|Super Shiny Extra Fine Bishounen Shampoo
Author: Silver Sniper PM
Atobe's worst nightmare comes true when he realizes he has no more of his beloved shampoo. Of course, he can't stand waiting three days for the delivery, so he decides to go around to try and borrow some. Bad idea.Rated: Fiction K - English - Humor/Parody - Atobe K. - Words: 3,148 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 55 - Follows: 5 - Published: 07-16-05 - Status: Complete - id: 2487671
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Prince of Tennis or whatever is © Konomi
Note that Atobe will possibly be out of character and a bit overdramatic in this.
Super Shiny Extra Fine Bishounen Shampoo
"What do you mean there's no more Super Shiny Extra Fine Bishounen Shampoo left?" Atobe screamed.
"I'm very sorry, young master Keigo, but it seems that the shipment won't be here until the day after tomorrow," the frightened servant answered. Atobe fumed. Useless people.
Naturally, Atobe couldn't wait two days until he can wash his hair again. I mean, to him, it was just suicide. Tossing on some clothes and checking the time, (five-thirty, for whether we know it or not, Atobe wakes up really early) Atobe decided that there must be someone he knew that used Super Shiny Extra Fine Bishounen Shampoo, so he would just have to find them and ask him if he could borrow some. Yes, that was a brilliant idea! If it weren't so embarrassing. However, Atobe would much rather do that than wash his hair with some other cheapy shampoo that was certainly not suited for his hair's finesse. Yup, that's Atobe to you.
"Eh? Atobe, what are you doing here so early in the morning?" Oshitari greeted him with a look of confusion in his eyes. Then he caught sight of Atobe's hair and gasped.
"Yes, I know, I grieve with you," Atobe said solemnly. "Please, lend me some Super Shiny Extra Fine Bishounen Shampoo so I can rejuvenate my once beautiful hair!"
"Eh…" Yuushi wasn't sure if he should be laughing or sympathizing his captain. "Um, I'm sorry, but I don't have any of that shampoo you need. I only use Tensai Finesse."
Atobe swore and stomped off without saying another word to the confused Yuushi, who just shut the door and went to wash his own hair. Now, who else would have some of his Super Shiny Extra Fine Bishounen Shampoo? Hmm… If Hiyoshi Wakashi were to succeed him as Hyoutei's captain, then it is an absolute must that he uses Super Shiny Extra Fine Bishounen Shampoo! So Atobe decided to pay him a visit. However, it was total surprise to him when…
"What? What do you mean you don't use Super Shiny Extra Fine Bishounen Shampoo! And you expect to be captain next year!"
"I'm sorry, but I only use G-"
"No! That horrible excuse for a shampoo must not be heard by my delicate ears!" Atobe screamed as he ran off in search of somebody who has what he so desperately needs. After much thinking, Atobe concluded that not one of the Hyoutei Regulars used Super Shiny Extra Fine bishounen Shampoo, so he jumped on a train ("How cheap" in his opinion) and…
"Please, Tezuka, let me borrow some of your Super Shiny Extra Fine Bishounen Shampoo!" Atobe cried, throwing away all of his pride and ego for his beloved shampoo.
"I'm sorry, Atobe, I don't use that brand. I wouldn't waiste three hundred dollars on a bottle like you would. Good bye." And with that, Tezuka closed the door and went back to eating breakfast, leaving Atobe shocked that not even Tezuka used Super Shiny Extra Fine Bishounen Shampoo. Oh, the horror!
Next stop? Well, if there was one person besides him that might be able to afford Super Shiny Extra Fine Bishounen Shampoo, it might be…
"Super Shiny Extra Fine Bishounen Shampoo?" Fuji blinked at the pleading boy in front of him. "I tried that once. It blinded all of my opponents because it shined too much, and I ended up having to pay for their hospital bills, so now I only use Super Extravagant Extra Fine Bishounen Shampoo, Tensai/Sadist Brand. Sorry." And with that, Fuji closed the door on a shocked Atobe. So close, Atobe was so close, but nooooo. The guy's hair just couldn't handle the marvelous shine! Atobe swore and went off to find someone else to see if he could borrow from. That's how he somehow ended up in front of Shinji Ibu's house. Atobe didn't know his reasoning, because for all he knew, this guy was just another of those Fudomine cheap guys, I mean, just look at their courts! Oh well, you never know!
"…Who are you? What are you doing in front of my house? Are you some kind of stalker or perhaps a kidnapper trying to kidnap me and hold me for ransom? Well, I don't think that would be logical because no one would really care about it except maybe Kamio and the captain. But I won't let you kidnap me because you look weak, and you seem like you have enough money already because you're wearing fancy clothes. Then why are you here? If you're not here to kidnap me, are you here to ask me to play tennis with you? Yes, you seem familiar. You must be one of those people from Hyoutei. The people there have horrible attitudes, especially their captain. He's-"
Sighing, Atobe decided to walk around some more until he somehow ended up in front of Tachibana's house. Why? Hmm… that is a very good question. So Atobe rang the doorbell.
