Chapter 4 Prolouge:

Seems like a bitter quarrel. Everything is found by running around and digging through mounds of impersonal things just to find a meaning to a problem that cannot be solved. It's tourment isn't it? Sitting there knowing you can accomplish so much more, and yet you remain living a disgusting life. Examples make it all the more complicated. Silence and tears are all it would take to convince you of my dreams and hopes, and that I truly have aspiration to live up to. Love and lust, the passion felt within those emotions and beyond the not knowing how it feels to act upon each of them. Passion runs deep, emotion is all that is running, logic is irrelavent and pain-staking to comprehend. Just fierce, illustrious, rifidly blunt emotion can control you for those moments when you are alone in the no one is around and then you truly realize that you are there alone and might be there alone forever. (A/N: I thought this analysis was beautiful. Credit to J.D.)

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Chapter 4:

Sango almost had a heart attack by the time I got back to the shrine and when I told her that I can’t remember anything she nearly passed out. It seemed that Kagome somehow knew about the night and already informed Sango on the whole story why I wasn’t home.

“She’s coming over later today to check up on you,” Sango told me referring to Kagome.

“Oh,” I said and then giggled in silliness as my stomached growl in hunger.

“Have you eaten anything today yet?”

“No, I woke up and the driver took me home as soon as I got myself situated. No one was around the house except all of the maids and butlers so I figure to go back home.”

“No surprise, that house is always busy.”

“Yeah, I think I’ll go downstairs to get some lunch.”

“It’s 2 in the afternoon!” Sango yelled from her room as I ran downstairs.

“After lunch then!” I laughed correcting myself.

There wasn’t much in the refrigerator so I decided to cook myself some noodles. I have never considered myself a great chef, but when it comes to making regular home made food I can survive on my own. After pouring the noodles inside a big bowl, I carried it over to the table in the dining area just in time to hear the phone rang.

I let it rang for a couple times but Sango didn’t seem to pick it up so I decided to do her a favor.

-Riiiinng-

“Moshi moshi?”

“Rin?”

A big smile swept across my face when I hear the familiar voice, “Hello daddy!”

“Good afternoon over there, how are you doing?”

“I’m doing great,” I said not wanting my father to know about last night, “how are you and mommy?”

“We’re doing well, in fact,” my father continued, “we’re doing so good that I think we will make it to Tokyo this year visiting you!”

“Really!” I jumped when I heard the news, “why that’s wonderful!”

“Yes, I’m really excited about this and your mother too. She already went out to shop for your Christmas presents,” I could hear my father’s laugh over the phone.

“Oh shoot Christmas presents! I need to get you and mommy something too.”

“No need, we’re just coming over for a couple that’s all.”

“That is no excuse for me not to get you guys something. When are you coming over here?”

“Christmas Eve but we have to head back on the 26th.”

“Oh right after? That’s no fun daddy.”

“Work calling, you know. Rin, I have heard great reports from Inutaisho about you.”

“Oh yeah?” I gulped.

“Yeah, seems like you’re getting really well with your fiancé over there. Maybe even too well in Inutaisho’s word, but either way aren’t you glad that I engaged you to him?”

“Sesshoumaru?” I paused deciding whether to lie or not, “yeah sure…he’s great!”

“Good to hear that from you personally. Hey, I got a couple calls waiting for their order so I will have to call you back or see you during Christmas ok?”

“Ok, I love you daddy.”

“Love you too honey, bye.”

“Toodles,” I hung up the phone and started to scream and jumped in joy.

“Sango! Sango!” I opened the door to Sango’s room only to see Miroku and Sango making out on her bed, “Oh sorry! I’ll come back another time.”

Sango who was blushing couldn’t say anything so Miroku took over for her, “No trouble Rin. You are beyond excited so the news must be good. We would all like you to stay and tell us what you have heard.”

“Ummm well? Maybe another time it’s really ok, really. I’m going to go downstairs to eat my noodles while you two uhh-get back to your ummm-- activity,” I smiled cheerily as I closed Sango’s door behind me and went downstairs to finished my after-lunch.

Got to keep a note on knocking on the door of people’s room more often.

Looking down at the clock on my desk, I yawned in boredom. It was 10 till 5 PM and still neither Miroku nor Sango had come out of their room yet. I still haven’t told Sango that my parents would be coming to town and it’s killing me to suppress such good news. Kagome hasn’t shown up to visit so I figured she must either forgot or just decided not to come because of the rain outside.

I don’t blame her though since she doesn’t have a car and the nearest train station from this shrine was ½ of a mile away. I gawked out to the window that was above my desk looking at the weather outside.

The raid drops hit full force at the glass shield creating musical sounds. The sky had fallen dark because it was winter and the rain helped out somewhat. The snow had begun to melt because of the rainfall. Diminutive holes were forming on snow piles across the city as the rain drops sunk into the soft white blanket.

I felt sad hoping that it was going to be a white Christmas, but with this rainy weather it would be most unlikely. Sesshoumaru was to pick me up in a short while and yet I haven’t even moved an inch on my bed after looking for my dog. Fluffy was no where to be found again and I was beginning to worry. It’s so cold and rainy outside and if the puppy was to get lost, I don’t know what I would do. Pushing myself upward, I sighed softly and walked droopily toward the bathroom.

What on earth is this? I stare at myself in the mirror lifting off my shirt. On my right breast was a little reddish brown blotch. I don’t remember having this. Is it a mosquito bite? No, this is too big to be one. Is it a spider bite? No. I must have bumped into something last night when I was out of it, I probably need to ask Sesshoumaru.

After putting on some decent clothes included of a sweatshirt and jean, I messed around with my hair a little by French braided it into two low pig tails and touch it up with pink ribbons to match my sweatshirt. The bell rang right after I put on my furry boots. I passed Sango room saying I was going to go out and then ran downstairs to greet the guest. Opening the door slowly, I looked up to look at a face that I would at least expect to meet.

“LANDIN!”

“Hey,” the tall boy said with a big smile, “long time no see.”

“Landin!”

“That’s my name,” said Landin still grinning, “don’t look at me as if you see a ghost. Are you going to let me in or leave me out here till I turn into an ice cube?”

