|Keep from Crying
Author: opalish PM
She has Arthur, but he doesn't understand, can't understand what it's like to feel your entire world slip through your fingers and shatter on the ground.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Angst - Molly W. - Words: 398 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 2 - Published: 08-27-05 - Status: Complete - id: 2553742
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: HP isn't mine.
I wrote this as I was engaged in the weirdest IM conversation ever, involving everything from greek gods to zombies to pigs to batman to adoption to the emperor with no clothes to that song about big butts to...well, you get the idea. Anyway, DWS has a scary mind. Granted, mine is just as bad, if not worse...but still.
The worst times are when she has to laugh to keep from crying. Mostly Molly lives in a sort of numb haze, but sometimes the pain is sharp and immediate rather than dull and distant, and her eyes sting and she laughs because she's sick of tears.
And there are days when she breaks through the fog of indifference and the world is full of color again, no longer just muted shades of gray. On those days she lives as fully as she can, because if she loses herself in sunlight and blue skies, the pain of her brothers' deaths fades into the shadows of her mind and for a few moments, she can be free.
But mostly her hours are filled with a steady quiet melancholy interspersed with moments of wild grief, because she loved Gideon and Fabian and now they're dead.
She has Arthur, but he doesn't understand, can't understand what it's like to feel your entire world slip through your fingers and shatter into a thousand jagged shards on the ground. And she's so afraid that she'll lose him as well, terrified that she'll be left alone, that all she can do is cling to him and beg him to be careful.
The hardest thing to get over, though, is the knowledge that no matter what happens, no matter whether the war ends tomorrow or stretches on into a bloodstained eternity, she'll never be rid of the fear.
The fear never went away entirely, and it's back worse than ever now, now that she has seven children and more to lose than ever before.
Her children - even foolish, pride-blinded Percy - remind her so much of her brothers. Strong, willful, stubborn, brave as anything...so much like Gideon, so much like Fabian, and she sees their corpses in her dreams.
And she can't find it in herself to laugh anymore, not even to keep from crying.