This is a one-shot dedicated to Prayer Reverie. I hope you all enjoy it. It's in Kira's P.O.V and of course it's about his one true love Fllay.

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This is my second chance. This is my last chance to make up for failing you, Fllay. I know that it was hard for you to lose everything. I feel as though I’m the cause of it. I didn’t try hard enough, I couldn’t kill Athrun, and I left you behind. I left you to fight your own battle, to forget your heart, and die evanescently within the dark pools of your light blue eyes.

When I hold Lacus, all I can feel is the broken girl I let fall. I really can’t change this, can I? I can’t bring you back to that moment, and save you, but that’s because I’m weak. I’m not even human.

I never really knew if you loved me, Fllay, but that didn’t matter as long as you were with me. I can’t change the fact that somewhere inside of me, deep inside past the point of my sanity, I longed for you to use me the way you did. I wanted punishment for what I had done. I let that little girl die, because I was weak, and I still am.

And as I sit here with my arms around another girl, I know that I was wrong to leave you, but it was for the best. If I had stayed for you, and not went out, this war would never have ended. The Earth Forces would be annihilated, and I would have lost more then just Tolle; I might be dead too, but don’t think that I’ll ever forget you.

Kuzzy once told me that you came asking for me when I was MIA, and despite the cruelty of his words, he told me that there was something in your eyes that was different. You were different. I just never got the time. It was stolen from me; from us.

At times I lay awake at night, and wonder what could have been. When I look down at my children, I see a bit of you, looking out from their eyes, and when I kiss the woman I’ve wed, I can still feel the warmth of your precious touch. In her eyes there is desperation, much like there was in yours, but her desperation later fades to regret, and I know she probably doesn’t see it, but I know she is in love with another. It just kills me to see her suffer in silence; every time Athrun and Cagalli visit. Lacus picks up their son, and she can see a young hero, and a familiar tint to his eyes that kills her softly. I don’t know when I’ll ever confront her, but I know that she feels it some how.

I wanted to start all over again with you. I was waiting to speak with you for months, and now for years. I’m so alone, Fllay. Where did your touch go? When did your words die out in the howling wind of the ages?

I guess it’s time you should know that Milly, and I are happy together in our ignorance. Yes, Lacus did leave me, but I begged her to. You see I came home to her one night. The darkness was blacker within the home, rather then outside in the night.

She was still, and crying with silent tears. I must confess that when I went over to her, and comforted her, I really saw you staring out through her eyes. It sounds crazy, and yet I know that she could feel it as well.

“I can’t love you Kira,” She spoke the words that shocked me. I had always imagined her telling me this, but what I didn’t know was that I felt joy. When I used to hold her, I knew she felt Athrun’s arms around her, as I felt your lips when she kissed me.

Where did my life go? I was once a prospect for becoming a scientist, or even just an engineer. I could have left this war behind had I not dragged everyone into the line of fire. We should have gotten out; taken a different path. I should have asked you out when I saw you that day, but I knew that someone else was to have you. I just wanted to know why it couldn’t have been me.

It was not your doing, even if I made it seem that way. I was just confused. When I was at the edge of fate, and my destiny was clear for me to die young, I was saved. Lacus was there as a friend, but she was there none-the-less. She was fond of me, but I knew she would leave me, no, I lied. I never knew she couldn’t give me her heart completely, but that’s because I was so naïve.

You and I, we were electric, don’t you think? There was a gentle understanding between us. We could talk about our problems, and become lost within ourselves. No one could touch us. I would never let anyone hurt you, but that’s what was done. I was dead to you, and you were nothing to me.

I allowed myself to be fooled, and this time it wasn’t by you. It was of my own doing. When Lacus saved me, I was indebted to her, and she knew I would always come to be by her side if she was in need of it. Then she came to me with an offer to end the war. I could never have thought she would have so much power, but of course, I was wrong again.

Her power was a lie in some ways. She came off as a delicate rose, but she was truly a human that would fight for her survival no matter what the costs were. Lacus was also strong emotionally. She barely shed a tear for the dead, but inside she would be giving the right respect for those who had passed on, this was also another deception. She would bite back everything that truly affected her, and in doing so she had damaged herself. She was terribly beautiful on the outside, but if you looked deep within her all that was left was…you.

Believe it or not, you and the princess were one in the same. Strong yet tortured, and beautiful as you suffered in silence. I guess that’s why I left you Fllay. I wanted you, but I was afraid to take you. I know this sounds crazy, but I feel at times that I was the one who used you. I was the one that made you believe that you were using me, but all I wanted was to be loved. All you wanted was revenge.

When I die, whether it is when I am led to my next battle, or soundless in my sleep, you must know that there will be no regrets to my life. No sadness as I die, and no anger to the one who has slain me. I will be numb. Just as I have lived a life of betrayal, I will die just the same. Betrayed by myself, for I was toonaive to save you. I thought I had more time…I thought I had you.

FIN