Bridget Jones: Beyond Reason

Chapter XXX

Spinster No More

(Part II)

Weight: 9st 9, New best friends: 1 (possibly 5), Days til wedding: 1 (Hurrah!)

2:45pm Shazzer’s Flat ‘Colours of the world…Spice up your life…Every boy and every girl…Spice up your life…People of the world…Spice up your life…Aaahh!! Slam it to the left…If you're having a good time…’

Ugh! Maybe had too good a time last night. Was only going to have one drink…maybe three tops. Actually it was Jude’s idea to pop round the pub for a bit of pre-show fun. Now look at me. Is eve of self’s wedding and can hardly lift head from the mattress having shown absolutely no personal growth and maturation. Am no better now than was day of Turkey Curry Buffet when I blithered on to Mark like some cow about having way too much drink and should have head in toilet.

Oh God! Excellent idea…

2:50pm Feel a little better…Anyway, here’s what happened, as best as can remember…Really have no idea how Jude and Shazzer had self control enough to keep it from me for almost a month, what with us being #1 Spice Girls fans.Brilliant Magda is the best Matron-of-Honour ever! (Just between her and I, she is my actual matron-of-honour) She had managed to get us all tickets for the Spice Girls reunion show at O2 despite fact that it had sold out in just 38 seconds!! Blimey! She said Jeremy and Mel C’s solicitor are mates and that’s how she got them. What amazing luck! The more I thought about it I realized that if Jeremy is mates with Mel C’s solicitor, Mark probably is as well. And since Mark and I are mates (obviously), I’m practically friends with a Spice Girl!! Sporty has always been my absolute favourite actually. Really should have her round for tea some time soon. Mel and her boyfriend will be our first ever guests, and Mark and I can impress them with our posh new china…after we get back from Fiji of course. Oooo, maybe she’d even feel inclined to bring Mel B, Emma, Geri, and Victoria round with her. Posh could bring dishy David Beckham, and he and Mark can discuss football while the girls and I chat and become the best of friends. May even be able to get some fashion tips and juicy celebrity gossip to use on my new job. Perhaps they’ll let me interview them as guests for my chat show…I mean the chat show that I’ll be reporting for, of course. Goody!! Will be a brilliant hostess am sure! Mark will be v. proud of me and we’ll have loads of famous friends. V.G.

Oops!! Have gotten off track a bit. Anyhow, the concert was amazing (I think). Mostly remember flashes of blinding multicolor light, the fabulous Roberto Cavalli outfits, and the peculiar look I got from Shazzer when I leaned in to comment on how fantastic Baby Spice looked in her post-baby figure. Shazzer, or Cranky Spice as Tom and I had dubbed her, was an absolute bore. Ever since she and Eddie had decided to go on some mad health kick whereby eschewing all meat, alcohol, and cigarettes she’s been the most dreadful horror. She spent most of the night swaying in one spot, sipping Diet Coke, and complaining about people bumping into her, while the rest of us joked around and danced until we were out of breath. If she didn’t want to be there, why bother coming? She didn’t want to talk about it.

6:40pm Last night of spinsterhood. Hurrah!! Tom was adamant about convening at the Electric for one last (single) meeting of the Dating War Command. Have suspicion that he’s got a surprise for me, or was it that after a week he couldn’t stand being alone in the house for one more second than necessary with Jude and Richard. “Girlfriend, you’ve never heard such a bitch-fest,” he confided. So glad he’s home…if only for a week. Our lives are all changing and it’s time that we celebrate that for what it is. Jude has now been married for over a year (though quite unhappily), Shazzer seems to have found someone who doesn’t try to squelch her feminist ways (most of the time), but rather embraces them. Eddie officially moves in next week. Hopefully when the truth comes out, young Eddie will be as copasetic as we are that 40 is the new 30. Even Tom has had the same boyfriend for three whole months…consecutive months even. I know I should be ecstatic to spend this time with my friends, but all I really want to do is soak in the bath and talk to Mark. Haven’t seen him since yesterday morning and I miss him terribly. Why hasn’t he called? Am wondering if Jeremy, Nigel, and Giles have taken him out again tonight, and was he was feeling as sick as I was this morning? He never told me exactly what they were going to do. Am not sure he even knew.

Ooh…mobile…

6:55pm “Mark!?” Caused tidal wave of soapy water onto tile lunging over edge of tub.

“Jones!!” The familiar smarmy voice didn’t register right away.

“Oh…It’s just you. Hello Daniel. What do you want?” I responded coolly. Hastily circulated bubbles round to cover any vital parts just in case he was somehow able to see or sense my nakedness through the phone.

“Is that any way to greet a former lover?” I made a gagging motion.

“Have you called so that you can try to steal me away from Mark again, or so that I can gloat about my new job?” I asked smugly. UK Today is Sit Up Britain’s biggest rival and consistently beats them in weekly ratings. Will take personal satisfaction in sticking it to Daniel and Richard Finch.

“If you’re up for a good shag I can be there in 10 minutes…Where are you, Darcy’s?”

“Daniel Cleaver, do you have a neurological disorder?! I’m hanging up.”

“Wait…wait. Fine. Perhaps after the wedding then. So what’s this about a new job?”

