AUTHOR'S NOTE: And here, we continue the funfest!

A Paradoxical Life

Chapter 10: Stupid Pervs and How To Stop Them

Remus Lupin was glad Rianna wasn't forcing him to stick around when he was clearly feeling awkward. Most others were not so lucky. Then again, Remus thought , walking over curiously to an incredibly gloomy James. At least I have a date. Poor Potter. Lupin guessed Lily was not, in fact open enough to save him a dance.

His friend's face was decorated with a deep scowl and empty cups littered the table top where he sat. Only other wallflowers gravitated to that area, and even they gave him a wide berth. James was not giving off overly friendly vibes.

His fan club wasn't even asking for any dances- that in itself spoke volumes. Remus shook his head and imagined what must have befallen the first poor girl that had been brave enough to approach the moping young man. He took an empty seat next to his friend and waited in companionable silence.

"He's been incredibly bold, all night, the git," James informed him presently. His eyes were fixed on a specific point on the dance floor and his scowl deepened according to the events taking place. Remus craned his neck, trying to see, but the dancing bodies of students kept getting in the way. He expected Prongs was probably overreacting.

Suddenly, James stood up, his lips curling into a snarl and ran after someone. Alarmed, Remus shot up in hot pursuit, hoping James wasn't going to land himself into trouble and wondering what it was that had set him off this time.

Rianna was just beginning to think she'd done enough solo dancing for now when someone pushed her violently aside. "Hey!" she demanded angrily, ready to give the jerk a piece of her mind. She caught sight of Lily's receding red hair and a half second later, an angry looking Pharlan followed her. Well, that was all good and well. Lily was a nice girl, but that did not give her Pushing and Shoving Rights over all others. "Like hell," Rianna muttered to herself as she stomped in their direction.

James burst out of the Great Hall mere seconds after Pharlan, nearly bowling him over, and thus Remus, in turn, nearly ran over James. Unbeknownst to any of the four gathered in the Entrance Hall, Rianna came up short behind Remus, breathing slightly heavily and wondering why so many people had simultaneously left the Great Hall in pursuit of each other. The answer came in the form of an angry outburst from Evans.

"Don't you dare touch me, Chester!"

The Ravenclaw boy who was directly behind Lily sneered and grabbed her wrist, forcibly stepping much closer to the redhead than she was clearly comfortable with. "Why should I? Is this a game to you, then, Lily, is it? Don't act so innocent, you want me to-"

A jet of yellow light struck Chester with a considerable amount of force, knocking him sideways into the marble staircase. An incensed James stood over him, the tip of his wand actually smoking from the violence with which he'd shot the spell. Everything about the seventh year roared with rage from the hatred in his eyes to the quivering hand which held his wand.

"Apologize," he snarled. The command was non-negotiable. Lily stood a short ways away, her mouth hanging open from the suddenness of it all, eyes darting from the sprawled and wheezing form of her date to the upright one of her benefactor.

It was clear that Chester was, in fact, trying to apologize, but his unfortunate run-in with the stairs had probably cracked a few ribs. The pain was preventing him from speaking correctly but this apparently did not go down in Potter's book as a viable excuse. He advanced on Pharlan purposefully.

"Whoa, mate, calm down," Remus advised, grabbing James from the back and pulling him in the opposite direction. "He needs to go to the hospital wing, you may've done some serious damage." The werewolf glanced around anxiously and his gaze landed on Rianna. He looked meaningfully at her, which she took to mean she was supposed to help him should he need it. The firewitch tried to crunch some quick numbers in her head about how many men it would take to subdue Potter, but to everyone's surprise, he took a step back of his own accord.

"Don't ever- EVER touch Evans again. Ever! Three feet of parchment on what makes you such a slimy git. You can work on it while you're in the hospital wing. Keep your hands off of her, or I'll be finishing what I just started." A vein was throbbing in Potter's jaw. It quieted as he glanced at Lily.

Suddenly, it seemed like the fire ran out of him. "Look, I'm sorry," he started, holding his hands up in defeat. "I just- I- I saw him and the whole night, he just," he made a face as though he'd just swallowed a lemon, "wouldn't keep his hands to himself and then just now-" He looked pleadingly at Lily.

For a few seconds, Rianna just stared in amazement the wonder that was James Potter. In one second, he'd turned from a blazing column of masculinity, doling out vigilante justice to perverts everywhere into a pleading, helpless, hurting puppy dog wanting so badly to be forgiven.

Lily's rejection of James was, by now, infamous throughout the school. Consequently, he was not the only one who was surprised when she said simply, "Thank you."

Incredulous and caught off gaurd, James could only stammer, "Of- of course. Anytime."

