Disclaimer: No, I don’t own 24…… IF ONLY!

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Chapter 1- Stars

Jack lay awake, staring up at the clear July sky. He could see the stars. That had been one of the biggest changes when he ran into Mexico. The stars. In L.A. the buildings always obscured the view- you could see a few stars of course- but never all of them. Never like this.

He couldn’t decide if he liked it. They were beautiful of course. They twinkled and flared and dusted the otherwise black night with light. You couldn’t look at them and think about them without knowing there was something bigger out there. If you really looked at them- and really thought about them- you could tell there was a God somewhere out there. It filled him with a painful hope that maybe, just maybe, Terri and Paul and Ryan and the countless others he had killed were up there- twinkling and happy.

But while he had hope for those he killed, the stars took away any hope for himself. Because surely, any God who made such beautiful things- would not care for anyone so…… he struggled to find the right word. Ah, he had it- dirty. He wouldn’t call himself bad because he worked for good- he knew that much. But at the same time he wasn’t good, he wasn’t clean. He was dirty. Dirty in the blood of innocent people, those whose lives he had to take for the “greater good.” And of course, even bad people had blood- and he was covered in it. So, the peace he hoped Terri and Ryan and others had found, he knew would never be offered to him. Not even all the good he’d done could wash away the dirt and grime that covered him.

He sighed and rolled to the side- he didn’t want to think about anything right now. He had rested on the small duffel bag that carried his belongings- the things he dared to keep with him. They were impersonal items- standard. A few changes of clothes, a toothbrush, a razor, one bottled water. If anyone should search the bag they would find nothing that could link him back to anything he once was. Nothing in there linked him to America, Palmer, L.A., CTU, the military, Kim, Chase, Angela or the old Jack Bauer. It was the simple bag of a ranch hand in Mexico.

There were three things that connected him at all to his old life. These he kept in his wallet at all times and his wallet in his pocket at all times. Slowly he drew the first out. It was a letter and to anyone else it was short and from a simple man around named David. He had memorized it, but couldn’t make himself throw it away. He unfolded it carefully and read.

Dear Jack,

I can’t say thank you enough for all the help you’ve given us these past few days. I don’t know what we would have done without you. Remember that you always have my thanks and the thanks of others you helped out while you were around here. Good Luck!

- David

Jack smiled to himself. Even the president had to write in code sometimes. Jack had to give it to him- to someone who didn’t know what they were looking for- it appeared a simple note from friend to friend. No one would guess that the ‘help’ was really saving huge amounts of people from terrorist threats. No one could know that ‘these past few days’ were years, most of his life. From serving in the army to CTU to countless covert missions. No one would know that the ‘thanks of others you helped out’ were millions of people who probably didn’t even know his name and probably never would.

Jack refolded it and pulled out the second thing that people could use to connect him to anyone of importance. Though this one would be nearly impossible to link him back to anyone. It was a key. He rubbed his finger over it, remembering when Tony and Michelle gave it to him. It was to their house. It was surprising how much he was touched by this act. Obviously he would probably never use it. But it was a sign that he was always welcome.

He thought of them and hoped they were doing ok. Something inside him told him they would be fine. When he last saw them they had just survived through another awful day and were once again hopelessly in love. The smile faded from his lips as he remembered another pair of people who he had hoped would stay in love. Audrey. He didn’t blame her- but she had made his worst fear come true. She had seen the grime that covered him and pushed away.

Terri had seen it- and had accepted it and still loved him. She was willing to make it work with him. This was a big reason why it was able to work between them. She had accepted all of him- the muck of his work and every flaw. Kate had met him during his work. She had seen the things he had to do and could deal with it. But, she couldn’t deal with the fact that even outside of work he still wasn’t clean. She thought that once he was home, he would be normal, act happy. She thought that the depression he earned from work was left at work. Once she discovered that it stayed with him, she had left him. But it wasn’t an awful break-up. He had come to realize he didn’t love her, and she didn’t love him, so they broke it up mutually. He had a feeling that Claudia would have understood, but she didn’t get the chance.

But Audrey was the worst. For months he had tried to keep her away from the dirt on the inside. He had gotten a desk job, hidden the dirt with a spotless, glowing cover. She loved him and he loved her, but was too afraid to let her see his true self. And his fear turned out to be well-founded. The second she had seen the real him, the filth his job came with- she had been revolted. She said she still loved him- but it was obvious what she really meant. She still loved him as long as he had the mask on. So, ignoring the fact that he would happily put it back on for her- she walked away.

He sighed, and put away the key. He took out the last link- the most dangerous one. The agent in him told him to throw it out- to burn it- it was too risky. But the father in him, the human in him couldn’t do it. So he took it out and stared at it as he so often did.

It was a picture. He couldn’t see so well in the dark- but the moonlight was just enough to make it out. Chase’s arm was around Kim and he was holding Angela. Kim’s one finger was in Angela’s grasp while the other held onto Chase’s hand on her shoulder. He had memorized every detail. Kim was looking at Angela and smiling and Chase was looking at Kim and smiling and Angela was the only one looking at the camera and she was smiling. A tear filled up his eye and slowly fell down his face.

God, he missed them. He had respected Chase as a partner and discovered Chase was as good as a son. Angela had begun talking and he was delighted to hear her call him “Pop-pop” only a few short weeks before the day that changed everything.

And Kim. Oh, God, staring at her picture could never cut it. He missed her with every fiber of his being. Just to see her move, watch her smile, hear her laugh one more time would mean the world to him. When Teri died, he gradually accepted that she was in a better place and she could still watch over him, and he could talk to her. With Kim he couldn’t even do that. It made it so much worse that she was alive, and not so far away and yet he could never see her again.

He took a deep breath and put the picture away, gaining control of his emotions. Releasing the breath he put his wallet away and turned his mind to different things.

It was time to settle down. In case of anyone even getting a whiff of who he truly was, he had spent the last 5 ½ months moving. He took a job at a ranch and only stayed for 3 or 4 weeks. But now, he felt it was safe to find a steady job. He had been on the road for about a week and passed some places. He was looking for the right one. He needed one with not too many people- one where he could have some privacy. He didn’t care about the pay- but he needed a job where he wouldn’t starve to death. But most of all, he wanted to work for someone honest and good. He wasn’t about to take the slightest chance that the person he worked for could have terrorist connections like Hector and Ramon Salazar.

That would be a disaster. If his boss was taken down for terrorism- he would be questioned- most likely at CTU L.A. and they would know who he was. They would turn him over to the Chinese, but probably he would meet with an “accident” on the way. He had kept up with news well enough to know that President Keeler was deemed brain dead 3 days after he left and never woke up from the coma. That meant President Logan was in office for at least another 4 months- and he was running again come November.

He closed his eyes and tried to get some sleep. His hand curled around the gun under his “pillow.” Some habits never die.

Author's Note: Please excuse any spelling errors due to author's severe case of S.S. (Spelling Stupidity)

Author's Other Note: Please review!