Clipboard safely tucked under one arm; she mounted the steps, which led up to the ominous looking factory doors. Once at the threshold, she gave a backward glance over her shoulder to the still closed gates.

"Really," She muttered to herself, her breath expelling from her in a small puff due to the cold. "If he thinks a little gate is going to stop me, Mr. Wonka has another thing coming to him entirely." She stiffened and straightened her skirts and stockings. It had been a bit of a squeeze, but obviously Wonka had not foreseen a thin person might have reason to intrude.

She smoothed her manicured hands down the front of her white blouse and then moved to stand right at the doors, peering over their surface for a knocker or doorbell of some sort.

"Mr. Wonka...?" She called at the doors. Surely with a factory of this size, there was no way he did not possess the technology that would alert him to her presence. Then again, she had heard stories, the same ones everyone else had heard in addition to the ones provided by her colleges before she set out. This was her first go at this though and if they thought she was going to be intimidated by an eccentric chocolatier recluse they would find themselves sorely wrong.

"Mr. Wonka...I have no doubt you that know who I am and the reason why I am here." She continued sternly to the door. "Now, if you will kindly admit me we could get on with this and I can leave you to your factory once more."

There was a long beat of silence. The snow was starting to seep through the toes of her pumps and her coat was doing very little to ward off the bite from the wind. "Honestly..." she huffed and leaned to press against the door, eyeing through the crack to see if she could spot anyone moving about within.

To her great surprise, the door budged inward with her weight pressed to it. Startled, she parted from the door and stood back a moment, eyeing the now slightly ajar door. "Oh yes. He's just as brilliant as everyone says," she snorted dryly while pulling up her clipboard and jotting down a note before then checking a few boxes, "Leaves the door open to his impenetrable fortress. Tuh. Right. And here I thought he had a spy problem or some sort of rubbish like that."

Pressing inward she strode with purpose over the lush crimson carpet way. The long hallway that stretched before her was empty, cold, sterile and colorless aside from the plush carpeted pathway.

"Mr. Wonka." her severe voice echoed emptily through the hallway, the sound of her clacking heels the only other noise reverberating against the walls. "I'm not here to play hide and seek now. You knew I was due today so you best come out and get things over with Mr. Wonka. I really must insist."

"Mr. Wonk--AAAHHHHHHHH!"

The floor had suddenly fallen out from beneath her feet, she was thrown to her bottom and immediately began careening at an alarming speed down what seemed to be a shock pink tunnel. Faster and faster she slid as the tunnel's incline became steeper and steeper, she screamed, fighting against her flaring skirts to see where she was heading. Darkness below her, darkness above, the light only seeming to follow her as she fell.

The tunnel turned to a straight downward drop, her clipboard flew from her grasp, her glasses toppled from her face sticking only through entanglement of her hair once tightly drawn into a bun, now disheveled and falling from it's tight binding.

The tunnel went pitch.

"Welcome to my factory..." An automated voiceover echoed from around her, "You have tripped my security system, isn't it great?. If you are an Oompa Loompa please brace yourself for impact and have ready your worker's compensation forms. If you are a dirty, no good, stealing, thieving, spy then you're in the right place. If you're none of the above, please press the emergency break located on your left."

Panicked, she flung herself toward her left, smashing her hands against the wall, frantically feeling over the surface of the tunnel slipping faster and faster past her fingertips. "WHERE IS IT?" she shrieked out desperately.

"Oh hee heh. Haven't had that booger installed yet have I?" The voice announced sheepishly.

She cried out.

"STOP THIS!" she moaned, wishing for some way to stop in the tunnel or just to slow herself down. "HELP ME!"

All at once, she found herself free of the tunnel, freewheeling through empty black space, through nothingness. She shut her eyes tightly, pulling her arms in and preparing herself literally to be broken to bits.

When the impact came, it was not from below her however, but from above. Something had caught her by the ankle and now dangled her over the surrounding blackness.

