Author: Sahara Storm PM
[Oneshot, genfic] The toddlers of Konoha argue over whose daddy is truly the best. Features Uchiha Kisho, Uzumaki Arashi, Hyuuga Sasame, and Nara Shikatori.Rated: Fiction K - English - Humor - Words: 2,334 - Reviews: 194 - Favs: 456 - Follows: 50 - Published: 09-05-05 - Status: Complete - id: 2567792
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N:- This adorable little plot bunny jumped up on me when I was writing SCB 7. Its sweetness is almost unbearable. There are a couple of references to Sasuke's Cherry Blossom, but it doesn't agree with the timeline. There are no real spoilers. Its pointlessness is redeemed by its cuteness.
Disclaimer:- What do you really think?
"Yes Daddy," the five-year-old chirped. "I love you too."
Smiling softly, Uchiha Sasuke put his child down into the playpen, ruffling his hair. Nodding to the teacher that sat at the desk not too far away, he walked out of the preschool compound.
Giving his daddy one last wave, Uchiha Kisho turned, and walked over to his friends in the corner of the playpen; Uzumaki Arashi, Hyuuga Sasame and Nara Shikatori. He took his place next to his best friend Arashi, and Sasame rolled some blocks over to him.
"Hey Kisho," Shikatori said in greeting, still concentrating on his complex building. He motioned to Sasame to hand him a blue triangle. "Didn't see you come in."
"Wasn't that your daddy I just saw?" Arashi asked, head down, positioning his blocks carefully. "I thought your mommy usually brings you to school."
"Oh, Hana is sick, and mommy had to take care of her, so my daddy just bwought me. Even though he has this like, really, really, really 'portant meeting in a few minutes, he still made sure to drop me off," the Uchiha said in five-year-old smugness. "My daddy's the best," he boasted.
The other three toddlers shared a dubious glance amongst themselves.
Sasame shrugged, lifting her delicate shoulders in a display of scepticism.
"If you say so," she said casually, toying with her blocks. "But ev'ryone knows that my daddy's the best."
Arashi snapped his blond head up, looking doubtfully into his cousin's eyes that were identical to his.
"Uncle Neji? The best?" He sneered. "I mean, he's alright, I suppose, but come on; no one can argue that my daddy isn't the bestest."
Kisho swung his head from his best friend to the girl, eyebrows raised.
"I can. My daddy's the best," he said haughtily.
"Nuh-uh," Arashi countered.
"Yuh-huh," he returned.
"Would you two stop it?" Shikatori interjected wearily. "Y'all can argue all you want. It's o'vious that my daddy's the greatest."
Sasame gasped, as if scandalised. Deciding to put an end to all of this, she planted her hands on her hips. The action knocked over the castle that she had been constructing, but she didn't seem to care.
"My daddy's a genius from a noble clan of Konoha," she enounced, sounding almost as if she were reciting it.
"So is my daddy," Kisho cut in. "And unlike your daddy, my daddy's the clan head of our clan," he added importantly.
"But there are only four people in your clan," Shikatori pointed out. "Your daddy, your mommy, you and your baby sister."
"What happened to everybody else, anyway?" Arashi queried, knocking over the small tower he had built.
"I dunno." Kisho shrugged offhandedly. "Anyway, my daddy's still the best."
The little Nara genius begged to differ.
"My daddy was the only one to pass the Chuunin exam the year he took it. He beat out all of your daddies." He nodded sagely to emphasise his point.
Arashi wasn't to be left out in the fatherly gasconading.
"My daddy was trained by the great J'raiya-sama. He still drops by the house sometimes. Says I might be as great as my granddaddy," he included complacently. "…Whoever he was."
"That's nothin'. My daddy was trained by Hatake Kakash-san, the Copy-nin."
Shikatori considered that one.
"Him? The guy with the orange book?" He scratched his chin. "Hmm… I dunno if he's all that great. My mommy calls him the one-eyed perv."
Kisho looked utterly appalled.
