Hiei in Love...OMG!
By AnimeDarkside

(featuring Mika Murasaki, Ayumi Takei, Ms. Ryoko Sugisaki from Inside My Mind. Also a rare appearance of the cough-crazy-cough AD herself XD)

Warnings: Mary-sue bashing, language, crude humor, Karasu and Kuwabara bashing, mean comments by AD, and some extreme randomness from AD…Disclaimer: I own only IMM characters and myself. YAY! (hugs self) o.O I do not own YYH or the Ring…lol!

Hiei fell in love.

It wasn’t love. It was a seduction by…

You guessed it…

A Mary-sue.

It started out like a normal spring morning. The birds were chirping, the breeze was scented with delicate flowers, and children played happily in their yards.

It made Hiei’s blood chill to see such a cute and adorable day as he laid in a leafy tree, the only one not covered in stench-filled flowering ones. He tried to block it out by closing his eyes and concentrating, but some things you just can’t ignore.

Like a very heavy basketball ricocheting off the side of your head, for example.

“OW!” Hiei nearly toppled over when the blow hit him. He recovered instantly, but swirled in all directions, anger rushing through him. Who ever did that would die a terrible death indeed!

Looking down, the breath and rage in him were taken away by the sight before him.

Staring, staring and staring he did…

Into the face…

Of a girl: The Mary-sue.

The Mary-sue was bleached blonde hair, had dazzling blue eyes that sparkled like a shoujo comic character’s eyes would, and had the body of a model. Wearing only mini-shorts and a tube top, her perfectly tanned skin shined in the sun’s light. Her perfect pearly whites dazzled when she smiled upwards.

“Hello, Hiei…”

And thus, the horrible day began.

-----at AD’s magical house that moves around a lot-----

“…”

“Gimmie…all your threes.”

“DAMN!”

“Ha ha, money is mine!”

Mika, Ayumi and AD were crowded around a small table, playing Go-Fish. Ayumi was winning.

AD shook her fist. “I shall condemn you to an eternity of life in a pit of ogres and Gaylords in the next chapter!”

“Say WHAT? This is a one-shot!”

“Never mind.”

Suddenly, the front door burst open. Kuwabara was standing there.

“HEY! I have hours for when stupid people can enter my domain. 5-6, read the sign!” AD shouted angrily, shaking her fist again.

Kuwabara waved his hands in defense. “Kurama sent me—something horrible happened!”

“Karasu went strait?” Mika implied, curious.

“NO—wait, he’s gay?”

Ayumi rolled her eyes. “Finish the story, Lunkhead!”

“Kurama and Yusuke were on their way to here when they spotted Hiei! He was with a girl! Holding hands!”

AD and Mika ‘awwwed’. “The midget found love!”

Ayumi was shocked. “Who!”

“I dunno…but…it was horrible…it was…”

AD gasped. “Don’t tell me it was a…”

“Dear merciful God, it wasn’t a…!” Mika’s hand went to her mouth in shock and fear.

“IT’S A WHAT!” Ayumi finally shouted angrily, not getting it.

Never had AD’s face become so grave. “…It…was a Mary-Sue.”

Big moment of gasping and fear spread through the house.

Ayumi cried out, “No! Not even midget-fire-lad deserves such a fate! We must save him!”

Kuwabara nodded. “That’s what Kurama wanted to do! We have to get to the Park, ASAP!”

“Right!” All three girls cried.

A moment of silence and motionless passed.

“GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, UGLY LORD!” AD shouted, waving her whole arm this time. A trap door appear underneath Kuwabara’s feet and he was sent spiraling downwards into a pit of darkness, screaming the whole way down.

The hole closed up and Ad stood up. “Come, my fellow Mary-sue destroyers! We must save our fiery friend!”

Ayumi crossed her arms. “Wait…didn’t you write a Mary-sue story before?”

“…shut up.”

Nevertheless, all three got up, gathered the necessary gear and headed towards the park.

----At the Park---

The worried Kurama and Yusuke were already there, pacing next to the sidewalk when the girls arrived.

AD walked up to Kurama, did an awkward bow and poked him in the shoulder. “Word up, fox dude. Where’s the Sue?”