"Yes?" The face that peered out of the door was definitely not the face of Fudomine's captain. It was one of a girl with hairclips in her hair. Oh well, now that he was here, might as well give it a chance.
"You're Atobe of Hyoutei, right? What are you doing here?"
"Is it something about my brother? He's still sleeping and I'm not waking him up."
"If it's not about him, is it about me? Whatever it is, I'm not-"
"Would you just let me talk?" Atobe demanded. An slowly nodded, but closed the door to a crack so that only one of her eyes could peer out. "I… was wondering if you guys had any Super Shiny Extra Fine Bishounen Shampoo…"
An blinked a couple of times. THE Atobe Keigo at her doorway asking to borrow shampoo? What a laugh!
"Sorry, my brother doesn't use that brand, and I only use Super Shiny Extra Fine Shoujo Shampoo," An told him sarcastically and closing the door, leaving poor Atobe sulking and his hair slowly loosing its shiny-ness due to a lack of shampoo.
"Well, how about those Yamabuki lunatics?" Atobe decided. Heck, why not?
"Oh? THE Atobe begging for shampoo at my doorstep like a commoner? What a great way to begin the day! Lucky!" Sengoku laughed as Atobe fumed at the word 'commoner'. The nerve of that guy! Why, Atobe would have pummled him if not for the fact that he so oh desperately needed his shampoo.
"Well? Do you have it or not?" Atobe asked bitterly. Sengoku shook his head.
"Nope! I only use Super Lucky Shampoo for Orange-Haired Guys," Sengoku replied. Atobe sighed and moved on. Next? Well, Atobe considered asking that really scary guy, but then he concluded it was the really scary guy, he might have used some kind of lame shampoo liked Shampoo For The Scary Guy: Proven to Make You Scary. Well, what about that little kid that was always with him? Hmm…
"A-Atobe desu! Wh-What can I h-help you w-with desu?"
Atobe sighed as he stared down at the little kid who was shaking like crazy at his presence. Must be Atobe's 'brilliance'.
"Do…" Atobe trailed off. Did this kid even count as a bishounen? After a moment of thinking, Atobe decided no. "Never mind." Poor Dan. He stood there for fifteen whole minutes awed by Atobe before he caught a cold, went it, and called everyone he knew to tell them about his experience.
Atobe, however, was starting to get a bit agitated and was beginning to think that no one used Super Shiny Extra Fine Bishounen Shampoo. Such a pity. Hmm… the next school was… Rokkaku.
During the train ride there, Atobe thought about whom he should ask for shampoo. At this point, it seemed pretty hopeless, I mean, in Atobe's mind, those Rokkaku guys must all live in caves seeing they all use wooden rackets. I mean, no one uses wooden rackets these days simply because it just wasn't… Atobe-ish, whatever that proved. Oh well, the point was that Atobe was there and the first person's house he came across just happens to be Saeki's. (Actually, he came across Aoi Kentarou's first, but knowing his reputation, Atobe didn't want him screeching to the whole town that Atobe was stooping down to the level of borrowing shampoo. Oh, the shame of it all!)
"…Atobe?" Saeki asked as he scratched his head in confusion. "Why are you here? Shouldn't you be somewhere bullying some poor helpless little kid?"
Atobe scowled, but decided to push that aside for now. "You wouldn't by any chance have Super Shiny Extra Fine Bishounen Shampoo, would you?"
Saeki blinked once, then Saeki blinked again, and then Saeki laughed.
"Are you kidding me? Fuji's the only other guy I know who can actually afford that stuff. Besides, ever since Fuji decided it was funny to dump a gallon of bleach on my hair and make it white for life, I had to use Those Who's Supposed Best Friend 'Accidentally' Bleached Their Hair For Life Shampoo. Go ask the Kisarazus, because no one else on our team really cares about their hair that much except probably Ryou."
Atobe was about to retort, but in fear of hearing another one of Saeki's childhood stories, which so obviously bored him, Atobe decided to take the guy's advice and go ask the Kisarazus. But really, Those Who's Supposed Best Friend 'Accidentally' Bleached Their Hair For Life Shampoo was the lamest name for shampoo ever. Atobe, who we can all assume is a shampoo expert, didn't even know if this kind of shampoo existed.
Anyhow, here Atobe was, in front of the Kisarazu residence. Well, you never know. Atobe rang the doorbell.
"Yes?" two voices answered him simultaneously. Atobe was a bit stunned, but quickly regained his composure.
"Uh, do you guys have any Super Shiny Extra Fine Bishounen Shampoo?" Atobe asked. The Kisarazu twins sort of gave him a queer look and shook their heads no. Atobe sighed.
"Don't tell me, you guys use some crazy twin shampoo, right?"
"No," Ryou answered.
"We use," Atsushi picked up.
"I Love Being a Bluette Shampoo," the two chorused again. Atobe changed his mind as he walked away. That was the lamest shampoo name ever. I mean, I Love Being a Bluette? That's just plain retarded! It was on the same level as that best friend bleaching shampoo thing, or whatever it was called.
Atobe sighed as he hoped onto another 'disgusting and untamed' train, jumped of at some random stop, and wandered around until he found a bunch of girls squealing and giggling at someone's door. Atobe decided to check out what was going on, because honestly, only he, the great Atobe deserved screaming fans.
