Disclaimer: Saiyuki and its characters belong to Minekura Kazuya-sensei

Setting: During that particular time when the four of them went out for lunch together after Hakkai's 'release'

Notes: Been a while since I last posted on this side of the fandom here (ffnet). However, I do have a number of earlier 38 works which are not published here but on my fic journal instead (link is in my bio, if anyone's interested). Anyhow, I hope you'll enjoy reading and just a lil' info - the bit on Hakkai's aversion to youkai is taken from the manga Reload Vol 4, but other than that, no major spoilers here. Thank you again (smilez)

-:-:- Debt -:-:-

Lunch was wonderful. It was the first time in these past few months he had eaten such a wholesome meal, accompanied by the most colorful of people. He had never laughed so much in his life, and it was triggered by nothing more than the silly albeit interesting bickering between Gojyo and Goku. Even Sanzo-san, with his constant frowning and fluent curses, was a fascinating source of amusement to him.

As he waited with Sanzo-san by the cashier, he happened to catch his reflection in the large oval mirror hanging on the wall. The man in the mirror was familiar despite the bandage over one eye, yet alien at the same time with that smile.

He was aware then that his facial muscles ached under that constant forced façade. But he could not let it drop, not now when he was given a new lease on life. This mask had to be molded daily till it assimilated into every inch of his skin. His past, secrets and bitter anguish would be hidden; he was safe.

And those around him would be safe too, so long as the three silver cuffs which held back his real form remained on his ear. A dull ache stabbed his insides, and for a moment the blinding, selfish fury that he had allowed to swallow him whole ignited within him, the stench of blood still strong as welded iron. The ugly scar at his stomach pulsated, a permanent reminder of his fatal transition that night, a link between his past and present, of what he was and had now become.

Sanzo-san was calling out his name, distant at first but grew distinct as he forced himself to focus. The blonde monk wore a questioning frown, but did not press on. But he was not blind to the brief flash of apprehension that crossed those violet eyes. Sanzo-san had every right to be wary though, being the eyes of Sanbutsushin. He smiled then, assuring the monk he was just lost in mundane thoughts, though perhaps Sanzo-san knew the obvious.

They headed out of the restaurant, and spotted Gojyo and Goku by one of the game stalls. Sanzo-san muttered a curse under his breath as he headed towards an isolated shaded area. He followed the blonde, chuckling, but slightly disconcerted that it had come out almost naturally. Of course, he had laughed before in the past – Kanan had been the first one to make him smile. Then the smile had evolved into a polite chuckle, and thereafter into a hearty laugh.

Kanan…

His heart clenched tightly and his scar throbbed again.

Someone bumped into him then. He looked up quickly, and his features instinctively tightened. It was a young man, healthy and tanned, with bright blue eyes and full lips which moved to offer a quick apology. He nodded as a way of accepting the apology, but the young man had already walked away in rapid strides.

"Rude punk."

He turned to face the monk, who was watching him closely. His smile widened with practiced ease. "Ah, he's probably in a hurry."

Sanzo-san snorted, derision clear. "Who are you trying to fool?"

He pretended not to understand. "What do you mean, Sanzo-san?"

The monk did not answer immediately, reaching into his sleeve and drawing out a pack of cigarettes—Marlboro Reds seemed to be his favorite brand—and a silver lighter. He lit a stick and took his time inhaling the subtle poison. Finally Sanzo-san made a show of sighing heavily, and flicked the crumbling ashes to the ground carelessly. The ashes fell in delicate trails, like snow, only grey and dirtied.

"Quit the good-guy act. I'm not blind yet. First it was the waitress, then that punk just now." And Sanzo-san offered no further explanations.

He looked away from the accusing violet eyes, overcame by a sudden shame though he knew it was ridiculous to feel so. The waitress Sanzo-san mentioned came to his mind, long blue hair in a thick braid with warm brown eyes. Gojyo had flirted shamelessly with her while Goku had her divulged what was good on the menu and occasionally recalling her for helpings. Sanzo had remained aloof the whole time. He, on the other hand, had tensed whenever she was near, looking down to shield his features—and contempt.

"I still find it surprising that you chose to live with that redhead. That garbage day issue is just crap!"

Smile, the nerves transmitted. Sanzo-san let out a terse 'chh'. But he could not blame the monk. Why the redhead indeed?

Gojyo. Hair and eyes the color of blood, his visual admonition, one he realized he could not get away from. He may not believe in kami-sama, but he knew Fate was irrefutable. It was no coincidence that he was found by Gojyo—Gojyo who was a walking testament of the terrible sins he had committed.

Gojyo the half-breed. Within him, dwelled two entities. Human and youkai, unable to identify himself with either one.

