|All I Can See
Author: Ammeh PM
There are some people you hate because they have what you don't. [MomoRyo, perceived MomoAnn, perceived RyoSaku]Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Angst/Romance - E. Ryoma & Momoshiro T. - Words: 651 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 6 - Published: 08-19-05 - Status: Complete - id: 2542873
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Author's Notes: I was getting really sick of writing Kajimoto's Strip Club, so I told Fated to tell me something and I'd write it. She asked for Momoryo, serious/angsty because she says I need to branch out. So, I present! It's 1 in the morning at the moment, so neither of us are inany state to beta this, but, as it's one in the morning, my brain says it would be a good idea to post it anyways. It will be betaed/edited later...when it's not one in the morning.
I hate her for the way she looks at you, and for the way you look at her. I hate her for her manipulations, and I hate her even more because I know they're for your own good. I detest her because she isn't detestable, because she's open and friendly and I should feel guilty about my own bitterness. Sometimes I do, and that just makes me hate her more.
I hate her because you fight over her, in the same way that you fight with me. And I hate her because she enjoys it, giggling, like you're both just pawns in her game. I hate her because she has him and yet she uses you.
I want to believe she doesn't deserve you, but my logic tells me otherwise. There are times when I don't know if I hate her or if I hate myself, because if you love someone, you want them to be happy, right? But I can't feel anything but bitterness, bitterness that she can give you that, and I can't, that you'd be happier with her than you'd ever be with me. Bitterness that she can have you and I can't. I feel nothing but bitterness, until I feel guilty for being bitter, and then I hate her even more for making me feel this way.
But no matter much I hate, I can never bring myself to hate you.
I know it isn't right, or fair, and that she can't help it if she has a crush on you. I know this in my head, but it doesn't stop the flare of anger whenever I see her following you, wringing her hands, stuttering as she speaks to you. I hate her because she doesn't deserve you, because you need someone stronger, someone fiery. And I hate myself because I've convinced myself of this, without knowledge of your feelings.
I may hate her, but on a layer less deep, I pity her. I pity her because I know how hard it is to get close to your heart, how you take what you need from the world and don't let anyone in. I pity her because she tries so hard and you give her so little. And yet, always, always, I feel like you give her more than you give me. So I hate her, and I feel awful about it, so I act supportive of the two of you… but I always resent it, deep down, and that just makes me hate her even more. So I hate myself for hating her, and I pity her because she doesn't deserve my hate, and then I hate her because I want to pity myself even more.
And even though you're probably the most deserving of the three of us, I can never make myself hate you.