A/N/Disclaimer: I own nothing, no one, am merely playing with Goddess Rowling’s wonderful toys and I promise not to ruin them or to leave them out in the rain. This fic is being co-written with Salienne de Lioncourt, who also owns and promises the same. However, MARY IS OURS! (:hiss:) Though why anyone would WANT Mary, we don't know... o.O

The Epitome of Sue

Chapter 1

Mary Riddle is a very, very normal witch.

Quite contrary to what usually comes after sentences such as these, there is no "except" to be added afterwards, no "but", no "however". Mary is perfectly mediocre in every way imaginable. She comes from a muggle family. She is an only child. She occasionally fights with her parents, but other than that, she has a perfectly stable, loving relationship with them. In muggle elementary school, she received average grades, mathematics being a slight weakness. She isn’t a real beauty, either. She is plain to behold, actually, with blonde hair and brown eyes, and she’s about twenty pounds overweight for a girl her height. Mary leads a very ordinary life, and she most certainly is not, in any way, shape, or form, spectacular. At all.

One week ago, she received a letter from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry saying that she was a witch. She was surprised, but her parents were not in the least, considering that Mary’s grandmother is a Squib and her grandfather, now dead, was a wizard. The fact that their last name was "Riddle" did not worry them, either. Riddle is, after all a somewhat common name. Not anywhere close to the Smiths and Moores of the world, yes, but common all the same.

Come the first day of September when the term began, Mary awkwardly balanced her things (Phyllis the Tawny, Perfectly Average Barn Owl included) onto the Hogwarts Express. As soon as she found a compartment for her things, she began to wander, looking for a place to sit. It was not long after she was hopelessly drifting around that a hand falling onto her shoulder stopped her.

"You," a voice hissed.

Startled, poor Mary turned around. As soon as she did, she had to restrain herself from yelping. Before her stood a teenager who was considerably taller than she was, with perfectly arranged blonde hair and gray eyes that held the steel of death. As intimidated as Mary was, however, she managed to be polite, like her mother taught her.

"H-hullo," she said nervously, extending a hand. "My name’s Mary. Mary Riddle. What’s your name?"

The blonde narrowed his eyes to a glare.

"Don’t try that innocent act on me, Sue," he spat.

Mary’s eyes widened.

"Wh-what are you talking about?"

He pointed an ominous finger at her.

"You’re trying to seduce me with your beauty! You’re trying to make me feel head over heels in love with you! It’s not going to work, Sue! Not this time!"

Poor Mary was terribly confused.

"Fall in love with me? I don’t even know who you are!"

His lips twisted into a triumphant grin.

"Oh, so you’re an innocent, naïve Sue, are you? Trying to seduce me with your innocence, right!"

"But I-"

"I know your game, Sue. This time you’re not going to win."

And away he stalked, with a swirl of his robes.

Mary was terrified. How mean he had been! Surely he had just mistaken her for another individual, no? That had to be it.

Nonetheless, she was still shaking as she made her way up to the castle. Gram told her a little bit about the Houses and what kind of people were in each one, but she wasn’t sure where she would be put. She did study, but not as hard as a Ravenclaw, and she most certainly wasn’t as brave as a Gryffindor. There was no way she’d be put into Pureblood loving, machiavellian Slytherin, so that left…Hufflepuff. Yes, Hufflepuff would be the best House for ordinary, mediocre Mary.

As the formidable lady in the pointed hat and spectacles read off names from the scroll, she seemed to pause after Reichgott, Abel!

"Riddle, Mary!" she called finally, and a hush fell over the crowd as she toddled her way over towards the Sorting Hat. It seemed every pair of eyes in the Great Hall were upon her as she sat on the stool, the floppy, tattered thing pulled over her eyes. As soon as it did, she heard the voice in her head.

"I suppose," thought Mary. "Grandpa Matthew was a wizard."

"Er…who’s Tom Riddle?" Mary inquired. "My daddy’s name is Albert."

"I um…I don’t know who Tom Riddle is," Mary said awkwardly. "I suppose there could be a Tom Riddle somewhere in my family, Riddle is a somewhat common name I suppose, and um-"

"I don’t think I’d do well in Gryffindor, actually. I’m not all that brave, you see, and-"

"No!" Mary squeaked, even more horrified at the prospect of landing in a place where she’d be teased relentlessly. "Just put me in Hufflepuff! PLEASE put me in Hufflepuff!"

Whimpering and eager to get away from the mean hat, Mary hopped gracelessly off of the stool, and with everyone still looking at her, she toddled over to the Hufflepuff table.

After the Feast, which she thoroughly enjoyed, she awkwardly tugged on the nearest Prefect’s robes.

"E-excuse me, Mr. Diggory, sir?" she whimpered.

"Let me guess," the Seeker said tiredly, "you want to go out with me."

"No!"

"Shag me?"

"No!"

"Tell me I’m going to die because you saw it in a dream?"

"No, I just want the password, Mr. Diggory, I um, forgot it and uh-"

"Oh, so you’re a battered, forgetful Sue!" cried Diggory triumphantly.

"Me? Battered? No, actually, I’m very secure and happy with my life-"

"So you’re perfect."

"No! Please just tell me the password!"

Sighing, he finally relented.

Nonplused, Mary spoke the password, and climbed up to the girls’ dormitory to go to sleep.

Hogwarts really was a scary place!