Disclaimer: Everything here is the property of JK Rowling, Warner Bros, etc. I'm just having fun with the characters, particularly Snape.

Summary: On Halloween 1981, the Dark Lord used a powerful form of Dark Magic on Severus Snape and his childhood foe James Potter. Fourteen years later, when Snape discovers the truth, he finds himself forced to deal with the unsettling consequences as they unravel on both himself and Harry. AU of 5th year; HBP-backstory compliant. Gen. Kind of Sevitus, but not Lily/Snape and not MPreg.

A/N: With much thanks to Jean for helping me to make sense out of this chapter in the first place, and to Thirteen Ravens for input on stronger endings.

The Tortured Soul

by ‘purpleygirl’

… my grief lies all within;

And these external manners of laments

Are merely shadows to the unseen grief

That swells with silence in the tortured soul.

– William Shakespeare

The Tragedy of King Richard the Second (IV, i)

Chapter One

As soon as Snape entered the Headmaster’s office, he knew something important had happened.

It had not been the anxious edge to Dumbledore’s voice as he’d answered his knock, nor was it particularly the nervous way Dumbledore was now fingering a piece of parchment at his desk while his gaze was fixed on Snape.

Rather, what placed Snape on his guard as he moved farther into the room this afternoon, fifteen minutes after the last classes of the day, was the small but noticeable way the Headmaster held himself in his seat – bolt upright and tense – and the unnerving way he was observing Snape – with a deeply concerned look that bored right into him.

‘You asked to see me?’

‘Yes, Severus.’ Dumbledore cleared his throat. For the first time since Snape had entered, Dumbledore glanced down at the parchment he held. With a frown, he set it to one side on his desk. He waved Snape into a chair. ‘Please take a seat.’

‘Nothing serious, I hope?’ asked Snape, eyeing the parchment as he sat. Oddly, it seemed merely to be a standard letter informing Summerby’s parents of a minor injury incurred while playing Quidditch.

‘Not at all, Severus,’ Dumbledore replied. He smiled broadly, though Snape noted that he still held himself rather stiffly behind his desk. ‘Care for a sherbet lemon?’

Snape declined with a pointed look.

With an apparent move to appear at ease, Dumbledore leant forward a little and laced his hands over his desk. ‘Severus, I received some information … around a month ago, in fact. I have been pondering how to go about this … with delicacy.’

Dumbledore paused and cleared his throat again. ‘A few months ago, a Death Eater was captured.’ He met Snape’s gaze. ‘You may have heard about it?’

Of course. Such an arrest was always splashed all over the Prophet the very next day. Snape nodded sharply, impatient for the Headmaster to go on.

‘This Death Eater was … interrogated at the Ministry.’ Dumbledore paused and cast his gaze downward. ‘He … brought to light … something.’

Snape broke the long silence that had descended when Dumbledore had paused again. ‘Important?’ he probed.

Dumbledore snapped his eyes to him as though Snape’s speaking had woken him from a stupor. ‘No … well, not in the sense of the progress of the war, but…’ he trailed off and paused yet again. ‘He had taken Veritaserum, so there was no doubt at the time,’ he went on. ‘Then, later, the information he gave us was independently verified.’ The old wizard’s blue eyes filled with a seriousness that pierced into Snape’s searching gaze. ‘So there is no doubt about it, I’d like to make that quite clear right now.’

Snape shifted in his chair under the intensity of the old man’s urgent look. The Headmaster was clearly waiting for some sort of acknowledgement, which caused Snape to wonder whether this information related to him in some way. And judging by the way Dumbledore seemed to be delaying the central issue, Snape speculated on it not being particularly good news either. ‘All right,’ he said in a low voice, unsure of what else to say.

Dumbledore appeared to relax a little at Snape’s uncertain concession, which only succeeded in putting Snape further on edge, as he realised just how tense the Headmaster had been since he’d entered the room.

‘They – the few others who know – said it would be better if you were not told of this. I, however, believe I know you better than any of them, and in any case, I really don’t think that something like this can remain undiscovered forever. And it would be better that you know sooner rather than later. Who knows how things might turn out otherwise?’

