Authors: Tsukiko Rain and Sapphire Dragon

Disclaimer: We don't own anything that has to do with Xenosaga. The ninja is property of Sapphire Dragon. Heck, the ninja IS Sapphire Dragon. XD

Just for clarification: All the characters are sitting at a table. For clarification purposes, this how they're positioned:

KOS-MOS Shion chaos Ziggy MOMO

Hammer Allen JinGaignunJr.

Chapter One: Fortune Cookies

"I love these things," Hammer muttered absentmindedly, pulling at the plastic surrounding the pale object.

They all sat at a rectangular table, all marvelling at the fortune cookies they held, all looking forward to their first vacation in a long time.

Shion had brought along KOS-MOS and Allen, neither of whom would have needed much convincing... Was it even possible to convince an android of something? KOS-MOS was just taking orders, anyway, and Allen... Well, best not to go there.

Jr. had agreed to come wholeheartedly, but Gaignun wouldn't let him escape so easily and had shown up as well.

chaos... Well... Hammer supposed that chaos just had nothing better to do. You could never really tell with that guy.

MOMO had followed Jr. Ziggy had followed MOMO. Jin had...

How DID Jin find out about this?

The only people Hammer missed were Matthews and Tony, who had decided to begin their break with a drinking contest. Fortunately, they weren't drinking anywhere near the building in which they sat with their treasures.

"So... Who's first?" Jr. grinned.

"I suppose I will be," Jin answered quickly. He may have intended to come across as simply willing to take the pressure from the others, but his tone of voice let through a small indication of want. He wanted to be the first to read aloud his fortune.

Jin removed the plastic from the curious little object and broke the cookie in half, shoving the pieces into his mouth without a second thought as he unfolded the small piece of paper.

He nearly choked.

Swallowing nervously, he glanced around the table. It was too much of a coincidence for them to believe him even if he read it word for word. ...No matter. He could show it to them as proof.

"You should not have been running a used bookstore," he read.

Everyone stared.

"No. There's no way that's what it says," Hammer reached forward and grabbed the slip of paper from Jin's hands. He stared.

Jr. stole it from Hammer and drew his eyes quickly over the text. "That really is what it says!"

"Weird," MOMO said with a somewhat confused expression, her elbows resting on the table and her head resting on her hands. She was kicking her feet back and forth beneath the table, emphasizing the appearance of childishness. That is, until...

"Ow!"

MOMO's eyes widened as Jr. cradled his leg.

"I'm sorry! I didn't realize you were that close!"

Ziggy glanced under the table in silence. How did he get that close? He better not have been trying anything...

"I'm next," chaos announced, quietly opening the cookie. Unlike Jin, chaos set aside the pieces for now. "Look behind you."

Jin's so-called fortune may have aroused curiosity, but chaos's was just plain weird.

"Well?" Jr. grinned. "Go on!"

chaos turned cautiously. Whatever was back there wouldn't --

"Aah!"

--catch him by surprise.

Suddenly, chaos was pulled from his chair by a pair of greedy hands that were attached, oddly enough, to what appeared to be a teenage ninja. The ninja pulled a rope from a hidden pocket and proceeded with the binding work.

Everyone stared at this odd scene for a moment, none standing to help the poor, silver-haired boy.

MOMO tugged at Ziggy's arm. "I don't wanna be next..."

"I'll do it, then," Ziggy volunteered. He didn't know what was in store for him, but the cyborg was sure he could handle it.

He broke open the cookie cautiously, pulling the slip of paper from it's container with the utmost care. You could never be sure what kind of trick was in these things.

"Toast," he said quietly.

"Hm?" Shion looked over at Ziggy. "Toast?"

"That's what it said. 'Toast'."

As Ziggy reiterated the fortune, a light scratching was heard above. It was almost like two rough objects were brushing against each other...

All unsaid questions were answered when a large pile of toast fell from the ceiling and onto Ziggy's head.

The ninja glanced up, apparently in the middle of shoving chaos's fortune cookie into the mouth of the tied-up boy. "Is it buttered toast?" she asked innocently.

Ziggy picked up one of the pieces, glancing over both sides. "No."

The ninja held out her hand toward Ziggy expectantly. The cyborg, not seeing any reason to refuse, placed the piece of toast he had been holding into her hand.

"Thank you!" The ninja grinned and continued to force the cookie into chaos's mouth. "It's only a cookie!" She tried to sound reassuring. "It won't hurt if you just eat it!"

MOMO was looking, frightened, at the result of Ziggy's fortune. She was debating whether or not to open her own cookie at all.

Shion cleared her throat. "I'll read mine next," she volunteered.

"B-But Chief...! You don't know what will happen!" Allen tried desperately to stop his superior from making what could be a very bad decision.

"Oh, Allen, it's only a fortune cookie. Nothing horrible will happen." Just to prove her point, Shion opened the cookie confidently amidst Allen's protests.

"Stop being so weird and... and... dramatic," she read. Even the stuttering had been word for word. Shion looked up at Allen again. "See? That doesn't have anything bad attached to it."

This reassured MOMO a bit. Maybe this cookie won't be bad, either...

Allen said nothing, but opened his fortune cookie. Maybe the Chief was right. Maybe the rest would just pick at them and not do anything bad.

Yeah, right.

If you don't hug Shion in the next sixty seconds, the ninja will take you away. Allen read the fortune to himself. As if she were confirming the message, the ninja looked up at him and grinned. Allen quickly looked back at the paper. This message will self-destruct.