Told him of my new glamourous career as a ‘lifestyle commentator’ for UK Today. Then emphasized that my work on the show would show everyone at Sit Up Britain, Pemberley Press, and anyone else that ever said that I was a talentless flake that Bridget Jones-Darcy is a self-confident, professional, woman of substance and am going to be a star.

“Right. Well…I look forward to seeing that. You deserve success,” was all he said, sounding completely serious and even a bit sweet.

“What? No snide comments…no arrogant comebacks?”

“Actually, I was calling to tell you that I’m leaving for LA in three days.”

“Bit of a holiday to work on your tan, eh?”

“Not exactly. You see there’s this gorgeous red-head I’ve been seeing…” Right. It seems that most of his stories begin with ‘There’s this girl…’. He went on about some model. Some early 20-something stick insect no doubt, that he met while she was on assignment in London for a magazine shoot. I didn’t ask any further questions because he might think I cared, and that I somehow wanted him back. Was relatively certain though that I hadn’t heard nor seen the last of Daniel Cleaver. He’d be back sooner than later. So I just wished him luck. “And good luck as well with your wedding tomorrow Bridget.” Thought I detected sadness in his voice actually. Could it be the agony of defeat? But wait…

“How did you know Mark and I were getting married tomorrow?”

“It’s in the Evening Standard…Anyway Bridge, I just thought I should wish you well. I’m off…women to bed you know…Ha. Old habit. I mean I’ve got packing to do.”

7:25pm From announcement section of the London Evening Standard: After a tumultuous courtship peppered with infidelity and arrests for public misconduct and suspicion of drug smuggling, Bridget Jones, 35, former television personality for Sit Up Britain, has finally managed to get her man. On Sunday May 12, she and renowned human rights barrister Mark Darcy, 39, will be married in an undisclosed location in the Wiltshire countryside. This will be the second marriage for Mr. Darcy. He had been briefly married to CNN foreign correspondent Mailoni Nakamura. This will be Ms. Jones’s first marriage. Best of luck to the happy couple!

Why not verbal incontinence, public drunkenness, and just general clumsiness? They seem to have covered every other embarrassing misstep or misunderstanding. Do not care for whole negative slant of article thinly disguised as lovely wedding announcement. ‘… finally managed to get her man’ Chuh! As if had to hunt him down like some wild animal and am now holding him captive in my lair for the rest of his life. And why did it have to mention my age? Grrrr Why not my weight too? The least the newspaper could have done is publish a decent photo. But instead look like a splotchy blowfish with stiff mad hair. Recognize it as one from a law council event last year. Mark looked fabulous as always. Who is the evil jellyfisher that wrote this?

Hope Mark doesn’t see it.

Midnight Hurrah!! Tom has resurrected his career as a pop star finally! Unbeknownst to self Tom has been making quite a go of things in San Francisco as a rather flamboyant Jake Shears-esque clone fronting a Scissor Sisters tribute band. That explains the pierced eyebrow and bleached-blonde hair that none of us were particularly keen to, but decided not to bring up. Makes him look…well, rather gay actually. Tonight he treated the girls and me to a show, complete with glittery trousers. He even pulled me up on stage to sing Take Your Mama Out, the same song he and I used to drunkenly sing karaoke to. I make a brilliant Ana Matronic if I do say so myself.

Weight: 9st 9(Disastrous, but at least the gown fits); Cigarettes: Millions (but am definitely quitting tomorrow); Secrets revealed: 1; Husbands: 1; Happy endings: 1

6:15am Shazzer’s Flat Exceptionally bad start to what should be best day of any Sad Singleton’s life. Neck v. stiff as was sleeping in awkward sideways fetal position with possible cauliflower ear from repeated bangings against wooden sofa arm. Bloody Eddie stayed over (again) and heaven forbid Shazzer should have him sleep on the sofa. But will not let sleep deprivation or minor facial disfigurements spoil the fact that today am marrying Mark Darcy. Do believe am luckiest woman in England! No, in the universe! With any luck will be a married woman in 8 hours. 8 hours!! Today is going to be perfect! Hurrah!!

6:18am “Don’t panic! I’m sure it will pass.” Shazzer burst out of the bedroom looking like she’d been trampled by a herd of elephants or similar during the night, clicked on the lounge telly, and searched for the weather report. Seems the whole of England is covered in swirly green, yellow, and red blotches. To this point had not even realized that steady rain was falling outside the flat window.

6:25am Have decided in all fairness to Mother Nature to give rain 30 more minutes. Will just sit here in relaxed state and enjoy tranquil sounds.

6:55am Dooooooooooooooom!!

7:03am Mobile ringing…Mum.

“Don’t you worry Darling,” was the first thing she said not even waiting for me to say hello. “Mummy’s got it all under control,” she blurted in a thinly disguised calm.

“Right. Are you going to perform a rain dance?!” I snarled. “It’s a sign. I know it is. I must have been mad to think that someone like me could be married to someone like Mark. I’m not good enough! I’m destined to be old and fat, with…”

“Don’t be so dramatic Bridget…There’s no need to ring up the animal shelter just yet.” How did she know what I was going to say? Perhaps have been a bit redundant with the self-loathing. “Just be a good girl and make sure that you arrive at your friend, Magda’s by half 12, or shall I have Daddy come round and pick you up on his way to the airport to fetch Jamie and the girls?”

