Title: Hard Truths
Author: Demelza
Disclaimer: Without Prejudice. Third Watch and its characters are the property of NBC, WB, John Wells, and its other owners...no infringements of these copyrights are intended, and are used here without permission.
Characters: Bosco, Faith
Rating: R
Warnings: Might have some language, contains sexual and violent references
Summary: When Mikey is killed by his drunk, and enraged father, seven weeks pass by before Faith finally tells Bosco the secret she had been hiding.
Author's Notes: This is NOT set in season five, as it was written in 2003 or 2004 (I forget which), and since I never posted it anywhere except 55david (at the time), I thought I would completely re-beta it, and post it again. It's set, around season three, since it's my favorite season. AU as always.

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Thursday, March 6th, marked seven weeks to the day since Michael Boscorelli's funeral, the day Faith Yokas watched as the twenty-five year old's older brother Maurice "Bosco" Boscorelli pummeled the living shit out of their father as he approached the open casket at the front of the church. No one tried to stop Bosco, not even Faith.

James Boscorelli had come under the pretence he'd be welcome, that he'd be allowed to say his goodbyes like the rest of the family, little did he know though, Faith and Bosco had been running to Michael's aid that day he pulled the trigger, not once, but three times into his own son's chest.

Bosco had stood in fear, not knowing what to do as his brother dropped to the ground, landing on his back, writhing with pain, trying to fight the weighting feeling in his chest. He had questioned himself even after that day, wondering why he hadn't chased after their old man, and why he hadn't done anything to help as Faith tried to save his brother Michael's life, and not just because he was her partner's brother, but for reasons...unknown.

She could still remember the warmth of the blood from the holes in Michael's chest, how in the insistent freezing temperatures of New York City, she could see the steam rising from the three open wounds as the very essence of his life force escaped. Her arms and hands had never shaken so much as they did that day. As she tried to stop the blood. She could still see Michael's pain filled face as he stared up at her, wanting her to know he would never betray the secret they'd both sworn to keep.

Twenty-five, and he was gonna die young, believing she was an angel sent to take him home... Those were among his last words, as she begged him not to leave, not to give up the fight. A fight he could win, if he only tried.

She realized Bosco hadn't understood her words, might never either, maybe he thought she was trying to save his brother's life because she knew how much, deep inside, Michael meant to him, and to their mother.

Bosco had always said it would be the drugs that would kill his brother. Drugs, or the dealer. Who knew it would have been the jealous roots of James Boscorelli's alcohol infested state that took Michael from him that fateful day.

Seven weeks.

Seven heart broken, and the most anger filled weeks of her, and her partner's life. More so his.

Faith sat alone in the locker room, fighting off some strand of a cold Charlie had brought home the week before, when the door to the locker room opened and Bosco walked in, his usually clean shaven face was rough, and she watched as he walked straight to his locker.

Their first shift in the weeks past, since his brother's death, since his suspension for half near killing his father, and Bosco was finally back, ready for work. At least, in the physical sense. He'd undergone six weeks of intense therapy with a grief and substance counselor, not that it had helped him much, he was far more emotionally distant now than he was before.

She could see it in his eyes, and she knew even above and before that fact, he couldn't come to grip with his brothers death, he'd wanted Faith to be there, but she couldn't, she distanced herself from him, and knew it was her fault he'd turned to the hard booze. She often wondered if he knew it was her that had paid the anonymous three-thousand dollar bail bond to set him free after his father laid assault charges against him at Sergeant Christopher's insistence.

Hell, she wondered if Fred knew that she'd swiped every red cent of the savings they'd been making since only God knew when, for Emily and Charlie's' college funds. Maybe if she'd confided in Fred the truth, the truth at what she'd done, the bail posting, the grief her best friend and partner was going through, maybe then he'd know. Maybe, if she'd wanted him to know. Because in all its truth, she didn't. She couldn't turn to him for the support she was desperate for, the support she otherwise knew she didn't deserve after what she'd done.

Michael had been shot dead by his own father, and instead of turning to Fred when perhaps she should and could have, she completely shut him and everyone else out. It was a case of do or suffer the consequences for what she'd done, the consequences brought on by Fred's rightful anger.

But how could she tell her husband? How could she betray him like that? Betray their kids. Not when she already had.

In part, she knew that it was the punishment she deserved, to be alone with all the pain and heartache, but she somehow just wished it hadn't gone down the way it had.

Faith was staring into her locker when Bosco approached a short few moments later, fully dressed in his uniform. He stood behind her, and she was desperate to tell him it was her. Desperate, to tell him the secret she and Mikey had sworn to keep between just them, til the day they died...was the very thing that made her, and Bosco, suffer the way they were.

And, even if she wanted to, how, how could she ever tell him?

She knew, deep inside, that if it weren't for Fred...she would have told him. He was the one most deserving, the one who had all rights to know.

"You not getting ready?" she'd heard him ask in that low tone as he stood behind her. Maybe he did know, maybe in her not being there for him, maybe he knew. She didn't answer him though, just kept her eyes on her uniform, wondering if maybe, just maybe she shouldn't be here today. "I guess I'll see you in there then," he then said, and it was then that she let out the small breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. It came out as a sharp exhale at first, but then as her head moved ever slightly to the left, an irrepressible sob escaped and she quickly covered her mouth, apologizing to him.

He took the few steps around so that he was now to her left, and stood beside her. He didn't reach out and place an arm around her shoulders and tell her everything was gonna be okay. He just sat there, his mouth opening as he tried to speak, as he tried to form the words he knew he had to say, but nothing came.

