Meaning

Author: Donna Lynn

E-mail: Complete
Word Count: 3,412
Category: Angst
Spoilers/Rumors: General season 1, "Home" and "The Gift" Alternate Universe
Season: 1
Rating: NC-17
Content Warning: Sexual content and mild violence, such as descriptions.
Summary: Teyla goes to see Doctor Heightmeyer and takes her advice, to another level.
Author's Note: I loved the episode "The Gift" and I liked Dr. Heightmeyer. And I've wanted to write a story where she either talks with John or Teyla about the other. I stuck with Teyla and this is what I came up with. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Pairing: John/Teyla
Disclaimer: The characters of "Stargate: Atlantis" do not belong to me. So DO NOT sue me!

Teyla nervously made her way towards Doctor Heightmeyer's office. A great deal was on her mind and she needed someone to talk too, someone that wasn't in her daily circle. Although she was still hesitant to speak with her about what was on her mind. It was personal, far too personal to talk too just anyone about, even John. Doctor Heightmeyer's door came into view and she stopped, took a deep breath and started for the door. She checked the corridor before touching the access panel. "Dr. Heightmeyer?" she called hoping she was in her office. The door slid open but she didn't see anyone. She took a careful step inside and let the door shut. "Dr. Heightmeyer?" There were boxes strewed all over the office and no sign of the good doctor. Teyla started to turn and leave but was relieved when Dr. Heightmeyer stood up from behind one of the boxes.

"Teyla!" she smiled brightly. "Hello, how are you?" she wiped her hands on her pants and stepped around some boxes. "Sorry about the mess I'm going through some old stuff."

Teyla nodded, "If you are busy I can come back another time."

"Oh no it's no trouble, " she insisted. "You'll just have to forgive my appearance." She walked over to her desk and picked up her bottled water. "So, what can I help you with?"

Teyla softly cleared her throat, "I was hoping I could speak with you…on a personal matter."

She nodded earnestly, "Of course!" She started to clear some boxes out of the way. "Just let me get some of this mess out of the way for you…"

Teyla moved to help her and they managed to get a clean spot around the couch. She sat on the couch and made herself comfortable as Dr. Heightmeyer took her usual spot in the chair across from her. Now that she was there she wasn't sure if she could talk about.

"So, how is everyone?" when any of Major Sheppard's team members or himself come to see her she asks about their team as a whole. It's very important to know their stability as a group, to each other.

Teyla smiled, "We are well, thank you." She was used to the question and she always answered honestly. In truth she never had a closer relationship with a group of people other than her fellow Athosians.

"And how are you?"

Teyla looked down at her hands. "I am troubled, " she admitted softly.

"Troubled how?"

She fingered the material of her pants for a moment. "I am having…these dreams…" she paused. "…very…personal dreams." She became fidgety as she forced herself to speak her mind.

Dr. Heightmeyer tilted her head, "What sort of dreams?"

Teyla bit her lip nervously. "They are about Major Sheppard, " she confessed quietly. "I have been having them every night for some time now. At first I thought they were a way of making me feel relieved that he was safe and alive from our latest mission, but then…"

Dr. Heightmeyer knew what mission she spoke of. She read all the mission reports in case a member decided to come and talk with her about it. What she couldn't tell Teyla was that Major Sheppard had made a visit shortly after that mission. She knew now that it troubled them both, ironically the same way. "Can you tell me what happens?"

Teyla nodded weakly. "I am alone in my room, in bed, when I feel his hands on my body." She stopped as if to recount a particular dream.

"Do you know it's Major Sheppard?"

"Yes, " Teyla nodded. "I can smell his cologne."

"What happens next?" she asked as she wrote a few notes down.

"I try to turn over but he won't let me."

"Does he force you…"

"…no, he is gentle, " Teyla interrupted quietly. "His power over me isn't physical."

It suddenly came clear to her. "Is that what is troubling you? That he can make you feel things for him you aren't quit comfortable with yet?" she asked knowingly.

Teyla shifted on the couch. "I feel that my…affections for him are growing, " she admitted. "There is a closeness with him that I have with no other."

