Darkwing Duck: Shake, Rattle, and Mole
by Zebeckras

A/N: Okay, last time I'll mention this, I promise. Since it doesn't really work at all. Please review. Please? It's kind of hard to put stuff out and get virtually nothing in response, and it took me a couple of weeks to work up the energy to post this (I had it done in mid-January). If I was asking for full critiques or if I was saying "I need to get at least ten reviews" I'd deserve to be shunned, but it would just be nice to have more than one person reviewing. Thanks.

Act I, Chapter 4

The glasses looked fine. Actually, if you hadn't known that she'd broken her old glasses, you'd probably never have even noticed that Beth had new glasses. And although there was something reassuring about the continuity of her appearance, Beth did have to confess that even she was a little bit... let down, perhaps? After all, the night before she'd had herself convinced she was going to revamp her image and be more exciting.

Then again, she HAD walked out of the mall with two completely out-of-character purchases: the contacts, and the fabric to make her new dress. And there was no denying that she knew exactly what pattern she was going to use for that dress, and that it was a drastic departure from the norm.

She dropped the kids off at their houses, uneventfully, and made it home by just after 1 pm. Determined to get to work before she lost her nerve and changed her mind, she dug out the pattern she was after, sat down at the sewing machine, and spent a marathon four hours doing nothing at all but working on the dress, except that there was one point when there might have been an earthquake, but she was too intent on the sewing to pay it much attention. When she'd finished, she could see all the corners she had cut and the mistakes she'd made, but they were minor; the question was how would it look when it was on?

And that meant that she had to try it on.

She stood up; her back was stiff, so she had to walk around the house a little bit so that she could get the kinks out. And of course, she really needed some water. Probably better to water the plants now, while she was thinking about it. Maybe, also, she should do some grocery shopping...

Okay, no. Get it over with. She made herself stop, and found a mirror. Addressing her reflection, she said, "Do you want to get his attention or don't you?"

She had to admit that she didn't. Deep down, a part of her honestly didn't want Drake to notice her. It was only that she DID want his notice and regard, too, and that outbalanced the urge to keep hiding. She knew that if she never did anything, she'd regret it... She'd be alone and miserable forever, and be asking herself why she was too shy and lame to do anything to change her life.

So. Fair enough. Time to go.

And if the dress didn't fit? Or what if it ripped, or it just looked plain awful? What then? Obviously she wouldn't be able to wear it; obviously she'd have to call the whole thing off. There was a part of her that was really hoping more than anything for this outcome.

"GOSALYN!" Drake yelled from the living room. "Stop tearing around up there, you're shaking the whole house!"

Gosalyn dashed down the stairs and stopped, staring at the ceiling. The shaking continued, and Drake looked at her, then at the ceiling, then at her again. "What exactly were you DOING up there?"

"It's not me, Dad!" Gosalyn said indignantly. "Beth said in an earthquake you're supposed to stand under a doorframe." She made a rush for the nearest one, which was to a closet, and braced herself against the wooden supports.

For some reason this gave Drake an urge to pause and stay where he was. "Oh she did, did she? BETH said so? And if she said that you should jump off a building would you do THAT?"

Gosalyn gave him an odd look. "That's kind of the opposite of the advice she gave earlier."

"Yeah, well, I don't see ANY reason-" The quake picked up, and objects started falling off of the coffee table. Drake ignored them. "-to just go scampering off-" Several items crashed in the kitchen. "-and huddle in a doorway- GAH!" This was the point where he lost his footing and fell next to the couch.

"Dad? It's getting worse!" Gosalyn yelled, and it undeniably was; he could feel the couch edging towards him along the floor from all the vibrations, and the rumbling was getting so loud it was like a truck revving its engine in the living room. All Drake could think to do was wrap his arms around his head and hang on to himself.

A moment later it was lessening, he could tell. It took a while, but soon the house was still. He stood up carefully, and dusted himself off. "That... wasn't so bad," he said.