Just like him now.

"I honestly don't know, Sanzo-san," he offered softly, observing the monk, this man who had vouched for him before the Sanbutsushin. He wondered why Sanzo-san had done so, when clearly he was a man who did not wish to be implicated.

"Well, seems to me you're trying to repay a debt."

Debt. For being saved. He cocked his head to one side, smiling widely. "By being a housekeeper?" he questioned, amused.

Sanzo-san shrugged carelessly. He chuckled easily as his gaze strayed to the sky then, watching the drifting clouds. "I have another debt to repay off too, it seems," he said almost absent-mindedly.

"I don't need anything. Don't bother imposing it upon yourself."

Somehow, the rejection stung. His eyes swiveled back to the blonde, taking in the frowning countenance. They stood staring at each other. With his striking golden hair, Sanzo-san reminded him of the sun that shone brightly above them. The blonde's quick temper and aversion to company further epitomized him as the fiery star. Yet, Man has always been drawn to the sun since ancient times, since Man cannot live without it. The light that burns is livelihood, and to denounce it will mean death.

The proud sun needs nothing. He shook his head at the thought, realizing just how trivial he was. But like it or not, I am dependent on this light, for all my life.

"You're right. The debt of living is more priceless than the debt of life. There is no way I could ever repay you, except perhaps with my own life."

Sanzo-san's face was dark with sudden anger. "I don't need anyone protecting me!"

He started, but not because of the blonde's anger. There was a harsh story behind that outburst, he was sure, and that was what startled him. Could it be that this man's past was as painfully red as his? Perhaps Sanzo-san had lost someone dear as well. The grief of losing someone can never really be overcome, often lingering as a faint stench or, if persisted, choking as if caught in a thick miasma. Sanzo-san's words seemed to carry the impact of the latter.

"I am sorry."

Sanzo-san glared at the apology given. He kept his features carefully blank, hiding his inadvertent pleasure at the unexpected common ground he had with the man before him. Strangely, he felt like a drowning man who had gained a piece of wood to keep afloat.

"I don't need anything," the monk repeated slowly, apparently calming down now.

He nodded. "I understand."

Goku's cheerful yell pierced the air then, dragging his attention away. He offered a genial smile to the approaching boy who had an armful of packet foodstuff. Gojyo, who had a cigarette hanging lazily from his lips, was eyeing him thoughtfully. He merely echoed the same smile he had given Goku.

"Look, Sanzo!" exclaimed the boy. "I won so much! Gojyo here was lousy, so he didn't win anything."

"I was more interested in getting a date with that sweet stall-lady than winning," the redhead drawled.

Goku made a face. "I wonder why she agrees to go out with a perverted cockroach!"

Gojyo delivered a blow at the boy's head. "Shut up, stupid monkey!"

"Don't call me monkey! You have stupid-looking feelers like a cockroach and…"

While the two argued, he turned to face the blonde who was amazingly quiet throughout. "They really do get along very well."

"I'm going back to the temple," Sanzo-san said tersely and without another word, he walked away.

Goku, upon seeing the monk leaving, stopped yelling at the redhead. "Sanzo?"

He patted the boy on the shoulder. "He's going back to the temple."

"Oh." Goku pouted then. "Well, I better get going then. I guess I will see you tomorrow, Hakkai?"

His smile froze for an instant at the careless way the boy had called him. Hakkai. That's right. My new name. I was kept alive as Cho Gonou but now allowed to live as Cho Hakkai. It will take a while to get used to this new name. "Aa, we'll come by again."

Goku gave a wide smile and ran after the blonde, but turned around and quickly stuck out his tongue at Gojyo. "See you later, perverted cockroach!"

"Don't choke on your food, stupid monkey!" hollered the redhead, chuckling. Then he turned serious, inhaling his cigarette leisurely. "What did the stinking monk and you talk about?"

He laughed politely. "Ah, nothing serious."

Gojyo gave him a look that said he did not believe it. But instead of saying it out loud, he looked away and whistling softly, remarked, "That monk has a nice ass!"

He followed the redhead's line of gaze, but what he had in mind was their conversation. So Sanzo-san was someone who did not want—need—protection. It also implicitly meant that the monk wished not to protect as well. It doesn't matter. This is Tougenkyou, after all, where supposed peace coexists between human and youkai. Only an unfortunate handful of us would have their hands tainted with blood. But a debt is still a debt, and it will be repaid, somehow.

"You say something, Hakkai?"

He turned to look at his housemate. Come to think of it, Sanzo-san has not called me by my new name yet. He smiled then. "You're right. Sanzo-san has a nice back view indeed."

-:- owari -:-