She nodded and wrote on her pad again. "Can you tell me the rest of the dream?" she was curious to see what happened.

Teyla blushed and looked around the room nervously. "He…we…" her blush deepens as she looks at the floor. "…he does things to me that I never thought possible."

"Do you have sex?"

If her blush could get any deeper, she nodded, "Yes."

There was a long pause.

"Are you a virgin Teyla?"

Teyla found the material of her pants interesting again. "Yes, " she whispered.

"Do these dreams frighten you somehow…" she let the question drop off hoping she could encourage her to talk more.

"I believe that is why I am having the dreams. On a subconscious level I am afraid of being physical with Major Sheppard but not because I think he will hurt me, " Teyla explained.

"Has anything ever happened between the two of you?"

"If you mean intimately, no, " Teyla answered honestly. "We have a platonic relationship."

"Have you mentioned the dreams to Major Sheppard in any way?" she poked.

"No, I have not."

"Can you somehow talk to him…"

"…no, " she quickly shook her head. "I cannot talk to Major Sheppard about this."

"Why?"

Teyla was surprised at her question, "I believe it would make him uncomfortable."

"You mean it would make you uncomfortable, " she corrected quickly. "I'm not suggesting you tell him everything. Give him just enough to possibly help you."

"What are you suggesting?" Teyla asked confused.

She put her notepad to the side and rested her elbows on her knees. "I'm suggesting you talk with Major Sheppard about your dreams. Maybe talking to him directly will ease the pressure on yourself."

Teyla seemed hesitant, "I do not know…"

"It's only a suggestion, like all my advice. It is you who has to live with your decisions, not I." she smiled then leaned back in her chair. "Just think about it, okay?"

Teyla smiled and nodded, "Thank you for your time." She stood and made her way from the room leaving Dr. Heightmeyer to her own thoughts.

John went through the motions swiftly. Each move having a purpose. It was late and he couldn't sleep so he figured he would practice the katas Teyla taught him. She always insisted he practice more so there he was, practicing.

"You have been practicing, " a voice from the door spoke.

John turned to find Teyla standing in the doorway with her nightwear on. He liked her nightclothes, a simple black tank top with black silk pants, simple but elegant all the same. She stepped into the room with a light bow and made her way across from him on the opposite side of the room.

"Told you I was, " he finally spoke. "What's got you up so late?" He walked over to his bag and grabbed his water bottle.

She raised an eyebrow, "Dreams." She saw the instant concern cross his face but she shook her head with a smile. "Not those kind of dreams."

He gave her a sideways glance, "Then what kind of dreams?"

She shrugged, "More personal ones." She walked up to him and took one of his Athosian sticks from his grasp. "Invigorating dreams, " she continued, twirling the weapon moving into the center of the room. "Dreams that make you blush when you awaken." She glanced at him as she continued to twirl the weapon.

Oh, those kind of dreams…

He tossed the water bottle into his bag and made his way toward her. "Is it possible to make you blush?" he asked stopping across from her, twirling his own weapon.

She raised an eyebrow with a smile but said nothing as she tossed his weapon to him. "Attack me, " she instructed standing casually.

He caught the weapon and looked at her curiously. What's gotten into her he wondered as he started to circle her, she began to circle him in return. "Need to burn off some extra energy?" he teased knowing she would get his meaning. He got his answer when she gave him a lopsided grin. She needed less and less instruction on their ways of speaking and he was beginning to enjoy their new banter.

"Don't you?" she tilted her head up as she circled him casually. "Is that not why you are up at this hour of the night?" She turned to walk backwards with her hands defensively at her sides.

He began to twirl the sticks hoping to distract her long enough to make an opening, but she never took her eyes from his. It was the first thing she taught him. Never look away from your opponents eyes but also watch the movement of their hips. With either position you can know when and where they will attack. Typically a person will look where they want to attack just before they go for it. Then you see the shift in their body, at the hips just before they move.

John didn't like this. She wasn't armed and the only thing she had to deflect a hit was her arm or to grab for it. They had never fought hand to weapon combat before and he had to admit it unnerved him. He tossed the weapons to the floor and continued to circle her.

