Hey!! I wrote a one-shot fanfic! I didn't think I was capable of doing that.
All the things I write usually end up being at least ten pages long.

Silence.

But anyway, this is a Miaka-almost-suicide-reflections type fic. To me, it's
kind of depressing. I also think it's very very very stupid. She may be a bit
out of character because the vocabulary is probably a bit too advanced for her.
If it's good and you want to comment on it, email me at .
No flames, please!!

Long silence.

You know, I think it's about time I went on with the story, huh?

Reader(s) nod(s) impatiently.

As you wish...

Here we go!!

Oh wait!! Disclaimers...hehe, forgot about that. Uhh...FY is the property of
Yuu Watase (I am soo not worthy!) and some others I don't know about but you
(and they) probably know who they are.

Sigh...Someday I'm going to steal FY for myself so it can be mine...

JOKE! JOKE! I was kidding...although, that's not such a bad idea...

Okay, now on with the story...

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UNTITLED
by Bonedancer (or Sorceress Elcyion, whichever you like better. I mean, certainly
*I* can't decide...I babble too much, huh?)

************************************************

The Priestess of Suzaku.

Do I really deserve that position?

Am I worth sacrificing others' lives for?

These people...Tamahome, Hotohori, Nuriko, Chichiri, Tasuki, Mitsukake,
Chiriko...my friends...they made me laugh, they cheered me up, they
fought for me...

Am I wasting their time?

Because...I don't really see how they can enjoy my company.
Aren't they ashamed of my imperfections? Aren't they ashamed of my
eating habits?

Of my ditziness? My excessively optimistic personality?

Maybe they are. Most likely, they are.

When I see myself in a mirror, I see a dumb, greedy teenager who doesn't
deserve to be loved by someone like Tamahome or anyone else...or better
yet, even to live.

How do others see me?

Back when Yui still wanted to be my best friend, she used to joke around with
my faults. She laughed. I laughed. The comments hurt me, but I didn't say
anything because I didn't want to be a whiny baby and complain about it too
much.

Heh, as if I've never acted like one before...I did multiple times, to say
the least...

I want to change. I want to be more studious like Yui, more courageous like
Tasuki, more intelligent like Chiriko...and...I want to quit being unceasingly
famished...but I know it would be impossible. I have no self-control.

Why don't I end being a burden to everyone around me? Why don't I kill myself
so that everyone else will stop feeling embarrassed for me because of my stupidity
and never again go hungry because of my appetite?

I wish I had died when Tamahome, Hotohori, and Nuriko fought that mirror monster.
I wish Hotohori never saved me from committing suicide back when Tamahome turned
evil from the kodoku.

Well, here's my chance now. I'm sitting on my bed in the palace, holding this
kitchen knife tightly in both hands. My knuckles are white from holding the thing
so tight. My hands are shaking slightly from my anxiety. Tears blur my vision as
I point the blade at my chest.

I could've just thrust the knife into me and that would be the end of that, but
someone was knocking gently at my door and cheerfully calling my name from behind
it.

Tamahome.

How can someone call out my name so lovingly, so happily when they know how horrible
and idiotic I am?

I sigh. I couldn't do this right now. I wanted to do this in private. I hide the knife
under my pillow and wipe the tears away quickly.

He enters. I put a big smile upon my face, pretending everything's okay.

In truth, it's not.

Tamahome doesn't notice that I had been crying. Thank goodness.

Him telling me he loves me is very comforting. It gives me a wonderful feeling inside
and when I look into his eyes, I just melt away in his embrace.

But why does he love me?

He's too good for me. He's nearly perfect in every way while I just pig out on my food
and everybody else's food and watch my warriors get themselves nearly killed.

And for what? A pathetic girl like me?

Finally, he leaves. He shuts the door behind him and then I resume to what I was doing.

The knife. The stab. The end.

I was ready to do this. I was in the same position as before: sitting on the bed, knife
inches from my heart, tears starting to cascade down my cheeks.

After a silent moment, I suddenly lower it. I couldn't bring myself to do this. I thought
I wanted to end my life, but I realize...in a way, I was being greedy again. And wasn't
that the whole point of this? To end that?

Did I even consider everyone else's feelings? What will they think when they find my dead
body in this room?

Although I was the ever-ravenous idiot who can hardly walk on her own two feet, these people
love me. They want me to be happy.

I love them all too, but how can they live with a pitiful person like me around? If I were
them, I would've punched my lights out eventually.

I take the knife and stick it in the back of the bottom drawer of the dresser. I didn't
need the thing anymore.

Maybe that's why Tasuki and Nuriko took me to that Stargazing Festival after Tamahome left
for Kutou. Maybe that's why Tasuki saved me from the evil Tamahome, and maybe that's why
Hotohori saved me from drowning. Everyone cared. They all cared about me.

I won't try to kill myself again. It would break my friends' hearts. I don't want to do
that to them.

Even if I wish I were dead, I will remain the Miaka everyone for some weird reason grew to
love and cherish: hungry, stupid, clumsy, weak, annoyingly chipper.

Out of those, what is there to like? I don't understand...

How am I special?

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Well? Did you like it? Was it at least decent? Okay enough? Tell me!!

As I said before, I think it's stupid. This is certainly not one of my best works...*but*
be nice when you review, okay? Pretty please??? ^__^