A cold sound as the lights snapped on. Tchk. The room was illuminated by harsh florescent light, her nose not an inch from a black and white checkered floor. Her ankle was released and she kissed the chessboard floor. Her clipboard clattered to the floor next to her.

"Uhn..." leaning up to her hands and knees, her fingers flew to find her glasses. They scarcely hung from her hair, and a few strands were pulled and sacrificed in order to smash the lenses back to her face quickly. This had been accomplished just in time to note the approach of an oozing substance.

"Oh!" she uttered, scrambling backwards from it, snatching her clipboard and drawing herself up to her feet. Shaky on her heels, she clattered backwards from it only to have it sweep forward and envelope most of her shoes.

It began to harden there instantly, sticking her firmly in place. She was stuck good!

She glanced up only in time to note his approach. She blinked, breathing hard and looking quite disheveled, she couldn't help but notice his impeccable appearance, topped off with a top hat, as well as bizarre bug-eye sized shaded glasses.

"Mr. Wonka!" She shouted at him vehemently.

He said nothing as he moved forward, striding effortlessly over the hardened lime-green goop.

She abandoned her shoes.

"Mr. WONKA." she could have been breathing fire. "You are in a serious amount of trouble. Do you know who I am?" Damnit all, she couldn't even tell if he was looking at her or not! "Mr. Wonka... I am from the Factory Inspection Agency and have I news for you! I've not stepped into your factory more than ten feet and already you are in violation of at least seven of the strictest codes! Oh, and you'll be reimbursing me for those shoes you mark my words on that. Those designer shoes," She punctuated, aiming a finger back at the pumps. "Though that will most certainly be the least of your troubles!"

When she stormed to stand right before him, he quietly turned on his heels and began to walk straight away from her.

Her mouth dropped agape.

"Mr. Wonka! Do you realize the ramifications of this?" she picked up her pace directly behind him and barefoot, peering down to her clipboard and writing frantically across the rumpled papers. "Wait one moment! Where do you think you're taking me? I'm not taking another step into this...hell mouth. Do you hear me?"

He wheeled around, her reflection in his darkened glasses staring her down with a stern, scrunched face. His gloved fingers lifted to the sides of his face and a tiny set of insertable earphones were extracted. He smiled.

"Pardon?"

Her eyes widened in retribution.

"Easy listening." He said in an explanatory tone "helps me relax." said as he tucked the earphones away somewhere. "This way if you please?"

"Where are you taking me? Do you realize who I am Mr. Wonka?"

"A spy of course silly. You tripped my alarm system...therefore you must be a spy. Besides, I wasn't expecting any visitors today."

"A SPY...and don't you mean booby trap?" she shouted after him incredulously.

"It's good that you admit to being a spy. That's the first step you know." He flashed her a smile before it quickly fell away and he turned to walking once more.

Her own mouth fell open wide and then snapped shut, "Mr. Wonka." She seethed through her teeth "I am Nadia Mindle. You no doubt have received several notifications concerning my arrival."

"I vaguely remember something like that... but you weren't' due till Tuesday silly." did he just...titter?

"Today IS Tuesday!"

He stopped and turned to look at her flatly. He stood there for a very long moment, before he checked his pocket watch. Finally he said a little distantly, "It's always Tuesdays... for some reason. Tuesdays... Tuesdays..." He muttered to himself while turning to press on.

"You know," he went on aimlessly as he walked on, swinging his cane in one hand "I don't much care for Tuesdays. I think that's why I always get so crazy, muddled up with them."

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah. They're kinda just stuck in there aren't they? Not the beginning of the week, that's Monday. Wednesday marks the middle...Thursday, well Thursday's the day before Friday and Friday... well Friday needs no excuse!"

It was when he smiled again after that, that she decided she should not have been sent to do this inspection alone.

"Mr. Wonka... would you please remove those absurd glasses!"

"Jealous?" he asked with a smug smirk.

"Jealous?"

"Spies are usually jealous, or they're working for jealous people. That's why they become spies."

