Golden Insanity

Greetings, peons! Before you ask me what a peon is, allow me to introduce you to the wonders of Golden Insanity. Tired of generic action and romance fics, I have entered the world of the crazy and the random once more. Friends, enemies, people I don't know, I present to you, Golden Insanity! Drumroll please!

Sound: Monkeys hooting.

That's not a drumroll!

Sound: Sheep baa-ing

Okay, whoever is doing the sound, I'm giving you one more chance before I personally get over there and beat the living crap out of you.

Sound: Drumroll.

Thank you. So, basically, the world of Golden Sun as you know it is again being poked and warped, to the point where it's barely recognisable. Do not bury your face behind a cushion or dive under the table screaming please.

Any questions?

What's a peon?

Other than that.

Well, if we don't get on with it, people are going to get bored. On with the story! Golllldennnnn Iiiiinsaaaaaanityyyyyyyyy!

-THE-

-FBM-

-ARE-

-TAKING-

-OVER!-

The young, red-haired boy had no idea of the danger he was about to find himself in. All he had done was sneak into his older brother's room again, determined to find out the dirty secrets lying around in Garet's room. Aaron had gone on his own little treasure hunt in the junk heap beneath Garet's bed, discarding old snack wrappers and piles of unused condoms, until he had found a stash of suspicious looking magazines. He had promptly dragged them out and was now squatted at the edge of the room by a window, looking over one of the dirty old porn magazines.

"Oh, wow," Aaron whispered in rapture, his eyes wide as he stared at the dirty pictures and read the articles that accompanied them. "These people have really big boobies. No wonder Garet doesn't have a girlfriend yet. He just has to look at the pictures." He grinned insidiously, swearing to tease his older brother about it later and maybe even tell their parents what Garet got up to in his room if he didn't do what Aaron wanted. This was blackmail, right here.

Suddenly, a loud and thunderous crash sounded throughout the room. The incredible, rising crescendo of noise was enough to almost send Aaron flying, and he looked up in shock as the door was flung open, almost flying right off the hinges. The resulting draft caused by the door being flung open so suddenly and sharply was enough to send the dirty magazines flying everywhere, pages fluttering weakly as the magazines fell to the floor with dull, heavy thuds.

Aaron flung himself to the ground, crouching down in alarm and turning his head to stare with wide, fearful eyes at his assailant. He waited, his breath coming out in short, shallow gasps, suspense and fear causing his pulse to quicken. He had been caught, reading Garet's dirty magazines. Judging by the current situation, he was in great danger. The person who had caught him stepped forwards, eyes glittering darkly as she placed her hands on her hips. Her mouth curved up into an evil smirk. The sight alone made Aaron tremble, the shivering growing worse as her smirk became a snarl and she pointed a finger at him.

"Aaron!" Kay shouted in a voice that struck fear deep into his heart. "Just what do you think you are doing, mumbling about boobies and pictures?" One thing Kay was feared for was her strangely excellent hearing. Nothing could get past her.

"I was just reading Garet's magazines!" Aaron protested, looking guiltily at the magazines strewn all over the room. "I swear I didn't know he was into dirty magazines that had pictures of naked women in them, really!"

"Yeah right. You are just a pervert in the making and I bet you deliberately went looking for them. At such a young age too!" Kay snapped, her eyes narrowing. "Well, we can't have too many perverts in the family now, can we? It's time to be punished."

Aaron let out a high-pitched scream as Kay suddenly bared shining white fangs. A black cape appeared out of nowhere, fluttering dramatically from her shoulders despite the fact there was no breeze. The window was shut. Kay then lunged, but Aaron quickly dived sideways, narrowly avoiding her. Kay quickly reached out and latched a hand onto his ankle. Aaron panicked and grabbed the curtain, managing to pull it a bit, revealing sunlight in the process. It beamed down on Kay, causing her to scream in agony and explode in a mighty shower of dust.

"Hasta la vista," Aaron said, ignoring the pile of dust and reaching for another dirty magazine to read. The ghost of Kay roared angrily, swearing to haunt Aaron for as long as he lived, then jumped through the window and flew away in the form of a ghostly bat.

-MAGMASHIPPING-

-IS-

-PROOF-

-THE-

-WORLD-

-IS-

-SCREWED-

-SO-

-HAVE-

-FUN!-

Special Feature Story

Ryuujoukohaku Kyoudai

Felix ran down the street as fast as he possibly could, sweat trickling rapidly down his face. He was also screaming in sheer terror as his legs went as fast as possible. Adrenalin helped a lot. The reason that he was running down the street, screaming like this, was simple. His crazy, insane, fiery and temperamental younger sister was in a very, very bad mood and Felix had broken the number one rule. Never piss off Jenna when she was in a very, very bad move. Because of his mistake, she was probably trying to kill him right now as she pursued him along the street, eyes burning with rage. The only thing she needed to complete the effect was smoke coming from her nose and eyes, but of course that wasn't actually possible. People sometimes said Jenna had more than one time of the month, when she wasn't listening of course. Nobody felt like saving Felix either, lest they face Jenna's terrible wrath.

