|Father Ted on the Titanic
Author: Leader of the Penguins PM
FINALLY UPDATED AFTER SEVEN YEARS! It's the year 2005, and Father Ted has decided to escape Craggy Island, and journey to New York on the Titanic. Typically, nothing goes to plan, much to Ted's dismay. Please read and review!Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 5,715 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 09-09-12 - Published: 07-02-05 - id: 2465813
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Ted was assissting the officers in restraining Jack when Bishop Brennan swooped upon them, his face glowing with fury. Ted knew fine well that he wasn't going to hear the end of this, much like the Lourdes thing.
"Crilly!" Brennan bellowed, pulling Ted off of Jack, allowing Murdoch and a couple of crewmen and officers to pin him down onto the deck.
"Ah, Bishop Brennan! We ... uh, well ..." Ted was clearly stalling. "Such a lovely night, isn't it?"
"Nude sleepwalking again!" Brennan indicated towards Jack, who had several blankets thrown on top of him in attempt to cover him up. "I have had it!"
Ted laughed nervously, which seemed to make Brennan madder.
"Do you think this is funny, especially after last time?" Brennan fumed, trying to straighten himself up.
"Ooooh, what happened?"
Murdoch was joined by a taller officer, who was sporting several bruises and a small cut to his lip. It was the taller officer who was curious, being a man of mischief himself, and was always looking for inspiration.
"Uh, this is Second Officer Charles Lightoller," Murdoch began. "As you can see, scuffling with Jack hasn't done him any favours."
Ted shook Lightoller's hand, who smiled politely before turning to Brennan, "Come on, out with it!"
"That is the way you talk to a Bishop?" Brennan asked, outraged.
"Whoops!" Lightoller laughed. "What happened ... Your Grace? ... Is that right?"
Ted and Murdoch nodded. Brennan wasn't for revealing anything, so Ted decided to step in and tell the officers about the last time Bishop Brennan appeared at the Parochial House regarding Jack's sleepwalking ...
Brennan had woken up that night in the guest room of the Parochial House, disturbed by a sudden stirring. Sitting up, he looked all around himself, terrified to see at least twenty rabbits in the room, all over his bed and on the furniture.
He seen Ted and Dougal standing in front of them, each carrying rabbits themselves. The situation worsened when he could feel movement beside him, and was absolutely horrified to see Father Jack wake up next to him, completely naked.
The two stared at each other, and then Ted, who had to think fast.
"Just a bad dream, Your Grace. Over in a mo."
Brennan accepted Ted's words and lay back down in bed and closed his eyes. As did Jack. However, Brennan 'woke up' seconds later screaming at the top of his lungs.
Lightoller roared with laughter, slapping Brennan on the back. "Tough luck there, old chap!"
Now it was Brennan's time to roar. "You address me by my proper title, you little bollocks!"
"Why don't you then?" Lightoller pointed out, while Murdoch sniggered. Murdoch didn't really like Brennan's pompous attitude, and was relishing Lightoller's behaviour.
Bishop Brennan was stunned by Lightoller's apparent lack of respect, not realising that Lightoller had a point about being addressed properly. Brennan seen things either his way, or no way at all.
"Right, Mr Murdoch, what'll we do with him?" Another officer had appeared this time, though he was much younger than Murdoch and Lightoller.
"Put him in with Father Ted, only this time, tie him up much tighter, Mr Moody," Murdoch suggested.
"Yes, sir," Moody said brightly as he swanned back to Jack to inform the other crew of Murdoch's plans.
"EXCUSE ME!" The first class gentleman had listened to enough for one evening, and wanted answers.
"Ah, Mr Hockley, our sincere apologies to you about Father Jack, there," Murdoch said, sounding a bit too cheerful.
"You think this is a joke?" Cal asked, clearly outraged by the lack of concern shown by the officer.
"Cal, leave it! I'm fine, honestly," Cal's fiancee insisted, trying to pull him away.
"You sure Miss DeWitt Bukater?" Murdoch asked, showing genuine concern for her, unlike Cal.
Rose nodded. "Yes, thank you Officer Murdoch."
"Hmph! We'd best be off!" Cal glared at them before escorting his fiancee back to their room.
"I hate that guy," Lightoller said with a grin that was reflected on Murdoch's face.
"I'll be heading back," Ted concluded, as the crew started to drag a now knocked-out Jack along the deck. It took ten full-grown men to move him. "Goodnight gentlemen, Your Grace."
"Goodnight Father," the officers chorused, whereas Brennan merely stormed off.
Reaching his stateroom, Ted found Dougal had gotten into his art kit, and was wearing glue, sequins and glitter all over his face, never mind his top and pj bottoms.
"God, Dougal! I thought you were sleeping!"
"I was," Dougal began, gluing a pink star to the sheet of card. "It's too quiet without Jack."
"They're bringing him up. Apparently, he escaped the cargo hold so we need to keep an eye on him. Did I mention he was nude sleepwalking again?"
Dougal was amused. "Oh, wow! Brilliant!"
"No, no it's not brilliant Dougal!" Ted insisted, swiping the glue before Dougal got it all over the carpet. "Bishop Brennan was there, he seen everything!"
"Ah, Ted, you always worry over nothing!" Dougal said calmly, looking around for the glue, unaware that Ted had thrown it in the bin.
"It's not nothing, Dougal! This is serious."
"Can't we just throw him overboard?" Dougal asked, pulling the seat cushions off the couch.
Ted laughed. "I've thought about it."
There was a knock at the door, so Ted answered it to find Officer Moody out of breath, and sweating profusely.
"W-Where ... Where do you want him?" He gasped, stumbling into the room and leaning on the TV for support.
"In the spare room there," Ted pointed to the room opposite the one he shared with Dougal.
"All right lads, in that room there!" Moody ordered, as the remaining nine men hauled Jack into the room. "Remember and tie him up real tight!"
"Are you alright Officer?" Ted asked, as Dougal fished the glue out of the bin.
"Aha! Ted, how's the glue get in there?" Dougal asked, looking confused.
Ted shrugged. "Dunno, magic or something."
Moody took one look at Dougal and started laughing. "He's worse than a child!"
"Don't remind me," Ted muttered. "You going to be okay?"
"Yeah, I'll just oversee the men through there and then we'll be off Father," Moody said, clutching his side as he walked into the room.
Ted slumped onto the chair next to the couch and sighed to himself. What a trip this was turning out to be, indeed!