As Dumbledore paused, seemingly lost in his thoughts once more, Snape adjusted himself in his chair again. Now that Snape had little doubt that whatever Dumbledore had to say did in fact concern him somehow, he wished the old man would get on with it; especially if this was as bad as the Headmaster seemed to be suggesting. ‘I thought you said it wasn’t serious, Headmaster?’

‘It is not serious, Severus. It is … it will be a shock for you, nevertheless. It would be a shock for anyone, but…’ He shook his head slightly as he lowered his eyes.

‘Headmaster,’ said Snape, ‘it would perhaps be better if you would get to the point. If you have already taken it upon yourself to make this known to me, then there is no point in delaying it any longer.’

‘You are right, of course,’ Dumbledore replied. A look of determination passed across his face as he took a deep breath. ‘The captured Death Eater talked of Voldemort’s loss of his Most Loyal Servant many years ago.’

Snape snorted and folded his arms. ‘Almost every Death Eater has been considered the Dark Lord’s favourite at one time or another.’

Dumbledore shook his head wearily. ‘Perhaps,’ he conceded. ‘But this death hit Voldemort hard, and he was not prepared to let this servant go so easily.’

Snape listened with a fair amount of disinterest in the Dark Lord’s so-called losses as Dumbledore continued. ‘Voldemort performed a very powerful spell to make sure he did not lose him forever – a spell that needs considerable power. Power in the Dark Arts. Power which only Voldemort has. As his servant’s death occurred in his presence, it was possible for him to carry out this spell – and indeed he did.’

Dumbledore was again silent for a moment, as though weighing his words before speaking. ‘Voldemort had obviously planned for such an eventuality, because he would not have had much time in which to implement the spell. He had discovered that when the life force – or more precisely, the soul – of a person has gone, the memories of that person can linger in the body. This spell preserves the recently deceased’s memories by transferring the soul of a nearby living person into the deceased individual, thus bringing him back to life, completely unaware of what had just transpired. And the donor would be left dead in his place.’

‘And he carried this out on a Death Eater?’ Snape asked, raising an eyebrow. His Most Loyal, according to what the recently caught follower had spilled.

When Dumbledore nodded in confirmation, Snape tried to work out what the possible consequences were of such an action being performed on a Death Eater. Could, for instance, one of the Dark Lord’s followers be posing as one of them at this very moment? But the Death Eater in question would have only the soul of another wizard in place of his own; he would still look as he had before, still have only his own memories as a Death Eater, so … what was the problem?

Snape frowned at the Headmaster’s unfounded anxiety. Then he recalled what Dumbledore had said earlier about the opinion of some that he should be denied this apparently harmless information. ‘And how does this concern me, exactly?’ he asked, trying to piece together the scant details the Headmaster was giving him.

‘The Death Eater the spell was used on had no memory of this occurring.’ Dumbledore levelled his gaze at Snape. ‘It would have been exactly as though nothing had happened to him. He would have known only that the victim – the donor – was dead and would have assumed nothing untoward about this, being in Voldemort’s presence. Voldemort would no doubt have thought that telling his Death Eater what had transpired would serve no purpose and may have even troubled his … servant.’

Frowning, Snape began to feel uneasy again as Dumbledore came to a halt, apparently to study his expression of confusion. ‘You still have not answered my question, Headmaster.’

The already heavy scrutiny of Dumbledore’s gaze upon Snape seemed, if anything, to intensify as the Headmaster made no move to reply.

After a long moment of uneasy silence, Snape dispensed with his frown of perplexity and replaced it with a scowl. ‘You are not trying to say,’ he began, raising his eyebrows in amazement, ‘…me?’

To Snape’s aggravation, the Headmaster merely nodded without offering an explanation for this preposterous suggestion. Snape snorted. ‘Ridiculous,’ he declared. He was certain he would have known if he had died and had his soul replaced with that of another person. Really, this was too absurd an idea, even for the Headmaster.