“No Mother. I’m driving with Sharon.”

“It’s such a pity to not to have the twins in their own auntie’s wedding. Surely they’re just heartbroken.” Mum and I had gone round and round about my decision to exclude the twins for weeks. Could not seem to make her understand that was obligated to have Magda’s little monsters in the ceremony, and did not want the procession to resemble a children’s parade any more than it already would.

“Yes, I’m sure they’re scarred for life. Listen Mum, I’ve got loads to sort out. I’ll see you soon.” Rang off as Eddie shuffled into the room bare-chested in Harley Davidson underpants and holding out a steaming cup of coffee.

“Sharon told me to bring this to you.” Didn’t realize just how much I was shaking until I’d taken the cup from him and nearly burned my hands.

After Eddie had gotten dressed and despite the monsoonal conditions outside, he and I trudged up and down the stairs, throwing holdalls and carriers filled with wedding paraphernalia into the car. Shazzer, meanwhile, holed herself up in the bedroom. Said she wasn’t feeling well, but I knew it was just an excuse, like the time she feigned a migraine to avoid having to help me move house, or when she couldn’t help me baby-sit my friend, Vanessa’s, kids because she swore she was actually allergic to people under the age of 14. Why wasn’t she helping me this time?! Me. Her best friend…the one getting married today…in the bloody rain.

We barely spoke during the two hours at the salon, and she offered no excuses or apologies. Jude spent the entire time whining about how shitty being married is and how her husband refuses to go to counseling but instead chooses to ignore her. “That is just such typical male behaviour,” Shazzer piped in angrily. “Always refusing to acknowledge…”

“Shut up! Just shut up both of you!!” Something in me just snapped. Jude and Shazzer’s mouths dropped open in mute horror. “What would you really know about typical male behaviour? You never give anyone a fighting chance! It’s only a matter of time before you run Eddie off just like you did Simon and all the others before him! And you…” I turned to Jude. “Have you ever once considered that maybe the problem isn’t Richard at all, but you! And maybe he ignores you because you nag him to distraction! If you’re so bloody unhappy then cut your losses and move on!” Jude was offended, I could tell from her tight-lipped, beetroot red expression. She started to object but I cut her off. “Today is MY fucking wedding day and if you can’t be happy for ME then…then just stay away! I don’t want you there! And that goes for you as well!” I focused my glare back on Sharon. “What the hell is the matter with you anyway?! You won’t talk to me or lift a finger to help, and you’ve been a miserable shit for weeks! If this is your bloody way of saying that you STILL disapprove of me marrying Mark…I. Don’t. Need. Your. Approval. At one time I thought I did, but now I know for certain that I do not! I love him, he loves me, and we’re getting married TODAY…with or without you there to support me!!” It felt good to get it all out. Cathartic, in fact. Perhaps should have done it sooner. I could have gone on, but in all my flustered frustration my mascara was beginning to run and I wanted to be beautiful for Mark. That’s what mattered today. Mark.

Things were strained at best after that between the three of us. Jude sulked off angrily, and Shazzer and I returned to her flat in silence. “There you are,” Eddie said cheerfully, coming to help Shazzer out of her coat. “Car’s all packed except for your dress, Bridget.”

“Thanks Eddie,” I replied glumly, removing my own coat and polythene rain hat and dashing off to the bedroom without addressing Shazzer at all. Things would be ok I told myself. I’ve still got Magda. She won’t let me down.

--

Perpetual battle to keep mixture of happiness and disappointment from exploding in form of crying spasm as I stood facing the full-length mirror in the tiny, cluttered room staring at a person I hardly recognized. My hair was swept into an updo with loose pieces of fringe falling to either side (which were actually still in curlers). Am done up more than usual, but I don’t look too lacquered. That’s not what Mark would want.

I spun slowly, looking over my shoulder, posing in the mirror like a model for Modern Bride. “You look gorgeous,” Shazzer said, breaking my self-absorbed spell. I hadn’t heard her open the door.

“Thank you,” I said stiffly, not bothering to turn toward her. She clasped the Darcy’s locket around my neck.

“There. Now you’re perfect.” She reached her arms round my shoulders from behind and our reflections made eye contact for the first time since my tirade in the salon. “I’m really happy for you Bridge, and I’m sorry for being such a bitch these past few months.” I really felt that she meant it.

I squeezed her folded arms in front of my chest and touched the side of my head to hers. “Just the past few months?” She raised her head and right eyebrow. I raised mine as well. “I’ll get you back when it’s your turn,” I added cutting my eyes toward Eddie.

She shushed me with a nervous smile as Eddie snapped a picture of the two of us. There’s a lot more that needed to be said of course, but for now that was enough.

“We’d better get on the road soon ladies,” Eddie reminded, tapping on his watch, and leaving again.