"Ladies, ladies! It's so early in the morning, at least let me wash my hair first!" a guy said, yawning. Atobe crept closer, and immediately recognized the guy was from some school called J-something. Atobe was about to ask him if he had any Super Shiny Extra Fine Bishounen Shampoo when he realized that it would be terribly embarrassing in front of all the girls. So Atobe sulked off in search once again.
That is how our currently shampoo-deprived guy ended up at the doorstep of Kajimoto Takahisa. Atobe must have a wonderful sense of memory to remember everyone's names.
"And you are?" Kajimoto asked in question, looking at Atobe with confusion.
"Atobe, captain of the Hyoutei tennis club," Atobe answered bitterly, unhappy that he did not know who he was. I mean, after all, he was THE Atobe, if that proved anything…
"Right," Kajimoto said, not really caring. "What did you want so early in the morning?"
"Would you happen to have any Super Shiny Extra Fine Bishounen Shampoo?" Atobe asked hopefully as Kajimoto shook his head. To him, the guy in front of him was a maniac to be asking to borrow shampoo.
"Nope, sorry. Try that Mizuki guy from St. Rudolph. He may have some along with purple shirts if you're interested," Kajimoto suggested as he turned around and closed the door. Atobe sighed in defeat. He was getting absolutely nowhere with the shampoo thing. After checking his watch, Atobe decided to give it a shot anyhow.
"Super Shiny Extra Fine Bishounen Shampoo?" Mizuki blinked once Atobe told him his epidemic. "I use to use that brand, but not anymore. I absolutely refuse to use anything that my one true eternal rival had once used." Atobe groaned. These people just kept getting weirder and weirder.
On his way out, Atobe spotted two guys talking in the corner, looking as if they were doing homework or something. Atobe immediately recognized one of them as Fuji's younger brother. A thought lit in his head. If his older brother use to use what Atobe is using right now, then maybe his younger brother still uses it. Well, that made absolutely no sense.
"…Atobe?" Yuuta blinked as Atobe approached him and Yanagisawa. "What are you doing here at St. Rudolph?"
Atobe took a deep breath, prayed to a god that he didn't really believed existed, but oh well, and asked, "You wouldn't happen to have any Super Shiny Extra Fine Bishounen Shampoo, would you?"
"Huh? Atobe came all the way here to ask to borrow shampoo da ne? That's funny, da ne! Of course, I can't afford that stuff, da ne…"
"I don't have it either. My brother use to use that, but it literally got everyone blind," Yuuta shrugged as he and his pal went back to scribbling down answers for their homework. Atobe decided it was time for him to leave.
"Why doesn't anyone have what I need?" Atobe hissed as he once again randomly walked around a random neighborhood. Deciding that it was complete wild goose chase, Atobe just went to the nearest house he could find and knocked on it, not even caring if he knew the person or not.
"Well, if it isn't Hyoutei's Atobe," the boy said as he opened the door. Atobe, with his super sharp memory, recognized him as one of the guys from Rikkai, namely Kirihara.
"…You live here?" Atobe asked obliviously as the boy gave a small laugh.
"Well why else would you be here? Unless you decided randomly to just walk up and knock on someone's door?" Atobe decided he didn't like this guy.
"You wouldn't by any random chance have any Super Shiny Extra Fine Bishounen Shampoo, would you?" Atobe said dryly. Kirihara looked as if he was about to laugh, but held it in.
"Hmm… nope!" and with that he slammed the door in Atobe's face. Atobe decided that he really didn't like this guy.
Continuing on his 'randomly knock on any guy's door and demand to know if the had any Super Shiny Extra Fine Bishounen Shampoo' quest, Atobe coincidently just happened to knock upon Sanada's door. Sanada was not pleased.
"What do you want?" he asked blankly as Atobe frowned. His luck was really just not working for him.
"I wanted to know if you had any Super Shiny Extra Fine Bishounen Shampoo," Atobe said smoothly, getting straight to the point as Sanada gave him a queer look.
"No, I don't," Sanada answered. The two glared at each other for a moment or two before once again, the door slammed in Atobe's face.
"This won't do," Atobe mumbled as he picked up a parcel that had obviously been sent to him during the time he was out asking for shampoo. He decided to read the card first:
Atobe, Oshitari and Hiyoshi told us about your shampoo thing. We know it won't come until three days from now, so we went out and bought this for you before you went to all the other schools and ruining Hyoutei's image. (oops)
Hyoutei Regulars and Coach
P.S. You better not have gone around to the other school's regulars asking for shampoo. (double oops)
Atobe gulped, realizing that he had done the complete opposite of what they told him not to do. However, it was quickly cured when he ripped open the parcel to reveal… Super Shiny Extra Fine Bishounen Shampoo! The joy! The happiness! Oh, the wonderful-ness! The… wait…
Atobe knew there was something wrong with this. How could his team have gotten this for him in such a short amount of time. For all he knew, they didn't have any associates to the company or the store.
"The store… why didn't I think of that!" Atobe muttered. (triple oops)