|Animal Crossing Spoof
Author: sinister laugh PM
Chapter 10. Its Black Friday, Lyle tries to sell Oliver Armageddon insurance, Jerry Seinfeld waits in line 9 hours for good prices on skittles, Eloise eats the pizza man, Oliver has a Cat Thanks Giving, a cranky old man sells Oliver a puppet and much moreRated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 10 - Words: 28,965 - Reviews: 48 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 12-24-07 - Published: 07-12-05 - id: 2482141
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
(AN: I do not own any of the characters except Oliver. But, other characters of mine might be introduced later on in the story. ENJOY!)
In our spoof, of Animal Crossing, our main character is Oliver. He is not an animal, he's a human instead. And he moved to the town Doodaloo (AN: my town…). He thought that moving to a town like Doodaloo would help him to escape reality. He's a dreamer and always got in trouble for daydreaming back in his old country (AN: Romania). Like the time when he got in trouble for driving a bus and started to daydream while he was driving and…well, lets just say now he's on the lamb…when he moved to this "magical" place were animals walked and talked there'd be no more daydreaming because he wouldn't be bored with every day life anymore…boy was he wrong heh heh…
We start out our story on the nonstop train to Doodaloo. Oliver fell asleep about two minuets after he got on. (AN: Hitchhiking all the way from Romania to some place in the middle of no were to catch a mysterious train to a place he never heard of until he read a travel brochure at the train station is very tiring.) While he sits in his chair snoring, an annoying cat named Rodger comes out of the laboratory on the train and decides to throw peanuts into Oliver's mouth while he slept.
"Hee hee", Rodger looks around quickly before he throws another peanut into Oliver's mouth which causes Rodger to wake up and choke.
"CAHCCCHCKCKCCAC ACACKCKCAFFACAC!" Oliver starts to wave his hands around wildly.
"OH MY GOSH! Nee deep! HES CHOKING!" Rodger, thinking that he's helping Oliver throws a glass of water in Olivers face. BREEETHE! LIIIIIIVE AGAIN! Rodger starts to shake Olivers face.
Oliver swallows the peanuts, and then shoves Rodger off. "WHAT THE HELL? YOU GOT A PROBLEM BUDDY?"
"Wow gee golly I sure am glad you're alive, did you like your peanuts? I thought you'd be hungry. Were you from? WOW! YOU'RE HEADS HUGE! Why does it smell like butt in here? Were do you- Oliver grabs Rodger's throat and starts to choke him.
"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR!" He continues to choke Rodger until Rodgers face turns red and let's go.
"THAT WAS COOL! My face turned red because you were choking me and I was waving my hands around and you didn't stop for a long time and-
"Ok, just shut up"
"Alright you got it buddy" Rodger gets shifty eyes "so…were you going?"
Oliver stares at the window "Doodaloo"
"Doodaloo huh? Well I've been there so many times, great place, my kind of town."
"Why are you talking to me after you choked me?"
"Well, I am just trying to be nice, your gonna be one of the firsts humans to live in Doodaloo. I have to warn you though, strange things happen in that town."
Oliver than thought to himself "not as strange as you, you fat freak…" the train suddenly came to a stop.
"GET OFF THE FREAKIN TRAIN" the monkey screamed. Oliver quickly dashed off the train as Rodger began talking again. He turns around and saw the train leaving, as Roger was chatting away… to no one… Oliver slowly gazes at his surrounding as he walks down the steps, suddenly bumping into Tom Nook.
"What the heck was that for?" the Raccoon shouted.
"I'm sorry sir I didn't-
"LISTEN UP! Do you know who you bumped into? HUH? DO YOU?"
"Well no I just arrived-
"THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT!" Two other raccoons step out from behind Tom Nook carrying Tommy guns. "Ever heard of the "Nooks" ya little sucker?"
"N-no, no sir I haven't"
"That's what I thought…stupid kid. TEL YA WHAT? Let's get a little thing straight." The other raccoons cock their machine guns. "No one touches the nook, last time some one poked me, they ended up swimming at the bottom of Big Bear Lake wearing cement shoes, that's their statue over there!
Oliver looks to the left and people are laying flowers next to a statue of Tortimor.
Tom nook gets in Olivers face, "HUH? WELL, DO YA!"
"Ok-ok-ok I get it!"
Tom nook sees Copper come around the corner and starts to act civilized. "Any ways sir, you can buy one of these small low income houses for a very cheap price!" Tom Nooks goons push Oliver to the square of empty houses that are all empty for some reason (AN: wonder why? (Hee hee) "Would you like to look inside?"
Copper starts to stare at them, and one of Tom Nooks goons say to Oliver, "Do it, do it!"
Oliver slowly and nervously nods and opens the door. Inside he sees that the flooring is cobble stone with many cracks, spider webs everywhere, an old radio with missing buttons and a missing antenna, and half alive cockroaches, who even could barley, stand to live in the filth. Oliver then turns around with a sick look on his face and Tom Nooks goons then rapidly nod their heads.
"I like… ugh it" Oliver choked
"Excellent! You may have it for 20,000 bells! Now give me the money!"