Dumbledore sighed. ‘Severus, you would not have known anything, and you have no memory of it occurring.’

Flustered, Snape exclaimed, ‘This is all preposterous.’ He clenched his hands in his lap.

He watched the phoenix Fawkes preening, sliding his long golden tail feathers through his beak one by one as though this revelation was just an ordinary day in the Headmaster’s office.

Why was the Headmaster insisting on this absurd notion? As far as Snape was concerned, there was no difference between the Severus Snape going about his business the day after this spell had taken place and the Severus Snape the previous day…

Perhaps the Headmaster would tell him any moment now that this was all some cruel joke, that this ‘independently verified’ information was merely an elaborate hoax designed to torment the formidable Potions master?

But apparently, the Headmaster truly believed this accusation. Snape, sensing that something further was afoot by the continued anxiety in Dumbledore’s expression, decided to humour the old man for the time being to see what was really behind all this. ‘Well,’ he began, ‘just supposing it is true. What is the problem? At least it is not someone else whom we may have had to have kept an eye on. I’m rather inclined to agree with the others – I fail to see how this changes anything on my part.’

‘Well, at first I agreed,’ said Dumbledore. ‘But you see, it is not quite as simple as that.’

‘I do not want to know who the unfortunate victim was, Headmaster,’ said Snape, immediately anticipating the man’s thoughts. His ‘victim’, Snape thought, with a shudder of realisation that, if what Dumbledore said was true, this person had been forced into becoming a real, deep part of him now; that the very essence of Severus was not really Severus at all. ‘I cannot see how such knowledge would serve any purpose.’ Why put a name to someone who had his name now?

Dumbledore sighed. ‘I have come this far, Severus, I must tell you all of it.’

‘Headmaster,’ pressed Snape, ‘I am not that person any more. Whomever the Dark Lord randomly chose to use to save … me … who he was, what he did…’ Snape shook his head. ‘It has nothing to do with me.’

‘A member of his family survives to this day.’

Snape stared at Dumbledore in disbelief. ‘Headmaster, I am expected by the Dark Lord to be a Death Eater. And I have my spying duties for the Order. You cannot really be suggesting…? I cannot go around acting as two different people – I do enough dual-role performing as a double agent. I have responsibilities here that outweigh any family issues. And this surviving person no doubt thinks that their relation is dead.’

He widened his eyes. ‘Well, it would be quite a shock for them to learn otherwise – and to find he had been forced to become a Death Eater too, despite the fact that he – I – use my role to spy against the Dark Lord. I am sure I would be completely unrecognisable to them.’

He folded his arms and leaned back. ‘It is better for this person to go on believing him dead. I have neither the time nor the inclination to persuade anyone I am their relative or to “get to know” them.’ He sneered in contempt. ‘Not to mention that it would look rather odd to the Dark Lord and the other Death Eaters, since I am meant to remain here as a spy at Hogwarts and not have any living relatives – long lost or otherwise.’

Dumbledore heaved a deep sigh. ‘Normally I would agree with you completely on all those points. But these particular circumstances are rather … unique, I’m afraid.’ He paused for a moment and peered at Snape over his half-moon glasses. ‘Do you remember everything that happened when the Potters were killed, Severus?’

Snape unfolded his arms awkwardly and shifted in his chair. His scowl faded away on being reminded of that day – seeing himself once again entering the Potters’ house by the Dark Lord’s side. ‘I have told you everything I remember. What more is there to tell? I didn’t do anything,’ he added in a low voice. ‘I merely…’ A useless feeling of regret pained him for a fleeting moment. ‘…watched.’ Why had the Headmaster changed the subject again to another painful one? Unless…

He returned his gaze to Dumbledore. Of course. When he’d read about his arrest in the Prophet, he’d almost forgotten it was the same Death Eater who had accompanied the Dark Lord with him to Godric’s Hollow. He would have told the Ministry whatever they’d asked him under Veritaserum. ‘So he told you he’d also been there that day?’