I've got to get away from Jenna before she kills me for pissing her off! Felix panted heavily, his heartbeat roaring in his ears as he desperately tried to escape from his angry little sister. Jenna was always scary, but this time she was scarier than usual. He really shouldn't have made that sarcastic comment that somehow managed to piss her off so much this morning. Where can I hide from her? Oh, I know! I'll just try that lamppost over there! She won't see me behind it, right?

Jenna skidded to a halt, momentarily looking in disbelief as she saw Felix futilely try to hide behind the lamppost. Her confusion and surprise quickly faded away as her previous anger returned to her. He would pay for being sarcastic to her. Jenna lined herself up with the lamppost, plotting her trajectory, and then drew her sword. However, her crayon broke half-way through on the pavement, so she gave up and settled for charging at the lamppost instead with her short sword at the ready.

Her feet stamped rapidly over the pavement, coming closer and closer to the lamppost...

Felix tensed, sweating even more. She was coming. He was most definitely and utterly doomed.

Jenna ran faster, eyes narrowing as she came even closer to her target.

Felix realised what a stupid idea hiding behind a lamppost was.

Jenna continued to run.

Felix looked back and forth frantically, trying to seek out a better hiding place. Except, it was probably too late to even move now, so he was quite sure he was screwed.

Jenna almost reached the target, preparing to draw back her sword and then stab.

"Noooooooooo!"

Felix shuddered as he heard the sharp sound of sword meeting flesh and the soft thud of metal meeting with metal.

Blood trickled down the lamppost in dark red drops.

Jenna slowly looked up in bewilderment at her victim, who was pinioned to the lamppost by her own sword.

"Sheba," Jenna said, blinking up at her and looking surprised. "I didn't realise you had become suicidal."

"I couldn't let you do it!" Sheba gasped out.

"I was trying to defeat my enemy, the lamppost, and you interfered. Why did you do that?" Jenna pulled out the sword. Apparently, in the end, she had decided to take it out on the lamppost rather than her own brother. Well, she wasn't really that pissed off after all. Just annoyed enough to make him think that he was about to die.

Sheba fluttered down, feet meeting the pavement, and she fell to her knees, coughing up blood.

"No!" Felix knelt besides Sheba, grabbing her shoulders and pulling her into his arms, looking down in horror at her face. "Please, Sheba! Please, don't..."

"I'm so sorry. I gave up my life and in the end, it was for no good reason." Sheba fluttered her delicate lashes, already weakening from the nasty blow she'd taken in protecting the lamppost.

"What have I done? I cannot live with this!" Jenna yelled suddenly. She took one look at her sword and disgustedly flung it into the gutter, before hurrying to the side of the road and leaping into a purple and green car with orange splotches all over it. The car roared into life and hurtled away, spewing black smoke everywhere and causing pollution. People had tried to tell her to do something about that nasty looking smoke, but she either ignored them, yelled at them or burned them depending on the mood she was in.

"Sheba, don't die on me," Felix whispered, tears coursing down his face.

"Felix, please don't cry." Sheba reached up and wiped his tears away. "I want you to be happy for me. Live a full and happy life. Get married. Have children. Grow old. Keep your friends... close to you..." She gasped and closed her eyes, her breathing turning shallow.

"Don't go yet, Sheba!" Felix lifted her into a tight embrace across his lap and bowed his head. "I need you."

"Goodbye, Felix, and thank you." Sheba released her final breath.

"Noooooo! Sheba!" Felix screamed, preferring to mourn Sheba rather than wonder how a tiny gut wound could kill her so quickly. Jenna's sword really wasn't that big after all, it was mostly just used to scare people, not stab them to death. "You can't be... no, please don't be... Sheba... never again will you laugh, cry, get angry... I'm so sorry, Sheba. I shouldn't have let you..."

Felix stood up, holding Sheba, and walked into the middle of the road, where he kneeled again and held her close. A car drove past, the driver angrily honking his horn and yelling at him to get out of the road, calling him a complete lunatic in the process. Felix just ignored the driver.

"Where are you now?" Felix wondered, slightly distracted by the fact that for some reason he was now in the middle of the road. Why was he suddenly sitting in the middle of the road anyway? "Are you in the wind, caressing me with the gentle breeze? Sheba... I never even got the chance to tell you..."

The hooting of elephants sounded close by, and Felix began to palpitate. Now this was even scarier than Jenna trying to kill him after he'd made a careless mistake.

"I never got to tell you..."