I instantly pulled the door wider letting Landin into the living room, “Sorry I thought you were-- I just-- I was expecting someone else. Sorry, when did you get here?”

“A couple days ago, I saw you at the winter fair once but you were with someone so I didn’t want to bother you,” Landin said while examining the place, “nice place.”

“Thanks,” I shrugged while sitting down the sofa, “you saw me a couple days ago?”

“Yeah. You were with some guy so I thought--”

“You saw me at the fair and you didn’t even come by to say hello!” I was in such shock, “I knew I saw you that night. I was going to go after you but I lost where you were going before I could do anything.”

“Chill Rin,” Landin chuckled as he pulled me down to sit by him.

I inhale deeply and let it out slowly. “How did you know where I live?”

“Jennifer told me,” he answered, “don’t you remember that you left your new address home to all of your friends except me?”

“Oh yeah… sorry about that. You were mad at me then so I didn’t know what to do.”

-Ding Dong-

“Oh there’s the door bell again,” I jumped up. Why do you have to come at the most inconveniently time!

“H-hey Sesshoumaru,” I said weakly greeting the emotionless face.

“I see you have visitors,” Sesshoumaru said as he walked freely into the house without my permission. He must have found out from Landin’s car that was parking in the front.

He then eyed the room and then at Landin who was still sitting on the sofa, "or just perhaps one."

“Umm yeah, Sesshoumaru?” I ran over to Landin’s side as he stood up, “I want you to meet Landin Ambrossio, my uhhh--”

“Boyfriend,” Landin finished for me.

Boyfriend! Where did that come from? I thought he said that we’re just friends!

“Ohhk?” I shifted uncomfortably as I jumped over to Sesshoumaru’s side, “and Landin? This is Sesshoumaru Michiyo my--”

“Fiancé,” said Sesshoumaru continuing my introduction.

Ok! I’m not a robot here now am I?

The two men in my life couldn’t be anymore different. Landin with his friendly, talkative, and sweet caring personality while Sesshoumaru filled with unresponsive, mature business like manner. Even their physical appearance differs from head to toe. While Sesshoumaru light eyes and hairs do match with Landin’s blond and blue, the two have completely different taste in fashion. Landin with his navy sweatshirt and khaki baggy pants and Sesshoumaru with his white turtleneck and black jean .

“Nice to meet you Sesshoumaru,” Landin said smiling as he lifted his hand up motioning for a hand shake.

Sesshoumaru said nothing of this as he looked down at Landin’s hand and then up at his face again, his eyes bitter as the ecstasy pill. My rude fiancé then looked down at me, considering that I only reached up to his shoulder.

“Are you coming or not?” asked Sesshoumaru.

He didn’t even shake Landin’s hand! Geesh Sesshoumaru could you be any ruder?

“No Sesshoumaru,” I answered him with a shrug, “I’m sorry but Landin here came all the way from Los Angeles to visit me. I haven’t seen him for a long time and we need time to catch up on my days of missing the American ways of life.”

Sesshoumaru did and say nothing as he gave a soft nod to me and then looked over to Landin. I turned to Landin just in time to see him gave out a startled look.

“Umm Rin, I think you should go with your fiancé over there,” Landin smiled warmly at me, “I can always come by and we could hang out anytime. I’m not going back to the US till after new year.”

“Are you sure?” I asked Landin in great concern as he walked hurriedly toward the door.

“I’m sure, I will just give you a call and we can schedule hanging out time ok?” He gave me a guarantee thumb up before he closed the door behind him.

I stood stunned; I didn’t know what just happened! One minute Landin was so eager to see me and the next he say it was ok for me to go with Sesshoumaru? It was impossible for Landin to back out on a competition and from the look of things he doesn’t seem like Sesshoumaru very much. So why did he leave like he was such in a hurry? It was as if he was scared of something. At that I looked at Sesshoumaru only to see him opening the door for me. Gaving him a warning glare, I walked out into the cold night as he followed shortly behind.

The radio was on when we got into the already heated car and it was on a station with Christmas carols playing. I was surprised to see that Sesshoumaru listened to Christmas songs after hearing that he doesn’t like Christmas very much. Sensing my perplexity the golden boy reasoned with an excuse that Kanna was in the car earlier and she wanted to listen to it. He was about to turn it off but I told him I wanted to listen to it, so he left it on.

We drove in silent for a while before I broke in, “What did you do to Landin?”

“Explanation?”

“He was just fine before you showed up.”

“And you think this is this my doing, how?”

“I don’t know,” I shrugged, “you probably glare at him or something. Like--like what you did at those guys from the party last night.”

“Those guys from the party were cowards, that boy who visited you was just a charlatan.”

“Don’t you dare called Landin a charlatan. He is my friend!”

“He doesn’t come to Tokyo just to visit you as a friend. If he was then why would he say that he was a boyfriend of your?”

“Well he’s a boy, that’s my friend AKA boyfriend, is that so wrong?”

“Do you honestly think that I would fall for that bullshit?” Sesshoumaru's monotone traveled to my ears.

“So what if he was my boyfriend? He would still be my goddamn boyfriend if I wasn’t forced to come over here and marry you,” I confessed.

“Go ahead, date him then.”

“What?”

“You heard.”

“I’m not going to be like you Sesshoumaru. I won’t go out and date random people to just have a good fuck for a while. I will never ever bring myself as low as that. Not in the past, not now, not ever.”

Silent fell through after I blew the fuses off and Sesshoumaru gotten nothing to say, or maybe he just didn’t want to say it. I realized that I had won my first argument with him and suddenly feel better about myself.

“Where are we going?” I asked Sesshoumaru.

“…”

“I said where are we going?”

“…”

“Sesshoumaru, I will literally open your car door and fuck it up so bad that you’ll--”

“Silence, I heard you the first time.”

“Then why won’t you answer me?”

“…”

“Fine! If you’re going to be that way,” I said feeling angry now. Looking around for something, I discovered an umbrella laying on the backseats. I then rolled down the window and open the umbrella up. Its cover flipped backward as the wind fight against it.

“What are you doing?” Sesshoumaru said carelessly eyeing me before his eyes were back on the street again.

“I demand some respects around here and I will get it from you,” I yelled and when I didn’t hear any reply again, I pulled the umbrella so its edges would scratch against the car making screeching noises that could be heard even if a person was deaf.

