Pervert Fu R
Niklas "Hawk" Jonsson

Summary: Who knew that a spot of rain in the wrong place at the wrong time, could have such a huge impact on the Ranma-verse. Or perhaps that should be, a spot of rain in the right place at the right time? Ranmaverse AU.

Disclaimer: Ranma ½, the characters and whatnot are not mine, though I certainly wish they were! The story is mine though, all mine. This series deals with mature subject matters and violence. If this disturbs you, don't read. But if it does, then why the heck are you watching the show/reading the manga in the first place?

Feedback/Flames: Yes, please. Both of them are equally fun to read, although I must admit that I greatly prefer the first variety. :)
I can be found on ICQ as 21771860 or through e-mail as iamhawk at yahoo dot com, more stories are available at my nifty lil' site at hawksgalaxy dot com or by clicking on my handle up above if you're reading this on fanfiction dot net.

"speech"
emphasis/shouts/Kindred Domination/post-hypnotic triggers
/thoughts/
/telepathy/
translation
+soundeffect/radio/telephone conversation/TV+

Previously, on 'Pervert Fu'

"Airen learn too-too delightful technique since last we meet." Shampoo purred, looking up at him with an adoring expression, a devoted gaze and a shit-eating grin.

"Who's that... That... Whore?" Akane rumbled.

"This? This is Xian Pu, but I call her Shampoo as it's easier to pronounce. I met her in China and she's now one of my mistresses." Ranma replied, only to get elbowed in the ribs for his careless statement.

"Shampoo wife." Shampoo admonished him.

"We're still debating the issue." Ranma amended with a wry grin.

"You pervert! You Chinese bimbo whore!" Akane cried out, then charged at the couple.

"Too-too Cute Girl, is obstacle?" Shampoo inquired, looking up at Ranma.

"I'll set her straight. Don't do anything... Permanent... To her." Ranma said and removed his arm from Shampoo's shoulders, unleashing her at the charging Akane.

Roll credits

Chapter Three:

+Knock+Knock+Knock+

"I'm coming." a sweet voice which Ranma had learned to recognize as Kasumi from his examinations of the Tendo girls called from within and moments later, the door opened, revealing the girl in question. She looked curiously at Ranma for a moment, then identified the bruised listless heap he carried as her sister Akane. "Akane!" she exclaimed. "What happened? Come, please. Bring her inside."

"Sorry for intruding." Ranma automatically interjected as he crossed the threshold, well indoctrinated by his mothers teachings, and followed Kasumi's lead to the living room, where the parents, Kimiko and Soun, reacted in similar manners. Both of then whisked across the room in a hardly visible blur and liberated Ranma from his burden, jointly carrying her over towards a couch where they laid her out, fussing over her.

"What happened?" Kasumi repeated.

"She called another Martial Artist a 'Chinese Bimbo Whore' and then proceeded to attack her, which was a very bad idea. Shampoo is a far better Martial Artist then Akane is." Ranma reported. "She's not seriously injured, it's just bruises, a wounded pride and fatigue. I dressed the scrape and the three cuts she got. She'll be right as rain with a bit of rest." he continued, pointing out the wounds in question.

"Where is this... Shampoo?" Kasumi inquired, cracking her knuckles with a feral anticipatory look in her eyes.

"I figured it would be better for all involved if she didn't come here, so I sent her shopping." Ranma replied. "Akane was the aggressor, so she is the one at fault. Shampoo merely defended herself." he added, causing Kasumi to turn her attention to him.

"Who are you?" Kasumi inquired.

"Saotome Ranma, Heir to the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts." Ranma introduced himself with a bow, then his right hand hastily darted out and took possession of Kasumi's hand, upon which he placed a gentle kiss. He left out the part about also being the Heir to the Founding School in accordance to Genma's hint that revealing his status as Happosai's favoured apprentice would only serve to terrify his old friend Soun. "And whom might you be, fair maiden?" he inquired, glancing up at her with her hand still in his, his lips just barely removed from it.

