note: I tried to make things angst here, not sure if it works...feedbacks? And thanks to Yonkie for the beta-reading .

---implying the past and memories---

Diabolical Sonatas

God…it hurts…like hell…just like that day. When the moon was tainted red. There wasn’t much I could see, except blood…my own blood. It reminded me of the day when that bastard caught me under the cherry blossoms, when he carved a curse on me.

---I was scared…so scared I couldn’t move an inch when I saw him stabbed his knife into that woman’s throat and thick red blood splashed on both of them. When he slowly turned and looked at me. His right eye glimmered luminously in the dark. I told myself to run. I couldn’t. My feet were nailed to the cold grass.

And that changed my whole damn life. He caught me, stripped of my clothes, and those cold fingers and hands were hurting me, here and there…everywhere. He was smiling maliciously, and maybe laughed more when I squirmed under him. He whispered those words under his breath.

“How beautiful, bouya.” He spoke while I went numb. And I could tell he used such little effort of his to pin me down while all the strength in me ran out. “The red blood that covers you suits well with your creamy white skin.” His hands trailed up and down over my cheeks. I tried to turn away, but he caught my face between his fingers and forced me to look at him. I shut my eyes then, and he chuckled. “I’d never seen such a beautiful doll as you, this must have been fated. Now I have to make sure you belong to no one else but me. Let me make an indication that you were already mine.”

With that, he continued on what he had done half way. Once more his hands were on my skin, but this time it was rougher than ever. I cried. And that’s the last thing I remembered, something glow out of my skin, I couldn’t see, though I felt my bones were burning. It wasn’t numb anymore. It hurts…hurts like hell.---

I was seeing red. It was only my own blood that seemed clear to me now. He had left already. That meant the plan went on as I had prepared it. I should have been satisfied with it. But…hell no. Not really. Not now that I’m feeling this feelings. I thought I was ready for this, but maybe I hadn’t prepared well enough. What other option could there possibly have been?

Tsuzuki Asato…my partner, was possessed by a demon. He would kill Hijiri. And I had to prevent it.

Before Hijiri would have a chance to be alone with Tsuzuki, I caught his hand. I explained the situation and told him to go hide in my room. He looked worry and was about to refuse to let me handle this alone, but followed my instructions when I assured him that I wouldn’t die, being an undead. Things had to go as I planned…and they did. Except that it was more than I thought I could handle. This emotion…my feelings now.

How could I feel otherwise? He just came in, claiming that he wanted a thanks, a repayment. I knew he would say that. Those monstrous words of Sagatanas. However, that was still Tsuzuki’s voice. Then he came closer, I knew that would happen. When he came around me and caught me in his arms. Those were Tsuzuki’s arms. When he shoved me over a window sill and his cunning eyes bore into mine, they were still Tsuzuki’s eyes.

“I WANT YOUR LIFE!”

A huge blade sunk into my shoulder.

Then a splash of blood.

I knew that was coming too. What I was not really prepared was to encounter the pain that came through and through over my shoulder. Then within minutes the blade had made its way through the heart. It didn’t stop; the demon in him was laughing. But my ears could only caught an insane laugh that was his voice…Tsuzuki’s voice.

God, how that once beautiful and comforting voice was now filling me with such terror.

Until the blade finally ended at my stomach, then it stopped.

“Ahh…how beautiful. Hijiri. The red blood suits you best with your creamy white skin.”

I swear I would have really died if he didn’t intentionally state that to Hijiri. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like if Tsuzuki Asato would have said that and implied it to Kurosaki Hisoka. I was really dying. I felt my left arm was left dangling, out of its place already. The knife had already made its way to half of my heart. My eyes still could do nothing but focus on him with shock. Ok, I was supposed to look as if I was shocked. But honestly I did really feel it.

No acting was necessary now. I was really scared to death, damn it…

I would revive after this. But before that I would die. It could be good. If I was to die now, then I would less likely to feel a thing. However, the shinigami life force was working, my heart was still beating weakly, but I was sure Tsuzuki didn’t notice that. I should have been happy. Then again, should I regret it?

I still saw him there. The first person I ever felt like I was beginning to care for was now smiling just like that man whom I hated most in all the world. I couldn’t stand it. He smiled, licking the my blood from the tip of his fingers. Just like him, just like that monster who did the same to me back then.

“Now the moon’s full.”

Don’t talk about the red full moon. I hated it. Tsuzuki never talked about it. He knew how it related to what I despised. And now he took out a small knife.

Great. Beside from that large one, you still have another size. For what? Oh, I realized it a few seconds before he plunged that thing into my left eye. I heard plucking sound inside my head. He took my eyeball off in less than five seconds. How the demon was so good at it. Should I be happy now that I’ve experienced having my eyeball torn off my socket in less than five seconds and not more than that?

The smell of blood. I would never get used to the smell.

I told myself to hang in there when the shinigami life force began to heal the wounds more. I could feel the heart heal first and it began to throb orderly as it should. I tried to breathe. Then I closed my one good eye. Trying to distract myself from these circumstances, focusing on what might help me with the damn feeling I was feeling now.

---Tsuzuki came and saved me back then in Nagasaki. His smile was so warm and kind.

“Feel better?” He handed me a cold drink when I had a hang over.

“Thank you, Hisoka.” He smiled even when I scolded him, for being so reckless using himself as Maria’s bait.