-SCCCREEEEEECCCHHH!-

The next thing I know, Sesshoumaru had pushed on the break pedal and swirled the car in circles several times around burning up the rubber on the tires. Spinning wildly for just merely four seconds, I felt like I was having a heart attack that might end my lift. The car slowed down to its wild stop after about five times of spinning on its front wheels and stopped perpendicular to the road side. I was glad that I had a seatbelt on or else I would be dead by then. Sitting tight against the chair’s back, I was breathing for air like it was the thin string that connects me to heaven.

“Do you still need to calm that sugar level down?” Sesshoumaru asked me.

“No!” I snapped.

“Because of you do, I could swirl up some more doughnuts,” he said referring to the car spinning in circles.

“No thanks,” I shuddered while looking around.

A couple garage cans were knocked off its stand, a bench was broken and flew into a bush near by, and Sesshoumaru’s car was having bumps and scratches all over. His ride was in the middle of an empty roadway with us being inside it. The burned rubber invades my nostril was making me gag. Sesshoumaru nose twitches a little but I’m guessing that he was trying to hide the discomfort.

“Good,” said Sesshoumaru as he started the engine.

The car jerked a couple times but started to run smoothly after a minute or so and we were once again on the road. I stayed quiet for the rest of the way toward our destination not knowing what to say nor did I want to. Sesshoumaru ended up taking me to a restaurant, with singers on stage in fancy costumes and everything. It was an extravagant place with different cultural designs stationed at different corners in the buildings.

We walked up to the clerk table and a bored looking woman was sitting there talking to a couple that was before us.

The man said sound angry, “How could you not have any more tables left in the VIP room? I made 5000 yen a week and I demand good service from here.”

“Sir,” said the woman in tedium, “I’m sorry but you will need to go and look for another restaurant.”

The couple walked passed us while the man grumbled to the woman that was walking with him.

“Did you make a reservation?” I asked Sesshoumaru.

“No.”

“Then how are we going to get in, didn’t you hear the woman?”

“Yeah.”

“Sesshoumaru--”

“--Sesshoumaru!” said the woman now more excited and full with life, “how are you doing Mr. Michiyo?”

“Decent.”

“It is wonderful to hear and see you again! Tell your stepmother I said hi,” smiled the enthusiastic clerk, “a table for two I see? Why, what a beautiful girl you have with you tonight.”

I smiled knowing what to say and Sesshoumaru nodded as a waiter came out and lead us to a table for two in the VIP section.

I was shocked once again, “I’m confused,” I whispered.

“When you have money,” explained Sesshoumaru, “there is always room available.”

Ohhh, like those movies you see on TV. Who knew it actually happened in real life.

“What will you have tonight?” The waiter asked as he takes out a pad.

“Sex on the beach,” answered Sesshoumaru. He looked at me as if hinting for me to say what I want.

“Ummm ice tea for me please,” I smiled sheepishly.

“Alright and here’s the menu for you. I’ll be back shortly to take the order and with your drink.”

I looked at the food on the table after the waiter had placed them down. My mouth watered as I looked at the steaming pork and chicken. Here and there are decorative salads and bread stuffed with exotic food. Even though I just ate 3 hours ago, my stomach response right away when my eyes spotted food.

Sesshoumaru said nothing but started take a piece of the fried chicken and put them on his plate. Taking the hint, I started to dig in as well. We both ate in silence until the waiter came by again to take away our food and put down the desert course.

“Do you always drink alcohol beverages?” I asked the wordless Sesshoumaru.

“You have a problem with that?”

“No… I was just wondering. It‘s not very healthy for you.”

Sesshoumaru didn’t say anything for a while, “Alcohol doesn’t affect my ‘health’.”

I didn’t know what to say so I decided to zipped it when the waiter came to give us the check. Sesshoumaru, of course, insist to pay though I feel bad since he has been paying for everything whenever I was out with him.

We were back on the road again.

Sesshoumaru‘s drinking problem was beginning to get on my nerve so I decided to go with the book‘s approach consider that I was sure a guy like Sesshoumaru read a lot.

“Researchers reported that alcohol can shorten a person’s life, caused heart problem, and--”

“It won’t happen to me,” Sesshoumaru said shortly.

“How would you know?” I argued back.

“If you see me without the vodka bottle yesterday, would you think that I was drunk?”

“No.”

“You just prove my point.”

“Did you drink all of what was in that bottle?” I asked in astonishment. I would pass out after taking one shot.

Sesshoumaru nodded.

“Sesshoumaru?”

“Hm?”

“About last night,” I shift around uncomfortably for some unknown reasons, “I couldn’t remember very well what happened.”

“Figures?”

“N-nothing happened right? I mean after I passed out on your car, I don’t really recall anything.”

“Continue.”

“Well I want to know what happen.”

One of his eyebrows rose, “What do you want to know?”

“I don’t know! I just want to know if anything that is worth mentioning happened. I mean I woke up this morning nearly naked and-and I have this red mark on my thing--,” I said as my hands brushed over my chest.

Sesshoumaru parked the car in front of a shop downtown. He looked at me while pulling me by the shoulder closer to him as we ran into the big building, which happened to be one of the malls. (A/N: They got to run because it was still raining.)

“Did some guy do something to me last night that I couldn’t remember?”

“No,” replied Sesshoumaru.

“Then why do I feel like something happened?”

“You’re hallucinating.”

“How could I be when there‘s something on my-- nerver mind,” I said in frustration, “Do I sound like a pathetic person right now?”

“No, you always sound pathetic.”

“Sesshoumaru!” I give him an angry look with my lips pouted.

“You want me to lie to you and say you don’t sound desperate?”

“No, but you could at least be nicer to me…and Landin too.”

“I don’t like him.”

“You don’t like him? Or are you jealous of him?” I teased my fiancé while grabbing his shoulder that was nearest to me.

He ears twitched at my question, “Name one good reason why I should be jealous of him.”

I shrugged, “Because I like him better than I like you.”

At this Sesshoumaru pulled away from me as his expression turned colder than its normal coldness.

“Oh I’m just kidding!” I laughed as I grabbed Sesshoumaru’s arm, “yeah you’re jealous of him alright.”