"T-Tendo Kasumi." Kasumi stuttered out, before she recovered and pulled her hand away. "Anything Goes?" she inquired, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes. When Akane spoke of herself as the Heir to the Tendo School of Anything Goes Martial Arts earlier, I got a bit curious and took it upon myself to bring her safely back home, asking around to find out just where her home was." Ranma revealed.

Lying in order to get laid and/or just impressing women was a standard male tactic and apparently a manly trait, according to his mother.

Perhaps being a consummate liar explained why Nodoka had fallen for Genma, because Ranma certainly didn't find very much else about his father, other then his drinking and skills in the Martial Arts, that was in accordance to Nodokas opinions regarding manly behaviour.

"You're Genma's son?" Soun spoke up, having left Akane to Kimiko's tender care.

"I do indeed have that... Honour. Do you know my father?" Ranma inquired.

"Yes. We were apprenticed under the same Master." Soun revealed, shuddering as he recalled the horror of the last couple of years when the Master had shown up on a fairly regular basis, revealing that he was bored after Genma had left on an unexpectedly long training journey. It had kept Soun in shape and he'd learned a thing or two, but he would rather have gone without those benefits if it meant not having to see, hear or in any other way get exposed to the dreaded Master.

"Ah, you're the Soun he mentioned a few times. I never did get to hear your full name from him." Ranma lied. "Pleased to meet you." he added and bowed.

"You are aware of the promise to unite the Tendo and Saotome schools?" Tendo inquired.

"Unite the schools?" Ranma inquired, feigning confusion. "The two schools are to have a joint apprentice or something?"

"I'm home." a voice called from the entrance, a voice Ranma now recognized as Nabiki.

"Not quite." Soun responded. "My third daughter Nabiki just returned, I'll explain it once everyone is gathered. Kasumi, could you be a dear and serve our guest something to drink in the meantime?"

"Why should..." Kasumi started, then her eyes narrowed and she observed Ranma in silence for a brief moment, before she smiled sweetly and nodded. "Certainly, father. With pleasure." she added and nodded at Ranma. "If you'd come with me?" she invited and headed towards the kitchen, leaving her parents alone with Akane.

"Hey, Kasumi! You'll never believe what just happened at sch..." Nabiki started as she entered the kitchen, only to fall silent as she spotted Ranma. "You! You're the one who defeated Akane and then carried her off after that other stranger knocked her out!"

"You beat Akane?" Kasumi growled, spinning around and advancing towards Ranma.

"It was an honourable challenge, according to the traditions of the Amazon laws." Ranma responded as he took several steps back, holding his hands up in a defensive position.

"What laws?" Kasumi snapped.

"The Amazon laws. Or well, at least your modified version thereof." Ranma replied.

"What sort of nonsense are you talking about?" Nabiki demanded, joining her sister in staring down Ranma with equally menacing expressions directed at him.

"Well, Kuno said that Akane was an Amazon and that the one who defeats her gets to date her. So I assumed that she was part of an Amazon community here in Japan or something of the sort. She accepted the challenge and I defeated her, earning the right to date her. It sounds an awful lot like a modified version of the Amazon marriage law to me." Ranma explained. "But if you guys aren't part of an Amazon colony, then why is such a ridiculous tradition even in place to begin with?" he inquired.

"It was Kuno's idea." Nabiki snorted. "Akane went along with it, convinced that she'd never be beaten anyway." she added and backed down, apparently somewhat appeased by Ranma's explanation.

Kasumi, however, was not.

"So you beat up my baby sister?" Kasumi demanded, clenching her fists.

"I asked her out first and repeatedly offered to give up the challenge, if she'd just respond to my request in a more normal manner. She refused, accepted the challenge and she threw the first punches. So, I fought back and won. I did her no harm that fifteen minutes of rest wouldn't take care of." Ranma calmly explained. "She's in the state she is in now, because she made the mistake of attacking Shampoo, a far better Martial Artist then Akane is."

"But you still hurt my sister. You'll pay for that." Kasumi interjected.

