A/Typical

“Sark?”

“Yes, dear?”

“Do you remember how we… came to be?”

“Sydney, now is not the-”

“Do you really want to finish that sentence?”

“-right, er, place, or mood - shouldn’t we have candles? I love you.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“Only with you.”

“I never thought I’d be here. Or with you.”

“Thankyou.”

“Shut up. Although…”

“Yes?”

“Nothing.”

“Sydney…”

“It’s just… you’re different.”

“Different?”

“You’re… no longer the cocky bastard I knew.”

“‘Bastard’ I’ll concede, but cocky?”

“Julian…”

“First naming, I’m either in trouble or about to get lai- ow! Sydney!”

“Really, though, Sark, you’re different. Why?”

“I’m sure it’s either your inherent goodness rubbing off on me, or I never was a ‘cocky bastard’, merely a poor, abused boy working through deep emotional issues.”

“Now you’re just mocking me.”

“Clearly.”

“Julian?”

“Yes, love?”

“Tell me how we ended up here.”

“Well, you see, Sydney, there are these things called aeroplanes and-”

“Sark.”

“All right, it was quite some time ago - before the Alliance fell… Sloane sent us on a number of missions and after one particularly nasty incident in Madrid, you ambushed me in my hotel room.”

“Really?”

“Oh, yes, it was quite desperate.”

“Really?”

“I distinctly remember being slammed against brick wall.”

“Hmm.”

“Yes, and then it went from there.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning that we would complete our missions and proceed back to my hotel room with admirable haste.”

“And that’s how you see it.”

“Yes. Until that night…”

“Yes, tell me about that night.”

“Hmm, you tracked me down to my hotel room and burst into tears.”

“And?”

“And you said that you ‘wanted out’ and that I had to help you. Which I did, as evidence shows.”

“And that’s it?”

“That’s it.”

“That’s your explanation for how we ended up together.”

“Do I have permission to remain silent ormust Iadd to your incredulity?”

“You know what my explanation is?”

“Something convoluted and emotional, no doubt.”

“You are absolutely insufferable – and you’ve even got me talking like you.”

“Indeed. I’m glad someone has been able to permeate your appallingly American grammar.”

“Would you quit mocking me?”

“Darling, I promise you that I will never… cease to mock you.”

“Bastard.”

“You know you love it.”

“You know you love me.”

“Love? I’m just in it for the sex-”

“Shh! The kids might hear you!”

“We have kids?”

“Julian!”

“I apologise, but I wasn’t aware that we had recently purchased multiple baby goats.”

“The children, Sark, the children might hear you.”

“In that case, we should take this somewhere else.”

“Really?”

“Yes. It’s late and you should be resting.”

“Fine, are you coming?”

“Not yet, dear, I need to finish this.”

“Come on, Julian, it’s not that important-”

“I beg your pardon?”

“I said that it’s not important.”

“Yes, I heard you, but I can’t believe you would say such a thing.”

“Sark-”

“I am doing this for us, no, for the children.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yes, who else is going to protect them from… potential trauma?”

“Sark-”

“It’s a dangerous world out there, Sydney, and I would rather that our children would not know it.”

“Julian-”

“I’m sorry, but sacrifices must be made, and if I have to sacrifice my time and effort to protect the children, then I will do it – unlike you. Now, if you’ll just leave, this is an extremely crucial part-”

“Sirius dies.”

“You bitch.”

“Now just put the book down and come to bed.”

“You evil-”

“Shh, Julian, the children are sleeping.”

“I can’t believe that you would-”

“Shh, darling, shh.”

“Why do I put up with you?”

“I never explained.”

“Well then I guess we’ll never know.”