“I am not--”

“Ah say what you want, I know you’re just denying it. Hey let’s go to this shop, it has a lot of neat stuff in here. My mother love crystal figures, I want to get her one for Christmas.”

“Are you going to send them back home?”

“No… Oh I didn’t tell you did I!” I jumped in happiness realizing Sesshoumaru would be the first person to know about my parents coming to Japan, “My parents say that they’re going to visit me during Christmas!”

“…”

“Aren’t you excited?” I asked him in joy but then realized that I was talking to Sesshoumaru, “Never mind, there’s no point telling you about that.”

“…”

I already got used to Sesshoumaru‘s way of silence. “My parents will not like you very much if you keep up that attitude of your. Since I did you a favor to go on a date with you, why don’t you do one for me by being nice for once.”

“…”

“Hey talk to me, what are you looking at? Sesshoumaru where on earth are you going?”

“Don’t follow,” said Sesshoumaru as he left the boutique.

“Why?”

“Do you want to pay the water bill with me?” (A/N: ‘water bill’ is AKA bathroom related business.)

“Oh never mind,” I said as I turned back to look at the crystal display cases.

I end up buying for my mother a dolphin figuring considering that she had always been a fan of sea creatures, and there were no dolphins in her crystal collection yet. For my father, I’ve decided to buy him a watch since he seems to always be late on schedule. I had decided to get something for Kagome then too, so I bought her a bracelet with ’cheer’ saying on the charm.

I then realized that I should Sesshoumaru something for Christmas, and fast before he get back.

“Ummm excuse me?” I asked a clerk near by.

“Yes?” the guy replied back to me.

“Do you have any idea what I should get a guy for Christmas?”

The clerk smiled, “That depends on what kind of person he is.”

“Ummm actually I’m not sure. Sesshoumaru is kind of hard to describe. He‘s quiet, like sports, get good grades--you know what? Never mind I think I‘ll try the gift on my own.”

“Alright, good luck,” the guy nodded as if he understood where I am coming from.

I roamed around the shop looking for something that will just pop out and say ‘Sesshoumaru’ but there was no such luck. I passed the shoe aisles and decided to try my chance there but then I apprehended that I don’t even know my fiancé shoe size. In fact, I don’t really know him at all.

I only know him from what people told me and rumors around school but I actually didn’t know any factual things about him. Sure I spend time with him, however the boy doesn’t open up to me about anything. All I can gather much about him is his personal appearance and his family status, except for his real mother. It made sadden me to think that I don’t know Sesshoumaru all that well. I wonder who he talked to when he was mad or sad, who he confessed his secrets to, who he hang around with at school beside girls, who his best friend is, and who his first love was if he ever fell for someone before.

I was so deep into thought that I didn’t notice that the silver haired boy was back.

“Oh hey, what took you so long?” I asked him.

“There was a long line,” he replied.

“You should’ve stayed longer,” I mumbled. Great! Now how am I going to get his present?

“Let’s leave, are you done with your shopping?”

“Not really, but it’s ok. I’ll just come back another day or something.”

Sesshoumaru right eyebrow rose, “Three more days till Christmas Eve.”

I sighed as I sat down on a bench in the store, “I know. It sucks but I need to think of something fast.”

“The place is closing down pretty soon.”

“Ok,” I sighed again in disappointment and followed Sesshoumaru out the door of the shop.

Sesshoumaru said nothing more until we were in front of the shrine once again.

“I need my jacket back.”

“What jacket?” I asked.

“The letterman one.”

“I don’t have it….do I?” I looked over at the nodding Sesshoumaru, whom look at me as if I was an idiot, “Oh ok, I’ll be right back then. I’ll just run up and get it real quick for you. Is that ok?”

“No.”

“What do you mean ’no’?” I made a face at Sesshoumaru as if he was crazy.

Sesshoumaru opened his door and got out of the car. I did the same without a moment to think.

“You’re coming into the house?” I yelled out between the loud sounds of the water shower.

He said nothing but to walk toward the main building, which is the living area for us and I shrugged lightly as I followed him.

The dreadful weather kept on going as I entered the house. Everything looked the same as before I left. The weather had gotten worse since I left the store and though I was glad that I had gotten presents for my parents and Kagome, I couldn’t help but to feel bad for not getting Sesshoumaru anything.

“You seem disappointed,” commented Sesshoumaru as we both head toward my room.

“It’s nothing really,” I lied.

He didn’t seem to believe my words but he did not say anything back either. We passed Sango’s room so I decided to check on how she was doing.

“Sango?” I knocked on her door.

“Yeah?” I heard Miroku’s voice answered.

“Oi is your name Sango?” I heard Sango snapped.

“Oops, my bad.”

“Yeah Rin?” Sango asked from behind her door.

“Just checking to see how you’re doing that’s all. I’m back and I’m just heading to my room.”

“Oh I’ll be right out hang--”

“No it’s alright,” I interrupted Sango, “I’ll just see you tomorrow’s morning. Remember to set your alarm o’clock early because we have to go down to Kagome‘s.”

“Gotcha!”

I heard crashes here and there after awhile. Knowing that it was probably Sango trying to find her way to her alarm o’clock through all of her messy clothes that were on the ground, I decided to leave.

Opening the door to my bedroom’s door slowly, I was expected for Fluffy to jump with joy over me but none of that occur. Actually, my room was empty. I let Sesshoumaru into the room and then run around my room wildly trying to locate my pet but my effort was in vain. I was starting to worry big time now. Usually Fluffy would be gone from time to time but never was he gone at night, not this late anyway. I searched everywhere, under the bed, under the desk, inside the bath tub, between all of my beddings, underneath the dressers, cracks from the wall even!

“Fluffy? Fluffy? Fluffy if you don’t get out of your hiding place right now mama is going to be really angry with you. Fluffy!”

Oh lord! I fell on the floor and sit down in Buddha style in disappointment. Where can that thing be!

“Fluffy?” Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow at me. (A/N: I just like to point out that this is Sesshoumaru's famous expression in most fanfics.)