"Gah!" Allen coughed as a puff of smoke rose from where the paper used to be.

"What was that?"

"What was what?" Jr. poked Gaignun in the side. The introvert seemed to have been the only one to notice.

"The paper went up in smoke!" Allen explained.

Jr. only laughed. "Shit, Allen, fortunes don't go up in smoke, idiot." He looked down at Allen's cookie. "You must just be mad because you didn't get one!"

Allen stared at Jr. Was he kidding? "B-But I--"

Jr. had already turned his attention back to Gaignun. "Go on!" he urged. "Open yours!"

The ninja, sitting on chaos's chest, looked back at Allen and pointed to the clock, grinning.

Twenty seconds left! Allen panicked. His face red, he stood and grabbed Shion's wrist from across the table, pulling her toward him. The Chief wore a very startled expression as she fell awkwardly into Allen's arms. It wasn't a bad place for either of them, really. In fact, it was rather warm and comforting. At least, it would be if they weren't draped across a table.

"A-Allen..." she whispered. "This is... uncomfortable..."

Allen's eyes shot open as he returned to reality and what he had just done.

"Ah! Um... Chief, I'm... Sorry! Sorry!" He released his superior quickly and slumped back into his chair, his face still red.

Hammer couldn't help but laugh. "I didn't know you had it in you!"

Allen slid down more into the chair, wishing that he could just disappear.

"Fine!" Gaignun's outburst drew the attention of all at the table. Jr. was grinning his biggest grin, happy that his brother had finally given in.

The dark-haired man tore the plastic from the cookie almost violently. He bit the cookie in half, holding one part in his mouth as he drew the paper from the other. He began to chew almost absentmindedly as he read the fortune.

Gaignun swallowed the half he had bitten off and read the fortune. "Choose your identity. Muahahahaha." In truth, the evil laughter had implied emphasis that Gaignun was, most simply, not at all willing to express.

Jr. shrugged. "You got a dud, Gaignun," he said with a hint of annoyance, leaning back in his chair. "I guess I'll--"

"I will read a fortune cookie," KOS-MOS interrupted.

Jr. almost fell out of his chair. "You don't even eat 'em! Why waste opening it? Damn."

"Shion encouraged my participation."

Jr. opened one eye from his relaxed position and rested his gaze on Shion. She was just sitting there, smiling.

"Whatever."

The ninja tugged at the rope around chaos. "Let's go," she said quietly, tugging at the rope. She tugged, but he didn't move.

"Hn?"

The ninja stood behind chaos and pulled with all her might. He still didn't move. So she stared. "You're too heavy."

chaos's expression relaxed.

"I'd cut your limbs off..."

His expression turned to panic.

"...but I don't want to ruin that wonderful body of yours," the ninja grinned as chaos seemed to relax again. "I'll let you alone for now." She touched the tip of his nose with her forefinger, grinning. "But I'll be back for you!"

With that, she was gone,and KOS-MOS began to read.

"A mysterious man will soon enter your life."

Shion's eyes opened wide. This "mysterious man" had better leave KOS-MOS right where she is.

MOMO gasped. "A mysterious man!"

Everyone turned to see what MOMO was looking at, and, surely enough, a very mysterious man came walking by. He wore a dark cloak that obscured all his features.

Jr. grinned evilly. "He won't be mysterious for long." The red-haired boy stuck a foot out and stepped heavily on the edge of the cloak, causing it to pull heavily at the man's figure and, ultimately, causing him to fall over.

"What was that for!" the man yelled, looking up at the people sitting at the table. His eyes widened. "YOU!" He screamed.

"YOU!" Everyone pointed accusing fingers at the man on the floor.

Margulis stood in the midst of an awkward silence and brushed himself off. Clearning his throat, he stared at Jin.

Suddenly...

"Die, Uzuki!" Margulis leaped across the table, but... missed. Instead of hitting Jin, Margulis slid down the length of the glossy table... and out the window.

"Oh, my," Shion held one hand over her mouth. One would guess she was sitting with her mouth open in surprise, but she was really just trying not to laugh her head off.

"Oh! Oh! Me next!" Jr. tore the plastic from his fortune cookie, broke it in half, and pulled out the fortune. "Ah, damn it!" He looked disappointed as he got up and closed the window.

"What was it?" MOMO asked.

"It told be to close the window," Jr. mumbled as he took his seat again. "Boring."

There was a banging on the glass that everyone ignored. If Margulis wanted to get back in, he'd have to find a different way to do it, even if it meant falling the three stories to the ground first.

MOMO pulled at the cookie. It was her turn, finally. Hopefully, it wouldn't be anything bad.

"Look out the window," she read.

Everyone turned just in time to see a large, white rabbit rise from below. Margulis turned, too, as it shot him with laser eyes. Suddenly, Margulis was gone.

Hammer stood to get a better view of the scenery below the window. "I hope he lands safely."

"Now why would you hope for something like that?" Jr. leaned back in his chair again. "Just hate him. The rest of us do."

"You haven't read yours yet, Hammer," Allen noted.

"Ah, right." He opened the cookie. "I wonder who's writing all this stuff, though. It's really creepy." Hammer opened the fortune and read the words aloud. "The world may never know."

In the darkness, a ninja grinned as she retreated.

Meh. That was one of the most random things we've ever come up with. XD

Hope you like.