|Bake Me Away
Author: Sango The Lecher Slayer PM
AU InuKag SanMir. Kagome, an aspiring pastry chef, is placed into the hands of our favorite hanyou. Cake on suits, fake noses, and bad dates ensue. Need I say more?Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Humor - Inuyasha & Kagome H. - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,752 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 08-23-10 - Published: 07-06-05 - id: 2472387
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Warning: This has Kikyo-bashing and is NOT AT ALL like her real character. It's just supposed to be for fun (/for people who hate Kikyo). If you love Kikyo or accurate portrayals of Inuyasha characters, this is probably not the story for you.
It's just for fun. For real.
Bake Me Away
Brought to you by Sango the Lecher Slayer
Chapter 3: Fine Dining
Wine glasses clinked merrily in the dim lighting of Hell's Kitchen.
But not everyone was so merry.
Inuyasha stared incredulously at his date as she continued to go on about her modeling career. "And that's why Nigel told me I could only eat acai berries until the shoot. This is the first time I've eaten in two weeks!"
Inuyasha replied distractedly, "You don't say."
His date batted her eyelashes while rubbing up and down his leg with her foot. "Thanks for the din-din, Inu-baby," she cooed.
Inuyasha shook his head to refocus himself and tried to smile. "No problem, Kikyo."
"Baby?" Kikyo pouted.
"Why won't you call me by the nickname you gave me?" Kikyo whined.
Inuyasha gulped down some of his wine and replied, "Uh, sure, Kiks-babe."
"Thanks, Inu-baby!" Kikyo squealed.
"Omigod," she continued, "So the other day on set I—No. Fucking. Way." Kikyo cut herself off angrily.
Inuyasha looked interested for the first time that night, "What's up?"
"That bitch stole my nose!" Kikyo shouted as she stood up.
"Kikyo," Inuyasha tried to intercede, only to be glared at by Kikyo. "I mean, Kiks-babe, relax, I'm sure she didn't steal your nose."
"No!" Kikyo whined, "It's mine!"
Inuyasha followed Kikyo's pointed finger.
"Shit." He muttered.
Kagome had walked in the room with Hojo trailing behind her, looking like a lost puppy. Inuyasha saw her stop and turn, encouraging him to walk faster so they could be seated. Inuyasha stared, stunned, as the hostess seated them.
Four tables away.
Inuyasha turned back to Kikyo just in time to see her start to walk over to Kagome.
"Not so fast!" He said in a loud whisper as he pulled Kikyo back to the table.
"Inu-baby!" Kikyo whined loudly, "Let me get the bitch!"
Kikyo wrenched her arm away and stomped towards the table where Kagome was attempting to dissuade Hojo from tucking her seat in too far. "This is great, Hojo! Perfect!" She enthused, only to mutter to herself, "Anymore and I wouldn't be able to breathe."
Hojo had just taken his seat when Kikyo stomped up and grabbed Kagome.
By the nose.
"You bitch! You stole my nose. I paid good money for this, give it back." Kikyo demanded.
The rest of the restaurant fell silent, and turned to stare as Kagome attempted to talk to Kikyo in a nasally voice. "Um, actually, this was the nose I was born with, so if you don't mind letting go?"
Hojo finally gathered his courage and said, "Just what do you think you are doing, miss?"
"Who do you think you are, scum?" Kikyo asked venomously.
He sat back down quickly at the supermodel's glare, mumbling quietly, "Hojo…"
What a man.
Inuyasha strolled over. "Ladies, ladies, there's no need to fight."
"But she stole my nose!"
"We're fighting? Wait, it's my nose! What is happening?"
Inuyasha placed a hand on Kikyo's shoulder, "Kikyo," then the other on Kagome's, "Kagome," and then directed his attention to the Hojo, "Hobo."
Kagome stifled a laugh and Hojo opened his mouth to speak but decided against it. "This is obviously a simple misunderstanding," Inuyasha continued dramatically.
Kagome sighed in relief.
Inuyasha grinned. "I'm sure Kagome didn't mean to steal your nose, did you, Kags?"
"Exactly! I never—puppy-man say what."
In his seat, Hojo nervously twiddled his thumbs, desperately avoiding Kagome's death glare.
Inuyasha winked at Kagome, "If you just apologize, I'm sure my loving, understanding girlfriend would be happy to let it slide, just this once."
Kikyo pouted as Inuyasha looked at her with the sad puppy eyes.
Kagome stared, slack-jawed.
Hojo tried to make himself as small as possible.
"Well, fine." Kikyo sniffled, "Just this once for my Inu-baby. Let's go now." Kikyo tossed her hair and flounced out of the restaurant.
Inuyasha made to follow after her, but paused to address Kagome: "You owe me two now, bitch."
Kagome opened her mouth to retort, but Inuyasha had already left her in the dust. After a couple moments of silence in the restaurant, the hustle and bustle returned.
Except to Kagome and Hojo's table.
On Kagome's part, she just didn't really want to talk to the poor boy, and knew this was a good excuse. Hojo couldn't think of anything to say. The silence was finally broken about 15 minutes later by Hojo's exclamation of: "That Inu-baby fellow isn't very gentlemanly! The way he treated you? Now, that's not a very nice way to treat a lady!"
A couple at a nearby table choked on their food as they laughed at his delayed response.
"No, Hojo. It's not." Kagome said as she subtly rolled her eyes. "Listen, I'm gonna pack it in. It's been a rough evening, to say the least."
Kagome moved away from the table, and had walked out the door to her car by the time Hojo, sprinting, caught up to her. "When will I see you again?" Hojo asked, out-of-breath.
Kagome paused. "You can do this," she mumbled.
"I like you. As a friend."
Hojo beamed. "I like you too, Kagome! I'm so glad you finally told me."
Kagome actually smacked her forehead. "You misheard me. As. A. Friend."
It was like extinguishing a candle. Kagome turned on her flashlight key chain to make sure Hojo was okay. "Hojo? Are you gonna be able to get home?"
Hojo tried to smile bravely. "I can do it! You betcha. Be safe."
Kagome patted Hojo awkwardly on the back, saying, "Good on you, champ. Gnight!" then she speedily got into her car and drove away. In her car, she wondered at Inuyasha's girlfriend. Bopping her head to the music blasting from her stereo, Kagome wondered aloud: "What weird kinds of girls does Inuyasha date?"
As she laughed to herself and stepped out of the car, Kagome couldn't help but realize: "Definitely not girls like me."
Kagome stepped into her apartment. Changing into pajamas, she couldn't decide how she felt about Inuyasha's dating habits. Or why she would feel anything but joy at the realization that Inuyasha would never be interested in her.
Across town, lying in Egyptian Cotton sheets, Inuyasha pondered a similar concept.
"Why the fuck would Kagome be dating some loser named Hobo?"