She looked at him curiously as they continued to circle one another. Hand to hand combat with Major Sheppard was a whole new ball game. Take an Athosian weapon out of his hands and he was someone to be reckoned with. A tingle ran down her back and her stomach clenched at the thought of being tangled up on the floor with him.

"So? You gonna tell me about this dream of yours?" he asked casually still circling her.

Why hadn't they got dizzy yet? It was like a game of cat and mouse, with entirely too much patience on both parts.

"What would you like to know?" she returned.

He tilted his head, "Whatever you wanna tell me."

"It's a secret, " she held a single finger to her lips as if to say be quiet. "If I told you I would have to kill you." She smiled when he gave his own smile of approval for her jest.

"I can keep a secret better than anyone, " he coaxed casually.

She nodded in understanding and stopped circling him. He in return, stopped as well. Instead of alleviating some tension they seemed to merely knock it up a notch. That seemed to happen a lot where they were both concerned.

Teyla remembered her visit with Doctor Heightmeyer the other day and decided to take her advice, but to take it a step further. "What if I told you I was dreaming of you, " she confessed looking him up and down to give her full meaning. When they thought they returned to Earth the being that held them captive had Teyla share in John's memories and no one else's. John's impression of her was what she acted out. He thought she would look good in the outfit she wore. He thought she would like beer, or at least he wanted her too. She imagined the door swung both ways in their behavior. It's possible a few of his memories or dreams leaked over into her because they shared the experience, in a way their minds were linked.

He tilted his head and returned her full gaze, looking her up and down. "And what, does this dream entail?" he asked slowly stepping closer.

She lifted her chin as he stepped closer but still out of arms reach. "We are sharing each other, " she was surprised at her own courage. When she spoke with Doctor Heightmeyer the other day she couldn't talk about it without blushing. Now she stood before the very man that made love to her in her dreams and she isn't even nervous.

He stepped into her personal space and looked down at her softly. "Sharing each other?" he seemed to be testing the phrase.

She felt overpowered when he stood this close to her. He was at least a half a foot taller than she was. A feeling of submission passed over her. For a split second it frightened her. That's when she realized it was her own feelings she was afraid of. Teyla was a leader and a fighter, a dominant person. Never in her life did she want to submit to anyone like she did the man before her. If he were to throw her against the wall right then she wouldn't try to stop him. She wanted him to take her how he wanted. An involuntary shiver raked her body at the image of him above her, behind her, inside of her.

"What if I told you I dreamt of having you every night, every morning and everything in between?" he leaned his forehead against hers and closed his eyes as his hands enveloped her half exposed waist.

Teyla took comfort in his embrace as his hands moved under her top to stroke her sides and back, his lips grazed her forehead.

"I want you Teyla, " he confessed cupping each side of her face and bringing his lips closer to hers. He wanted so badly to just have her then and there but something was holding him back. "Do you want this?" he breathed grazing his lips against hers. He slid his lips across her jaw, down her neck to the hollow of her throat. "…tell me."

Did she really want it? Did she really want him to take her body and soul? Was he the right one to receive such a gift?

Yes…

"Yes…" she whispered rather shyly. "Yes…"

Their first kiss was slow, passionate. He softly touched his lips to hers then deepened it once he tasted her. It seemed a lifetime passed as he held her in the middle of the training room. Nothing of the outside world mattered to either of them, just the existence of each other.

John broke the kiss and held her face between his hands. "Teyla, I…"

She brought her hand to his lips to silence him. "Shhhhh…" She knew how he felt and she knew what he was going to say, but she didn't want words she wanted him to express his feelings through his touch. Through the sensations he would cause her.

"Maybe we should go somewhere more private, " he suggested taking her hand and kissing her fingertips. "The training room floor wasn't where I pictured our first time."

She raised an eyebrow, "Hmm, and just where did you picture us to be?"

"My bed, " he leaned forward again and captured her lips in a heated kiss.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and before she knew what happened he lifted her up and wrapped her legs around his waist. He started for the door but she quickly protested. "John you can't carry me through the halls like this, " she insisted quietly.