"I think I'm all funned out," Lily continued weakly. "Umm..." She glanced around at everyone assembled. "I'm sorry to have caused everyone all this commotion. Rianna, why are you here?"

"Oh, uh...well, if you must know, in your haste to leave, you accidentally shoved me rather forcefully." It sounded pretty stupid as she said it, considering that the haste was justified. It seemed rather base to admit she'd been meaning to give the shaken Evans a piece of her mind, so she improved a half-truth. "I came to see if everything was all right...you seemed upset...Pharlan seemed pissed..."

Lily nodded. "Thanks. I'm fine, really. Thanks to Potter." She glanced briefly at him, seeming not to notice his cheeks coloring slightly. "I think I'll just go to bed." She forced a small smile for everyone's benefit.

"What? No!" James objected. The others turned to stare at him. Due to a mutual, unspoken consent, everyone had decided to ignore Pharlan on the floor. "Don't go," James added softly, looking at the love of his life who had never given him the time of day. "Don't let him ruin your night, don't- ...don't let him get you down or- or make you cry or anything. It's his loss, not yours." He licked his lips nervously and continued. "Come back to the dance. Please."

Lily was looking uncomfortable and slightly embarrassed. "Really, Potter, I'm fine. My feet hurt from dancing, my shoes are a bit small, actually. I'm just tired." At his unconvinced look, she added, "Really!"

"Then don't dance," James switched to a different track. "Just sit....talk...eat, or something."

Lily closed her eyes, shaking her head slowly. "Look, Potter, I'm really grateful to you. I appreciate your championing me, but I don't think...that will..." she trailed away awkwardly, not knowing how to tell him to his face that his actions had not instantly warmed her heart to him. It was not that simple a thing to do, falling in love.

"No worries, then," James continued doggedly. "I understand. It won't mean anything, I promise. Can we just sit and talk? Evans, we've been in the same house, in almost all the same classes for seven years now, and I still haven't called you by your first name out loud."

"...Out loud?" She quirked an eyebrow, the question hung, as though suspended between the years he had loved her, and she had brushed him aside.

James's mouth snapped shut abruptly and he turned a healthy shade of crimson. "Uh...you know."

Lily was suppressing a smile, looking around anywhere but at James. "Okay," she quipped then. "Alright Potter. No strings attached, right?"

He placed a hand over his heart and solemnly stated, "On my honor."

She smiled. "I'm Lily, by the way." She extended her hand. James was grinning from ear to ear. He grasped her hand so tenderly, Rianna was forced to look away, embarrassed. As he opened his mouth to make his own introductions, Lily interrupted him. "No need to ask who you are. Quidditch stars are pretty well-known." As his blush intensified and grin widened, Lily continued, almost laughing now. "The rumors about what you can do on a broomstick fly more fantastically than I imagine you do."

There was a decidedly unchaste twinkle in Potter's eye as he returned immediately with, "Oh, I don't know about that..." Then, as though remembering she thought him cocky, he added, "But you shouldn't pay much attention to rumors."

"Shouldn't I?" Lily was saying as the pair walked towards the Great Hall.

"No." he stated firmly. "What you should do, is come watch a game and decide for yourself."

It was a grinning and easily chatting pair the doors of the Great Hall closed on. "Wow," Rianna said, looking around at the remaining two. "Just wow." She blinked a few times, then shook her head to clear it. Remus was grinning almost as much as James.

"What're YOU so happy about?" Rianna demanded.

"Nothing. It's just, those two..."

Rianna laughed. "I guess some people just can't escape themselves, huh?"

"Guess so."

A weird, gurgling noise brought them both back down to earth. Rianna wrinkled her nose. "Ugh, what do we do about that?" She kicked his foot, looking at him in disgust. Remus looked around the corridor, but no one showed up to cart him away.

"I suppose we should deposit him at the hospital wing..."

They wrestled a groaning and whining Chester Pharlan up, creating a kind of human cradle. Remus hefted his upper body awkwardly, trying not to rip out any more ribs, or hurt him too much, while Rianna awkwardly carried his feet, trying not to let his shoes muck up her pretty dress robes and afraid to take them off in case of any noxious fumes.

"Ugh, careful, careful," Pharlan wheezed desperately at Remus. "I think my shoulder's also probably broke- eurgh!"

Remus looked slightly worried, but Rianna kicked him swiftly in the back. "Shut up! Be thankful he's carrying you at all!" As they made their slow, unsteady way up to the hospital wing (which turned out to be a surprisingly long way away from the Great Hall), she was sure to voice all her frustrations with him out loud.

