Author's Notes

A little short on Atton's thoughts before the events of Message in a Datapad

There's also a picture to go along with it: / w w w . . j p g

Hard to Leave, Harder to Stay

I promised her that I'd wait, that I'd help the kid and the Zabrak rebuild her precious Order. She knew I could care less – knew that she was the only Jedi I liked.

And she still asked.

But there was no rule that said I had to accept. Still, I did. 'Cause she asked me to.

How could I resist the woman who waltzed into the cellblock on Peragus in her underwear and told me to keep my eyes up?

I could always follow orders for a little while without complaint.

But I'm a deserter.

And here I am, sitting in a cantina on Coruscant contemplating deserting her. She expected me to be here when she returned – if she even did.

But I knew I couldn't stay.

There was still too much of my old self in me. And Jaq At'ton scared me. After meeting her, I didn't want to chance turning back into him – back into the Sith that killed and tortured Jedi.

I didn't like them but I liked him even less. Even if he was me.

And I knew, I knew how easy it would be to slide backwards and be him again. I couldn't chance that happening with her. I wouldn't.

So I left.

Force help her forgive me.