Disclaimers: We do not own anything from the books of Harry Potter and we are certainly not making any money from this story. Everything you might recognise belongs to J K Rowling, her editor and Warner Bros. (Though as far as we know, the plot is ours.)

Summary: There's one place at Hogwarts where hardly any students ever set their feet and that's the staffroom. So what does the teachers do when they are alone, what are they discussing behind closed doors?

Author's notes: We're so sorry for the delay in updating this story. As we are two students writing it together we very seldom have the time to meet up and write and we can only hope that you'll be able to overlook out shortcomings. We hope you'll enjoy this chapter.

Behind Closed Doors

By Sweetnelli and Calliope – Muse of Epic Poetry

The snow was whirling outside the window only to come to rest on the windowsill. Inside a fire was cracking merely in the hearth and chattering voices could be heard from the armchairs around the fireplace. Albus Dumbledore's hearty chuckle was easily distinguished as he laughed at the matron's, Poppy Pomfrey's, comment about his new socks.

"Spots became out of fashion two years ago, especially lime green ones." Gildroy Lockhart said superiorly as he joined his colleagues and saw the socks. "You can read all about it in my latest book Spotting Society Socks."

"So did pointed hats a century ago, but that has yet to stop me." he beamed.

Changing the subject, Lockhart continued. "Headmaster, I've come to inform you that I've got the most splendid idea." He exclaimed happily while gesturing wildly with his hands.

"And I assume that you would like to tell us."

Inhaling deeply, as if he was about to announce the love of his life – himself – he begun, "The most festive of festivals is soon be celebrated…" he made a pause, slightly longer than was strictly necessary, before he announced "…Valentine's Day!"

At his exclamation Poppy's cheeks coloured slightly, Snape quickly sunk even further into the darkness of his usual corner and Dumbledore looked at his Defence Against the Dark Arts Teacher with mild amusement combined with polite interest.

"We do not normally pay attention to that particular festival; it's not like the children need any encouragement in these sort of things." the Deputy Headmistress explained. At her words, Snape snorted, clearly informing everyone of his point of view in the matter.

"Indeed, Minerva, look at Percy Weasly and Miss Clearwater; it was only yesterday that I came upon them I an empty classroom."

"Oh, they make such a good match!" Pomona Sprout exclaimed enthusiastically.

"Indeed, though this came as no surprise to me."

"Fantastic, would I dare to ask you what other couples the future holds, Sybill?" Lockhart asked interestedly.

"My inner eye must not be misused."

"Yes, that would surely be terrible, now, wouldn't it?" McGonagall sniffed. At her words, Trelawney let out an indignant huff and turned away from her not so supportive colleague.

"I know whom I would like to see together," Sprout said in an attempt to lighten the mood, "Ernie Macmillian and Susan Bones!" Some nodds were seen around the room.

"Or Millicent Bullstrode and Marcus Flint." Andromeda Sinastra suggested.

"No, too much of an age difference." Flitwick said while shaking his head in such a forceful manner, he almost fell off his chair.

"How about Angelina Johnson and Fred Weasley?" Hooch continued and was greeted by another round of approving nods.

"Aahh, love! I remember my schooldays; every girl was dying to go out with me!" Lockhart proudly told them, causing Snape to let out a disbelieving snort. Though Gildroy didn't notice – he was too busy making sure his curls lay in perfect order.

"Anyway, does anyone have any ideas how to celebrate Valentine's Day?" he continued, pausing only a heartbeat. "Didn't think so, I, however, have a few suggestions." From his robe he then pulled out a scroll that turned out to be over ten feet long. The others simply stared at him with their eyes wide open and Snape sunk, if possible, even further down in his chair.

"Suggestion number one," Lockhart cheerfully read out loud while looking around the room in search for shared interest, mistaking their chock for support. He then continued, "All lessons should contain something associated to the theme of the day such as love potions and turning charts into hearts." Most of his colleagues took a sudden interest in their tea as he steadfastly continued.

About an hour later, practically everyone gave a start when they heard the most ridiculous suggestion so far.

"Suggestion number four hundred and thirty six: Turning the castle pink with heart shaped doors, in red of course, and windows."

At this point, Dumbledore felt the need to save his teachers from suffocating from chock. "Thank you, Gildroy, I think that's quite enough. If you'll give me your list, we'll decide what's possible."

"Thank you, Headmaster." Lockhart smiled, giving him a chance to show off his perfect white teeth.

"And thank you, Albus." Minerva said as the teachers hurried out of the room, leaving a slightly confused Defence Against the Dark Arts Teacher behind, but later they severely would regret leaving the decision with Dumbledore.