“He’s my puppy. I haven’t seen him since I got home today and I didn’t take any of it into consideration since most of the time he will always run off to places. But he always comes back during the night time, and now I have no idea where he is. Maybe he got stuck somewhere, a cave perhaps, or what happened if he fall off of a cliff, or he might be lost out there in the cold rain. Oh god what am I going to do!”

“Calm down,” Sesshoumaru said though he doesn’t seem to care much, “your dog is fine.”

“How would you know?”

“Have I ever been wrong?”

“Yes.”

“Name something.”

“...Ok! So you haven’t been wrong ever since I’ve met you, but this time you might be. There could be millions of possibility that Fluffy is out there somewhere freezing to death. Oh my poor baby is so helpless.”

“Stop treating him like he’s some kind of susceptible creature,” Sesshoumaru snapped at me, “And stop calling your puppy Fluffy, it‘s a retarded name.”

My lips pouted as my blood started to rise up, “Who do you think you are telling me what to name my puppy! I can treat him however I want and I don’t need you to tell me what I shall and shall not do with it. My puppy is somewhere lost right now and at least what you could do is--,” my eyes water and I couldn’t help but to sniff between words.

Silence filled the room except for my sobbing over the lost dog. I felt Sesshoumaru arms grabbed my shoulder blades. He leans down to level with my head, his forehead touching mine.

“Your dog is fine. He’s a strong guy right?” He softly spoke.

I nodded while still sobbing.

“Good, then he’ll survive if he’s really out there. Sometimes it’s best not to worry so much about life but to let it just play on its own.”

I nodded again and Sesshoumaru pulled away. Looking up to him, I saw that he wasn’t looking at me but seemed to be thinking over something, like he always does. Beside my dog’s problem, I also began to figure out how I never really try to get to know Sesshoumaru whenever he’s in deep thought. This time however, I decided to try.

“What are you thinking about?”

Sesshoumaru seems to be surprised at my question. It took him a while to speak as if he was trying to gather on what he should say. “Nothing worth telling you.”

“You don’t trust me?”

“…Where is my jacket? I need to get home before the rain pour down harder,” said Sesshoumaru changing the subject.

I stared around here and there again trying to remember where I threw the jacket and spotted it. Jogging over to the chair near my working desk, I grabbed the object and took out the picture that Kanna, Sesshoumaru, and I took from the fair, and lastly handed the jacket to Sesshoumaru.

He said nothing but to accept the jacket and stood there not sure what to do.

I shrugged lightly as I felt an invisible wall began to build up around me, “Will you leave now? I want to be alone.”

He nodded and we both walked downstairs. I opened the door for him to get out and he did just that. The thunders and lightning were beginning to scare me and I was having second thought about Sesshoumaru driving home in such a state, but I decided against it.

“Night,” said Sesshoumaru as he walked toward his car.

I did not say anything but to go back to my room. The house seemed empty now with Sesshoumaru and Fluffy being gone. It is like that saying ‘you never know that you have until it’s gone.’ I planned to go and invade Sango’s room but then I decided it would be best if I don’t bother her and Miroku. They were probably doing something that is very R rated right now.

As if to proven me right, as I walked past Sango’s bed I could hear some interesting noises behind her door. It was as if I heard it from somewhere else before but when I tried to remember it, I couldn’t and my head was starting to hurt again. As I approached my room, I thought my headache had gotten worse since I started to hear barking noises. Without a moment to think, I barged into my bedroom banging the door open and stare riotously into the empty space to look for something that was meant to be there.

The instant I opened the door, I was then greeted by the golden eyes and fluffy tail. The puppies spontaneously ran to me and twirl itself around my legs like a cat marking its territory.

“FLUFFY!” I jumped in joy seeing the puppy again, “Where have you been you naughty thing? You could’ve been killed or something! Do you know how worried I was about you? I even yelled at my fiancé over your loss."

Fluffy barked loudly as his tail wagged wildly in the air. Picking up the white fluff ball, I walked over to my bed and let it walk around while I lay down in relieve. I guess you were right Sesshoumaru, Fluffy is OK!

The rain had ceased to stop and snow flakes were once again descending from the dark cloudy sky. It has been almost two months since I stood in this same spot waiting for Inutaisho to come and pick me up. It seemed like it was such a long time ago though the time seemed to have flown by in a blink of an eye. This time it was different however, this time I was the one to pick up the new visitors, my parents. And another difference is that I’m actually looking forward to this meeting instead dreading over it like last time.

“Rin! Rin!” a recognizable feminine voice were heard from behind me.

I turned around with a big smile matching with the same one on my mother’s face, “Mom!” I yelled as I ran to her like a little girl. We embraced each other tightly as if we’re afraid to loose one another.

“It seemed like you’re giving your mother all the love that there is none left for this old man,” I heard my father’s voice.

“Daddy!” I cried when I spotted his face.

The gentle eyes, the tall figure, and the long wavy hair. Tears could be the only way I could expressed my feelings. I let loose of my mother and walked toward my father not knowing what to do since he had a bunch of suitcases in his hands. My father, who stood one foot apart from me, dropped his entire luggage and spread out his arms only to be filled up by my tiny body. I don’t know how I could expressed the full meaning of the word ’joy’ when I see him. Seeing mother was of course a wonderful feeling, but my father was always the one that I loved the most.

Everyone respected him, listen when he talked, looked when he passed by, and pay attention when he is near. Women adored his company, even though he is married and has a daughter. He set high expectation for everything: life, love, people, his family, and most of all; himself. He set goals and have the ambitions to overcome all of it. Endless time he proved himself right and many wrongs by his actions and intelligence. There was no one like my father, he was a real man.

I squeezed my father with my short arms around the back of his waist and felt his arms wrapping around my shoulder, one of his hand stroking my hair. I felt like I was actually home when he hugged me, sweet and welcoming.

“I missed you,” I heard him whispering.

“Me too,” I pouted as he let go of me.

“Look at you, two months away and already you are a grown person. Coming here to pick us up all alone. I’m surprised your fiancé didn’t come with you considering how Inutaisho say that you two are very close,” my father teased me with a smile.

“I just saw him yesterday night, I don’t need to be with him 24/7 father,” I shook my head.

“That’s my girl, talking like a real woman,” my mother padded me on the shoulder as I took some of luggage from my father’s hands.