"I've already told you...I am not a spy!"

Whiskers and Claws

"Put me through to Mr. Lexhorn, please," said Nadia, mustering more calm than she would have wagered herself capable.

"Of course, Miss Mindle," came the nasal reply from Mr. Lexhorn's buxom secretary, a woman who Nadia had never actually witnessed typing anything. This did not seem to quell the frequent dictation sessions that took place in Mr. Lexhorn’s office. Remarkably, Mr. Lexhorn’s need to dictate his outbox increased significantly during weeks when Mrs. Lexhorn was away visiting her mother.

Nadia braced for the familiar crackle and trumpeting drone of the hold music, but instead heard the muffled handling and distant whispers of the telephone being passed from one hand to another.

"Nadia! Darling! How did the Wonka inspection fare?" A throaty laugh punctuated the facetious concern. Nadia shut her eyes and silently counted to five. If she'd owned whiskers, they'd have twitched.

"I'm afraid that Mr. Wonka needed to reschedule for tomorrow..." She was not about to regale Ms. Cevil with the tale of her defeat that ended with Prada pumps being suspended for all eternity in what she suspected had been sour apple-flavored lacquer.

"Tsk tsk, Nadia! Don't you know that Mr. Wonka always reschedules? Poor girl...perhaps you'd like someone sent out to take over?" It was asked oh-so-innocently and Nadia nearly pounced on the offer, recalling the madness that lurked around the edges of Wonka's smile, but at the last moment she thought better of it. Alongside Wonka, Nadia had a picture in her mind of Ms. Cevil's catlike grin and what she would undoubtedly report to Mr. Lexhorn. Nadia could just see Ms. Cevil's eyes narrowing into pleased slits, waiting for Nadia to admit defeat and return home with her tail between her legs.

"How kind of you to offer, Ms. Cevil, but that is really completely unnecessary. You see, I did have the opportunity to speak with Mr. Wonka today. In person." She allowed a moment to pass for this to sink into her supervisor's devious mind. "As it turned out, his factory door was...open to me. I did receive a...preliminary, if not swift, tour of a small portion of the facility but there is a great deal to inspect and this shall take longer than a few days." Nadia thought she could hear Ms. Cevil's gleaming grin vanish and her gloating feline purr abruptly cease.

There was a pause that contained only silence.

"You mean he let you inside?" asked Gloria Cevil, hardly capable of concealing her astonishment.

"Of course," answered Nadia smoothly. Suddenly, she felt rather like she was enjoying a dish of cream herself. But Gloria was quick to recover and Nadia imagined her flexing malicious, curving claws.

"I see. Well, surely now you see that I have handed you the opportunity of your career. Mr. Lexhorn will expect you to conduct a very thorough and detailed inspection. I do hope you thought to bring along the most recent volume of codes?" This was asked as Gloria fingered lovingly over the cover of the thick manual perched atop the secretary's desk.

Nadia suppressed a groan. She should have foreseen this...and known that Ms. Cevil made it too easy to accommodate her trip to Wonka's quaint little town.

"Kkkkkqqqwwwwkkkk...I shall...kkkqqqwwkkkqqq...hotel...kkkqwwiickkkk...report...kwwkk..."

Ms. Cevil raised a sharply arched, pencil-thin and tapered brow. "Nadia?"

Nadia smirked and placed the telephone in its cradle. She had enough shrewdness and presence of mind to end the call before Gloria had the opportunity to inform her that she was not about to authorize any additional expenses on the Wonka trip. Nadia extracted her wallet from her handbag and slipped the metal-colored credit card from a sleeve. She'd do best to put it to use before old Cevil thought to shut it down.

Despite that his face was lined in deep scores and crags like a roadmap of age, the old fisherman's expression of suspicion giving over to surprise could still be discerned. It was not often that anyone came into his shop requesting to purchase a wet suit...but a woman, no less. It was quite out of the ordinary. One thing was certain though, the girl could fill out the diving gear.