“Hisoka!…Hisoka!…” He ran towards me, out of breath but relieved as he saw me…still alive. I scolded him. He smiled again. “But I couldn’t leave you here.”

“Why YOU!” He was angry with Muraki when that bastard told him how he killed me.

He protected me. Hurting himself when he placed himself between me and Muraki’s blow.

“If that time comes, I’ll come save you.” He placed his hand over my head. Despite the cold rain, I didn’t know his hand could be so warm.

“Because we’re partners.” He directed his smile at me.

“You look like Hisoka, whoa, I’m abashed by that.” He told that to a smiling Hijiri.

“But he’s a lot gentler now, the first time we met he was such a little angsty brat.” He have a sad face playing with 003.---

“Urg…” I began to choke out as my arm was half way healed. It should have been about five minutes or so since Tsuzuki left. Felt like hours. That’s when my heart throbbed as I heard a soft stomping sound of footsteps heading towards the room.

Damn! Was he back? Had he found Hijiri? Or did he know about the plan? What could he be back for? Damn it! My arm was almost healed to the collar bone. He’d notice it. I should…

I shifted my good arm, trying to reach for that large knife. I could feel myself going insane. Okay, in case he’s just back for something, maybe the knife? Less likely but possibly. I should cut my own arm this time. But…Oh…it’s too late, the shadow was now at the edge of the door. I could barely see. I dropped my hand, preparing for the unprepared.

The door creaked open. I stared with my large eye that seemed to be in a shock state. Ok. I died that way, didn’t I? Then the weight on my mind lightened when I saw the mirror image that peeked in the room. Minase Hijiri.

“Oh God…Hisoka!” He stumbled in and fell on his knees beside me, looking all over the place that was covered with blood. And the large knife, the small knife on the floor, as well as my eyeball. I sighed with relief, seeing Hijiri was fine. I managed to choke out just to make sure.

“…Hijiri…I told you…to hide…” I coughed up blood.

“It’s OK, Hisoka, I saw Tsuzuki leave. Now don’t talk.” His voice quivered with fear at what lay before him. Hijiri, you shouldn’t have come at all. “Hisoka! Will you be all right? Should I get the doctor? Maybe Watari could help. Just nod your head, or…or close your eye.”

“No…I’m healing.” I told him, but he still trembled. Who wouldn’t? “Don’t look…”

He obeyed, for just a few seconds. Then he swallowed hard. “God, how did he…how could he…”

No, Hijiri. That wasn’t Tsuzuki, it was the demon.

My arm was now fully attached to where it should be, but somehow wasn’t fully recovered. I tried to shift forward, reaching for that part that should belong to my face.

My eyeball.

I wasn’t sure if I didn’t put it back, the new eyeball would pop up. Had to make sure anyway. Should have ask Watari.

My arms were weak, as were my hands. I couldn’t quite see a thing, I couldn’t reach it. “Hisoka…you’re gonna get your…eye aren’t you? I’ll…I’ll get it.” Hijiri was trying to help me. With a blurred vision, I saw him carefully pick it and hold it in his shaking hand. Don’t drop it, Hijiri. “Should I put it back for you?” He asked, unsure of what to do.

“I can do it.” I answered, unsure of what I should do either.

It finally landed on my hand.

Swoosh.

I heard the soft sound of the eyeball. I sensed it in my hand. Hijiri had done a good job placing the back side of it up for me. I forced my fingers to find the right place where I could hold it. I lowered my head, letting the strands of hair block Hijiri from seeing this. No one would want to see such a thing, but he was still trying to help and see that nothing would go wrong.

I put it back. Without a slightest intention and the thought of what was coming next…

“…A..Arggghh….” I cried out in pain, in as low a tone I could, to keep people outside from hearing. It hurt…but at least it was healing. Hijiri looked as if he would cry seeing this. I needed to raise my head. “Don’t look, Hijiri…Don’t look.” He nodded, understanding that I didn’t want him to see, he shut his eyes tight and remained sitting there.

I forced the eyeball into the right position of the socket, at least the closest I could. Gritting my teeth and trying to conceal the pain as I groaned. Thank God it seemed to work. The pain was still there, but subsided little by little. Until it seemed like forever later, I could finally see clearly. I tipped it closed, then opened it again. Closed the good eye, and open the healed one, I could see.

Finally, my body was all healed, and I turned to Hijiri, who was looking at me with those worried eyes. I felt a little uneasy to see a face that looked just like mine worrying. I remembered how he looked at Tsuzuki fighting alone with Sagatanas before he has been bitten, with those eyes. I knew deep down inside he should be more worried about Tsuzuki, but he had the heart to worry about me as well. He’s someone who cares a lot. Someone who has a face mirroring mine, but cares a lot more than I do.

“Hisoka. Are you Ok now? Can you see?” He shifted closer and put one of his hands on my knees, showing concern.

“Ah…” At last, I could finally speak as normal. “Unn…I’m Ok now, Hijiri, don’t worry anymore.” He sighed in relief and helped me on my feet as I staggered, and he supported me.

Then Hijiri started asking questions. “But…Tsuzuki. What can we do about him now? We can still help him right?”

I looked at him, trying to look as confident as I could, “Don’t worry, we can still help him.” Hijiri nodded.

‘Tsuzuki…this time, I’ll save you…!’

End