The Debris

She looked at the sickbay ceiling with bleary eyes. When did she get there? How did she get there? The last thing she remembered was Tom Paris holding her…on a Borg ship. The Borg Queen…oh her head. She tried to move, but even not being under restraints, she found she couldn't.

"Neelix was right," she whispered, "This ceiling is hideous."

She heard a sad chuckle beside her, and The Doctor put his photonic hand on hers. "I…I don't know how I'm going to tell you this…"

"I'll put it bluntly for you," she said, her voice fading quietly, her eyes not focusing on anything, "I'm going to die."

The HoloDoc paused ever so briefly, which gave her knowledge that her intuition was right. She closed her eyes, and swallowed slowly. "Well, Doctor?"

"You've suffered major damage to some of your major organs. It's not repairable – at least by today's standards," he said with a tone of vulnerability in his voice. "One of your lungs has atrophied. I tried to put a holographic lung in – to get you breathing normally, but your body wouldn't accept it. Your neural energy is fading; you have multiple lacerations in your brain, and as fast as I could repair one, 3 more would spring."

She exhaled, and grasped the EMH's hand firmly. "It's alright, Doctor. Do you want me to reprimand you for being…human?"

The Doctor faltered slightly, "Human, captain?"

"I've escaped considerable peril in the past, thanks to you. You've saved everyone on this ship countless times. You're as human as any one of us. Just don't…" she said, trailing off, and blinking.

Her mind was racing. So many things. She'd never get home, she'd never marry…she'd never be able to profess her love, and she'd never actually meet those who she wanted to. But it didn't matter. She was with her own family now. Seven years. Seven long years. Some of the hardest, and some of the best times of her life.

"I'm a doctor, Mr Chakotay, not a miracle worker," she heard the Doctor swipe out of the corner of her ear. She heard some angry muttering – Chakotay – in response.

She tried to tilt her head, but she found an excruciating pain shooting up her neck. She groaned, her mind trying to will her body to move. It won. Painfully, she swung her head to the left, not worrying about her hair sticking to her face. She saw the outline of Chakotay standing beside her, looking at her gravely. She especially noticed the temporary piece of flesh over the right side of his face – where the Doctor must have taken the implants out.

"Captain…"

"Don't speak, Chakotay," she said in her normal voice. She tried to hide the painfully obvious fact that it was taking a lot of energy to speak. "I need you to bring the senior staff here. And that's an order."

She saw Chakotay stiffen – she knew that stance. He was going to defy her. She did the best to lift her upper body against the searing pain. "An order."

Chakotay turned around and immediately went out the door. She tasted blood in her mouth, and she knew that when the blood was in her mouth, it flowed freely from exit wounds inside her. She sighed as the Doctor took a medical tricorder to her figure.

"And in that book, which is my memory…" she said, quietly. The Doctor stopped his scans, and looked at her. "On the first page of the chapter…that is the day when I first met you, appear the words…

"Here begins…a new life," the EMH said with her.

She smiled weakly at him, "Where did you learn that?"

The Doctor only smiled, "That time when you were helping me cope with…" he drifted off into an awkward silence, "you said you were reading poetry."

She looked back at the ceiling, reminiscing. The Doctor was just granted access to memories of a bad time in his life, where he had to choose one patient over another, and almost had a system crash. Instead of deleting the memories again, she let him live with it. He was placed under 24-hour vigil by the crew; she spent most of the time with him. She got sick because of it, and that was when he made her go. He didn't want to commit anymore suffering to anyone.

"La Vita Neuova," she said, subconsciously.

"You left the book on the stool, and I began to read it…" he trailed off.

Silence overtook the pair of them. The only sound was the buzzing of the HoloDoc's Tricorder. She began coughing a deep cough. Blood was emitted through her mouth. It rose into the air, and dropped, splattering over her neck.

"Well, that's nice," she muttered, dryly.

"There's always a first time for said captain to want to be in Sickbay," another voice came, almost as dryly; Tom came into the room, followed by the other senior officers. B'Elanna, Harry, Seven, Neelix, Tuvok, and Chakotay.

With more mental strength than physical, she pulled herself up. She focused her eyes, and regarded her senior officers with a respect that had always been there. She didn't know the outer extent of her condition, but she did know her face was bruised, her eyes had to be dilated, and god, did her head hurt!

"Nice to see you still have your wit, Mr Paris," she said, trying to clear her mind. "Status…of the Borg ships?"

"The two cubes have been destroyed," Chakotay replied quietly, "and so has Opticar. You did it, captain."

"Destroying the Borg ship would have meant nothing if you were still on it," she whispered, audible to only herself. "And the Queen?" she asked, more loudly.

"She managed to elude the destruction of her vessels," Tuvok replied emotionlessly, although his brows knitted together at Janeway's condition.

She cursed to herself, something she hardly did, and turned her head. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the other senior officers grouping together, just like children, for an inspection. Closing her eyes, she began to breath more deeply, attempting to ignore the taste of blood – which she never cared for throughout all these years. She had made something, if not a moral victory for herself. And if it would be her last one, then so be it.