Disaster soon struck when removing the dress as was so focused on not snagging my nails or mussing my hair or face, that I did not notice the leg of Eddie’s guitar stand and proceeded to trip and snag my heel as I staggered to keep from falling. Shazzer caught me from taking a header into a pile of dirty clothes, but my shoe put a gigantic rip in the silk skirt of my gown. Didn’t know whether to hyperventilate or scream, so I did both. Shazzer started running round shouting “fuck” a lot trying frantically to find a needle and thread. Instead she came back with a fat roll of metallic-silver utility tape. “What if we just stick it on the inside? Surely if women can use tape to keep their boobs from popping out, it will hold a dress together!”

“No!! Noooooo!! I’ve got to get this fixed!! The gown has to be perfect. Mark will want me to be perfect…I just have to…”

“Bridget there’s no time! It’s already going to take at least an hour and a half to get there with this rain.”

“You and Eddie take my car with all the stuff and go. I’ll follow in your car.” Was pacing and shaking. “It shouldn’t take long to fix, right?” No answer. “RIGHT?!”

“Of course.” Shazzer took a step toward me. “Are you going to be alright Bridget?! Maybe I should stay with you. Eddie can take your car.”

“Just go so you can unload the fucking car before I get there!!” Eddie started to say something but Shazzer shushed him and pulled him out the door.

12:15pm Bridal Boutique car park in Fulham Hurrah!! Gown is stitched up, repressed, and safe inside garment carrier. Back in Shazzer’s car covered in unflattering, plastic, tarp-like thingy as is still raining and must shield hair and face. Will be under way just as soon as this sodding bin lorry blocking the exit finishes loading rubbish. Am supposed to be at Magda’s in 15 minutes, but is ok. Must remain levelheaded. Will still have plenty of time to change out of shorts and top and touch up hair and make-up before the actual ceremony.

Had better ring Mark though.

“This is Mark Darcy’s answer service. Leave a message after the tone.” Bugger. Was really wanting to hear his lovely voice and not automated substitute as would soothe self’s frazzled nerves. Maybe is in the shower. Mmm…lovely image. Left message saying everything was sorted out and am on my way. Surely Shazzer has arrived and would fill in the details.

Mobile rang right back, but was Margaret calling to vent her irritation with the children pointing and giggling at the naked penises on the Cupid statues that Mum was so insistent upon having and how “her” flowers were being pummeled by rain. “Just get here soon Bridget!” she exasperated before ringing off. Suddenly it’s all about her and how her day is going wrong. Grrrr

Oh!! Bin lorry moving…

9:45pm Honeymoon Suite at Swindon B&B Have now been married for 6 and a half glorious hours. So far am loving being the wife of the kindest, smartest, sexiest man ever! But am having to take a much needed rest from wedding night festivities while Mark takes care of some v. important business. No, not lawyer business. That can certainly wait. Rather, there are morning flights and Fijian bungalows to confirm and room service to order. “Don’t forget the whipped cream, Sweetheart.” Mmmm…

For better or worse though, and through every ridiculously clichéd thing that could have happened and seemingly did, I don’t ever want to forget a moment of this day. Had better finishing telling what happened…while I still have the strength…

The way life usually goes when things are bad, it got a lot worse before it got better. And as the saying goes, Hindsight really is 20/20, especially when you are a child of Pamela Jones. As usual I made errs in judgment. So when Shazzer’s car got a flat just before I was about to get onto M4, I rang up the only person in my mobile directory who wasn’t already 70 miles away and who just so happened to live nearby. Big mistake.

--

A hooter sounded from behind, and then my name. A car pulled up beside me and the door was thrust open. “Hey Sunshine! Need a lift?” Tim shouted sympathetically over the sound of the pouring rain. I hesitated momentarily as my mind reeled back to the first time he’d ever called me that, the morning after our first sleepover. “How lucky that you broke down so close to my house. Get in!” Yeah. Lucky. Humph. Tossed my garment carrier in the backseat and slammed the door. “Pardon me for asking,” he began, as he flicked a bead of water from my eyelash, “but aren’t you and Mark supposed to be getting married…” He consulted his watch. “in about 45 minutes?”

“Yes! Will you please, please, please take me there?!” I begged desperately. “I didn’t know who else to call.”

“At your service then. Where to, Madam?” he responded in a mock chauffer-like tone and tipping his imaginary hat.

“Not far from Swindon. I don’t mean to be rude, but please hurry!”

Once under way, was finally able to relax. Laid my head back against the seat and inhaled deeply. Was going to be a bit late, but everything would be fine. Yes, everything will be fine kept telling self. Mark will be understanding as usual and everything will be lovely. My pulse began to finally slow and it wasn’t long before I felt the extreme awkwardness of the situation at hand and tried to make idle conversation. “So how have you been?”

“Very well, thanks,” he began cheerfully. “I’m finally settled into my new house in Chiswick...Hmm, let’s see…oh, and I’ve been seeing someone for a few weeks now. Nothing serious, but you never know.”

“Super.” Flashed a fake smile without diverting my eyes from the road in front of us. Oh God! This is uncomfortable.

“After you and Mark return from your holiday, the four of us should go out for supper.”

“Perhaps.” Are we there yet?

