Author’s Note/s: Second Naruto fic. Still haven’t watched the anime, nor read a single volume. Life sucks. Originally a vignette I wrote for Creative writing class, but I sorta expanded now contains some NarutoxHinata Yeah, I know, I know. These sort of fanfics are very stereotypical. Hope you guys enjoy my version of Shikamaru’s opinion on women, though.

Disclaimer’s Note/s: Nope, don’t own ‘em. Shikamaru’s thoughts belong to himself. I am the scribe who wrote ‘em down for him. He hasn’t paid me yet, so I am currently bombing him with rotten tomatoes. XD

I have no special love for the members of the opposite sex. Really. I have been very vocal about this, and I always practice what I preach.

But if there’s anything I hate, it’s seeing a woman cry. I think all men feel this way instinctively. It triggers some sorta protective mechanism within us which pushes us to, I dunno. Make it stop? Yeah. It’s some unwritten rule in the annals of human interactions which annoys me to no end.

It is no secret that I prioritize myself above all things. I don’t care what other people think; my numero uno will always be ME. But whenever I see a female crying her eyes out, and I try to ignore it . . . let’s just say it does some unpleasant wrestling thing to my head. I suspect my conscience has something to do with it. Dang it, and I thought I had driven it away a long time ago.

Y’see, it’s not that I don’t understand it or anything. I’m not as dense as some other people out there who claim that they are immune to the L-word, when in truth they are not. I’d say that it was blatantly obvious, the way they sneak peeks at their soon-to-be significant others, and then draw back suddenly when they realize what they are doing.

What I’m saying is that I’d know if I were in love. I’m a genius, aren’t I? I’d know if I did something completely uncharacteristic, and nothing like that has happened within the past sixteen years of my life . . . Yet.

Not that anything will. I’m just saying that it’s possible, even for a bum like me. Hey, I’ve heard all those fairy stories of princesses falling for frogs who turn into princes, and I am aware of their connotations. They’re saying that slobs can turn into gentlemen and live happily-ever-after with their perfect girl. Yeah. Right. Stupid as they sound, though, they hold some silver of truth. Check out that idiot, Naruto, for instance. Loud-mouthed, annoying, and clueless through-and-through. Any who does he have chasing after him? A Hyuuga heiress. Not that he realizes it, of course, but still. What’re the odds of that happening? A billion to one? If those were his chances, what more are mine?

Urgh. All this is giving me a big headache. Look, I don’t care if I have someone crushing on me, just so long as whoever-it-is doesn’t get in my way, and does her admiring at least three feet away from wherever I am standing. I have never liked inconvenience, and I am not about to start liking ‘em just ‘cause of some girl. I just hope that she doesn’t expect the admiration to be mutual because it won’t and never will be. I am not in love, I won’t be in love, I will never be in love. And anyone who thinks otherwise can go stuff their heads down a drain pipe until the aforementioned event happens – which it never will. So get used to those drain pipes, guys. You’re going to have those on for the rest of your lives.

It is not that I hate women. Some of them can be pretty okay. Take Ino, for example. She can be a pain, what with all her non-stop Sasuke-this and Sasuke-that, but when her head’s not in Sasuke mode, she can be sensible as well. Although there is an obvious limit to that sensibility. As to what that limitation is, here’s a hint: it begins with an S, and contains six letters.

But seriously, I can’t understand how she can like the guy. Does she base her admiration on looks only? ‘Cause it seems that way. Man, she’s even denser than I expected, then. Uchiha’s an okay guy, I guess, but he distances himself from everyone. Sure, he’s opened up a bit ever since he’d teamed up with Naruto and Sakura, but that does not mean that he will open up completely for everyone else to have a look. I am a part of ‘everyone else,’ and so, unfortunately, is Ino. But does she understand that? No.

Stubborn fool. I think she knows. People who are in denial are such a pain. I caught her crying a while ago. As in SOBBING, with the snorts and the hiccups and the tears. Needless to say that it wasn’t a pretty sight. I wanted to kill Uchiha then and there, no matter how irrationally I had come to conclude that it was his fault. Ino doesn’t cry very often, but when she does, it was usually ‘cause of him. My head did that little wrestling match with my conscience. To leave her to suffer what she has brought upon herself, or to make it stop? As was usual in these cases, my conscience won, so I sighed with resignation, took my place by her side, and awkwardly patted her shoulder. Comforting the heartbroken has never been my forte.

I was able to calm her down some, though . . . I even got her to grin and hit me. Yessss . . . back to normalcy. I couldn’t have been any more relieved that she was slowly reverting back to her old self. But I regretted it the moment she began following me around. I think that she’d somehow concluded in her head that she had to thank me somehow. Tch. Women. They always decide things on their own, and it is usually something that inconveniences us men.

Okay, maybe I don’t regret cheering her up, but I just wish she would stop bothering me. I like my privacy. ‘Sides, it’s not like I did it for her sake, I did it for mine. I would be CRAZY to allow such an irritating thing like that run circles ‘round my mind, and distract me from all the important things I have to attend to. I hate distractions. I hate being kept from doing what I enjoy. I hate seeing women cry. And that is that.

End