|Shakespeare's HitzAngel Sanctuary Style!
Author: Sherloki'd PM
UPDATED! What happens when the AS cast decides to act out some of the best stories ever written by Master S?...Hilarious things happen with Michael as Hamlet!Rated: Fiction M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,048 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 07-19-06 - Published: 08-04-05 - id: 2518629
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, Kaori Yuki-SAMA does, and I worship her.
Warning: This is s'pposed to be a parody, and I think it's turning out to be quite special…
Watch out if you're easily offended by shonen-ai/yaoi, incest or foul language…ch-chotto matte! If you WERE offended by this, you wouldn't be reading anything related to Angel Sanctuary! xD
Shakespeare's Greatest Hitz, Angel Sanctuary Style!
Take one: Hamlet.
(The scene takes place at the Castle in Heaven. A young red headed Hamlet is sitting on the wide windowsill, staring out the window.)
-"Oh, woe is me…I…"-he blushed angrily and started ripping his costume apart. –"If you motherfuckers thought I'd do this, you're fuckin' insane!"
All 'round him people sighed in exasperation.
Raphael: -"Oh c'mon Mika-chan! We need you!"-The blond playboy seemed a bit stressed out at the inevitable. His arms moved in circles rapidly, as he twisted the script in both hands- "Who else is gonna be able to replace such a talented mighty archangel? Without you, Michael…we're nothing!"
Michael thought, long and hard for… approximately three seconds, and spoke.
-"Yeah, you're right. I'll do it for yer sake."-He paused as he ripped off a piece of embroidered fabric from his sleeves.-"There now, that's better."
The Healer looked at the tanned archangel beside him, looking for an encouraging…something. Seeing he got nothing, he poked Uriel on the arm.
-"Ouch!"- He glared at his aggressor. - "What's troubling you?"
-"Just tell me everything's gonna turn out okay?"
Uriel stole a peek at the scene before them. Hamlet ran around trashing the place, screaming bloody murder at passer-bys.
-"Well, with him on the lead, I can't promise you anything."-He sighed and continued- "You can't ask for the moon when it's not on sale."
Michael stopped his beating of the couch on stage and yelled something unintelligible.
Everyone just sweat dropped.
Uriel tapped Gabrielle on the shoulder. –"What did he say?"
The girl just covered her face with an elegant fan. Uriel had to wait until she was done giggling to get a reasonable answer.
–"He said…"-she kept giggling- "He said…"
Out of nowhere popped Adam Kadmon and pointed at the tall dark and handsome angel, with an accusing finger.
-"He said…"-he broke into a fit of giggles before stating the obvious! - "…you've got some issues."
(A pissed Uriel chases Michael whilst Raphael tears the script in two. Suddenly, an ear splitting scream through a megaphone makes everyone collapse face first onto the ground.)
(The culprit –a shadowy figure- throws the megaphone at Michael, hitting him on the head, and laughs at the unconscious Proud Warrior.)
With a dual voice –feminine and masculine at a time, and just plain creepy- he starts to verbally lash at everyone on the set. Then he smiles.
-"I trust your efforts and my natural genius will get us through this. Now, let's make sure this kind of thing does not happen again while I'm here."
He motioned them all to stand up quickly and sat on the director's chair.
-"Let's get this show on the road."
Take two: Hamlet, again.
(This time Hamlet's basking in his own depressing melancholy. He walks down an aisle, and stares out the glass doors, finding a rose garden.)
He sobbed quietly as he embraced himself; the sting of the roses' thorns still fresh on his milky pale skin; his clothes dirty and torn apart.
An injured hand ran through his blood red spikes as he fell on his knees, shouting to the Heavens in a pain so great—
Raphael hit Mika-chan with the script. –"Michael, please stick to the plan!"
An enraged teary eyed Michael burnt Raphael to a crisp. –"Don't tell me what to do, you bitch!"
Gabrielle, Uriel and Doll rolled their eyes at the fighting couple and went out for drinks.
The shadowy man hit the wrestling' archangels with his mighty whip, urging them to separate and move on.
Take three: Hamlet. Yeah, I know…this is getting old.
The man: "Michael, listen to me…" –Michael yawned as he picked his nose, and was whipped in a matter of seconds. –"Listen to me, you're Hamlet, not Romeo; and you're about to be visited by your dead father, the King. Got that?"
-"I'll sure try my fuckin' best."- He frowned.
(Hamlet urges his men to leave him alone with a cloaked figure.)
Michael: "I said, 'leave you fuckin' bitches!'"-he threw a massive fireball at them, DBZ style. Once he was done with them, he ran after the ghost. –"Yo, wait up you fucking old geezer!"
The cloaked man stopped dead in his tracks and turned around to face the Prince.
-"You're not aware of how much I've wished to see you, my offspring…"
A vein throbbed on Michael's forehead. –"Yeah, I've missed you too, daddy-o!"
The ghost opened up his arms, motioning his son to hug him. –"Give me a hug, you shrimp."
Michael blushed and looked at the director. –"Who's playing King Hamlet?"
The man giggled and shrugged, making Michael shoot daggers at his direction.
King Hamlet smirked and, taking his son by surprise, held him close, refusing to let go.
Michael hit the broad manly chest he was being pressed up against, trying to get away.
-"Who the hell is this!"
A deep sexy voice answered him, whispering in his ear. –"This is…Hell itself."
The director threw his cloak at an assistant, laughing his head off and revealing his identity at last. He pointed at Michael's neon blush and lack of words, and continued laughing as he rolled on the floor, sinking to hysterics.
Raphael kicked a guffawing Rosiel but got no answer. –"What did he do to Mika-chan? Look at him, he's all petrified and…stuff!"
Meanwhile, Michael was still pressed up against Lucifer.
The red head timidly lowered his eyes and asked in a quiet voice if he could be released.
-"What's that little man? You gotta speak up! I can't hear you from up here!"
The Mighty Powers' hands balled into fists as the rage took over his adolescent body. –"Are you making fun of me?"-Michael inquired. - "Of my height, onii!" –he demanded.
Lucifer just smirked and eyed his twin hungrily.
-"Dearest, you know I'd never ever dare to do so!"-He leaned down as he breathed into the Fire Angel's ear- "I lust after you, as a whole…shortie or not!"
Rosiel eventually had a heart attack, and had to be tended by the paramedics on scene; Michael was kidnapped and was never seen or heard of again in this chapter.
Raphael broke down and cried as Gabrielle and Uriel patted him on the back, while he mumbled something about sticking to the plan.
A.N: Will Michael ever see the sunlight again? How exactly is his kinky perverted devil for a brother going to torture him? Is the cast of AS prone to disaster?
Find out…soon enough.
The next chapter is a love classic: Romeo and Juliet!
Guess who's playing Juliet? ain't it obvious?
So— (Owari, for now)
(why do I even bother writing anything? I know pple aren't gonna read it…sniff)