--

Nearly a half hour passed without a single word between us, only the sound of an old Roxy Music cd playing low. Am in crazed state of frustration as had wanted to ring Mark again and soon realized after emptying entire contents of my purse in my lap that I’d left my mobile in Shazzer’s car. Tim offered his phone but I declined. Don’t want Mark to freak out when he sees Tim’s name pop up on his mobile and then I answer. Wonder if can also have Tim drop me secretly round the corner from the house and will just walk rest of the way.

The rain was finally gone, but the clouds still cast dreary shadows across the countryside, threatening to open up again at any moment. “Bridget?” Closed the sun visor after checking my hair for the hundredth time. “Do I make you nervous?”

Yes, petrified in fact. From the corner of my eye I had noticed him watching me several times throughout the silence. “Nervous? No, of course not,” I answered too quickly with an uneasy chuckle. “Why on earth would you make me nervous?”

“I’m truly happy for you and Mark, you know.” He brushed his finger against my bare thigh sending a shiver down my spine as he reached for something in the console between our seats. Whether it was intentional or not am not certain. “Sweet?” He offered a packet of peppermints to which I declined. He popped a piece into his mouth and discarded the rest back into the console. “Mark Darcy is a brilliant attorney just like his brother. I’m looking forward to being his associate for many years to come.”

Felt a momentary flutter at the mere mention of my fiancé’s name, but could hold my tongue no longer. “Tim, be straight with me…Does your joining Mark’s partnership have anything to do with me?”

He didn’t answer straight away. “That’s mighty presumptuous of you, now isn’t it?…May I remind you that I most certainly am not that Cleaver fellow you once told me about. I’ve worked long and hard to get to where I am professionally.” He wasn’t shouting, but the protruding veins in his neck and white-knuckle grip on the steering wheel displayed his distress. “Do you honestly think I would compromise my career and my character in that manner?” He had stiffened up in the same manner that Mark does when his feathers are ruffled. Must be a lawyer thing.

“Right. I’m sorry. But you have to admit that it is rather coincidental…I guess I’m just on edge about the day I’ve been having.”

He studied the road signs. “Well my dear, I believe we are just about there. Are you ready?” He took my hand. I squeezed it tightly.

“More than you know,” I replied confidently, but with a catch of the same uneasiness I’d had throughout the drive in my throat. “It means so much to me, you bringing me all this way. I owe you.”

It hadn’t even occurred to me until the house came into view that Tim had not once asked for directions once I’d given him the general location. He remembered and must have assumed. I felt terrible having asked him to drive me to the place where I had betrayed him. Yes, he had betrayed me as well, but nevertheless there were real feelings involved in our brief affair, and this was unspeakably insensitive on my behalf.

Cars lined the long winding gravel drive and surrounding grassy areas. The giant white marquee was partially visible in the side garden as was the heather and rose covered arbor leading down to where the lakeside ceremony was to be. A few scattered guests strolled the expansive grounds and little children in suits and dresses dodged from tree to tree, screaming and laughing. Butterflies fluttered about in my stomach. This was it!! This was really it…my wedding day!! It was going to happen!!

“I’ve troubled you enough, Tim. I’ll go the rest of the way. Thanks for the ride,” I said hastily, trying not to sound outwardly desperate. Swung the car door open and leapt out before he’d even come to a full stop, waved, and crunched my way up the drive.

Had barely gotten to the circular area nearest the house when Mum burst through the front door and nearly bowled me over. “Young lady, where on earth have you been and what is the meaning of you bringing a date to your own wedding?!” she whispered tersely.

“Date?”

She directed her eyes beyond me. I turned to see Tim approaching on foot. “I believe you forgot something,” he announced with a chuckle. My garment carrier was draped over his arm. Shit!!

Took the dress from him and immediately Mum started in on me again. “Mark has tried to ring you back several times but there’s been no answer. He’s worried sick, poor dear. We didn’t know what to think. Your brother and Jeffrey have gone off looking for you.” She was walking so closely and clutching my wrist so tightly that I could barely move without stepping on her feet.

“Mother, have you been drinking?”

“Just a teensy bit of wine is all. Your father said it would calm my nerves.”

“Mother, if you’d kindly get out of my way I’ll explain everything…to Mark!” She let out a loud ‘Humph’, jerked away, and shot Tim another evil stare when she saw that he was following us into the house. “Are Sharon and Eddie here?” The question was soon answered as I stepped into the house and saw hers and dozens of other stunned eyes trained on me. There were a few gasps, some scattered applause, but for the most part not a word was spoken, not a glass was clinked. “Right.”

Through the crowd Mark came barreling toward Tim with his fist raised. “Double-crossing son of a bitch!! I’m going to break every bone in your body!!” More gasps.

“NO!!” I launched myself into Mark’s heaving chest. “Shazzer’s car broke down and Tim was kind enough to drive me up here! It’s not what you think!!” The words tumbled out as quickly as I could form them.

“What!? Where the bloody fuck is my fucking car?!” Shaz blurted. Even more collective gasping.

“Young lady!”

“Oh shit! Uh, I mean…sorry Father, uh, Vicar…Sir. Right.” Vicar Warren had been standing beside her. She shrunk back into the crowd.

