A/N: A piece of utter silliness, born when my friend and fellow Xena fan (and the beta of my POTO story, "A Solo For the Living"), LadyKate, considered buying a replica of Xena's sword from eBay. Posted with her permission, and with sincere apologies to Andrew Lloyd Webber and whoever currently owns the rights to X:WP.

THE REPRODUCTION SWORD OF DOOM

In sleep it sang to me, in dreams it came,
That sword which calls to me and speaks my name
And do I dream again? For now I find,
The re-e-e-eproduction sword of doom is there, inside my mind...

It tempts you with a picture on the net,
Its power over you grows stronger yet,
And though your credit bill's two months behind
The reproduction sword of doom is there, inside your mind...

Those who have seen its price draw back in fear
"I'll pay it off!" you swear... At least, next year
My shipment and invoice in one combined!
The reproduction sword of doom is here - but where's my mind?

In all your fantasies, you always knew,
That sword which Xena wields was meant for you
And in this labyrinth, where sense is blind,
The reproduction sword of doom is here, inside your mind...