"Why not?" he nuzzled her neck and nipped her. She moaned as he leaned her against the wall next to the door and attacked her neck and shoulders with various kisses and bites. She could feel his erection through his pants and her stomach clenched at the expectance of how it would feel. He eased her down on her feet and leaned his forehead against hers. "I'm sorry, " he chuckled quietly. "I got a little carried away." He pushed her hair away from her face and kissed her forehead, another common exchange between them.

She smiled taking his hands and lead him out of the training room and towards his. They were fortunate enough not to run into anyone on the way. It was late and everyone except a select few were already turned in for the night. Teyla leaned back against John's door only to be pinned by his body as he punched in the access code. The door slid open and they stumbled into the room, the door closing behind them. John turned and locked the access panel and turned back towards Teyla as she sat on the edge of the bed. For the longest moment he just watched her. She was so beautiful to him on so many levels. Not just physical beauty but she had a unique way of looking at things.

"What is it?" she asked curiously.

He shook his head and walked over to sit next to her. "Come here, " he cupped one side of her face and kissed her, slowly pushing her back to lay on the bed. "We don't have to do anything now, " he whispered, wanting her to feel comfortable. "Whatever you want." He nibbled her ear lightly and licked her.

She sighed, "You're not making it very easy to refuse."

He chuckled against her neck, "I promise to behave, if you'll stay."

She pushed against his chest and stood from the bed as he moved to let her get up. She stood in front of him just out of arms reach and slowly removed her tank top and pants leaving her naked before him. "I don't want you to behave, " she practically purred stepping up and situating herself across his lap.

John couldn't stop himself any longer. The woman of his life was naked on his lap almost begging him to take her right then and there. What more could a man want? Before he knew what was happening he felt her hands undoing and unzipping his pants. She tugged on the material and stood up to allow him to remove his own clothes. She laid out on her stomach as he removed his last stitch of clothing. Before she had a chance to roll over her molded himself against her back, nothing between them.

"John…" she moaned as he pushed her hair away from her neck to lightly tease her with his tongue.

He reached underneath them and hoisted her onto her knees and let a hand move between her legs. He groaned when he felt how wet she was. "Jesus Teyla…"

She could feel him against her and she couldn't help but tense, unsure of how badly it would hurt when he first entered her.

"It's okay, " he whispered into her ear. "I promise I won't hurt you."

She lightly gasped as he slipped inside her. Slowly he filled her, no pain, just a dull throb till he was buried inside her. For a long time he didn't move wanting her to become accustom to him. "You okay?" he asked giving a shallow thrust to test her.

All she could do was nod as he started to slowly move inside her, in and out, at a maddening slow pace. Each stroke stoked a fire in them both that had been simmering for far too long. She never imagined he could feel so good buried so deep inside her. An unfamiliar sensation grew tighter and tighter with every push. Her heart raced, her blood pounded in her ears, her breath hitched down in her throat. She cried out needing to release some of the tension.

"That's it baby, " he encouraged quickening his pace. "Come on…"

She cried out as the tension inside her snapped making her tense all over then quiver uncontrollably.

John smiled and slowed his pace with satisfaction. Carefully he slipped from inside her and kissed her on the side of her neck. "I'll be right back okay, " he reassured as she sprawled out on top of the covers. She basked in what she could only describe as euphoria. She was about to call out for him when she felt the bed dip and he crawled in beside her. "Hey, you okay?" he asked softly.

She smiled contently and shifted to lie on her side facing him. "I love you, " she gazed into his eyes.

He leaned over and kissed her softly, "I love you, more than anything."

"More than football?" she smiled softly.

"More than football, " he nodded. "Ferris wheels on the other hand…"

She giggled as she started to tickle him.

THE END

2nd Author's Note: This took me most of the day to write but it only took one day. It's not my best but I promised to have it posted before the end of the night. Technically though I posted it the next day since it's so late but who cares? It's posted now! Please let me know what you think. I would greatly appreciate any reviews. Thanks!