My father inhale deeply when we reached the pavement on the airport, “I haven’t been home since…wow over 17 years could you believe it Kikyo?” He turned to my mom.

She grinned warmly at him as she grabbed his arm, “25 years for me. I think I beat you on that one Naraku.”

I couldn’t help but to smile at this perfect picture. My parents had always been known for being the perfect couple. Father being a successful man and mother being a beautiful and generous woman. They were well over their 40’s but their youth didn’t even seem to leave yet. Mother still looked like she could be in her early 20’s while father in his late 20’s or so.

I put my hand in the air signaling for a taxi to come toward us. After a couple taxis that passed us for it already was filled with passengers, one stopped. The driver got out of his car and smiled to us welcoming our family to Japan. I didn’t corrected him because it was actually my parents who just came to Tokyo. We uploaded all the packages and I gave him direction to drive toward the hotel that my mother gave me the name of.

“I don’t get why you couldn’t just stay with me,” I complained as I dropped the suitcases on the floor in my parent’s suite.

“We don’t want to bother anybody,” my mother wisely said, “and beside, I like suite. Your father was thinking about staying with Inutaisho and his wife but I don’t want to bother them either.”

“You worry too much about bothering other people that you don’t think about yourself mom,” I said, “just enjoy this stay and don’t worry over everything too much.”

“I couldn’t help it if I want to look out for you,” my mother argued, “who knows what could happen to you in a place like this. Did you see all those girls that dressed in pink and green hair in the street and how they all dressed like they’re some kind of cartoon characters? I don’t want you to turn out to be like that!”

I laughed and shook my head at her comment, “Mom that is normal here. They’re called ‘anime-girl’. People do this ALL the time in Tokyo Street. It’s a fashion thing, you’ll get used to seeing them walking around here.” (A/N: This was an experiement that I went through when I was in Japan. It was crazy!)

“You must be joking! When I lived here--”

“When you lived here, it was 25 years ago,” my father joined in the conversation, “Now Rin do you remember Inutaisho’s cell phone number? I have to call him to inform that we’re here.”

“Ummmm actually I don’t even have their house phone number,” I answered lamely.

My mother looked confused, “How could you not? He’s your father in law.”

“Mom, he’s my, quote, ‘future’ father-in-law,” I exaggerated and then shrugged, “either way I don’t have it. Don’t you daddy?”

“Yeah, but I figured it would be easier to ask you because I thought you would know,” My father picked up the phone and started to look through his address book.

My mother and I sat in silence as my dad waited for someone to pick up the phone.

“Hmm that’s strange; nobody is picking up the pho-- oh why hello this is Riari Naraku. Is Mr. Michiyo Inutaisho available at the moment?… Oh that’s too bad… He is where?… That’s terrible! Which one of them is it?…. Do you know where they are right now!…Ok Hospital? How do you spell that?….Ok thank you very much… yes I’ll be sure to informed her… thank you… yes you too, good night.” My father put down the phone with a startled look on his face.

“What is wrong Naraku? Is Inutaisho doing alright?” My mother asked in apprehension.

“Yeah he’s fine, it’s his older son--”

“What happened!” I snapped as my heart skipped a beat.

“I’ll tell you on the way, Kikyo grabbed my suitcase with the new chemicals in it. We have to leave right now--”

“Where are we going honey?”

“The hospital. Rin call a taxi!”

“So tell me what’s going on daddy,” I demanded after getting into the taxi and giving the driver the direction of going to hospital.

“I actually don’t know the whole story. From what the butler told me, Sesshoumaru got into a pretty rash car accident yesterday night from the way going home.”

“Oh god,” I heard my mom whisper and then she started to pray.

“He’ll be fine,” my father assured us as he put his arm around me.

I didn’t know what to say out loud. Somehow I felt so culpable and responsible for his tragedy. If only I told him to stay the night or something instead of telling him to leave me alone. If only I had disagree to go on a date with him that night. If only I didn’t let Landin go then I would be with him instead of Sesshoumaru. If only I could’ve been smarter to realized that the rain would have made the road slipperier. If only I didn’t scratched his car so that he didn’t have to fucked it up real bad to the point where it run like shit. If only I said something else that was rather nicer than ‘I want to be alone’ before he left. Sesshoumaru is probably dead and the last thing he heard from his fiancé was ‘I want to be alone.’ How horrible is that? Wait or maybe it’s not.

Maybe he doesn’t care about what I think. Maybe he doesn’t care about my existence at all. Maybe he is just fine. Yeah, I have to keep thinking positive, for the both of us.

I don’t know what to do except to sit in stunt and silent for the rest of the way to the hospital.

After we got in there and checked with the woman in the front of the check-in line, my family and I rushed toward the room that the lady had told us to go. My heart beat faster and louder with every step we took and every inch that we had shortened down till we finally reached the room.

“M-58,” muttered my father, “here we are.”

He knocked softly on the door and heard a ‘come in’. Opening the door for my mom and me to go in first, he followed shortly after.

Inutaisho, who hasn’t seen his friend over 17 years rushed over to greet my father. He then smiled and started a short conversation with my mother and noticed me next. I could tell that he was filled with mixed emotion. Sorrow and worries over his son, but yet excited and over joy to see his old friend.

“How is he doing?” I asked referring to Sesshoumaru.

“The surgery was done this morning. The good news is that he will be ok and almost in one piece. The bad news is he won’t talk to anyone since his left arm got cut off.”

CUT OFF!

My eyes widen at Inutaisho’s information but I did not say much but to look toward the ground. I didn’t even dare to look passed my future father-in-law to see Sesshoumaru.

The resting room was quite big but not really compare to Sesshoumaru’s room. In the far corner were the bed and a few plants here and there. An equipment table were set beside one side of the bed while the other set another table, and a carriage at the end of the bed was used for food and other transportation needs. The bathroom’s door was on the left side as we walked in. The wall was painted light blue to emphasize the peacefulness and calming soothing-ness, though it doesn’t seem to work on Sesshoumaru’s case.

“--his case,” I snapped back into reality with Inutaisho’s words, “I’ll take you two out and tell you the rest of the story. Rin?”

“Yes?” I said quietly.

“Would you stay to try and talk to Sesshoumaru,” he smiled warmly at me.