Slightly bewildered by her actions, Kurama shook his head. “We lost them when SHE saw us trailing them. That’s when Kuwabara ran up and we told him to meet us at the park. Where is he now?”

AD grinned evilly. “Somewhere else.”

----Somewhere else-----

Kuwabara floating in a well.

----Back to the park----

“The power of fan fiction writers…whatever! We need to save Hiei!” Mika cried, pounding her fist into her hand. “Where were they headed?”

“Tokyo Tower,” Yusuke grimaced. “For what purpose, I’d rather not know…ugh.”

Kurama sighed. “We need to approach this carefully. Both Yusuke and I could easily fall to the whims of a Mary-Sue.”

“Fear not!” AD spun around and when she faced them again, she was holding two sets of neon-green glasses. “I have Anti-Mary-Sue glasses, created for fan fiction authors who wish to protect their characters from the evil rays of a Mary-Sue. The latest in the market. Highly fashionable.”

“Green?” Kurama grimaced, though he picked them up.

“Suck it up, you woman. Let’s hit the trail and find our little buddy!” Ayumi cried, marching out to the street.

Mika grinned and followed her friend. “Yeah!”

-----an hour later----

After successfully defeating a fire-breathing mutant toad along the way, grabbed a quick snack at a food stand (Yusuke stole a hotdog and got caught), got lost when AD was holding the map upside-down, and then nearly falling off a cliff that randomly appear at the end of the street, all five of them made it to the Tower.

“Whew…where are they now?” Ayumi asked, looking up at the Tower.

“OVER THERE, BY THAT HOAGIE STAND!” Mika shouted, pointing to the other side of the road.

Hiei and the Mary-Sue were standing there, talking passionately, leaning against the wall.

“My, I’ve never seen him talk that much.” Kurama commented.

Yusuke shook his head violently. “It’s all seduced, man! That ain’t Hiei anymore! It’s—it’s a Mary-sue drone of evil!”

“Never say never, Seńor Yusuke! Off we go!” AD said dramatically, leaping into the street. That caused several cars to go crashing into one another, but being the author, AD was unharmed and ran to Hiei’s side of the street.

Mika and Ayumi ran across after her, followed by Yusuke and Kurama, who had slipped on their glasses.

“Hiei! We’ve come to rescue you!” Mika shouted, pointing accusingly at the Mary-Sue. “You, beech, I’m taking you down!”

Hiei took up his sword and pointed it at Ayumi. His eyes were starred and glittering. “No one touches my sweet Bella.”

"DEAR SWEET JESUS, THAT THING HAS A NAME!" AD screamed, horrified.

Bella tossed her hair back dramatically and said in her perfect, seducing tone, “Yes, my name is Bella. My snoogy-woogy and I were on a date before you characters rudely interrupted us.”

“Never, ever, EVER call ANYONE that in a complete sentence EVER again…” Yusuke said, creeped out beyond belief.

Mika glared daggers. “His name is Hiei and let him go, Sue!”

“Make me…ugly.” She smirked in her annoyingly innocent way.

“THAT DOES IT BEECH!” Mika dived at Bella, rage-filled. Hiei blocked her and attempted to swing at her with his sword.

“That’s it—WE’VE GOT MAN DOWN UNDER SUE CONTROL! SEND BACK UP FROM BISHIE HEADQUARTERS!” Yusuke shouted into a walkie-talkie.

“We’re not losing another one!” Kurama replied. “Hiei! Don’t you remember us!”

His blade stopped in mid air. Hiei looked over at Kurama. “…Kurama?”

“No, Hiei, look at me, dearest! LOVE ME!” Bella shook Hiei’s shoulders, pinching him with her long red nails.

“Resist Hiei!” Mika shook his shoulders as well. “Remember me? MIDGET FIRE LORD, RETURN TO US!”

Bella laughed evilly, towering above them with lightening flashing in the background. “Hiei is mine forever, as he has saved me from a horrible life of being alone, hurting myself and always being a loner! I can’t fight battles by myself! I always need saving! Thus, I need this bishie to do all my whims and more!”

Mika stopped shaking Hiei for a moment with an expression of horror. “…AND MORE?”