Mark had lowered his fist, but was still staring daggers over my head at Tim. “Mark!! Look at me.” I said it again and grabbed his clenched jaw, forcing him to look into my eyes. “It’s not what you think…Let’s talk privately, shall we?” He grudgingly followed me into a smaller sitting room, not relenting his glare from Tim until we had rounded the corner.

I grabbed hold of his shirtsleeve prompting him to jerk away defiantly and stalk off toward the picture window on the opposite end of the room. As I watched him my fear diminished into anger. “Mark Darcy, do you honestly believe what I know you’re thinking?! You’re being absurd!”

He didn’t turn around, but continued to stare off toward the hills in the distance.

“Mark!? Are you listening to me?” I took a few steps toward him.

“If you’re going to leave me for him, please at least have the courtesy to do it before we exchange vows,” he finally said with sad authority.

Reeling forward, I threw my arms around his waist from behind, resting my face against his broad back. “Mark, I would never hurt you the way she did. I love you too much. You have to know this by now.” He turned toward me sniffling and biting his lip. I took his smooth, clean-shaven face between my fingers. “These past two days that we’ve been apart have been torture.”

“Our bed’s been so cold without you in it.” He pushed one of the curlers from my eye, then swept his thumb lightly across the curve of my upper lip. His eyes drifted to the locket around my neck eliciting a tiny smile.

We held each other tightly for a long minute before the events of the morning came spilling out. “What rotten luck,” Mark responded softly, nuzzling his face to mine.

“I’ve always had a gift for it, wouldn’t you say?”

He brought his warm, fervent lips down to mine as his hands explored their way across my back and came to rest on my bum.

Mum poked her head in grinning like a Cheshire cat. “It certainly seems as if everything is sorted between our lovebirds!” she announced back into the main room and then addressed us. “Tsk Tsk There will be plenty of time for that naughtiness on your honeymoon, young man. Mustn’t keep everyone waiting any longer,” she sing-songed and left the room.

As I headed up the stairs followed by my entourage of Magda, Sharon, Margaret, Mum, Una, and surprisingly enough, Jude, I overheard Mark asking the whereabouts of Tim to which Jeremy announced that he had gone.

Just as well.

--

“Oh my, you’re so beautiful,” Mum purred as she fussed with the heather sprigs that were part of my veil and then stepped back to survey me. Without even looking in the mirror could tell that I was glowing. The misty faces of my dearest friends told me that everything was finally going to be all right. My dress was perfect, not a hair was out of place, and my skin was flawless thanks to all manner of facials, body scrubs, chemical peelings, and much more make-up than I would ever normally wear. “I’d almost given up hope that this day would ever come.”

“Thanks Mum,” I replied dismissively while trying to practice the breathing exercises that Margaret had suggested for when I get nervous.

“Oh Pam, we’ve finally gone and done it…gotten our little Bridget married,” Una gushed, clasping her hands together and looking me up and down appraisingly. Hate to admit it, but I do suppose I owe partial credit to Mum and Una. If they hadn’t awkwardly forced me on Mark and then subsequently hounded me, this day might not have happened. I can’t even imagine anymore what it would be like to be with anyone else.

“And then we all know what comes next…grandbabies,” Mum and Una both gave a tinkling little laugh. Heckle and Jeckle obviously still don’t understand Mark’s…er, situation.

“The rain seems to be holding off for now and the guests are all seated in the garden,” came a female voice through Margaret’s walkie-talkie. “Is our bride ready?”

Still standing before the mirror, I closed my eyes and continued to inhale slowly and deeply.

“Bridge, do you need to sit down?” asked Jude, grabbing my elbow.

“Are you unwell? You look pale as a corpse,” Shazzer asked, looking a bit green about the gills herself.

“She always looks that way,” Mum chimed in. “Let’s just hope Mark is taking her somewhere outdoorsy and exotic to put some natural pink back on those cheeks.

“She’ll be blushing plenty these next few weeks, with or without the sun,” Magda sniggered.

Everyone continued speaking excitedly, but I had no idea what was being said. Finally, with confident peacefulness I replied, “Margaret, tell her I’m ready…Tell her I’ve never been more ready for anything in my life.”

Margaret scurried from the room, issuing directives into her walkie-talkie while the girls all gathered the bustle of my dress. Mum’s eyes were teary as she dabbed at them with a wadded up tissue she’d pulled from her bra. “I can’t believe this is finally happening,” she exclaimed. She reached for her purse on a nearby chair. “I’ll just go now and have that handsome friend of yours, Tom is it, escort me to my seat. I’m feeling a bit woozy actually. Come along Una.”

Not three minutes passed and there was an urgent knock and Margaret reappeared with my escort. “Everything’s in place. The rain isn’t going to hold off for much longer and the vicar has another wedding. Is there a problem in here?!” She didn’t want to hear it if there was. Margaret had gone into full mode of mad wedding planner on a mission. “Shall we go?” She clapped her hands and hurried out again leaving Dad behind.

“You are stunning Poppet! My little girl is all grown up and marrying her prince.” He addressed me before turning to Mum who had not yet left the room. “It seems only yesterday that we were cradling her in our arms, bringing her home from hospital, doesn’t it Pamela?” Through the open window Spring began to play from the stringed quartet below, signaling that it was time to get into place.