I didn’t say anything but nodded because if I would say anything out loud it would be ‘no.’

The three adults hushed each other and left the room quietly closing the door behind them. I bit my lower lip not really wanting to look up at the possibly-pissed-off Sesshoumaru. Silence filled the room beside the here and there toilet rushed from the many rooms that were in the hospital. I played with my feet and looked up at the bed slowly. The table that was beside Sesshoumaru’s bed, nearest to the window, was topped with bouquets of flower and get well cards. I trailed my eyes toward the side of the bed and then gradually up at the sitting Sesshoumaru.

He was still in the bed but they had move the top forward so he could sit up. Seeing his invisible left arm was painful to me through his blue hospital cloth. I conscious felt like running over and get on my knees saying how sorry I am, but my body tell me other wise.

I looked up to his face… still icy and not one single emotion shown. His eyes stared blankly at the wall that was opposite to him. His lips closed so tight that he looked like he was pouting. His right arm resting on his lap. He seemed to show that he doesn’t wanted me to be in the room considering that he didn’t even look over at my direction. I thought about leaving but I think it over and decided that, that would be selfish and very childish of me.

I gulped and stared to the ground before breaking the awkward silence.

“Ummm I- I want to apologize… You know for you to be in such a condition. I really didn’t mean to wreck your car, or tell you to go home,” I started to get nervous so I picked up the speed of my talking, “Ok... so I did kind of mean to do those idiocy things but I honestly didn’t mean all of it to end up with you being in a hospital. Maybe I’m being paranoid to blame it all of me for you having a car accident, but I do wanted you to know that I mean no harm and… I don’t know. I just want to say if you need anything, I’ll be here to try my best to help you out…And that’s it, I guess?”

Silence still played after I trailed off on my last comment. I looked up again at Sesshoumaru to see if he was even listening to me and was surprised that he was looking at me. We stared at each other for a long time before he decided to speak.

“See all these?” He asked as he eyes trailed over to the flowers and cards along the table and then moved to the ones that were in the garbage can, “those…belong in there. And so does your words.”

“I do not come here to be put down by you, Sesshoumaru,” I said gritting my teeth and trying to stay calm.

“Then go home. I don’t need you,” he added, “…this Sesshoumaru doesn’t need anyone.”

“Even those you cared for?” I asked, getting hurt.

“I care for no one,” he answered shortly.

“I think you do,” I said softly, “I think that… you are just too afraid to show any feelings toward it because you are afraid that you will get hurt in the end. I think that you are scared to feel rejected if you say that you care for someone, but they end up not saying it back, I think that--”

“Be quiet,” he interrupted me and looked at me dead in the eye, “do you ever stop to consider that those words that came out of your mouth was not for me but perhaps you?”

“No Sesshoumaru, I think it’s both of us.”

Sesshoumaru looked down toward his lap where his one hand laid. He did not say anything and I felt at ease all of a sudden. It was as if I got something off my chest but not really sure what it is.

“Christmas is in three days,” I smiled trying to change the awkwardness, “did your doctor say that--”

“I‘ll be going home tomorrow. The doctor didn’t recommend it, but with Naraku here I’ll be fine by then.”

“What does my father has to do with you getting better?”

Sesshoumaru looked at my confused face and then a questioning look appeared on his. He opened his mouth to say something but then closed it.

“Well?”

“Nothing,” Sesshoumaru said slowly, “your father being here will just be more reassuring to my father, that’s all.”

“That’s great!” I clapped in thrill for some reason not doubting his words, “one question though.”

“...”

“How come you’re talking to me?”

“Don’t I always talk to you?”

“No, well I know that but--your father said you haven’t talk to anyone all day and I’m just wondering how come you decided to talk to me instead of all those people. And don’t tell me that there was nobody to talk to beside your father because from all those flowers, I could tell you got a lot of visitors today.”

Sesshoumaru rested his head on the bed post and exhale deeply, “Why waste energy on useless thing?”

My eyes sparkled at his question. He didn’t really say it directly but at least he put it in an easy way for me to understand what his answer was.

“Sesshoumaru-sama! You do care about me,” I laughed as I hugged him carefully not wanting to hurt him in any way.

He made another ‘feh’ sound at my action. (A/N: This moment is SO cute! Don‘t you agree readers?)

“So why was your father the only one that’s here? Where are Inuyasha and Izayoi?”

“Don’t know, don’t give a shit,” Sesshoumaru said simply.

“What about your friends? Or all of those girls?”

“Visited and gone.”

“And your girlfriend?”

“Have none.”

“I thought Kagura was your girlfriend,” I was lost again.

“She’s not.” (A/N: Sesshoumaru and his short answers... I love it!)

“…I see. Sesshoumaru?” I turned to Sesshoumaru.

“Hm?”

“What is your favorite color? I know it’s a random question but--”

“White.”

“What is your favorite sport?” I pulled out a small pad and started to trot down the notes.

“Anything fast and furious. Why are you asking me this?”

“For later references, ok. What is your shoe size?”

My fiancé raised one of his eyebrows at this question but he answered it anyways, “14.”

I nodded trying not to grin very big but my lips wouldn’t do such a thing. I started to giggled a little and then it turned in to a loud laugh.

“Sorry, your face expression was just too great. That would make such a Kodak moment,” I laughed falling on the bed.

“You better be grateful to have a well-out future husband. Most girls would‘ve been proud and bragged about it.”

“Psh yeah I heard from all those girls you’ve done,” I said in sarcasm, “Though I could care less about your size.”

“You won’t be when this Sesshoumaru is through with you. In fact I‘ve already--never mind.”

“What?”

“I said never mind.”

“No tell me Sesshoumaru, please?”

“No.”

“Pretty please?“ I added while pouting my lips.

Sesshoumaru looked at me and then at the hand on his lap, “How far have you gone?”

“What do you mean how far I’ve g-- oh,” I stopped between mid sentence and my cheeks redden, “well Landin was the one that I‘d gone the farthest with.”

“I asked you how far have you gone, not who have you done it with.”

“Oh no you missed my point! I didn’t do--I haven’t--I--I have not done anything like that with him.”

“Stop blabbering and answer my question,” Sesshoumaru looked annoyed.