AD drew herself up and pointed at the Sue accusingly. “As a fan fiction writer of the right writing rights, I must stop your evil deeds, Bella Mary Sue! Face my wrath, bishie-stealing villain!”

Dramatically, she shoved her hand into her pocket. “Prepare yourself for my ULTIMATE WEAPON OF DOOM!”

Everyone gasps at the suspense.

She pulled out a pencil.

Everyone stared at it blankly.

“That’s your secret weapon?” Yusuke sweatdropped. “We ARE doomed.”

AD blinked. “Ehhh…I must have put in the wrong one…”

Bella pulled at Hiei, who was still half free and half controlled by her powers. “Hiei, my darling! We must run!”

“But…Kurama and the detective are here. That means there’s a demon here. I have to fight, or else I’ll get put back in jail.” Hiei answered simply.

Ayumi raised an eyebrow. “He is talking more.”

Mika gasped. “And he’s telling the truth!”

“Really?” Ayumi grinned. “Hey, Hiei! I’ve got a question for ya—who do you LOVE?”

Big moment of truth here. Bella had a strong grip on Hiei’s collar when he hesitated. “Hiei, my LOVE, you do LOVE me, right?”

Mika poked him in the chest. “Hey! You love your friends more, right? Who helps you trough thick and thin, HUH? Who picks on—I mean gives you treasured moments to keep forever?”

“Who will LOVE you forever and ever?” Bella purred.

“Uhh…” Hiei gulped. Sweat formed at his forehead and he struggled to find an answer.

“FIGHT THE EVIL!” Mika screamed into his face.

“…” Hiei suddenly looked like he had the answer and he actually smiled. “I’ll…love my sister forever.”

Awkward silence.

“Well…I guess we can’t argue with that…” AD said while scratching her head.

“That’s sooo sweet, Hiei! I like it when he’s under a spell!” Mika smiled chibily. “He’s so adorable!”

“No, Hiei! You must love me! I’m a Mary-sue! You can’t resist me!” Bella shrieked.

“MWAHAHAHAHA!” AD suddenly burst into insane laughter.

Everyone look at her.

She blinked. “Ha. ANYWAY, BEWARE SUE! I HAVE FOUND THE ULTIMATE WEAPON OF DOOM I HAD PREVIOUSLY LOST IN MY POCKET!”

She reached into her pocket and pulled out another pencil.

Ayumi scowled. “Dude…you should get yourself an organizer.”

“This is no ordinary pencil!”

“But it looks just like the other one!”

“But it writes different.”

“…”

She magically produced a tablet of paper and grinned evilly. “Prepare to become eraser debris.”

She wrote down Bella Mary-Sue onto the paper. Everyone was watching her interestedly. She twirled the pencil to eraser down. Bella gasped.

“You wouldn’t—!”

“I’m the author, lady. OF COURSE I WOULD!” AD laughed maniacally and erased the marks she had previously made. With each stroke of the rubber, Bella slowly began to vanish with shrieks about being perfect and being defenseless 24/7.

Once she disappeared, AD threw the book over her shoulders and sighed. “I’m tired. Bye, guys.”

With a poof of smoke, AD disappeared.

Yusuke, Mika, Ayumi, Kurama and Hiei stood there, staring at one another with the smoldering ashes of Bella on the ground being blown away.

“Um…yeah,” Yusuke scratched his head. “How ya feel, Hiei?”

“Like I said a lot of stupid things…and why do I suddenly have the images of Yukina in my head…IS THAT BAKA HARASSING HER!” Hiei suddenly bellowed.

“Oh yeah…that’s Hiei,” Mika muttered darkly, her head in her hands.

“Kuwabara’s not gonna be harassing anyone any time soon…don’t’ you worry…” Ayumi said grimly.

And so, they went on home, happy that they all survived the Mary-Sue named Bella.

----Somewhere…in a well-----

Kuwabara clawed at the well’s walls. “GUYS, THIS ISN’T FUNNY ANYMORE! GET ME OUTTA HERE!”

“What? You don’t wanna hang out?” Samara asked.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

-END-

XD totally random, really weird, but I had an awesome time writing it. I hope you can say the same about reading it. Review please!