"Not all that great? He's the bestestest, next to my daddy." And he was. Kakash-san was awesome, even if he sometimes forgot Kisho's name, and called him brat…and always showed up late…and sometimes seemed to pay him no mind…and giggled at the weirdest times, especially when he was reading that little orange book…
"What's a perv?" Sasame enquired, interrupting the Uchiha's train of thought. Her smooth brow was furrowed in confusion.
"I dunno, but it's got to be something good if that's what they call Kakash-san… Anyways, my daddy's the bestest."
"Nuh-uh," Shikatori riposted immediately, confidently. "Your daddies isn't the only ones to have good teachers. My daddy was trained by Sarutobi Asuma."
"Who?" was the instant reply from his three friends. The spiky-haired brunet's spirits plummeted considerably, and he pouted, put out that they'd never heard of his daddy's sensei.
"Who was your daddy trained by, Sasame?" Arashi asked slyly. "Bet he wasn't as good as J'raiya-sama."
The Hyuuga tossed her pretty, brown hair over her shoulder and pointed her chin skyward – a picture of loftiness.
"I can't tell," she said in a singsong. "It's a secret."
"A secret?" the boys repeated disbelievingly. "Tell us," Kisho demanded.
"No," she shot back, suddenly garnering a tetchiness in her register. She pictured the large, somewhat frightening, bowl-cut-haired man who frequented the household – always accompanied by Uncle Lee. After he finished chatting with her parents, he would compliment her on her 'youthful beauty' and encourage her to 'enjoy the springtime of her youth' with 'indispensable, avid vigour', and all sorts of other stuff that she didn't understand. She shuddered discreetly. If the boys knew that this dubious person was her daddy's – and mommy's! – past sensei, they'd laugh themselves silly.
"Er…" Sasame searched for something to add after that volley of impressive trainers. She wasn't about to be outdone. "My daddy's in the ANBU."
"So is mine."
"So is mine."
Everyone turned to look at the Uzumaki, the only one who hadn't said something on that point. Arashi pshawed.
"ANBU's too lame for my daddy."
The other toddlers gasped, eyes wide, as if he had blasphemed. They looked around warily, making sure that no one had heard that sacrilegious comment. The blond just shrugged.
"What? It's true. My daddy knows jutsu that no one else in the world knows."
"So?" Shikatori arched a brow. "My daddy's like, a super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super genius. He's like, really smart."
"That's nothing," Kisho cut in archly. "My daddy once battled the strongestest man in the world, just to save me." He looked rather pleased with himself.
The other five-year-olds considered that one for a while.
"You're fibbing," the chestnut-haired girl decided after some time.
"Whatever," Sasame concluded. "My daddy is prettier than all of your daddies."
She was met with silence, cocked brows and disbelieving expressions.
"It's true! He has long, soft hair, and he lets me play with it sometimes." She stuck out her tongue at the boys impishly.
Kisho snapped out of his stupor, and grimaced.
"That's stupid. No one cares about girly stuff like playing with hair." He ignored Sasame's pout. "Anyway, my mommy told me that when she and daddy were at the Academy, daddy was so awesome, that all the girls were like, practically in love with him. Prob'bly some of your mommies too," he suffixed slyly.
"No way!" Shikatori cried, disbelief resounding in his tone. The blocks were all long forgotten as the Contest of the Daddies continued, escalating each moment. "Err….my daddy led his first platoon when he was only twelve."
"Well, my daddy's way funny," Arashi butted in. "He can make anyone laugh."
"My daddy became a Jounin when he was fifteen," Sasame piped up. "Where were your daddies then?" She folded skinny arms across her chest, one eyebrow arched like she had seen her mommy do it.
"Heh, well get this. My daddy's the Hokage's chief advisor," the spiky-haired Nara bragged.
"Erm….well, my daddy… er… talks to the Hokage sometimes, too," the white-eyed girl said a bit hesitantly, not so confident anymore.
"Hah!" Kisho thrilled jubilantly. "Well, my daddy's the Hokage's best friend. Can't beat that!"
The navy-haired boy gloated and glowed in triumph, while the others searched their memories frantically for something, some accomplishment of their father's that could paramount that. Suddenly, Arashi jerked his head up, white eyes as wide as saucers, as if just remembering something.