She felt the blood rushing into her eyes. Oh yeah, it was definitely bad, she thought to herself. She held back her tears. It wasn't especially optimistic to grieve for herself when she was seen as strong. Her mind slowed down for once. It wasn't screaming at her, or it wasn't trying to churn out the multiple answers to a problem. There was only one answer to this problem, and it definitely wasn't difficult to figure out.

Without her mind having to pump out situation after situation, she drifted in and out of consciousness. It wasn't until the Doctor slid a hypospray into her neck that she fully woke up. And she knew the last thing she had to do.

"What…"

"I just gave you a painkiller, so don't worry if you go numb," he replied, shortly.

"Doctor…you've evolved beyond your programming. And for that, you're a better doctor than anyone else I've met. I…just wish that I was able to call you by a name, and not just Doctor."

She coughed, more blood and bile coming from her throat.

"B'Elanna," she continued, "You're one of the most gifted engineers I've seen…your daughter better be just as good. Tom," she added, throwing her "gaze" to Paris, "don't let your kid rebel too much, or else, you'll have a younger version of you on the loose. That's not the best thing in the world."

"Neelix, you've upped the crew's spirits for years. You've always had something supportive to say to me too. I only…wish Kes was here, too," she whispered, "and Seven, humanity is all about sacrifices that you want to make for those you care about. Never forget that."

She stopped, the silence of sickbay getting into her head. She attempted to frown, "Harry, you're going to get home. And I'm confident that you'll find a way. You can quote me on that one."

Knowing whom she still had to address, she forced her elbows underneath her, and pushed herself up on those. She heard her back snap, but there was no pain. No pain, anymore. Propped up on her elbows, she managed a pretty clear look at the group. She even saw Harry turn away, his eyes not believing what he was seeing.

"Tuvok, my most trusted man. It took years for our friendship to form, and I…just want you to know, I will never betray that. No matter what happens. Twelve years is too much to throw away. I still owe you that three level chess match too," she quietly added as an afterthought.

Her mind went from the group to the one she had not addressed. Her mind shattered into 1000 pieces, knowing that this was the end. As captain and commander, they had been through a lot. As Janeway and Chakotay, not so much. Ever since the first year, she had felt love for Chakotay, and nobody knew. They all expected her to be merciless, and ruthless as captain. But she grew to be so much more, and yet, she still never claimed what in effect, plagued her mind. She had told herself that she would do it the next day, the next week, the next time she saw him, but she never did. Nerves? Fear? She didn't know, but she despised herself for it now.

"Chakotay…you'll find a way to get by," she murmured, struggling with both her mind and her physical energy. Collapsing down, her eyes were fixed back on the ceiling, "You'll find a way. Sometimes…there were moments where I felt you were more of a captain than I was."

Chakotay made a movement forward, the new skin on his face stretching to its limits. But a hand put out by Paris stopped him. They took a long look at each other, before Chakotay resettled his eyes on Janeway, who was fading fast. She shot a look at Paris, who faultered for only a moment, (yes, her glare was amazing, even during near-death) but Chakotay broke by his arm, and leaned over her.

"You promised me that you wouldn't die," he said quietly, gazing at her intently, "Even if it was in a time loop inside your own mind, you said you promised me, and that you would always keep it."

"Some…things…Some things you can't keep, Chakotay." She murmured, shaking her head slightly. "I wish I could. I wish I told you before now. I wish I hadn't waited…"

"You don't have to say anything," he said sadly. "I knew you felt it too, but you couldn't. Not without putting this crew at risk. It…"

"Silence," she said quietly, offering a small smile, "Well, now that we have that out of the way…"

"But we don't." Chakotay protested, the way he normally did.

He leaned forward and brushed his lips against hers. It was only for a moment, but during that brief second, she had realized that maybe everything was all worthwhile. She lost herself for a moment, but came crashing back to reality when he backed up a step.

She wouldn't die now. She couldn't. Dammit, for seven years she had been at the reigns of this ship. It was her ship. These were her children.

Seeing the faces of the senior officers brought a smile to her face, and tears to her eyes. She closed her eyes, and took one more inhale.

"This…is my requiem. You…are my children," she managed to get out, "And…I…"

Her voice stopped short, and her muscles released the tension stored in them. Chakotay put his hands on the Bio-bed to steady himself and lowered his head. B'Elanna grasped helplessly onto Tom, who, almost as helplessly, put his arm around her shoulders. Harry, who had just turned back, turned away again, wiping his eyes. Seven stared at her, unashamedly letting tears course down her face. Neelix had his hands over his eyes, breathing erratically. Even the Doctor was distraught, leaning his head on the wall, his eyes closed in an expression of loss. Tuvok stood behind the others, his eyes displaying the emotions he was trained for many years to suppress.

It wasn't until tears began to drop from Chakotay's eyes, did they all truly understand the seriousness of it.

It was this silent moment where the truth of her life was defined.

Her name was Kathryn Janeway. And she was captain of the USS Voyager.

And this? This was her children's requiem.