Nadia had approached the mission with businesslike briskness, tugging at the seams of the thick, rubbery material and testing its stretch. While she disappeared into the fisherman's storage room to try the thing on for size (much to his amusement, she'd asked where the fitting rooms were located) Nadia dreamt of clever methods of reinserting herself into Wonka's realm.

"Be prepared," she reminded the cardboard cutout of a smiling cartoon whale that leaned against the wall. Nadia adjusted a few clasps and emerged to take a few turns for the fisherman.

"I really won't be needing the flippers," she announced as she flopped her webbed feet absurdly against the floor. "Although the goggles might be a good idea." Nadia peered around the shop and ignored the old man's gaping expression. "I don't suppose you sell parachutes?"

There were no pretty pink pumps on her feet this time. Nadia was prepared, in running shoes and a diving suit, she looked somewhat like a makeshift heroine for a second-rate comic. She'd pulled her stick straight, long dark brown hair into a high ponytail and fixed the small, yellow-tinted goggles over her eyes. Two could play at the unusual eyewear game, Mr. Wonka.

Around her waist was secured a nylon belt with a series of small pouches attached. These, of course, contained small necessities such as the old-fashioned skeleton key of her hotel room door, her corporate credit card and identification, a good many folded or rolled up forms that must be signed by Wonka, a stopwatch on a silver chain, three ink pens, one strawberry flavored lip balm and a miniature notebook which she intended to fill with details and inevitably...violations.

Nadia waited, crouched in the shadow of the alley next to the candy shoppe. She performed a few warm-up deep-knee bends and jogged in place to quiet her nerves while she awaited the Wonka delivery truck. Her window of opportunity to stow away would be very narrow, she knew. When the grape-colored truck came rumbling into view, Nadia observed with excitement as the driver went around to the back of the truck and unlocked the door. It rolled up toward the roof and the driver disappeared. She watched as a glowing light winked into existence and then winked out again. When the driver finally emerged, he pushed a bright yellow hand truck with cases of Wonka candy stacked high. The sweet little bell on the candy shoppe door tinkled faintly and Nadia darted for her bounty before she had time to second-guess the mission on which she was about to embark.

With surprising nimbleness, Nadia leapt onto the truck and scuttled quickly along. The truck was not lit and she had to brace her hands against the sidewall. She followed it down toward the cab of the truck and was beginning to ponder the somewhat disturbing idea that the interior seemed to be a great deal longer than the exterior. This was quickly chalked up to nervousness and Nadia was distracted from thinking about anything as the doors behind her were shut with solid latching sounds and the engine growled to life.

Ha! thought Nadia. If this went even half as well as she hoped, then she'd be able to complete a full inspection in only a day's time! Updated book of codes be dashed! Nadia could have ticked off a dozen violations of Safety Rules and Regulations without the need to check the newest statutes and limitations. She was enjoying a fantasy of the expression that would overtake Ms. Cevil's smug sneer when she returned with a fat report in hand when the truck slowed and then groaned to a complete stop. There were a great many industrial noises and a few jarring sensations made as the truck was docked. Nadia waited in silence for several minutes, awaiting a cue that it was safe to explore.

That cue came in the form of a whooping alarm sound that rang out three times. It sounded like an air horn accompanied by a deep bass that thrummed in her belly, causing a strangely pleasant-yet-unpleasant sensation there that was something between a tickle and an itch. Next she heard Mr. Wonka's voice echoing. "LUH-LUH-LUH-LUH-ZWANG! Doris could you bring me my disappearing cocoa bean tea? You're just a dear. How's the kids? And I'm out--" The intercom made a static clicking noise as it went off.

The next two minutes stretched as far as eternity, with Nadia far more acquainted with the quickened pace of her heart and rapid, shallow rise and fall of her chest than she wished. Finally, when the silence seemed to become deafening, she crept toward the back of the truck and began to search for a latch. Without warning, the roll-up door went flying to its open position with an impossibly loud CLACK! Each truck that lined the docking bay had opened at precisely the same instant. Nadia peered cautiously around and did not emerge until she was satisfied that she was alone. The loading zone was an expansive room with a hanger-like entrance that was secured with a huge, complicated locking mechanism. Nadia craned her neck to gaze up at the gears and pulleys of all sizes that somehow worked together to keep Wonka in his fortress and intruders...out.