"Uh-huh. Where's Launchpad? Is he okay?" Gosalyn was downright cautious as she gingerly stepped back out of the closet, and was still keeping a hand on the wall as if for balance.

"I think he was in the basement... I'll go see."

Frowning, Gosalyn said, "Honker said earlier that if there was another earthquake, his parents were going to pack up and go to Twin Beaks to stay."

Drake, halfway to the basement, turned around with his eyes wide and shining. "Who SAYS these earthquakes are bad things?"

"Dad!"

Once Gosalyn had left to go next door and check on her best friend, Drake poked his head down into the basement. "LP? Are you down here?"

There was silence for a moment, and then he heard a muffled, "Yeah!" Drake rolled his eyes and went down to investigate. Finding Launchpad buried in the middle of a big pile of laundry was, for some reason, not at all surprising.

"The washing machine overturned on you?" Drake guessed.

The pile of laundry shifted and Launchpad emerged at the top of it. "Uh, well, I was gettin' stuff outta the dryer, and the whole place started shaking, and I thought the ceiling was gonna fall on me..." He looked a little sheepish. "So I figured, maybe if I had something soft nearby to cushion the blow..."

The reasoning actually made sense, even if the execution of the idea seemed a bit ridiculous. Drake conceded, "That's actually not a bad idea." He extended a hand to his sidekick, who stepped out of the pile as neatly as he could, but dragged several socks after him. "Launchpad... were those ALL clean?"

"Uh... sorry. I kinda had to think quickly."

"Must've been a huge effort," Drake muttered, picking up a few items and tossing them into the nearest basket before giving up. "Let's just wash these over again. I think Gos's sports uniforms are in there, so a second wash can only help them anyway."

Once they'd set the washer to run a quick load, Drake said, "So what's up with the Beth Fanclub in this house lately?"

"Uh, what?" Launchpad asked quickly, and dropped the box of fabric softener. "You - y'mean me?"

"I mean you and Gosalyn and anyone who sets foot in the door. Suddenly Beth is Ms. Common Sense to follow during an earthquake, Gos is going out shopping with her - without my permission, which I'm STILL not particularly happy with-"

"Aw, well, it's not like it's that different from Beth watchin' Gos at night, so I didn't think you'd-"

"I already went over this, Launchpad. A mall is completely different from watching Gos in the safety of our own home." They started up the stairs and continued the conversation in the kitchen. "It's just... weird, all of a sudden everyone except me thinks Beth is the bee's knees. It's almost as if there was some... strange, hypnotic effect..."

Launchpad made a small noise in the back of his throat, and Drake turned to see his sidekick frowning.

"What?" Drake said defensively. "I didn't say anything except that it was weird! You have to admit, it is..."

Launchpad rolled his eyes. "Weird that people would like her when they get to know her?"

"...Maybe."

"YOU said she's not a supervillain. You still think that?"

To keep the peace, for the moment, Drake did think that. But he was always ready to revise his opinions. "Sure, LP, sure. I just said weird, not evil. Sheesh. Let's just clean up the damage from that quake, huh?"

Meanwhile, Beth was still coming by in a few hours. Again. Unnecessarily. He was unnecessarily paying her to come and unnecessarily watch his daughter, sit on his couch and invade his home.

The lesson that Drake took away from all this was that you should never try to bluff Gosalyn.

The evening came and there was a knock at the door. At this hour it was most likely Beth, and so when Launchpad opened the door and saw a beautiful woman in an evening gown there, he had no idea what to think.

"Hi," said the woman, and smiled.

He smiled back; she was a knockout. "Heeeey."

"Is- is Drake here right now?"

Her voice was incredibly familiar. Maybe she was from TV or something. He looked back over his shoulder, but Drake was still out of the room, so he answered, "I think he's in the kitchen... Uh, can I help you with anything?" He leaned against the doorframe and tried to put on his most charming expression.

The woman's smile faltered, then returned even wider, and seemed about to laugh. "It-it's me. It's Beth."

