Disclaimer: I don't own Law & Order: SVU or either Olivia or Alex

AN: Yes you may notice but I finally fixed this up from my other story, which I got rid of

"When you got in that SUV and left me standing there in the dark with Elliot...oh god I felt like eating a bullet then and there" Olivia said as Alex wiped her tears softly as she spoke. "It hurt me just as much 'Liv...leaving you like I did, god if I could rewind time I would of never tried that case" Alex said, she nodded still holding Alex close to her body.

She pulled Alex into a soft kiss, Alex kissed back wrapping her arm's around her lover "I love you Alex, oh god I love you" she said as Alex broke apart from her lips for air. "I love you to Olivia and I always will" Alex said before pushing her onto the bed and curling up into her body.

They both stayed close together for the night, their body's never leaving the warmth of the other's body. She didn't know what time it was, or long they spent making love but all she knew was that it was wonderful. She got to spend the night close to her lover, curled up feeling safe and warm, and she never wanted to leave.

"She said to say good bye" as soon as she heard those 6 little words come out of his mouth, her heart shattered then and there. Alexandra Cabot was gone from them, from her again in all of two days. When she came back she felt like crying tears of joy and happiness, and she did with Alex in her arms. But now she cries because her heart has been broken again by the love of her life.

The feel of Alex's lips on her's could be felt as she wiped the tears away before anyone could see them roll down her checks.

This is the second time she's had her heart smashed into a thousand little pieces, but slowly and carefully put back together over time, just so it can be smashed again. All from one person, she's suffered so much heartache from one person, the one person who she can't have with her.

"I love you to Olivia and I always will" Alex's voice saying that to her echoed in her head as she could feel Alex's hand on her shoulder.

She had made it before, but it was only because she got to say a short, tearful good bye. This time, there was no tears, no hugs, no good byes; she just left, leaving them all in shambles in the office that night. She had never been so happy like she was last night with Alex but during that whole time she never once through Alex would leave her again.

As she stood in that office just staring at the door she could see Alex come walking in, with her case in her hands and a smile on her face.

But still she knew what she was seeing wasn't real because Alex was out there somewhere in the world being taken farther away from her. But she was still happy in a way, at least Alex was alive and safe, and that she could maybe return one day to New York and to her waiting arms.

"I still can't believe that you're here," she said to Alex as they laid cuddled up close under the covers on the warm, soft bed.

So now she'll put that lingering hope in the back of her mind, and one day hope for it to happen, for Alex to come home to her. She and her partner had almost lost their jobs yesterday, because they were arresting a man for her murder and they knew she was still alive.

The heartache she felt when Alex had left was like she was really dead. But she might of well have been, because Olivia couldn't hold her, see her or be near her anymore.

She blinked back the tears as she felt the warm, soft touch of Alex embrace her body in a warm light hug, and placing kisses on her lips.

She knew when Alex had first gone, Alex could die and she could never get told, and she would never know or get to say good-bye. She hopes it will never happen, but if Alex was to get hurt or killed someone would tell her.

"I know how lonely you felt Liv, I was just as lonely the whole time too" Alex's voice said as Olivia could see her curl up on the couch beside her.

Still she doesn't feel guilty for what she's doing now, sitting at home, crying and drinking herself silly. She doesn't feel guilty that she'll pass out, that she's trying to forget the last week. She's not feeling guilty that she's trying to numb the pain, from the loss of Alexandra Cabot for the second time in her life.

She places the bottle up to her lips as tears fall down her face, she think's she can feel them being lightly wiped away "for you Alex, this is for you" she holds the bottle high before taking her drink. She can still feel the touches of her lover even through she had left her earlier in the night to be taken away so she could be safe.

"I love you Alex, and I always willis the last thing she says for the night before finally passing out from pure exhaustion and the effects of the alcohol kicked in. She did have a very peacefull sleep that night as she had dreams of her and her lover; they were finally together again, in her dreams and they always would be.