A elephant appeared on the road and marched forwards, followed by a legion of his friends. For the sake of the story, let's call the elephants Mark, Jason, Matthew, Edward, Sam, Bill, Ben, Percy, Louis, Anna, Lisa, Marie, Jane, Isabel, Kate, Emily and Penny.

"That I..."

Mark looked at Felix with demonic red eyes as he marched even closer, certainly not intending to move aside. And his friends weren't either.

"Have an intense phobia of elephants," Felix whimpered. He looked squarely into Mark's eyes. "But, Sheba, because I owe it to you who thought you were protecting me but really just ended up shielding a lamppost, I'll let these nice elephants walk all over me. The worst thing that could possibly happen is that I..."

Squelch!

Felix was flattened into the ground as Mark, Jason, and their pals stomped all over him and Sheba. Strangely enough, once Penny had firmly stomped on the Venus Adept, the elephants vanished as if they had never been there in the first place.

Hours later, the Felix pancake peeled itself off the ground and cursed all elephants.

Unluckily, at the exact moment Felix sat up and cursed all elephants, a green and purple car with orange splotches reversed itself back onto him with a noisy squeal.

"Felix!" Jenna called, jumping out of the car. "Where are you? That's strange, I swore I could have seen him on the road a moment ago. I didn't just run over him, did I? Or am I just crazy and imagining things? I sure hope not."

"Could you please learn to drive a little more safely before you end up killing someone with your carelessness?" Felix crawled out from underneath the car weakly. He looked back, hoping to retrieve Sheba's body and gasped. "Sheba!"

"I'm not Sheba!" Jenna snapped crankily. "I'm Jenna! Huh? What's under there?" She kneeled besides Felix and stared in confusion, wondering what he was looking at. "It's called a road, Felix."

"Sheba's gone..." Felix said hopelessly. "Where has Sheba gone?"

"I can tell you." A raven-haired man wearing a yellow cloak appeared in the road, his red eyes glowing eerily.

"Red is such a cliché eye colour for evil people. So, are those just eye contacts or something?" Jenna got to her feet and stared at him, eyes widening as she noticed his appalling attire. Obviously, the concept of fashion was dead to him. "Um..."

"Look, flares are so out of fashion today." Felix stood next to her, looking at the villain. He was even wearing orange as well, with the yellow cloak! Maybe the man was blind, which would explain the strange looking clothes. "Wait, did you say you knew where Sheba had gone?"

"I will tell you, at a cost." The man chuckled, raising a clawed hand. "At the cost of your lives!" He took a few moments to laugh evilly, not noticing Felix and Jenna tiredly pull out bananas from behind their backs.

"COMBINATION BANANA CROSS SLASH!"

The evil guy, who will now never be named, gasped in stunned silence as he found himself sliced quarterly. His body was still holding itself together, only just.

"That was our special combo attack, Banana Cross Slash." Felix held up the innocent looking yellow fruit, looking very proud of himself. He had never bothered to wonder just how a soft fruit could cut.

"I have the Banana Vertical Slash and Felix has the Banana Horizontal Slash, and we can combine," Jenna said, not sure why they were bothering to explain things to a man who should have been dead already from that fatal blow. "That aside, who sent you?"

"MIALEX!" The guy screamed, as he fell apart and landed on the ground with bloody splats.

"Mialex?" Felix frowned. "Who would name their kid Mialex?"

"We've got to find this Mialex!" Jenna ran to the car and leaped in. "Come on!"

"You're going to drive?" Felix whimpered, as he slid into the passenger seat. He fastened the seatbelt extra carefully and screwed his eyes up, praying that at least if he was to die right now thanks to Jenna's reckless driving, he would see Sheba again.

"Let's GO!" Jenna slammed her foot on the accelerator. She took extra care to ram into the lamppost and reverse into a trashcan, not caring if she damaged the car in the process. Jenna then hurtled off at well over 120 mph, ignoring Felix's terrified whimpers as she weaved in and out of busy traffic and narrowly avoided killing innocent pedestrians on the street.

-A-

-HARD-

-NUT-

-A-

-DAY-

-WON'T-

-KEEP-

-INNUENDO-

-AWAY-

"Hey, Sheba," Ivan looked up from the comic that he had just finished reading. Now he was bored and wanted to ask some pointless questions for the fun of it. "How many Adepts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"

"The answer is quite simple," Sheba swirled around on her chair with wheels, from where she had been sitting at a desk and writing. She then leaned over, folding her hands neatly in her lap. "It takes one to pretend the lightbulb is mute, only for it to start talking after a prolonged absence."

"Lightbulbs don't talk." Ivan started.

"Silence, infidel!" Sheba snapped, glaring at him. "From now on, I make the rules!"

Ivan gulped and did as she ordered, shutting up. He didn't want to make her annoyed.

"One to put two holes in the lightbulb, just after it got repaired."