Slowly, Faith then took in the breath she needed, her head slowly turning in Bosco's direction. Both their eyes met in that moment, tears flooded hers, and his were desperately red from all the time she knew he'd have spent crying. She had to tell him. Had to. "There's...something, you don't know, Boz," came her voice after a moment, her eyes breaking contact with his as she looked away.

But, his hand went to her face in a gentle manner, his thumb caressed her cheek, and he finally turned her gaze back to his. Again the thought went through her mind, that maybe, just maybe he knew. Maybe there had been telltale signs, and he had known all along, and had been waiting for her to admit the truth?

"I just, I don't know, how to tell you," she said, softer, broken, as she tried to hold back the next sob that wanted to escape.

"I'll pay you back," Bosco told her back with a simple nod, "Might take me a while, but I swear to God, I'll pay you back."

She was immediately surprised at his words, at the fact he knew she'd posted his bail. But it wasn't that. It was the other truth. The secret. "No...not, not that, not the money."

He lowered his hand, "Then what?" he questioned, and it almost broke her to hear his voice that pained. She could see it in his eyes, and hear it in his voice. The not knowing, the fear he didn't want to know.

After all that, even she wasn't sure she should tell him. But, there was a bigger part of her. A part that told her he deserved to know, know the very thing she'd kept secret from him for three weeks now.

"I'm...pregnant, Boz." Her voice came as a gentle whisper this time, her eyes staying on his for only a few seconds, before she looked away, ashamed, embarrassed...more than that... she felt so humiliated. By what she said. And by the way she'd said it.

He swallowed hard, she could hear his breathing take a different style, as if he himself felt humiliated by the news, as if somehow he wasn't sure if he was meant to be angry or happy.

She told herself he deserved to be angry though, knew it was his right to be angry, she didn't expect him to be happy, not ever, she would never want him to feel that way. Not when she didn't.

"How long?" he then asked, and she could hear the hint of curiousness in his voice, as if he were somehow trying to do the math on something that had no values to equate.

"Seven and a half weeks."

There was a strong, deafening silence, when Faith heard a whimpered cry come from Bosco as he looked away. She turned back to him in that moment, found herself staring at his pain and confused face, again, she saw the expression...the one that was trying to do the math for something that just wouldn't, or never could add up.

There was another look. One of deepening betrayal. The same look she found in him, she had already told herself she'd find in Fred later tonight.

It was pretty ironic, doing the right thing, after doing something so wrong.

He swallowed, then slowly nodded. "He'd, be happy."

"Are you angry with me?" she asked, looking at him once again, but already, she felt so sure of his answer to the question. She knew he would be angry with her, and in part, it's why she hadn't wanted to tell him.

He turned his head to look at her finally, his eyes filled with tears. "No. I'm not angry with you, Faith."

"You...aren't?" she asked, a desperate hope in her tear-filled voice. Gladness quickly overcame her though when he smiled gently and shook his head. "I kept, trying to tell you, Boz. I just, I didn't know how to."

"It's okay. I understand why you didn't," he replied, taking her hand in his, "especially after that night. After what happened, between us." He swallowed, but didn't finish his sentence.

Faith knew what Bosco was talking about though, it had been with her every waking moment of the day. As she looked away from him, she could see the images playing out in her mind now, could hear the echoed sound of his voice as he approached her in the locker room at shift end those weeks ago. She could hear his voice even now, as he'd asked why she'd been so quiet that night. There was a 'nothing's wrong' said back as she tried to hide the truth. She realized now though, and even as she'd said the words that night, that Bosco had known she was lying to him. She had known it, by the way he had verbally tip-toed around her, trying to ease her into telling him about the latest fight she and Fred had had earlier that day.

But she had had enough of talking about her pathetic life story, of her good for nothing husband and how badly he had begun treating her of late. So much so, that when Bosco offered a consoling hug without words, in the way he looked at her with that 'I'm here whenever you need me' look, she had taken his offer and allowed herself to get lost in the comforting arms of the one person she knew really cared. Of course, that all faded from her mind as she had kissed him, not knowing why, not caring to know why either, but he had stopped her, saying neither of them wanted to do that to Fred, or to her kids.

But in that moment it she hadn't thought about them, or how they'd react to her doing what she had done, all she had felt was the humiliation of his rejection. She pulled away from him, not even looking at him as she turned deaf ears to him as he called after her. She'd hurried out of the locker room, not caring to hear a single one of his words, to hear his pleading voice, begging for her to stay...she was too hurt to.

Blinking tore her away from her thoughts and Faith swallowed hard as she stood there, staring back at Bosco, as the memory of that night settled into the back of her mind.

"I still, I should have told you," she said, breaking the silence. "There was no excuse for why I didn't. Or why, it even happened."

"You were hurting badly. I don't blame, or hate you, for what you did."

She looked at him like she wasn't sure, but he was still holding her hand, and as he gave it a gentle, reassuring squeeze, she gave him a small smile. But it didn't stop her from feeling guilty. Nothing ever could. "Fred...and the kids...they will...and they have every right to, I betrayed them. All of them. And all for what?"

"Because you were feeling alone in your marriage, Faith. That's why," he said back, his voice firm. "You turned to the one person you could when no one else, not even me, was there for you. I should have been there for you, I should have been a better friend."

"You were a good friend. You've always been one."

"No, I wasn't. I wasn't a good friend, I made you do what you did."

She looked away from him as more tears rushed to her eyes. "You didn't make me go to him, Bosco. You didn't, get me pregnant. You didn't, I did. Me. It was all me."

"And, my brother," Bosco said, the tears leaving his eyes. "It should have been me, Faith."

She blinked, and the tears rolled down her cheeks. "Oh, Bosco..." she cried, and he took her in his arms, hugging her tight.

He squeezed his eyes shut as he held her. "Me," he whispered. "It shoulda been you and me."