"I um… well I don't really have any bells"
"Well ya can work it off; your payment is 1000 bells a month. If you're late on your payment, ill send the Raccoon goons after you LOL!" …he looks around then whispers "seriously"
Oliver then nods as Tom and his goons walk away to their store. He then slowly follows, looking at his surroundings as he walks. He sees many animals looking through the bushes… giggling… and gawking… and staring… freaks…
Tom peeks out of the window and sees Copper is gone, he then screams at Oliver.
"YO! LOSER! GET YOUR BUTT IN HERE!" he shouted. Oliver then quickened his passé and hurried inside. As he walks inside, he looks at the dozens of raccoons inside the store called "Nooks Cranny". Everywhere inside he sees items like furniture, flowers, and more junk that Oliver thinks were stolen from people. It smells like Pasta everywhere in the store and the smell starts to make Oliver hungry.
"First… I want you to plant flowers AROUND THIS FREAKIN DUMP! YOUR GONNA DO IT! AND YOUR GONNA DO IT RIGHT YOU UNDERSTAND? DO YOU HEAR ME?"
"Yes sir." Oliver grabs the flowers and heads outside. He begins to mumble to himself. "Ill show you plant flowers you ugly freak. Freaking son-of-a-gun" he then begins to throw the pots on the roof, which makes the idiot raccoons inside, think that their under attack. A loud siren goes off and Tom slams the door shut. "…morons" Oliver muttered.
A raccoon goon sticks his head out of the window and screams, "GINO! IT'S THE BERTOLIES!" a flower pot lands on his head, "THEY GOT FLOWERS!" all of them put up the bullet proof window covers and go in hiding while Oliver continues to laugh until he felt like passing out. After an hour Tom Nook opens the door and expects to see Oliver pumped full of…gardening tools but sees him alive.
"KID! HOWD YOU SURVIVE?"
"Survive? …I talked to the… people and told em to leave you alone!"
"Wow!" … "I guess I underestimated your capabilities kid." Tell you what, ill let you have your house upgraded to the fullest extent, and furnish it with you only paying 10,000 bells, if you help out our business?"
"Well ok, what do I have to do?"
"Little chores like delivering crap were too busy taking care of other business"…
"Yeah ok, sounds good to me…"
All the raccoons get into a limousine before Tom Nook turns around and says, "Oh yeah, and run the business completely, bye!" Then the limo speeds off.
"Wow, what a moron!" says a voice from behind Oliver. Oliver turns around and sees Stinky the cat.
"Who are you?" Oliver pondered.
"Stinky! What about you?"
"er-Im Oliver. Nice to meet you… Stinky" Oliver stared at the colored underwear on Stinky's head. "Why do you have underwear on your head?"
Stinky begins to laugh hysterically, "THIS AINT UNDERWEAR! It's a wrestling mask!"
"Wrestling mask? You Wrestle?"
"Why YES! Would you like to see?" Stinky grinned widely as two other cats came out of the bushes. Kiki and Kitty.
"Uhh well sure!" Stinky then tackled Oliver and started pinning him down. Oliver started screaming in pain, and squirming to get away.
"I'm really not that good at this, I'm still learning!"
"STILL LEARNING? GET OFF OF ME YOU DANG CAT!" The two other cats giggled and stared at Stinky and Oliver. "YOUR GONNA BREAK MY BACK GET OFF ME STUPID!"
Stinky gets off and backs away. "Pretty swell huh?"
Oliver lies on the ground in pain. "Oh yeah… swell… sure" He then gets up and dusts himself off.
"Hey Oliver, how about you go with me and say hi to the other animals in the town? Ill help you get acquainted!"
"Sounds like a plan" Oliver panted.
"Well first off this is Kitty, and Kiki."
"Hi, I'm Oliver."
Kitty stiffly looks over at him and says "…Hi…"
Kiki widely smiles and gives Oliver a tiny wave. "Hello"
Oliver scoots over to Stinky and whispers "What's her problem?"
"I don't know, HEY KITTY! OLIVER WANTS TO KNOW WHAT THE HELLS YOUR PROBLEM?
Stinky leans over to Oliver and whispers "I think she likes you!"
Oliver gets shifty eyes and backs up two inches. "…Okay."
Stinky drags Oliver through the town and shows him the rest of the animals to Oliver. "This is Eloise the Elephant, that's Peanut the squirrel, and this is Hugh the Pig! Heh heh."
"Ah, good evening" Oliver smiled.
They all stare at him like trains are flying around his head then continue to do what they were doing before.
"So, how do you like your neighbors?"
"They are unfriendly… just the way I like it!"
"Well you just need to talk to them, oh yeah, I forgot to mention, if you do chores for them, you can get great rewards!"
"Why the hell would I want to do that?"
Hugh walks up to stinky and says "Do you got my shoes that peanut borrowed?
"Yup!" stinky hands the shoes to Hugh and Hugh hands stinky a check for 1,000,000 bells. "That's why!" Stinky kisses the check.
"Holy- Oliver then gets hit with a rock. "…who threw that?" Oliver turned around and saw two little eyes staring at him… along with giggling. "Who is in those bushes?"