"Wait a minute. My daddy is the Hokage!" he cried triumphantly.
Kisho paused in his victory dance, and frowned.
A long, pregnant silence followed Arashi's exclamation. They couldn't argue that one. Maybe Arashi's otou-san was the best. He was the Rokudaime Hokage after all.
"Erm….well," Kisho stuttered. "I bet my daddy could be Hokage. He prob'bly…just…er…doesn't want to," he finished lamely.
"Um, yeah," Shikatori agreed uncertainly. "I bet my daddy could so be Hokage if he tried."
"Mine too!" Sasame interjected.
"Heh," Arashi scoffed. "My daddy's the best, and that settles it! My daddy's the best, my daddy's the best…" he began crowing happily, after which he erupted into fits of giggles, clutching at his small stomach as he threw his head back in exultant mirth. Shikatori scowled moodily at him.
"Whatever," he said hotly, pouting. Peeved that he hadn't won, he was quick to start another dispute. "I bet my mommy's better than all of your mommies." He gave a little sneer. "'Fact, I know it. My mommy is the best mommy ever."
Sasame rolled her eyes.
"As if. My mommy is. She graduated to Chuunin before any of your mommies(1). And plus, she uses all sorts of cool weapons, and she's gonna show me how. And theeeeeeen, I'll be like, as cool as my mommy and daddy. A Byak'gan-using weapons 'pecialist." She grinned and puffed up with pride at the prospect.
"Whatever." Kisho dismissed all of this with a wave of his chubby hand. "My mommy is super smart, and super strong. She could prob'bly beat up like, ev'ryone in the village," he gasconaded casually, examining his fingernails in a parody of his grandmother. "And plus she's a medic."
"So is mine," Arashi jumped in. "And she can use the Byak'gan…and she cooks the best ramen...and she always smells really nice."
"Err…that doesn't count," Sasame said, shaking her head wisely. "All mommies smell nice. It's a mommy thing," she ended authoritatively.
"Well, my mommy uses the coolest jutsu ever," Shikatori boasted. "Mind jutsu."
"That's nothing. My mommy was trained by the great 'Snade-sama..."
"Hey," the blonde said. "Is Hana feeling any better?"
"Yup, as good as new. It was only a false alarm, thank kami-sama."
They strolled in through the open door of the preschool building. Tenten and Hinata were over in the corner speaking to the teacher; they waved their hellos.
"Listen Sakura, I'm going to have a chat with Tanaka-san also, right?" Ino said. "I want to know if Shikatori is showing any of that lazy genius of his father's."
Sakura laughed, a tiny tinnitus of sound.
"Okay, I'll see you around, then. Bye."
The pink-haired woman walked over to the pen, rocking her daughter in her arms. She was quite surprised to see Kisho, Arashi, Shikatori and Sasame in different corners, playing by themselves or with other children, and studiously avoiding acknowledging each other. Sakura wondered what had happened. The four of them were the best of friends, and usually were inseparable. A small spat, perhaps?
Kisho soon spotted her, and wasted no time in running up to meet her. She greeted her son with a kiss on the forehead and helped him out of the play area. Sakura was even more perplexed when she turned to wave at her son's friends, and only Sasame waved back, very sullenly. That had to be some fight they had had.
"So, how was your day?" she inquired nonchalantly as they walked away, hand in hand.
"Alright, I s'pose," he replied distractedly.
"You sure?" she prodded.
"Okay. Well, what do you say when we go home, you help me make the odango?"
"'Kay." He shrugged.
Sakura peered down at her son, perspicacity clouding her sea-green eyes. He was acting very strangely indeed. He was usually delighted to help her cook. She tugged on his hand, but he wasn't paying her any mind at all. He was looking back at his friends, and mouthing something that seemed to be,
'Mine is the best.'
(1) – Not completely sure if this is accurate; my apologies if it isn't.
I was going to add something with Kisho asking Sakura what's a perv, but I restrained myself. Just barely.
Don't ask me how those kids have all that info on their parents while they're only five years old. It makes a flailing modicum of sense, I know it, and I don't care. Anyway, make a fan-girl feel happy, huh? Review, please. :-)