“I’m going to if you will be nicer! You don’t know who hard it is to tell a guy this, it’s embarrassing.”

“…”

“Well, he’s Christian and very religious so ummm we haven’t really done much except making out and maybe some other stuff but nothing really serious.”

“Another word, he wasted a year dating you without getting some.”

“It’s not like that, Landin is not that type of guy--”

“He’s either an idiot for not trying to fuck you or he’s just plain wimpy,” Sesshoumaru now turned to me, “you wanted to know what happened when you were out that night?”

I nodded silently while giving the 18-year-old a doubtful look.

At my acknowledgement Sesshoumaru continued, “To put it simply, this Sesshoumaru had succeed far passed what that pitiable boy and you can do in one year.”

“What do you mean?” I looked up to meet with Sesshoumaru’s eyes.

His index finger pointed at his temple. The expression on his face was of a playful appearance. His eyes sparkled with lust, “Use your imagination.”

My face turned into an anguished and frighten look as I started to get nervous and out of control. Oh no! No way! I did not do anything that terrible, did I! Oh my god what have I done! Oh lord! I felt like crying and I did. My face flushed pink and my eyes started to water when I realized what Sesshoumaru was talking about.

“Why oh why this did has to happen to me!” I cried out while muffling on the blanket, “Am I that horrible of a person to let all these things happen to me? What will I tell my husband at our wedding night? That I had lost my virginity because I took some stupid pill? Oh my lord, what have I done?”

I cry my heart out on the blanket in misery. My back tensed up however as I felt an arm lifting me up. I met Sesshoumaru’s amused face, he looked like he would start to laugh any minute then at me, though he never did.

“What are you talking about, cry baby?”

“What do you mean what I’m talking about! I tried to so hard to stay away from you, and your whole reputation. I tried so hard to put that wall around me from you. I really tried, I did. But all of my efforts came to an end now. I’ve lost it and over a goddamn party too! Oh what will my parents say when--”

“--You haven’t lost your virginity--”

“--they found out that--what did you just say?”

“You haven’t lost your ‘virginity’…yet,” repeated Sesshoumaru.

“I haven’t? But didn’t you say--no wait you didn’t say anything about that. Well--then what happened? Ok I’m confused.”

“I’ll use a short version and make it PG -13 for your little brain. Basically, I, Sesshoumaru almost hit home run but got tagged out on third base.”

I was somewhat confused when I hear the baseball terms but soon grasped what Sesshoumaru was talking about. I started to blush not really sure why, yet feel like I should jump in celebration, “GREAT! Fantastic! I haven’t lost my virginity! Oh thank you lord! Yes! On my wedding night it will be special after all,” I looked dreamily up at the ceiling while smiling in happiness.

“Somehow I have a feeling that your ’husband’ could care less if you lost your virginity to me,” teased Sesshoumaru.

-Silent-

"OHHHH!” I exclaimed, “Sorry Sesshoumaru, I just realized that--never mind. Yeah, I suppose you’re right. I keep forgetting that you’re my fiancé,” I felt dumb again. Sesshoumaru always made me feel this way whenever I’m around him.

“Hmp, what ever happened to your dog?” asked Sesshoumaru out of the blue.

“What? You mean Fluffy-poo?”

Sesshoumaru’s eyes twitched at the name but he nodded not saying anything else.

“Oh he’s fine, I found him yesterday after you left. It was strange because he was in my room that whole time. Or maybe he got in while you and I were downstairs. I don’t know, either way I’m glad he’s back.”

Sesshoumaru, who was looking at his lap again, seemed to be deep in thought.

“There you go again!” I exclaimed, “Running off into your own world. For once I wished you would tell me what you’re thinking instead of doing that all the time.”

The golden orbs still lingered looking down, “Sometimes, it’s best to keep thoughts to you.”

“B-but isn’t it better if you can express it out? I think that would be better, I don’t know how you can survive not having someone to talk to or trust.”

“You get used to it once you realized that the world is filled with creatures that are full of disappointments and egocentricities.”

“Well, can I be the FIRST person for you to trust then?” I asked hopefully.

“That place had already been taken by another woman.”

I felt a slight jealousy and I was sure that my voice showed it, “By whom?”

My fiancé looked up at the ceiling seeming to recall something, “The woman who gave birth to me…” He answered.

Awwww Sesshoumaru! “Your mother?”

“…”

“You never told me what happened to her,” I said quietly.

“Congenital insensitivity to pain.”

“Come again?” I asked never heard of such a thing.

“It’s a rare disease to which a person can’t feel physical pain,” explained Sesshoumaru, “She passed away saving another woman from a fire 16 years ago. Since she couldn’t feel pain, she didn’t even realized that she was on fire when they got out of the building. She ended up getting a 3rd degree burn and after a week of intensive care, she died. Christmas Eve would make it 17 years.” (A/N: This is a real disease FYI.)

Oh lord! I looked at Sesshoumaru feeling sympathetic for him. Now I understand why he doesn‘t like this time of year very much. “I’m so sorry to hear that. You must be so scared, do you remember at all? I mean you were probably two year old back then--”

“--I remembered,” Sesshoumaru cut me off.

“D-do you know what happened to the woman that your mom saved?”

“How could I not? I am forced to look at her face along with her incommodious son, living in the same house as I do, every goddamn day.”

“The woman your mother saved was IZAYOI?”

---

Author's Note: As readers' request, I had brought back some characters that you wanted me to. Thank you you all for inspired these ideas to me. Keep sending in those reviews!Chapter 5 will be published on October 17th.

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Comment and Reply

C: OMg i loved and Rin is a freak i never would have thought well i totaly knew sessy was like super sex crazed freak but anyways...

R: What the hell are you talking about! lol

C: Will read last chapter tomarrow, god it's 5:30am

R: I'm very touched.

C: I think Sesshy is the puppy

R: Maybe yes, maybe no

C: About your editor, may you ask her to speed things up a little?

R: -sigh- my last editor got caught up with her own problems and I just hired a new one but I'm thinking about firing her too bcuz she's late on turning in her work haha.

C: I think if you want a better 'lemon' chapter, leave out long details.

R: Another word, you're saying I'm horrible at writing lemon chapter :(