Disclaimer: I don't know any of these people. I'm only doing this for fun. Rated PG for mild language.
[One day, Matt comes to visit Jeff and the two are looking for something to eat in Jeff's refrigerator. They open the freezer and come across 3 packages of frozen bagels.]
Matt: " Damn Jeff, how long have those been in there?"
Jeff: " I don't know."
Matt: " Ya think they're edible?"
Jeff: " Maybe."
[Jeff attempts to pull out a package of the bagels and utterly fails. Matt helps Jeff by holding him around the waist and pulling him as Jeff pulls on the bagels.]
Jeff: " On 3. 1...2...3! PULL!"
[Matt pulls backward on Jeff and Jeff pulls on the bagels in the freezer. The bagels detach from the icy freezer and in the process of pulling Jeff's hands snap back with the bagels in his grasp, causing Jeff to hit himself in the head and the back of his head to hit Matt in the head.]
Jeff & Matt: " Ow!"
[There is a knock on the front door and Jeff sets the bagels on the counter and goes to open the door.]
Jeff: " Hey Shannon, hey Shane."
Shane: " Hey Jeff, what's up?"
Jeff: " Me and Matt are trying to find something to eat, wanna help?"
Shannon: " Yeah!"
[Jeff brings Shannon and Shane into the deathtrap called Jeff's kitchen where Matt is still feeling the effect of colliding with Jeff's hard head.]
Jeff: " Hey bro, you alright?"
Matt: " Yeah, I'm fine."
Shane: " What the hell is that?"
Jeff: " Bagels."
Shannon: " Them don't look like bagels."
Jeff: " They are."
Shannon: " Where they been?"
Matt: " In the freezer."
Shane: " How long?"
Jeff: " I dunno, I can't tell, but they were stuck to the freezer."
Shannon: " They can't be edible."
Jeff: " Wanna see if they are shorty?"
Shannon: " HELL NO!"
Shane: " They look like hockey pucks."
[The quartet is quiet for a moment and then Shannon's eyes brighten like headlights, he has an idea, chaos can't be far behind.]
Shannon: [very excited] " Jeff, you have a pool right?"
Jeff: " Yeah, but it's frozen, it is winter you idiot."
Shannon: [still excited] " That's perfect, we can play hockey!"
Matt: " Hockey?"
Shannon: [jumping up and down] " YES I have a hockey stick and Shane has some golf clubs, we can play 2-on-2!"
Shane: " Shannon is you..."
Jeff: [interrupts Shane] " Shannon you little shit, you're a genius!"
Matt: " Jeff, how long ago did you dye your hair?"
Jeff: " 2 weeks why?"
Matt: " I just wanted to know if the Manic Panic had a chance to seep into your brain, ARE YOU INSANE!"
Jeff: [smiling weirdly] " Very possibly so."
Matt: " You are."
Jeff: " Shan's got a good idea, I can't play hockey for shit, but who gives a damn, it'll be fun!"
Shannon: " Thank you Jeff, someone agrees with me!"
Shane: " Jeff's right, it'll be fun, I'm in!"
Matt: [shaking his head] " Oh God help me, I'm in."
Jeff, Shannon, & Shane: " YES!"
[Shannon goes home to get his hockey stick and Shane leaves to get the golf clubs. Matt stays and helps Jeff get the other 2 packages of bagels out of the freezer. Shannon and Shane arrive again and they 4 go outside to Jeff's pool and set down the bagel or 'puck'.]
Jeff: " OK, does anyone actually know how to play hockey?"
Shane: " I do!"
Jeff: " Elaborate please."
Shane: " What?"
Matt: " Tell us how to play dumbass!"
Shane: " Oh right."
[Shane explains the rules of a hockey game to Shannon, Jeff, and Matt. Then comes the time to pick a goalie.]
Shane: " I'll be goalie."
Shannon: " Okay."
Jeff: " I vote you Matt."
Matt: " Why me?"
Jeff: " Um.... cause, you'd be better than me at it."
Matt: " NO!"
Shannon: " The only way to solve any sibling squabble, flip a coin!"
Jeff: " I call 'Heads'!"
[Shannon pulls a quarter out if his pocket and flips it in the air, he catches it and flips it onto the top of his hand.]
Shannon: " Heads."
Matt: " Damn."
[Matt and Shane take their places in what was designated as the goal on either side of the pool and Shannon and Jeff face off in the middle of the pool. Shannon with a hockey stick and Jeff with a golf club and the rock solid bagel in front of them. They begin the game. They look extremely stupid, sliding around on the icy pool, falling on their asses every 5 seconds. Shannon slips and slides across the pool feet first into Shane. They both fall and burst out laughing. Matt and Jeff decide to join the two and take a running start and slide across the pool as well. Meanwhile the bagel goes flying and flies across the fence next door to Jeff. The 4 hear a breaking of glass and stop laughing. They hear yelling and flee into Jeff's house.]
Shane: [panting] " Holy shit, what happened?"
Jeff: [breathing heavily] " I think the bagel broke a window next door."
Matt: " I knew that was a bad idea."
Jeff, Shannon, & Shane: " SHUT UP!"
[The next day, Matt, Shane, and Shannon are back at Jeff's house, up to no good. Somehow, while Jeff was in the bathroom, Matt and Shane managed to sneak into Jeff's room and steal every bottle of cologne that Jeff had even the bottle marked 'Touch and Die.' Their experiment for the day, find out how Jeff makes his cologne.]
Matt: [whispering] " OK Shane that's all of it."
Shane: [whispering] " Alright, let's get outta here."
[Matt and Shane sneak out of Jeff's bedroom and back to the kitchen where Shannon was waiting.]
Shannon: [quietly] " Did you get it all?"
Shane: " Yup, all of it."
Matt: " Let's do this before Jeff finds out."
[The trio open the bottle of the complete concoction and each take a whiff.]
Shane: " Man that shits strong."
Shannon: " You ain't kiddin."
Matt: " Why do ya'll think the damn bottle is still half full?"
Shane: " Jeff's not as dumb as he looks?"
Matt: " Precisely."
[Shannon, Matt, and Shane open all the other bottles and get a container to hold their experiment in. They add all of the cologne and smell it to compare. They find that it's missing something.]
Shane: " There it is Shan, add the CKBe."
Shannon: " Okay."
[Shannon sprays the CKBe into the container. The concoction begins to bubble and fizz.]
Matt: " LOOK OUT, IT'S GONNA BLOW!"
[Matt, Shane, and Shannon duck for cover as the container explodes, spraying the repulsive liquid everywhere.]
Jeff: " WHAT THE HELL DID YOU THREE DO?!"
Shannon: " Whoops."
Jeff: " What were ya'll doing?"
Shane: " Trying to uncover a mystery."
Jeff: " What mystery and why does it reek in here?"
Shannon: [cautiously] " The mystery of your cologne and our experiment exploded."
Matt: " Sorry Jeff."
Jeff: " Oh my God."
Shannon: " Sorry man, we were just curious."
Jeff: " Oh my God."
Shane: " We didn't mean no harm."
Jeff: " I'M GONNA KILL ALL OF YOU!'
[The three run away from Jeff and to the backyard it still being cold Jeff runs back inside seeing that he's shirtless and bare foot. The others come inside cautiously afraid of Jeff's wrath. But when Jeff starts to laugh they all look confused.]
Jeff: " I'm not really mad at ya'll, you're just gonna clean it up."
It just goes to show ya, never put the Hardy Boyz and 3 Count together with frozen bagels and a mystery like Jeff's cologne.