Dumbledore straightened in his chair. ‘It was during these events of Halloween of 1981 that Lord Voldemort performed this spell.’

Snape looked searchingly at Dumbledore. If that was true… ‘But there was no one else present other than the Potters themselves. Unless the Dark Lord used another Death Eater as the victim in his spell.’

‘He didn’t.’

‘So I have forgotten this other person was there?’

‘No.’

Snape frowned in frustration. ‘Headmaster…’

‘Severus,’ Dumbledore echoed, an intense level of concern in his expression imparting a sense of urgency that Snape could not recall ever seeing directed toward him before.

Snape waited, trying to force down the underlying sense of unease that he felt beginning to seep into his confusion. Sometimes, he thought with a mental sigh, trying to get a straightforward answer out of the Headmaster is like trying to get a decent potion out of Neville Longbottom.

The ensuing silence lasted so long that, if he’d felt mentally able in the face of these mounting revelations to perform such a task on his employer, Snape would have even debated using Legilimency.

‘There is no easy way to tell you this,’ Dumbledore said at last. ‘What do you remember of James Potter’s death?’

‘James—? His death?’ Snape blinked, his confusion quelling any unease that had broken through during the stretched silence. ‘The Dark Lord killed him, of course.’

‘Is that what you remember? Or what you later deduced from what you were told?’

‘I was there by the Dark Lord’s side the entire time. I must have seen it happen. It occurred within the first few moments of our entering the house. He tried to fight … I saw his body with my own eyes.’

‘But did you see him killed?’

Snape felt himself becoming irritated with this new line of questioning. ‘Everything happened very fast upon our entrance,’ he said, brushing aside Dumbledore’s words. ‘I told you – I saw his body. What has this to do with—?’

‘The Death Eater who was recently arrested told us that he also saw everything. He told us that, as soon as you all arrived at the cottage, and before any of you had reached the room where Lily and Harry were, James attacked and hit you with a deadly curse before anyone had time to react.’ Dumbledore studied Snape. ‘Voldemort was furious … and he carried out his Dark spell immediately.’ Dumbledore lowered his voice to a hushed tone as he continued observing Snape with his intent gaze. ‘Voldemort used the soul of the only other available living person there.’ Dumbledore stopped, but his gaze never wavered from Snape’s face.

Snape had been staring at the old wizard, by turns aggravated, bewildered and guilt-ridden as his lingering unease swelled to the surface with each successive revelation. Dumbledore’s piercing look at him now, however, seemed to disperse the fog of thoughts that had clouded his mind as he’d struggled to recall the precise events of that day in Godric’s Hollow. He did not need to try to stitch together the vague recollections that now hinted at gaps in his memory; it all snapped together in a rush to form one inescapable conclusion.

James Potter.

In place of his own soul, there was the soul of…

No. Not… Out of all the people in the world the Dark Lord could have used, why did it have to be that … that…

‘Are you all right, Severus?’

Snape stared back vacantly. ‘If you are saying what I think you are saying,’ Snape breathed slowly, ‘then, no, I am most certainly not all right,’ he ended, with a glare.

To Snape’s consternation, Dumbledore appeared to relax somewhat. At least the Headmaster did not seem to be planning on springing any more nasty surprises on him – not today, in any case.

‘Well,’ Dumbledore began, relaxing still further into his chair, ‘as I have said, all the possible tests to verify what this Death Eater told us have been carried out, and all prove unequivocally that what he said is true. You are free to see the results yourself, if you wish, of course. I made sure there was no doubt whatsoever before I took the decision to tell you.’

Snape continued to stare blankly at the Headmaster. He felt strangely calm despite the revelations, his head gratifyingly uncluttered. ‘Is that all you wanted to tell me?’ he asked when Dumbledore had finished.

Dumbledore blinked as Snape rose stiffly to leave. ‘Severus…’ He seemed to cast about for something more to say.

Deciding the Headmaster had told him more than enough for today, Snape turned to the door. Sweeping through in a flurry of black, he shut the office door with a snap on Dumbledore’s feeble stare.