Stinky leans over to Oliver "kitty"
"KITTY? WHY WOULD SHE THROW A ROCK AT ME?"
"NO SHE DOESN'T! AND ILL PROOVE IT!" Oliver runs over to the bush and grabs them by the shirt, pulling them out quickly. "WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?" Oliver then realizes it was Kitty in the bushes… and his eye pupils get real tiny.
Kitty stares at him and swallows her spit "…mrowwer?"
"MROWWER? WHAT?" Oliver drops kitty on the ground. "You're not making sense!"
Kitty gets embarrassed, climbs up a tree and eats a bird, then runs off into the forest.
"I don't get it at all…" Oliver still had tiny pupils.
Stinky is building a mansion, "Me neither! ...my workers all quit, and I don't try to hire more…" he continues to hammer.
"Do you think I can stay at your house or maybe someone else's house tonight? MY HOUSE SUCKS!"
"Well how bout you stay at Hugh's house?"
"…Hugh is a weirdo…"
"He isn't that bad! ...ok you can stay with me as soon as I finish building my house, go work until I am done."
Oliver runs off to Eloise's house. "YO! ELO-FREAK! GIMMIE SOMETHING TO DO" Oliver shouted and threw a rock, smashing her window.
"Heh, yeah ill give ya something to do…" Eloise looked around quickly. "Go get my video from… Kitty"
"Oh hell no-
"If you do, ill give you 1,000,000 bells! I love that video, no one else will get it and you're my last hope… please….?"
"1,000,000 bells? You got it" Oliver then dashed down the road.
Eloise whispers "cerher…sucker"
Oliver soon arrives at Kitty's house
Kitty stares at Oliver "HI OLIVER! HOW YOU DOING?"
"I am ok, listen Eloise wants her video tape back… Do you have it?"
Kitty smiles, actually I lent it to Peanut!
"Erm I guess ill go get it then, thanks anyways!"
He runs to peanuts house to see Peanut throwing bologna at her own house for some reason.
"Peanut… I need Eloise's video tape back!"
"Well, actually I gave it to Hugh, while you're over there; tell him I want my snot rag and my underwear back."
Oliver sighed and ran to Hugh's house.
"Hugh… please tell me you have Eloise's video tape!"
"Actually, I gave it back to Kitty like… three minuets ago, said she needed it. Oh and here is peanuts underwear,(he takes them off) ask her if I can keep the snot rag for me."
Oliver freaked and tossed the panties away from him. He then walked slowly to kitty's house… knowing… something… is going to happen.
"OH hi Oliver!" kitty waves at Oliver
"Hi Kitty, I understand that you have the video tape?"
Kitty smiles widely "Why YES I DO!"
"Can (clears throat) I have it back please?"
Kitty holds it out, "sure but first can you" – Oliver snatches it and runs. "Paint my roof?"
"OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD" Oliver screams and runs to Eloise's house. "HERE! HERES YOUR FRINKEN TAPE! TAKE IT!"
Eloise takes the video and hands over Oliver the money. Oliver runs back to Stinky's house.
"Stinky! Please tell me you're almost done with the freaking house!"
Stinky wipes his sweat away. "Yup, I built this kind of fast, so it's not too impressive" Stinky shows Oliver a two story estate. "heh? Heh?"
Oliver looked it up and down, thinking what a piece of junk it was, yet he just nodded and agreed. He quickly went into the house and saw almost the whole neighborhood, playing cards and gossiping.
"WHY ARE THEY IN HERE?"
"It's poker night!" Stinky pats Oliver on the back. "We don't know how to play, but we like to try!"
Hugh turns to stinky and starts to freak out. "I THOUGHT YOU SAID THERED BE SNACKS!"
"There…in…the…aww nuts…" Stinky quickly ran to the phone and ordered Dominoes.
Oliver looked around at everyone, while they stared directly at him. Someone then shouted "You gonna gossip or play?"
"I think I'll go to my room" Oliver slowly murmured with a nervous look. He walked carefully down the hallway and into a random room.
Stinky turns around quickly when Oliver steps into the room. "WOAH! Heh heh wrong room"
"What? Wait oh ok sorry"
The next room has a plaque on the door that says in bold letters: OLIVER'S ROOM.
"Hey oh I see, you dedicated this… plaque card to me!"
"No you idiot that room is yours!"
Oliver backed up into the room and slammed the door. Not too long falling asleep to a song called K.K. indigestion. (AN: can you imagine what that sounds like?) He woke up about ten minutes later, hearing a noise from outside. He stood up and saw a pair of eyes peeping in the window.
Tom nook almost falls off his ladder and says shh to Oliver. "What the hell are you screaming for? I haven't even seen you dress yet!"
Stinky sticks his head out of the other window and looks at Tom Nook. … "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING FAGGOT!"
Tom Nook quickly slides down the ladder and runs into the forest, not too long later Kitty steals the ladder he left behind and bides her time in the bushes. Oliver opens the window and sticks his head out. Looking over at Stinky, he asks if Tom Nook is a registered… well… "Predator." Stinky shrugs and goes back to bed, and so does Oliver.