"Stupid git," she panted when they were more than halfway through their journey and had set him down for a quick break. Remus was massaging his back and Rianna bent backwards, trying to even out the strain on her spine. "Okay, ready," she said presently and they started up again.

When they finally reached the hospital wing, and chucked Pharlan unceremoniously onto an empty bed, Rianna stood over him, panting slightly and fixing him with an evil look. "You realize I'm missing the dance and the feast because of you? Because you couldn't keep it in your pants for two minutes? Horny pervert! I've a mind to beat out the remaining bones in your body as well. Hmph!" She glanced up to find the small, first year boy from across the room staring at her in wide eyed amazement. Rianna clamped her hands over her mouth, eyes darting to Lupin.

"What's he gone and done, then?" the boy inquired, nodding at Pharlan. "What didn't he keep in his pocket?"

She bit her tongue to keep from laughing out loud and said quickly, "His wand." Catching Remus's eye, she turned around quickly, not trusting herself to keep from bursting out laughing and was met with the sight of Sirius Black hunched over the patient in the next bed, feeding her something and muttering quietly.

"Black!" she said sharply, innuendos all but forgotten.

He glanced up, nodded briefly at her and returned to whatever he was doing. Odd behavior indeed, from one who would not pass up a chance to complicate a delicate situation.

"Are you force-feeding that poor girl something," she hissed, stepping closer with narrowed, suspicious eyes.

Behind her, Remus muttered softly, "Speaking of those who can't escape themselves..." His date spared a moment to roll her eyes at him, then returned to watching Black.

It was a curious sight, because while with one hand he was feeding her the potion, the other was softly stroking her hair. He straightened up only when the concoction was thoroughly drained and the girls sleepy eyes closed all the way. As he stepped away from the bed, her hand reached up and she murmured quietly, to which Sirius replied with quiet shushing sounds.

Taking the empty flask and tray by her bedside, Black turned and brusquely left for the back room. "What was that all about?" Rianna inquired, turning to look at Remus. He shrugged, his attentions spread across the various instruments of the room.

As Remus began to explain his fascination with the healing arts, voices drifted in from the back, getting louder as their occupants neared. "Mind you don't get into any more trouble now, Black," the nurse was saying. "You were a great help, as always." The two emerged from the back room, smiling.

"Not at all. This was loads easier than the usual," Black was saying.

"You can leave," the nurse said. "Enjoy what's left of the feast. Off you go now-" Her eyes fell on the newest charge and she frowned. "What's happened here?"

As Remus opened his mouth to explain, Rianna tapped his foot anxiously a number of times and he shut his mouth, glancing at her.

"He was at the bottom of the stairs outside the Great Hall, Madam," she started, with an straight face. "By the time we got to him, no one else was around." Which was true enough, in its own way. The nurse glanced sharply from Pharlan to Fey, weighing the story. "He must have had a nasty run-in with the stairs- marble's so unforgiving," she finished.

"Hmm...I suppose it is," the nurse said testily. A soft, discreet pinching of Pharlan's leg insured he nodded when the Madam turned to him.

"Oh, and I'm not sure why," Rianna spoke up again, cocking her head to the side in innocent curiosity. "But as we were bringing him up here, he kept insisting we give him three feet of parchment. Something about a homework assignment he absolutely had to turn in. He wouldn't stop crying until we assured him he'd get it in the hospital wing."

"Homework is not the priority right now," the nurse said with pursed lips. "But it will be seen to. Now you kids had best hurry or the dance will be over soon. Such dangerous things these children get up to these days..."

Remus and Rianna wasted no time in making themselves scarce. As soon as they had closed the door of the infirmary behind them, Remus turned, grinning to his date. "Marble is so unforgiving?"

The firewitch pretended to straighten out her skirts and tossed her hair. "Well, it is. Anyhow, Potter was doing the right thing- no sense in having him creamed for it."

"I was actually surprised he contained himself," Moony admitted.

"So James did try to kill Evans's date, after all," Sirius noted. Rianna jumped slightly. She hadn't realized Black had been just behind them. "And you," he added, looking at Rianna. "Keeping his nose clean? I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it myself. Maybe you're not as bad as all that."

Rianna merely rolled her eyes and tossed her hair again. In lofty tones she intoned, "Yes, well, I'm not the only one full of surprises tonight, it would seem. That was quite the entrance, was it not?"

Sirius was always one to appreciate a well-deserved congratulatory comment. He grinned, and as the trio entered the Great Hall, it was plain that the festivities had not, in fact, died down. It had seemed to them as though a great deal of time had passed but as it turned out, the party was still in full swing. And it soon became apparent that the night, too, was not through with her surprises...

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Wow, updated after so long! I hope my early readers are still with me and forgive me for the long lapses between updates! T.T