"One moment, Kasumi. I would like to inform you that due to beating Shampoo and the recently mentioned Amazon laws, I've sort of been adopted into her family. As such, the Amazon laws apply to me as well. If you should happen to fight me and win, I am required by law to either kill or marry you." Ranma revealed. "And I must say, throwing the fight before such immense beauty and receive the privilege of marrying such perfection does sound awfully tempting at the moment." he added and winked at Kasumi, who blushed at the compliment, throwing her somewhat off balance.

"Weren't you going to date Akane?" Nabiki dryly interjected.

"No offence to your sister, she seems like an exciting gal and I certainly won't mind going out on a date with her to see if there's potential for something more there. But as a potential wife, Kasumi seem to by far outshine Akane." Ranma deftly replied and moved closer to Kasumi, grasping her hand and surreptiously pressing a few rather neat little spots, slowly rubbing his thumb over one of them as he continued to speak, gently letting a slight amount of Ki trickle out and into Kasumi through that thumb.

Which instantly flustered the young woman, causing her to loose track of her agitation and instead start to focus on the increasingly pleasant sensations which accompanied his touch. With a smile, Ranma reached out and grasped Nabiki's hand as well, repeating the process with her.

"As do you, fair maiden. What might your name be?" Ranma inquired, smiling at the now flustered Nabiki.

"Tendo Na-n-Nabiki." she stuttered.

"This family has truly been blessed, to house three such gorgeous creatures." Ranma announced, bending down to place a kiss on Nabiki's hand. "My name is Saotome Ranma, Heir to the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts."

"I knew." Nabiki breathed, swallowing nervously before she yanked her hand away, staring down at it and then over at Ranma with narrowed eyes. She clearly suspected something, but for whatever reason, didn't voice whatever suspicions she might harbour.

Ranma gave a mental shrug, he'd have plenty of time to work her over later. Though he made a mental note of the fact to up the pressure then, as Nabiki was apparently made out of somewhat sterner stuff then her sisters.

"What say you, beautiful Kasumi? Might you too, be willing to grant me the opportunity to get to know you in private? Mayhap over dinner, someplace nice? Would, Sunday around six o clock, work for you?" Ranma asked, turning to face Kasumi, turning her hand palm up and placing a gentle kiss in the palm of it, slowly closing her fingers over it. "My heart, such as it is, lies in your slender and capable hand." he said with a sultry purr.

"But my sister..." Kasumi protested and Ranma increased the flow of Ki somewhat.

"Only agreed to a date because I defeated her. You, I'm asking. What do you want, Kasumi-chan?" Ranma inquired, smiling gently at her. "What do you want?" he repeated, increasing the flow of energy yet again.

"I... I... I... Yes." she managed to get out, gulping nervously.

After having heard that, Soun quietly removed himself from the doorway and headed back towards the living room. It appeared as if he didn't even have to bring the promise up, at least not yet. The kids were doing just fine on their own and wouldn't need additional prompting. Not yet, at any rate.

Having received Kasumi's agreement for a date, Ranma turned his attention towards Nabiki and unleashed a devastating smile in her direction, which made the middle sister feel weak in the knees before he'd even opened his mouth to address her.

"I went over to the Tendo's and got myself a couple of dates for this weekend." Ranma replied, then blinked as he saw his fathers bruised and beaten body resting on the couch. "What's up with him?" he asked.

"Oh, you had a visitor earlier. A girl from China came by looking for you, a very attractive young girl named Xian Pu. She and your father had a brief discussion regarding her right to see you." Nodoka replied.

"Ah, yes. She did mention something about that, now that I think about it." Ranma commented as he recalled what Shampoo had said earlier.

"You know this girl? Is she one of your girlfriends?" Nodoka asked.

"Yeah, we met in her village back in China shortly after I got my curse." Ranma replied and scratched the back of his head. "According to the laws of her village, she's not my girlfriend, but my wife." he continued with a faint shrug. "Amazon marriages aren't registered as such with the Chinese government, so there's no paperwork for it. She's a good girl and as there's no record of me being married to her preventing a Japanese marriage, I've sorta let that slide."

"But... Will she accept another wife?" Nodoka asked in a worried tone of voice.

"She certainly has no qualms about mistresses, but we have yet to have a discussion about another marriage." Ranma replied, then blinked. "I am 'married' to some other girls from her village as well though. So she shouldn't have any issues with another wife, I guess." he reflected.