Launchpad could feel his jaw drop, but he couldn't do anything about it. In fact, he didn't seem to be able to do much of anything except stand and stare at her. Several moments of awkward silence passed, and Beth just smiled patiently, then cleared her throat. "Um... can I come in?"

That reminded him that he was actually blocking the door, and he leapt out of the way. She stepped lightly up into the house, rubbing her bare arms and smiling sheepishly. "Sorry. It's kind of cool out there, you know, and I didn't really - I should've brought a jacket..."

Now that she was in the light he could see that it really was HER. How - where - what...? Everything about her, the smallest detail, snagged his eye and made him stare. Her arms were indeed bare, since the dress had thin spaghetti straps and a low neckline. Her neck was so long. Everything about her was long - long and slender and graceful. Talk about turning into a swan.

"Launchpad..?" she asked uncertainly, and he pulled his eyes off of the big picture and settled onto her eyes in response. Her enormous, innocent, questioning eyes. Oh, GOD. Just looking at her made his heart ache. Blushing noticeably, she asked quietly, "How... d-do I, I mean... do I look okay?"

He nodded, which was something of an effort just to coordinate his neck muscles with his thoughts. She blushed further. He realized he hadn't said a word since she'd clarified who she was, and he'd better do something or else she'd start to wonder... well, he didn't know what she'd wonder, but he'd better speak. No sound came out on his first try, but he kept pushing, and after some stammering he managed, "No, uh - no glasses...?"

"I got contacts!" she said brightly. The smile lighting up her face was bright enough to fill the room. "And they're really WEIRD. I had to use this saline solution and at first it felt like something transparent was just sitting on my eyeballs. Which I - I guess is actually what's going on. I can't shake this worry though that one will slide up my eye and somehow get to my brain. It's making me kind of nervous."

Launchpad just nodded like an idiot, as if this was the most reasonable fear in the world for someone to have. So. Contacts. No more glasses, just contacts and beautiful eyes. And her hair was off her face, that was another thing he noticed. She was wearing barrettes in it - not cheap plastic ones but subtle, decorative ones. But still - barrettes. He hadn't seen a girl wear barrettes in her hair since he was ten. Why had it never occurred to him how appealing barrettes could be on a girl?

He still had no idea what to say, and from the way Beth was looking at him the ball was obviously in his court. If Gosalyn hadn't come into the room at that point, Launchpad had no idea what, precisely, would have happened. Once she came in, however, he just stepped aside and gratefully let himself fade into the background, out of Beth's notice.

"Hey, you're finally here! Did you feel the earthquake earlier? Remember how Honker said that his family was gonna leave, well, they did, and I'm..." She trailed off. "Are we... going somewhere tonight?"

Beth blushed. "Um, no - no, I... ta-da! This - this is the dress I said I'd make."

"You made that?" Gosalyn said in astonishment. Beth nodded, beaming. "Well - wow... I guess... What kinds of jobs are you gonna interview for, exactly?"

"OH... no, this isn't for interviews! This is for, you know. Tonight. Getting Drake's attention."

Gosalyn's eyes popped. "Whoa, whoa, wait. WHAT?"

Beth instantly went into panic mode. "Is it too much? It's too much, isn't it?" She turned to Launchpad for verification of this statement, and gave him puppy-dog eyes which may or may not have been intentional.

He opened his mouth to reassure her and what came out was a choked-sounding, "You really made that dress...?"

As if she hadn't heard him, Beth turned back to Gosalyn. "I knew I shouldn't have worn this. I knew this was a bad idea! I look all boney and weird, don't I! And my makeup is WAY over the top - I followed a magazine's instructions but it was from a few months ago and I'm sure it's all out of date by now-"

"Whoa, Beth-"

"Okay, it's all right, I brought a change of clothes so we can pretend this never even happened, just don't tell him I'm here yet and-"

"WHOA, Beth! You look fine, it's just..." Gosalyn raised an eyebrow. "WHY..?"

"I... do? Are you sure?"

