chest; "I want to talk to Tala and Morgan back home." She whined a little. "At lest THEY know what this curse is about."

He shrugged and shifted her, setting her on his shoulder for a ride. "Can't go home till we do."

Omicron grabbed his fin for balance and drummed her heels on his metal hide. She giggled then and grinned evilly. He didn't noticed from his vantage point. He was disturbed enough to try and think about something he KNEW about. Like how much he missed the SUMMER!

"Hey DC?"

"Yes?"

"If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit?" Omicron tilted her head.

"Space is the unlimited." He blinked. "That was philosophy. Damn straight."

"And who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out'?" She frowned, "I bet you it was a guy."

He paused at this. "What? Wait never mind, I do NOT want to know."

"And what was in the heads of people when they thought 'See that chicken over there? I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt!' People must have been smoking something weird back then."

"Omie…please... I swear on my activation father's grave I will bury you under twelve feet in snow if you don't stop."

"Stop what? I'm just asking!"

"Well then stop asking!"

"Why? What's wrong with asking?"

"Omie, please! Make normal conversation or don't talk at all!"

"If you pay for a vacation and your plane crashes on the way there, you should get you money back, granted that's if you live." Omicron said both matter of factly way and switching topics at the same time.

He blinked mind reeling at the very sudden change of topic gears, but Depth Charge remained silent. It was at this point he realized he could only barely feel his feet. Slagging snow…

After walking in silence, the irritated and very, very cold manta sputtered, "It's fragging cold as hell out here! Why did Primal have to send me all the way out here in weather like this? I'm going to have his skidplate, that's for certain."

"Isn't it realistically always colder here than it is in hell since hell is supposed to be fire, brimstone and all that?"

A blink. "What?"

"Well you said it was as cold as hell, but isn't it realistically, colder? I mean it's like all fire and stuff down there." Omicron said in a matter-of-fact tone as she looked at his head.

This brought a deep, irate sigh. Depth Charge thought it best to for now ignore the girl until he could drop her off with Rhinox. He needed some time off.

"I don't get it why people say stuff like that, well I understand the saying 'It's hot as hell' because that matches up, but 'cold as hell'? Oy..."

Suddenly he stopped, and in doing so Omicron fell rather heavily from his shoulder to the thankfully soft snow sixteen feet below.

"COLD!" the girl yelped, then "OOOO! There's a frozen frog down here!" Omicron stared at it in wonder, "cool!"

Depth Charge simply walked off, leaving her. There were no Predacons crazy enough to be out on this sunny, yet very, very cold day. A snowball pelted him in the back of his head and his charge yelled "And that's for dumping me!" She ran behind a tree to avoid the larger snowball that was tossed right back at her.

After missing the first time, the ray simply uprooted the tree, glaring victoriously down at her as he kicked a drift of snow on her. "Never try to win a snowball war with me. It won't work!"

"I'll get Silverbolt to help me!" she cried as she squirmed out, "Snowy death from above!" Once out she plopped down and started laughing.

"Yeah right, and I'll beat him half to death for it."

"Eh." She shrugged, sure he wouldn't if she was with the bird-dog at the time...maybe. The odds, however, considering Depth Charge's sometimes quite explosive temper were against her. Omicron sighed as looked at the sky as her Guardian started off again.

"Come on, Omie. I'm flying back to base," the manta stated, transforming to flight mode. "Hop on."

She jumped up and ran over to him, "Hey! Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in 'mother in law', they come out to 'Woman Hitler'?"

Depth Charge groaned. This is going to be a long week.