"Oh, that's okay then." Nodoka decided, then smiled as she observed her manly son. "How many wives do you have, Ranma?" she inquired.

"Five." he replied. "Xian Pu was the first of them, but I whipped a couple of other asses in my time there, which by their laws mean either marriage or death if the one defeated is still single. All the single girls decided to go for the marriage." he explained and scratched the back of his head. "Pops knocked me unconscious and headed out of the village, so I dunno where the others are. Shampoo managed to track me down though, so I'm guessing the others will show up sooner or later."

"Five marriages! And I wasn't there for a single one of them!" Nodoka wailed in abject depression.

"Well, there wasn't much of a ceremony. A Kiss of Marriage after their defeats and then jointly putting our hands against an ugly stone in the centre of the village, then it's apparently official." Ranma shrugged and wrapped his arms around his mother. "When I marry Kasumi, we'll have a large ceremony, all right?" he comforted her.

"Promise?" Nodoka sniffled and directed pleading eyes towards Ranma.

"Sure thing, mom." Ranma promised her with a large smile.

"Oh, you're such a good manly son!" she approved and wiped the tears from her eyes. "I'll just finish ironing these, then we'll get started on your training." she added and nodded at a small pile of shirts she still had to iron.

"All right. Sure thing. I'll just go grab something to eat in the kitchen in the meantime." Ranma declared, then spun his mother around half a lap, dipped her down low and pressed his lips against hers in a passionate kiss.

"You're such a good son!" Nodoka approved once the two of them had pulled away from each other and Ranma had pulled her upright again. She straightened out her clothes and took a deep breath to calm down her rapidly beating heart, swallowing uncomfortably as the passionate kiss had affected her more then she cared to admit. "With skills like that, it's no wonder that girls keep falling for you." she gushed.

"Aw, mom. T'was hordly nuthin'." Ranma modestly replied.

"Ranma, language." she sternly berated him.

"Sorry, mom." he apologized with a contrite expression.

"Very well. Run along and get something to eat, Ranma. I'll soon be done." she said, gave him a more chaste kiss then the one he'd given her, then turned back to finish her ironing.

"Sure thing, mom." Ranma agreed and headed for the kitchen.

"Such a manly son..." Nodoka murmured as she started ironing again, though the fingers of her left hand danced delicately over her lips for a couple of seconds before that. She shook her head to clear her mind and refocused on her work.

There would be time enough for other thoughts during their training.

Perhaps Happosai would be joining them as well.

Nodoka flushed at that thought, their training sessions were almost always more enjoyable when Happosai had taught Ranma a new technique or offered some suggestion to improve upon an old one, then needed a female subject to try it out on. The old Master had been hinting at the fact that Ranma may just be ready to learn the next level of his little Ki infusion technique, which was a favourite of hers ever since Ranma started practising it on her.

When Ranma had first learned that particular trick, Nodoka had been ecstatic and very enthusiastic about her son's new-found ability to cause a climax with a simple touch. It hardly seemed possible that there was room for improvement upon such a marvellous technique!

When he'd gotten better at it, she'd been forced to revise her position on that, as the climaxes grew more powerful then when he'd just learned it.

When he mastered it, she'd stopped being surprised, as he was now able to manipulate the strength, length, number and timing of the climaxes. The time when he'd set her up to have a moderately powerful climax once an hour for an entire day damn well nearly shattered her mind. Like clockwork for an entire 24 hours, she'd been given a climax such as she'd only dreamt that Genma would be capable of gifting her with.

Though it had been somewhat embarrassing as she'd had one while riding the bus on her way back home from her daily shopping, but she'd concealed it pretty well as a sudden bout of fatigue. The woman sitting right next to her had given her a knowing look however.

Nodoka was so lost in her hazy sensual dream world that she didn't notice that she nearly set the shirt she was ironing on fire until Ranma came running wondering about the burning smell he'd felt in the kitchen. After that incident, Nodoka managed to clear her mind and focus on the work at hand, until it was time for the evenings training session with Ranma.

The End! ( For now... )