Grateful
Author: Donna Lynn
Status: Complete
Word Count: 1,038
Rated: PG-13
Content Warning: None
Summary: After the events in "To Shanshu in LA". Cordelia has a talk with Angel about him becoming human.
Pairing: Angel/Cordelia

Author's Note: I wrote this story because I wonder what was going through Cordelia's mind during and after "To Shanshu in LA". Everyone writes stories on how Angel felt during and after the episode, but no one wrote what Cordelia or Wesley felt. So I wrote a story where Cordelia voiced her opinion to Angel. This is unlike her I know, but this is what people write for to explore other avenues.

Cordelia unlocked her apartment door and walked inside expecting it to be empty. Ever since Angel's place was bombed he had been staying with her. Since it was nighttime she expected him to be out and about. Once inside she looked around to see no one around. She laid her things down on the table next to the door and walked into her kitchen. The refrigerator door opened for her as she walked up to it. She smiled and said, "Hello Dennis thank you."

She reached inside and grabbed bottled water and closed the fridge. She turned and gasped as she ran smack dab into a broad chest. In the process she had dropped her water, but the person had caught it. She looked up to see who it was and sighed with relief. "Angel, God you scared the hell out of me. I'm gonna buy you a damn bell or something!" she yelled as she pointed her finger at him.

"Sorry, old habits are hard to break," he said noticing as she looked for something. He looked down at the bottle in his hand that he had caught during her shock. "Looking for this?" he asked smiling.

She looked down at his hand and noticed her bottled water. She yanked it out of his hand and mumbled, "Thank you." She walked past him into the living room and he followed her in suit. She sat down on the sofa and opened her water and took a drink. "What are you doing here anyway? I figured you'd be out and about being as it is night and all, " she said.

He shrugged his shoulders as he sat down next to her on the couch. "I didn't want to," he said leaning his elbows on his knees.

"How can you stand it?" She asked amazed.

"Stand what?" he asked glancing her direction.

"Being cooped up all day and not go anywhere at night?" She said as if he would die if he didn't get out of the house.

He smirked, "You get used to it after a couple hundred years."

They sat in silence for a while until she sprang up from the couch and ran to the door. "You wanna see what I got today?" she said excitingly.

He watched her from the couch as she rummaged through her bag. Once she found it she turned and said, "Okay you have to promise me something about this present."

"Promise what?" He said as she walked back to him on the couch.

She sat down next to him on the couch and held the suede box in her hand and played with it a moment. He looked at her face as she looked at the box. It was as if she were giving away her most prized procession. She turned her gaze to him and handed him the box, "Now, you can't open this until I'm dead."

"What!" he said surprised.

"I'm serious. It's something for you when you Shanshu or whatever. You know when you become human," she said thoughtfully.

Angel looked at her worriedly then he looked at the box in his hands. It was a simple box, suede and black. He looked at her again and said, "You know Cordelia we don't know when I'm gonna Shanshu. It could be tomorrow or even several lifetimes away."

"I know, but I don't think I'll be alive when that day comes," she said softly.

"Why?" he asked equally softly.

"Because I want to be," she said propping her feet up on her coffee table and laying her head down on her knees looking at Angel.

He looked at her closely. "You think because you want to be there when I become human that you won't be?" he asked curiously.

"I think it will cost you more than what you think," she said.

Angel realized where she was going with this. A look of realization came across his face. "You think you're going to die, " he said softly.

She sat up and laid back against the couch with a sigh. "Yesterday Wesley found a new scripture in the scroll. It said something about the vampire with a soul's Seer would have to make the ultimate sacrifice for him. It didn't say what the sacrifice was, but it didn't say when it was either," she said explaining.

"It doesn't mean you're going to die Cordelia. Even if it did I would do everything in my power to prevent it," he said gently.

"I know you would. It doesn't matter either way," she said looking at him. "I would do anything to help you Angel…even die for you. I know that sounds drastic coming from me the little miss selfish bitch, but I would. I owe you and you're my friend and more. You've saved me so many times without thinking I've lost count. So whatever that scroll means and my present are my eternal thanks for everything you've done and will do…hopefully," she added in a joking tone.

Angel never took his gaze from her face as she sat next to him. Silence filled the room as they stared at each other. Angel sat the box on her coffee table and slid off the couch into the floor in front of Cordelia. He took her hands softly and said, "I once asked you do you realize how precious you are. At the time I think you overlooked the question as the sensitivity stick talking. But, right now I'm not possessed by a stick. You are very precious to me Cordelia. Not just as my Seer, but as a friend. And for that I am eternally grateful." He reached up to cup her face in his hands and gently kissed her forehead.

"You will Shanshu Angel. It may not be in my lifetime, but if it is I will be there for you all the way," she said as he held her face in his hands. She reached up and cupped his face in her hands and kissed his forehead.

Now they sat holding each others face on her living room couch in silence. For there are no more words to speak. They know what each other feels now.

THE END