AN: I haven't watched Buffy in forever. Humour me, love me, review if you please.
Disclaimer: Don't own, never will.

It's peculiar, isn't it? The time and energy you are able to devote to just hating someone. To loving someone.

It's irrational, maybe. Unexplainable, definitely. And that bothers you. You hate not knowing why something is exactly the way it is. It's always been that way. Your line of work has taught you that not everything has an answer and though yes, you're used to it, it still irks you. Not enough to tear you apart but enough to make you lie there at night with visions of fangs and skies dancing in your head and not knowing how any of them came to be.

So when this feeling overcomes you, you're not expecting it. You don't wipe it out, not right away. You prefer to flesh it out, watch the evidence. Maybe then the answer will come flitting to you ever so gracefully. It's exhausting, waiting for an answer. Especially if there is none.

Buffy Summers, why do you feel the way you do? It's a question you've asked every day since that one time where you were so close together it was impossible to breathe. So close together that your heart nearly beat out of your system and you felt something rare tug inside of you. And you walked away. You rarely ever walk away. You can't and you won't. Life isn't that easy and you've learned that the hard way. Because your demons will chase you. Literally.

It's just a crush, you tell yourself, your feelings too volatile for your own good.

But you know it's a lie. Because when you two were so close together you could hardly breathe and your heart nearly beat of your system, you kissed. Not a gentle peck either but a full fledged one that was so powerful it scared you, it enticed you.

It left you wanting more.

Fuck you, Spike, you think bitterly.

Because love, you see, is a risky, inconstant game and suddenly he pulled her back into a world where the unexplainable will always roam and you will never, ever reach an answer.