Help
Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Search
Books » Harry Potter »
Night Of The Voldemort Calamari
Author: Bleed Peroxide PM
I had a dream one night and remembered it very vividly. So I wrote it down on my blog, and figured it'd make for a funny, if not strange, fan fiction. So here it is. I assure you, no drugs were involved in the making of this dream.
Rated: Fiction K - English - Humor/Parody - Voldemort & Albus D. - Reviews: 9 - Published: 08-19-05 - Status: Complete
Larger Smaller Abc Abc Abc Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten Light Dark

It all started with my friend Nuku-chan, Sakura, and I at this boggy area that was supposedly near the school. (By the way, my high school does NOT have a swamp nearby.) We were just ambling along, and we were near this little decline that lead to the murky water. I noticed this odd circular shape poking out of the water with clamy skin, and this shiny black thing was facing us. I pointed it out to Nuku-chan and Sakura, and said, "What the heck IS that?" We looked at it, and then it winked lazily at us. We were like, "It's an organism!" We were starting at it, and decided to move along so we wouldn't disturb it.

As we were strolling along, I heard a breaking of branches and trees cracking in two. The three of us turned around, and saw that the same creature we'd seen was advancing on us slowly, and we saw that it had to be at LEAST 10 feet tall, with these eight arms wiggling under it like crazy as it went along. The three of us screamed and started running. Immediately the octopus-thing started, if you call it that, running at us with alarming speed...it reminded me a bit of when Sen was fleeing the No-Face in Miyazaki's "Spirited Away".

We slid down a steep slope where we saw Dumbledore, who was our Philosophy teacher in my dream. We were panting and trying to tell him that an octopus-thingy was chasing us, when we saw it barreling to us from the other side of the slope. We shrieked and pointed at it, and Dumbledore was unfazed, simply saying, "Tom, surely you could find a nicer disguise."

Immediately the octopus changed into. . .LORD VOLDEMORT! He was shorter than 10 feet, thankfully, and had this confident smirk on his skull-like face, and the satisfied look in those red, snake-like eyes definitely meant nothing good. He looked right at me as he said to Dumbledore, "Wise as always, Dumbledore, you caught me. I was wondering when I could get this Muggle by herself." Dumbledore looked at me with a tragic expression, and said sadly, "Take her." I was thinking, "YOU'RE HANDING ME OVER TO LORD VOLDEMORT! ARE YOU TWISTED!" Voldemort grabbed my arm, and said, "Let's take a journey, hm?"

We Apparated to the end of my caldesac, where there were at least 40 pissed-off pitt bulls waiting to rip apart the first person to rub them the wrong way. He gave me my wand back (I'd been wondering where I'd put it. . .in my dream) and told the dogs to attack. I yelled out the first spell that came to my head: "CRUCIO!" The dogs writhed around on the street and thus were defeated. Voldemort looked amused, and said, "You're a clever girl, I think I'll save killing you later." He then walked into my house, and sat down in my living room. "U-uh, w-what are y-you doing?" I asked, and he turned on the TV lazily and said, "I feel like watching this Muggle entertainment, have a problem with it?" I hasitily said no, and he replied, "No. . .I think I'll do something else."

He then proceeded to turn on my computer, log onto then change my dad's screen-name, and go into an adult chatroom. He was called Horcrux7x7, and people were so ignorant. He would make comments like, "Work was murder," or "Nate hasn't come home yet." (How did he know about HIM!) My mom came home for her lunch break and said lightly, "Oh, I see he's come to kill you. I think you'll be able to break the low-carb diet to eat some nutrients, hm?" And then my dream ended."

Review this Story
Share


Return to Top