With a sigh, Gosalyn turned towards Launchpad. "Tell her she looks fine." Launchpad made a kind of squeaking sound and nodded. "See? Fine. All I'M asking is, why would you wanna come here dressed like this? I mean, get Dad's attention for WHAT?"

Beth was still pink in the face, but she was beginning to settle down some, and she nodded. "Well. I, because, I... Because I'm in love with him." She let her gaze drop to her hands as she clutched at the duffel bag that held her change of clothes, and she grew slightly pinker. "And I need to make him see... that I... I'm special. That I'm here for him. And the way I'm doing that is by... by showing him the best I can be."

Silence met this, and then Gosalyn muttered, "Oh... boy."

Beth took a deep breath and let it out, then looked up at Gosalyn and Launchpad. "So. I'm going to get this over with. I-is he in the kitchen?"

"Well, yeah... but..."

"Okay. Wish me luck because I really have NO idea what I'm doing." She smiled and drew herself up, threw her shoulders back, and made for the kitchen.

Gosalyn stared after her, shaking her head. "Launchpad." He didn't answer, but nodded slowly after a moment. "Did YOU know she had the hots for Dad?"

After another pause, he said hoarsely, "Yeah."

"And did you tell her about Morgana?"

A third pause, though shorter than the other two. "Uh, no."

"Didn't think so." Gosalyn sighed loudly. "Ohhhhh boy. This can't go well."

She got into the kitchen and he was making himself a sandwich. The door swung shut after her, bumping lightly into her back and sending her forward into the room with a small squeak. She recovered, leaned against the wall and tried to adopt a becoming pose - something that matched the dress, something elegant and posh, but inviting. She cleared her throat to get his attention. Experimentally, while his back was still turned, she slid one of the two straps down her shoulder. Immediately, she changed her mind and slid it back up, just as he shot a glance over his shoulder and saw her.

At first he just spared a quick look, then went back to his sandwich; but almost right away he did a double-take, and turned to face her. Beth took this as an encouraging sign, and she smiled widely. "Um. Evening."

"Yeah..." He narrowed his eyes, evidently confused, and stared at her. "Aren't you usually here earlier than this?"

Beth blinked; that was not a reaction she had expected, and it threw her off. She straighted up slightly. "Um, yes. I... I had some other plans, I'm sorry."

"No big deal." He gave her the once-over a bit more, cut his sandwich in half, and asked, "So what's all this about?"

She smiled innocently. "What's all what about, Drake?"

He pointed at himself and gestured all over, as if suggesting his clothes. "The get-up." Having asked the important question, he took a bite of his sandwich and watched her, waiting for the answer.

"W-well, what, this old thing? I only wear it when I don't care how I look!" she said with a laugh, which fell flat, because she was supposed to say that when he complimented her on it and she realized belatedly he had not done that. At all. She cleared her throat when he raised an eyebrow inquisitively. "Um, I mean - w-well... it's a... formal dress?"

"Uh-huh... And you're wearing it here tonight because...?"

She could feel her face starting to burn with humiliation. His confusion was understandable, and his questions perfectly harmless, but it felt like he was dragging her across the coals. "Well... um..." After Launchpad's shocked reaction, she'd thought... well, hoped... there would be something more. SOME kind of surprise or recognition, even if admiration was out of the question. But it was nothing. It was like he was seeing her without seeing her. She sank back against the wall again and shrank inward. "I... I guess I was... chaperoning a prom?"

"A prom. A high school senior prom?"

"Well yes. Well - no, those are in the Spring, aren't they? Yes. I think they are." It was always spring when her sister had gone to the prom - she'd been to three. Beth had gone to a school that hadn't held a prom, and she'd been convinced that she hadn't missed out, but the end result was that she knew next to nothing about them. "B-but this was for the high school... It's, um..." There was some kind of dance in the Fall. She knew it. Her sister had been queen of it for four years in a row. What was it... "Homecoming! I was chaperoning the Homecoming Dance."

"Ahhhh." Drake nodded and finished the first half of his sandwich. "Sounds like a blast."