Ivan nodded sagely, recalling the telling of an incident with an unfortunate roof.

"One to shock anybody who accuses the lightbulb of being too small."

Ivan frowned, eyebrows knitting together. He hated it when people called him short and was quite sure they deserved the punishment he gave them.

"One to heal the lightbulb."

Ivan raised an eyebrow. Any Mercury Adept could heal the lightbulb. What made Mia's healing particularly special? But he still didn't feel like arguing with Sheba over something so trivial, because she would most definitely get annoyed.

"One to hide the lightbulb for three years, then bring it out of hiding and try and disguise it as a different lightbulb altogether, only to be forced to reveal its true identity."

Ivan's other eyebrow shot upwards. Now this was starting to get silly.

"One to defend the lightbulb vehemently and claim it has no emotions, despite rumours it has just spent an hour angsting."

Ivan exhaled noisily. He was unaware that lightbulbs were capable of angsting, let alone having emotions.

"One to tease the lightbulb about liking another lightbulb, when it actually might like a different lightbulb altogether," Sheba said dismally.

Ivan hid a smirk with a carefully placed hand. The Madra Blushing Scene was now infamous among the group, but since Jenna was with Garet now, Sheba just looked like a complete fool in the process and she hated it.

"One to refuse to say how long the lightbulb has been there."

Ivan resisted the urge to accuse Sheba of trying too hard. Would Picard ever even tell them how old he was anyway?

"One to hide the lightbulb's evil scheme to take over the world."

Ivan opened his mouth, but a glare from Sheba stopped him from saying anything.

"Four to think they are trying to save the lightbulb, but are actually hindering its chances of salvation."

Ivan bristled in annoyance, but Sheba could be awfully violent, so he figured that it was best not to say anything. Still, they hadn't known the Wise One was misleading them all. It wasn't fair of her to insult them like that.

"And nine to save the lightbulb in the end."

"Sheba, I think-"

Clunk.

Sheba stepped over the unconscious Ivan, grabbed the comic and relocated to another part of the house to read it.

-GOLDEN-

-SUN-

-IS-

-GOLDEN-

-FUN!-

Feizhi pressed the telephone receiver to her ear and listened. She had just received a piece of paper with 'Dial 1-800-987654' written on it. So, of course, she had. Some operator had answered, telling her to hold. Right now, she was listening to salsa music. Personally, Feizhi thought they had strange taste.

"Hello, you have reached Adepts with Disorders Helpline." A chirpy voice greeted Feizhi, and her jaw dropped. What, so she was supposed to be an Adept with a disorder, was she? Feizhi swore she was going to find the person who had sent her that piece of paper and teach them a lesson with her karate.

"If you suffer from temporary muteness, press 1."

Feizhi shook her head. What was that about?

"If you suffer from overprotectiveness, press 2."

Feizhi blinked. Being overprotective was a disorder, was it?

If you suffer from idiocy, press 3."

Now who would press 3? Feizhi wondered sceptically. She doubted anyone was willing to even think they were an idiot, let alone go ahead and admit it.

"If you suffer from lack of self-confidence, press 4."

I'm pretty confident of myself. Feizhi smiled. But, was it just her, or were these so-called disorders awfully random?

"If you suffer from lack of anger management, press 5."

Feizhi wondered who would be brave enough to deal with angry, uncontrollable Adepts.

"If you suffer from guessing the wrong pairings, press 6 to alert Mudshippers and Flameshippers to your presence."

Mudshippers? Flameshippers? What...?

"If you suffer from being an obnoxious brat who won't tell people your age, press 7 to call the OBHL."

OBHL? Feizhi was well beyond the realm of extremely confused now.

"If you suffer from overworking, press 8."

Feizhi sighed in impatience. She wasn't even sure why she was doing this.

"If you suffer from megalomaniacal tendencies, press 9."

Feizhi smirked. People suffering megalomaniacal tendencies would not last long if they tried to attack her. At least, that's what she thought. She was very confident of her scary karate abilities, that could even make people run screaming from the Xian dojo.

"If you suffer from psychosis, press 0."

Feizhi numbly jabbed the big, round 0 with her index finger. Right now, the voices were telling her that a colony of ants were under attack, and she was getting sick of them. Why would she even care about a colony of ants in the first place?

-HAIL-

-FELIX!-

-THIS-

-HAS-

-BEEN-

-A-

-SUBLIMAL-

-MESSAGE-

-FROM-

-THE-

-PGBHVA-

I'm afraid that's it for this chapter! Fear not, there will be more where this came from! I will be continuing the little segment with the siblings, it will be fun to have chaptered segments in each chapter of the story, won't it? So, stay tuned for the next chapter of Golden Insanity and the next instalment of Ryuujoukohaku Kyoudai! Or, translated into English, fiercely fighting siblings!

That's all, folks, please leave your reviews at the door. I'll be back!