Well, all but one intruder.

The room funneled back to a single door that Nadia presumed led into the famous factory. This time, the normal-sized door was not slightly ajar, but it was also not locked, nor did it even appear to possess a locking device. Nadia stepped closer to the door and it swung silently open of its own accord. She stepped suspiciously back, checking the floor for signs of trapdoors, and the moment she stepped away the door swung shut again. A few curious steps forward and backward had the door opening and shutting each time. Nadia laughed at herself. It was no different from the automated doors at a local market! Finally, she crossed the threshold and never even thought about looking back once the door closed behind her. Had she done so, she might have witnessed that a keyhole appeared on the smooth, unblemished surface of the door. And just as Nadia was far enough away to not hear it, there was a soft click as a lock was set in place.

"Hmph. Easy listening..." Nadia rolled her eyes. There was a faraway, tinny sound of music being piped into the otherwise completely unremarkable hallway lined with sterile-looking doors. Nadia continued all the way down to the end of the hall, which simply stood as a blank wall. She looked over her shoulder to measure the distance she'd gone, and again had the odd and disturbing feeling that the corridor seemed to have grown longer than the span she had walked in such a short amount of time. This useless speculating was quickly shrugged off and exchanged for a consideration of which door to try first.

The doors had innocent-looking knobs. Simple, large, black and glossy. Nadia tried the first door on her right and found that it did not budge. Undaunted, she moved on to the next door, and ended up attempting half a dozen before one knob twisted in her grasp. As the door opened, Nadia found that she was peering into a dimly lit room that was wild with noise. It was the sound of industry, with metal clinking and slicing and pounding against metal.

Interesting...thought Nadia. Wonka soundproofed these rooms. He indulged in luxuries that most factories never even dreamt to employ! But why? For the workers? For the mysterious workers that Nadia was beginning to believe existed solely in the recluse's singularly disturbed mind? Nadia stepped inside and paid no heed to the door that shut behind her...she was too involved in sniffing and inhaling. It smelled divine in there! It was a delicious sugar and strawberry scent that wafted and clung to the air. She could very nearly taste it, and in fact, she was unable to prevent it when she opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue as a child would do to catch a snowflake. And indeed, as Nadia smacked her lips, she could detect a sweet strawberry flavor that she found very appealing.

"Mmm..."

The metallic symphony clattered and whirred and slowly Nadia came to her senses. This was not a pleasure trip! This was business! All business! And certainly she was currently witnessing a code violation...heavy machinery operating in the dark! It was downright dangerous! She began jotting down notes about the lack of proper lighting when the floor began to move beneath her feet. Nadia lurched violently and nearly lost her footing. This was no floor at all, but some sort of giant catwalk. She was about to tuck her pen and notepad safely into the confines of the little pouch around her waist when the catwalk suddenly increased in speed and jerked her violently. Nadia landed on her back and flailed a moment, growling as the notepad went flying into shadow. Just as she was beginning to right herself, something tightly ensnared first one wrist and then the other, binding them together in front of her very eyes. Whatever it was, the substance was wispy yet incredibly strong. Nadia reminded herself that she was prepared...she could handle this! She could handle anything! As the conveyor belt continued along in the darkness, it had finally come to a feeble blue light that illuminated the origin of the sharp metallic noises. The blue cast against the silver metal had only begun to crest the immense proportions of the thing that hovered above.

Nadia was not prepared.

It had eight gleaming appendages, four on each side. Those on the left ended in sharp, shining blades and those on the right seemed to have tiny sets of bone-like fingers that worked dexterously and at a speed to great for Nadia to follow. In the center was a bulbous, polished 'body' and two lustrous black spheres set above a searching pair of pincers that were opening and closing ominously.

