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: B s . A A A    : full 3/4 1/2   : E E   : Light Dark Books » Artemis Fowl » Random Office Life

Cesca Marie
Author of 16 Stories

Rated: T - English - Humor - Foaly - Reviews: 70 - Updated: 04-06-09 - Published: 08-04-05 - id:2518150

These are basically all the moments of office mayhem that didn't make their way into either Pairing Coworkers or Debt of Favors. They're random in terms of time frame and characters, independent of each other and meant for a laugh but not much else.

This particular scene takes place before DoF, after PC. Helena and Erasmus have been moved out of the main technologies booth since Outreach was sold to the Academy before DoF. Just to clarify.


"I need you to take these down to the weather booth." Foaly said to Arena when she came in. She was in his office at least twenty times a day now because her photocopier was broken and she didn't have the budget to fix or replace it. And since she couldn't avoid making photocopies, she was using his.
"What are they?" Arena asked as her pages finished scanning. Foaly was loading cardboard boxes onto a mail trolley.
"New surveillance equipment. Just got dropped off and I had to sign for it." he explained as he lifted another box. Arena left the photocopier to help him put the boxes on the cart.
"Wasn't the weather surveillance department supposed to become independent from Technologies last December?"
"Never happened." he replied. "But luckily it's still part of our department, or I'd have no place to stick Helena and Erasmus." he shifted a few of the boxes so they weren't stacked so precariously.
"Maybe we should get two carts; I don't think it's safe to haul this thing around." Arena said warningly. No sooner had she spoken than one of the boxes almost slid off the top shelf of the cart. Foaly caught it before it fell, leaving a very expensive piece of equipment undamaged.
"Yeah, maybe we do need another cart."

Arena jacked a spare trolley from the archives lounge (they had dozens) and brought it back down to Technologies. Foaly was less than amused when she came back in with Chix riding on the top shelf.
"End of the line." Arena said, motioning him off. He thanked her for the ride and was on his way.
They split the boxes between the two carts, so that there was a safe number of each. The original cart had almost buckled under all the weight of the equipment. They each took a trolley and headed three floors down to the weather surveillance department.

The weather department was the biggest waste of money in the LEP (baring Grub's salary). It was the LEP's way of controlling the chutes and keeping their officers safe in the field. Thing was, people rarely went anywhere besides the Oak Groves anymore. They monitored weather conditions all over the globe constantly. They could save 98 percent of their budget if all they had to monitor was the weather within range of the tourist sites or the specific areas around field operations. But no, they had to monitor everything because the people running the upper echelons of the LEP were control-freaks.

Foaly and Arena annoyed everyone they passed by whistling annoying show tunes all the way down to the weather department. Someone actually threw a shoe at Foaly.

The titanium doors slid open with a pneumatic hiss as Arena and Foaly approached. They pushed the trolleys just inside the door and stopped. Neither Helena nor Erasmus had noticed their presence because they were in the middle of a bitter screaming-match.
"You can do that yourself you lazy beatnik!" Erasmus screamed. He was angrily waving his arms in wide, exaggerated gestures, forcibly reminding Arena of someone she knew.
"It was assigned to you jackass!" Helena yelled back. She seemed decidedly indifferent.
"I pull rank here and I say-" he was interrupted quite forcefully.
"You don't have any authority over me!" Helena shot back.
"I'm manager of the weather department!"
"That only means that the guys in Supply Management have more authority than you!"
"Does not!"
"Does too you belligerent goat!"
"Does not midget!"
"I'm big enough to kick your ass!"
“Oh yeah?”
“Try me!”
Arena and Foaly exchanged sidelong glances. They left the carts standing where they were and slowly backed out of the booth.

The walk back to Technologies was extremely uncomfortable. Arena was the first one to crack. The question of the day was eating her up inside.
"Uh...we don't, I mean...we don't sound like that do we?"
"No!" he replied instantly, his voice edgy. Both were avoiding having to look anywhere near the other.
"Right."
"Right."



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