Author: lady-knight2 PM
Stronger than Grunthor...Faster than a cwellan shot...More evil than F'dor...It's...MARY SUE!Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,556 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 09-15-05 - Published: 07-27-05 - id: 2506005
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: No, this idea is not original, it's been done before and will undoubtedly be done again. Except one, all characters and places belong to Ms. Haydon.
BEFORE WE BEGIN I HAVE A WARNING FOR YOU! DO NOT BE SURPSIED IF CHARACTERS ARE OOC AND MY WRITING SYTLE SEEMS TRASHED!
Hello all. You smell that? Yes it's the smell of the dreaded Mary-Sue. All fear her powers…For those of you who don't know what a Mary-Sue is I will provide the most basic definition:
A female character who is so perfect that she is annoying. The name originated in a very short Star Trek story that mocked the sort of female characters who showed up in fanfiction. It usually refers to original female characters put into fanfiction, but can refer to any character.
Mary-Sues are characters who are usually extraordinarily gorgeous, amazingly talented, unusually powerful, and exceedingly attractive to whoever the author has a crush on. They often possess ridiculously fancy and pretentious first names -- Angel, Raven, Jewel, and Lorelei -- and are very, very annoying.
Now, let us begin our tale…
Rhapsody and Ashe sat the head of the table, Gwydion to Ashe's left; Achmed and Grunthor to Rhapsody's right. The rest of the lords and ladies had to figure out their own pecking order for the remaining seats. Ashe stood and smiled at the people assembled, "Rhapsody and I are so glad you all made it. Enjoy your meal." He sat back down and attempted to get the attention of his wife who was engrossed in a story being told by the Bolg King.
The doors to the dinning room blew open and cloaked figure strode in. The figure stopped a few feet away from the table and broke into a run. The hood of the cloak fell back to reveal a stunning woman with cobalt eyes and thick, lustrous black hair. Every aspect of the woman was dazzling. The woman threw her arms around Rhapsody and burst into tears. The audience in the dinning room was stunned, except for one lone man.
Achmed jumped to his feet and drew his cwellan in one smooth move. Then he realized that he was the only one moving. It seemed as though every one else appeared to be in a daze. Achmed looked at the woman who was latched onto Rhapsody and arched an eyebrow. From what he could tell she was on the scrawny side. The color of her hair and eyes made her face seem drained of color and sunken.
Rhapsody leaned away from the woman and smiled a dazzling smile that was only out shined by the natural radiance of the woman hugging her. "Who are you? I feel as though I know you."
The girl leaned away and tossed her hair over her shoulder, "Oh dearest Emily, I I'm your long lost sister!"
Achmed blinked and opened his mouth to say something but was cut off as the woman continued, "I survived the sinking of the island by using a powerful magic to protect myself. I was very good with magic even though I was so young."
Rhapsody beamed and hugged her, "A sister! A real sister will be better than Jo. What's your name?"
The woman brushed away her tears and smiled, "I'm Mary-Sue."
Achmed stood where he was. He could feel a presence clouding his mind, but he pushed it away. When he fought of the cloud of fog in his mind he swore for a brief minute that Mary-Sue turned and flashed him a look of deep hatred.
Ashe stood, "This is joyous news! In response we should have an impromptu tournament in one of the training halls!" He turned to Mary-Sue, "Are you able to fight?"
Mary-Sue flashed him a stunning smile and said, "I have a little skill."
Achmed opened his mouth to speak when Mary-Sue cut him off, yet again, "Let's go now."
Rhapsody smiled, "That sounds splendid."
Achmed watched as the crowd in the dinning room filed out after Rhapsody and Mary-Sue silently. He picked up his goblet and drained it. He set the heavy cup down with a thunk and followed the rest of the group. When he arrived Mary-Sue was squaring off against Grunthor. Achmed leaned against the doorframe and a smirk twisted his already hideous features.
Grunthor charged Mary-Sue and she neatly sidestepped him. Once he was past her she jumped in the air and spun around. She crashed her small dainty foot into the back Grunthor's head and sent him flying. Mary-Sue landed and neatly put her hair back in place. Grunthor lay sprawled out on the ground. The place erupted into applause.
Achmed stood very still. Every muscle in his body tensed. This woman…this woman…Achmed took a step back. What was she…?
Ashe walked over to her and laid his hand on her shoulder. "Allow me to show you to your room."
Mary-Sue smiled and took his arm and walked off.
Ashe shut the door behind him, "Mary-Sue I love you." He pulled her into his arms and kissed her.
Mary-Sue struggled to shove him away, "You're married to my dear, sweat, darling sister!"
"You're so much prettier, Mary-Sue."
Mary-Sue thought for a moment, "You do have a point. All right, we can make out for a while, but no sex. I'm saving that for somebody special."
Mary-Sue crept down to the room Achmed was staying in. She slipped in without the Assassin King noticing and pinned him to the bed.
Achmed's eyes flew open. He struggled for breath as Mary-Sue crushed her lips against his. When he managed to come up for air he shoved her off and crawled backwards across the bed.
Mary-Sue crawled after him, her ample breasts threatening to burst out of her shirt. "Don't you want me, Achmed? Aren't I perfect? I'm everything any man or woman could want."
"Get away from me you psycho woman!" he scrambled around trying to find something sharp to stab her with.
She lunged herself forward and held him down.
cue bad intro music
WHEREVER A BAD FANFICTION AUTHOR THREATENS A GOOD NOVEL
HE WILL BE THERE…
WHEREVER A MARY-SUE THRIVES
HE WILL BE THERE…
NEVER FEAR LOYAL FANS
ACHMED WILL BE THERE…