"Oh yes. Lots of d-dancing. I-I love to dance, you know, I don't know if you..." She trailed off, but he didn't answer, so she tried a new direction. "Um, yes, it was very fun, they - they had contests and things."

"But it was over by 6 o'clock?"

Her efforts at lying stuck in her throat. Caught. Caught in her own ignorance. These dances DID start later in the day, didn't they? And they went until, like, 11 pm or something. She tried to keep a poker face going. "Umm, yep! Th-they moved the time s-so that the k-kids would, um, w-would stay, um, safe. F-fewer accidents?"

"Huh. Good thinking," he said casually. "Anyway, still got a busy night ahead of me, so..."

"Oh yes. Absolutely," Beth said, her voice catching in her throat. The only thing she could think to do to cover for it was keep talking and hope she didn't cry, so she just said everything that came into her head. "Bowling is very important, isn't it? You have to keep practicing or else you get rusty and the game falls apart. I think it's admirable that you're so devoted to bowling. I brought a change of clothes so that I don't have to wear this s-silly dress all night long. Thank goodness. It's cold. It's a very cold dress. I made it myself. I think I'll go put on warm clothes now and thank you for the conversation, because it was very enlightening."

He stared at her, looking almost alarmed. "Uh, right, my pleasure," he said as she turned and fled from the room.

From the couch, Gosalyn grumbled, "Good thing I didn't wanna eat dinner or anything tonight. How much longer d'you think they're gonna be in there?" Launchpad's answer was something like a muffled grunt, but it might have had a word in it. She stared in his direction. "Are you okay?"

He was sitting in one of the chairs with his head in his hands, his fingers tugging in his hair. "Mm-hmm," came the answer, half-heartedly. In truth, he barely had a thought to spare. How had this happened? When had it reached this point? How come he couldn't stop thinking about her? No matter what else he tried to put into his head, it all came back to Beth. Mainly, what was going on in that kitchen right now.

She was in love with Drake. She was gorgeous, no man could possibly resist that, and she was madly in love with DW and alone in the room with him. Part of him wanted to storm into the kitchen pretending he had no idea what was going on, just so he could break it up. The other part wanted to get up and leave the house and never think about Beth - or Beth and Drake - again for the rest of his life.

And the end result was that he couldn't move. The longer he waited, the worse it was, and the more he dreaded their coming back out together.

Meanwhile everything he tried to think of to take his mind off of it got invaded by Beth, like she was everywhere, and that was just wrong. He saw her as a little sister! Didn't he? Wasn't that how it had been? Sure, a harmless flirtation, which he definitely wouldn't engage in with a REAL sister, but still... it was innocent, right? Hadn't he been entirely platonic all this time? Hadn't he been... falling in love with her for weeks now? No... no way. He was NOT falling for her. This was just some weird, crazy mixup. It was the dress, or her eyes, or... something...?

There was a creak from the far end of the room, and Gosalyn said "Well, finally," and Launchpad shot to his feet. Beth was stalking with wide strides out of the kitchen, clutching her duffel bag. He found himself stepping forward and saying, "Oh hi, Beth, uh, so how's it goin'?"

"Be right back," she said quickly, and dashed past him, up the stairs. He scratched his head. That was weird. What was upstairs?

"Dad," said Gosalyn, standing up. Launchpad turned and saw Drake emerging from the kitchen with half of a sandwich in his hand. "Uh, what happened...?"

"Nothing. Small talk," he replied, sounding puzzled.

"Did you... talk to Beth?"

"Didn't I just say I did?" Drake was beginning to sound peevish. He took two large bites of his sandwich in quick succession, clearly trying to eat in a hurry. "We shud g't gong," he said to his sidekick.

Launchpad looked towards the stairs. It was obvious that things hadn't gone the way Beth had hoped... That explained the quick exit. He wondered if she needed someone to talk to... Maybe he should go up after her?

"Uh, but Dad," said Gosalyn, a touch of worry creeping into her voice, "did you... Uh, did she... what about her outfit?"