“Bridget!!” Came Magda’s excited cry. “Mark’s waiting!” She was rushing back from the window grinning from ear to ear. “Mark and the groomsmen are already at the altar!”

“Shall we, my lovely?” Dad asked, offering his arm. A wave of nausea passed through me. Oh God!! This was it!! We filed out of the room and down the stairs.

--

Constance was a mini-me, with a white dress and a pink sash around her waist. Her blonde hair was done up just like mine and she was wearing lip-gloss. Harry looked ridiculous as was still nearly bald except for sparse uneven clumps of hair that stood up like cow-licks after Magda made good on her promise to shave his head as punishment. He and baby Nicholas were co-ring bearers. The three of them were first down the aisle. Mark was proud that our Godchildren were in the wedding. I, on the other hand, wasn’t as pleased given their track record for mischief and destruction, and I swore to myself that if anything else went wrong today and they so much as sneezed I’d march them over to the lake and drown them. Lucky for them they made it down the aisle without incident. Jude, Shazzer, and then Magda went next as Dad and I awaited our cue. But when there was a commotion from the congregation, I craned my head round just in time to see Sharon, who had broken from the procession, wretch into a flower patch. Worse even, Giles, who had tried to do the gentlemanly thing by leaving the altar, as did Eddie from his seat, came to her aid and ended up with their shoes pooled in sick. What a nightmare! Was Jude’s wedding all over again. She hadn’t even had anything to drink last night as far as I know. Guess she really had been sick this morning after all. Felt a little bad and embarrassed for her, but mostly was angry. How could she do this to me!! I prayed that nothing more would go wrong as Giles and Nigel both offered Sharon their pocket squares and she shamefully hobbled back into place. And then, just like in my dreams, the path cleared and I saw him…the partially clouded-over sunlight cast down on him, and seemingly him alone. He appeared so angelic and flawless that my heart started to flutter and I wanted to run to him. Dad pinned his elbow tightly to mine and firmly held my wrist reminding me to walk in time to the music. When the moment came for him to hand me off to Mark, he kissed my cheek and told me that he loved me.

As Mark and I held hands and spoke our vows to one another, I could not fight the rush of emotion having waited my entire life for this very moment, for him, the man of my dreams, to acknowledge his love and innermost feelings for everyone to witness. Privately I’ve always known, but it meant everything for me to hear him publicly speak the words of his vulnerabilities, fears, humanity, and eternal commitment to me, his wife. We both spoke of the cancer, and how sickness could have separated us, but instead brought us even closer as did the loss of our baby. The miscarriage, though a tragic event in itself, had renewed our love for one another, and so we owe our present happiness, ironically, to the child we lost. Both of our mothers could be heard sniffling as we exchanged these vows, and I saw a tear on Mark’s cheek as well.

But then I realized it wasn’t a tear on his cheek at all, but a raindrop. At first it was just a sprinkle, and by the time the vicar had barely finished, the sky opened up and Mark and I had to run for cover. Our first kiss as a married couple took place under the nearby dining marquee and witnessed exclusively by the cook staff. Despite that, I’ll never in my life forget the smile on Mark’s lips, albeit brief, as the vicar announced that we were indeed husband and wife.

And in little more than a blink of an eye my whole life had changed. I was married! I AM MARRIED TO MARK DARCY!! I still can’t believe it…it hadn’t immediately sunk in, even as Mark’s ring was on his finger and he was kissing my hand. I owed a world of thanks to Margaret and Magda. They had planned and arranged everything so perfectly despite all of my fretting and mad tantrums. Sure, Mark and his family could have afforded us a grander affair, and I’m sure that in the future there will be many, but today’s party was just as I had wanted it to be, simple and elegant.

For hours we danced, laughed, and chatted with friends and family. A spoon tinkled against a glass and we turned to find Dad and Admiral Darcy standing like matching balding penguins near the front of the marquee. “I’d like to make a toast…” Dad waited as the crowd drew closer. “Bridget’s mother, Pamela, and I would like to thank everyone for joining us today on this joyously rainy, occasion. We could not be prouder of our lovely daughter Bridget for having the strength and determination to go after whatever she’s ever wanted in life, including this man,” Dad held out his arm in our direction, “Mark Darcy, for whom I’ve always held in the highest esteem since he was a young lad of seven, building forts with Bridget’s brother, Jamie, in our sand pit only to have her come along and sit herself right down in the middle of it, spoiling hours of building.” The crowd laughed and Mark kissed the side of my head. “Even then, he was always kind and patient with her whether she deserved it or not. Good luck to you son.” Mark hoisted his champagne glass in Dad’s direction as the crowd continued to chuckle and I pouted playfully. He went on to say that this was more than just the wedding of a couple, but a formal joining of two families that, despite ups and downs, had already been like one for years. Dad and Admiral Darcy patted one another on the back and synchronically took a swig from their glasses. When I spotted Mum scurry to the front of the crowd to join them, I squeezed Mark’s hand tightly. “Helloooo,” she sang out. “I’d like to make a toast as well.” She looked thoughtfully in our direction as the crowd quieted again. “Bridget, Mark…” By the time she had finished, or rather by the time Dad and Mark’s dad had led her away, Mark and I had disappeared into the crowd.