Nadia screamed and the thing froze. In those three seconds that passed after her scream rang clear, one could have heard a pin drop. And then, quick as a flash and with barely time for her to struggle, one of its left arms swung forward and down, slicing over her closely enough that caught a strawberry-scented wave of air whooshing past. A flurry of swooshes followed, with Nadia rocking wildly back and forth to avoid being cut to ribbons.

"Stop! " she shrieked in utter panic. "NO!" she shouted, rolling desperately on her side to avoid another pass. Nadia screeched in pain as a blade caught the rubbery fabric of her diving suit and sliced through it easily, glancing over the skin of her thigh and immediately drawing a line of crimson. She was in a frenzy now, blind with fear and truly hoping she would just wake up now when the thing above her stopped its slashing and dropped down to gather her in its arms. Slowly at first, it began to spin her...treating her almost delicately. Nadia was turned in three revolutions before she really began to lose understanding of which way was up or down. The same wispy, strong substance that had bound her wrists was now being wrapped around her from head to toe. Faster and faster she was spun around until she was mummified in a pale, dear shade of tender pink until only her ponytail stuck out from the top of her head. Nadia's screams were muffled into the encasing stuff and her most fierce struggles were barely sufficient to move her at all. It was then that she realized that she could not breathe.

What Wonka and the Loompas Do During Break

Wonka took a short sip of his cocoa tea and set the seemingly empty glass aside before mounted the stairs to the small stage. The hall full of auditorium of Oompa Loopahs watched on with a collective and eerily identical smile gracing their features.

Wonka held up a hand as if to indicate 'one moment' before turning his back and giving his arms a shake. When he was ready, he wheeled back around holding up two fingers as if to indicate 'two words'. He then paused and took off his hat, he hunched down a bit, made a ghastly face and limped across the flooring dragging one foot.

One Oompa Loompa in the room stood up directly, standing on his chair and dictating to Wonka in a series of hand gestures and movements.

Wonka gave a laugh and said "Close!"

An Oompa Loompa dressed in yellow and white stood up on his chair next, waving his arms about wildly before going through another complicated series of motions.

"Oh Dang! Right you are Oscar! A-Vermicious-Kanid-wearing-a-bathing-suit-in-the-middle-of-winter-while-waving-a-ladel! No wonder I hired you folks...one more...we want one more?"

A collective high-pitched drone of laughter followed by a unanimous nod.

"Alrighty...lets see what we got here... ah..." Wonka straightened, held up three fingers once more indicating ‘two words’ and began in a slow and steady walk across the stage. His top hat was replaced graciously, and his cane was employed gentlemanly like in his walk. He stopped, peered at them, turned on a dime and continued his walk in another direction, unwitting of the pink and white bodysuit clad Oompa Loompa that jogged up to him from behind. The Loompa tugged on his pant leg and Wonka turned, his gaze immediately going down.

He crouched. "What's that?" asked with a gleeful smile. He was sure they'd guess this one.

"An-intruder's-stuck-in-the-Taffywool-ravler-and-is-screaming-bloody-murder?..." He stood at once, peering down indignantly at the Oompa Loompa "No! Of course not... that was me! You should have gotten that one easily!"

While Wonka looked rather crestfallen, the crowd of Oompa Loompas turned to one another and whispered in surprise.

The pink clad Loompa tugged at Wonka's leg again and he peered back down. "What's that?" he asked patiently, leaning down to lend an ear.

As the Oompa Loompa whispered urgently, Willy Wonka's face grew grim.

"Sound the alarm." he said in a low tone to a group of yellow Loompas and turning back to the pink Loompa he said, "Come with me, if you would please."

Holding a fierce grip to his cane, Wonka took a authoritative stride from his post on the stage and headed for the doors, an electronic drone of sirens, bells and great blasts of droning, repetitive ‘ERRRN’ sounded as colored lights began swirling all around the halls and corridors.