Maybe she needed a hug, Launchpad considered. Couldn't take more than five minutes to go up and give her a hug to make her feel better. No harm there, right?

Drake answered impatiently, "What *about* her outfit? She was chaperoning some kind of dance, she's upstairs changing now, and we should go before she comes back down! Launchpad, is there something up there or is your neck stuck?"

Or maybe, Launchpad pondered, he should go up and kiss her. Before she could have a chance to feel bad. Just swoop up, gather in his arms, bend her over backwards and kiss the heck out of her. THAT would make her feel better, right? Was it getting hot in here?

He turned back and noticed DW glaring at him. "Uh, what?"

"I said let's GO."

"Oh. Right." He sent another long glance towards the stairs again. Should he maybe just... Wait, did DW say she was changing? As in, her clothes? Then that meant right now - right this very second, in his own house - she might be...

He turned a deep shade of red and shifted his gaze to the floor.

"What is WRONG with you?" Drake said, audibly irritated.

"Dad?" Gosalyn asked urgently. "Did you LIKE her dress?"

"Oh, for crying out loud, what IS this? A fashion show? She looked like Beth in a dress!" He started for the transport chairs, then stopped. "Ah, shoot, I left those files from SHUSH upstairs. I'll just be a sec-"

Launchpad darted to the foot of the stairs and barred his way. "Don't even think it!"

"What?"

With his arms spread, Launchpad held his ground with determination. Nobody was getting up there as long as Beth was... He felt his face going red again, and he dropped his gaze to the ground once more.

Drake took a step back and addressed Gosalyn. "That's it. WHAT is going ON here tonight?"

"Uh, nothing Dad... Look, maybe you oughta just go while you have the chance, and worry about the files later?"

After a moment's consideration, Drake sighed. "Ooooookay fine. All of a sudden I have a very strong need to get outta here. See you tomorrow, Gos. Launchpad, come ON." He grabbed his sidekick's scarf and dragged him to the chairs.

They'd only been gone perhaps a minute and a half before Beth came down, looking subdued. She was in her usual outfit, her hair back in the usual ponytail, and her glasses were back in the usual place.

"What happened to the contacts?" Gosalyn asked carefully.

Beth lowered herself slowly onto the couch, and settled her eyes onto her hands. "Took them out," she said quietly. "They're just not really me, anyway."

"Well... they looked nice..."

"Thanks." There was a long pause after that.

When she realized Beth wasn't going to break it, Gosalyn debated whether or not it would be okay to ask. Well, it couldn't hurt, right? She tried to sound gentle as she started, "So... how'd it go?"

Beth let out a shaky sigh, and looked up from her hands and stared at the ceiling instead. After a long moment, she said, "He barely looked at me. I tried everything I could and he still doesn't even know I exist."

Gosalyn didn't say what she knew to be true, that her father was plenty aware that Beth existed, and just preferred to pretend otherwise. She really felt weird finding out that Beth had a huge crush on her father, but still, her heart went out to her babysitter. Beth had tried really hard, and it hadn't worked; she was pretty obviously broken up about it, too. "Well... Do you wanna... I dunno, have a girl-talk thing?"

This got Beth to look at her, with an eyebrow raised. "Do you... actually know what a girl-talk thing is?"

With a shrug, Gosalyn confessed, "Not really, but I think it has to do with a lotta ice cream, and I can handle that. Besides, if it'd make you feel any better..."

Beth smiled slightly, and even gave a quick chuckle. Then she shook her head, and looked at Gosalyn with a renewed - though slightly dimmed - determination in her eyes. "Well... thanks. But I - I had one more idea I want to try first. And then ice cream, I promise."

"Okay!" Gosalyn flopped onto the couch next to her older friend, and bounced. "How about this time you tell me what the idea is in advance, though? Might save some time..."

"Fair enough," said Beth, "but you won't talk me out of it." She paused, took her glasses off and rubbed some unseen mark off of one of the lenses, then replaced them. "I want to go visit your father at work."