--

As much as was enjoying the celebration, what I really wanted was to be alone with my husband…My husband. What a lovely sound those two words have. Unfortunately, weddings are not exactly a private affair for a bride and groom with so many well wishes, toasts, and ridiculous dances to attend to. Though I must admit, it was quite a sight to see Mark awkwardly attempt the chicken dance with my friends, while his mother and father looked on in blatant horror. So when no one was looking, or commanding our attention we stole away together hand in hand to the quiet of Magda and Jeremy’s cottage.

“Have I told you how gorgeous you look?” I teased full knowing that I’d expressed my admiration and pride at least ten times already today.

“I believe you’ve mentioned it a time or two,” he responded softly as we cuddled on the sofa. “But you, my dear, have never been more breathtaking than you are right now.” He tucked a fallen hair behind my ear and tenderly kissed my neck with a gentle sigh. “I can’t wait to get you out of this dress.” He continued on to my bare shoulder. Naughty man…

“Mark?” He raised his face to meet my eyes. “Do you have any regrets about today?”

“Pardon? Why would you ask such a thing?” He traced his index finger over the crinkle between my brows and then down over the tip of my nose. “Darling, I can without question tell you that this is the happiest day of my entire life. What’s on your mind?”

“I was just thinking about Peter.”

“I see. I’m kissing you and you’re thinking about my brother. Should I be jealous?” He dropped his hand, but kept his face close. The edges of his mouth were slightly curled upward.

“Of course you shouldn’t, silly.” Placed my hand on his cheek and lightly grazed my thumb over his dimpled chin. “It’s just that he’s not here, and…”

“Look Bridget, I appreciate the concern, but I don’t want you to spend a second more worrying about that. I didn’t really want him here anyway.” I knew though that he did and that it had hurt his feelings when the invitation came back with regrets.

“I just know how important your family is to you.” He stopped me from continuing with a passionate kiss.

“You’ve taught me how to love and how to accept love like no one else ever has. You are my family, Bridget.”

A tear trickled down the side of my nose. “And now you’ve gone an inherited my mother as well,” I added with part humour, part vicious reminder. “I’m sorry that she embarrassed you today, Sweetheart. She never thinks before she speaks, does she?” I added, returning to complete seriousness.

He chuckled softly. “You’ve noticed that, have you? Let’s just say I knew what I was getting myself into marrying into your family.” He kissed the tip of my nose. “Furthermore my beautiful wife, I don’t want you to ever apologize for something someone else says or does. Ok?” Dad was right. He truly is a kind and understanding man. Love him so v. much. The conversation ended in a passionate snog.

When a streak of pink flew by slamming the door behind it Mark and I stopped and waited for it to reemerge. A short time later Shazzer came out of the loo looking completely exhausted and defeated by whatever was making her so sick. “Oh, sorry,” she said when she saw us. “And sorry about before as well. I told your friend, Giles, I’d buy him some new shoes.”

“Come sit down. You look like shit. What’s going on with you, Shaz?” I said as Mark stood to leave.

“I should, uh, get back out to the party so the two of you can talk.”

“It’s ok Mark. Stay.” I pulled him back onto the sofa before either he or Shaz could object.

Mark and I were not prepared for the deluge of tears and cursing that ensued as Shazzer unloaded a secret she’d been carrying around for weeks. Seems that Eddie wasn’t just going to be a passing fancy as Jude and I had figured, and he wasn’t just moving in for easy access either. They were pregnant…and both scared shitless about it. “I’ve been afraid to tell you, Bridge.”

Immediately I felt terrible and selfish that I had been so wrapped up in my own life to not notice the signs or to understand that her moodiness was not to do with me. Mark was petrified when she threw her arms around him and continued to sob. He patted her perfunctorily while I went to get her a glass of water. When I returned Jude and Tom were there, huddled in with Shazzer and Mark. Whether he wanted to be or not, Mark was now officially one of us and I couldn’t have been happier.

I asked the photographer to take a picture of the five of us. We were all about to embark on a new chapter in our lives. While my marriage is just beginning, Jude has decided to take my advice and leave her husband, Tom is happily cohabitating in the States, and Shazzer, to spite herself, is going to have a baby.

--

And so the wedding went off without a hitch if you discount the ripped dress, being an hour and a half late, the rain, my best friend vomiting on a groomsman’s shoes, and a rather embarrassing toast whereby my mother divulged to everyone Mark’s sexual dysfunction as reason for presence of frozen sperm as only possibility for future grandchildren. Some might say this is just a typical day in the life of Bridget Jones.

Thank goodness am now Bridget Jones-Darcy. Life will be different now. Am certain of it.

--

Remember something I once read in The Road Less Traveled, ‘Love isn’t something that happens, it’s something that you do.’ And I do love Mark Darcy…with all of my heart.

As we opened the cottage door to embark upon our new life together, the looming clouds lifted and the beautiful sunset shown through. He took my hand, led me to the hired car that would take us to the place that our dreams are made of.

I’ll not call this the end of my story, but the beginning of ours. For now though, I’m closing my diary to give my honeymoon and new husband my undivided attention. Hmmm…

End