Ship(s): Aoshi/Misao

Summary: #15 on 30kisses. Aoshi sees something he probably shouldn't have. Not funny in the slightest. If you want comedy, keep moving along, nothing to see here.

It was to be expected, really. I had secretly wondered why it had taken so long for her to find another acquaintance. And worried. Okina often expressed on how I had to "let her go," because, he thought, I was holding her back. But I have never given the slightest encouragement. Everything she thought she knew about me were delusions she created when she was a child. She had painted me to be a God, impervious and completely perfect. I am, as the fight with the Battousai proved, hardly impervious. And my never-ending self-loathing shows that I am everything short of perfect. The fact that she declared, almost daily, that I held her heart hardly interested me. After all, she was merely a child, no much older than seventeen. How could she know that I was truly the man she wanted, when all she only saw me through rose-colored glasses.

But that point was mute now.

I had not meant to pry onto her personal business; I was merely concerned for her well being. She had left that afternoon, not saying where she was going. I had been trying to convey to her for months that I was quite capable of fetching my own tea, but she insisted. "A labor of love," she called it. When she never came to deliver my late afternoon tea, I walked downstairs and fetched my own. But she wasn't downstairs either. While Omasu fetched me a cup for my tea, her face tensed, as if she wanted to say something but was too scared. When I asked her what was wrong, she blushed and handed me the cup.

"I didn't realize that Misao-chan hadn't come home yet," she explained. And then, with a nervous laugh, added, "But I'm sure it's nothing to worry about."

Something in her voice filled me with a sense of unease. Perhaps she did not want to worry anyone with her motherly concerns. It was natural for her to want to tell her Okashira. I was almost encouraged by the fact that she found herself comfortable with relaying it to me, as opposed to someone else in the household. Since I had returned to the Aoi-ya I had shut myself out from the affairs of others, and they of mine. But unable to ignore Omasu's worried face, I took it upon myself to look for Misao.

I never expected to find her holding hands with an older man. She was crossing a bridge over the Kamo River. At first glace, I did not realize it was indeed Misao. I froze in mid-step, drinking in what I was seeing. They were both laughing, looking as if they did not have a care in the world. I had to push passers-by out of my way in order to observe them further. I had never seen the man before. Tall, but not as tall as myself, he had dark brown hair and eyes, and he was dressed in a blue yukata. But that was all I really saw of him, because my mind was too preoccupied with the vision of Misao. She was beaming. Nothing in her wardrobe was out of the ordinary, yet she looked more regal and beautiful than ever. Her eyes were shining brightly in that perfect blue color that only her eyes had.

I felt my chest pang with guilt as I realized that I was jealous that she never looked at me in that way. I took once last glance at their happiness before returning home. My steps were heavy, as my pace faltered. She had finally done what I insisted her for months to do. Why did it hurt so much?

I did not go to dinner that night. I could not bear to sit across from her, knowing what she had been hiding from everyone because that was what she was doing. How long had she been sneaking out for their rendezvous? Days? Months? And how my fists twitched as my mind raced with what could have happened, what had probably had already happened since they were being so public with their relations. If he had taken away her "innocence" then he would do the noble thing and marry her. Or I would kill him. What if she was already with child? Was that the reason she had to sneak away?

How these wild thoughts plagued my mind, I did not know, but they were relentless. Until that afternoon, I had convinced myself that I did not love Misao in the way she claimed to love me. As her leader and mentor, I cared for her well being, and worried about her. That much, I could admit. But when I saw her hands interlaced with another man's, there was no denying the monster that bubbled within my gut was none other than jealousy.

A knock on my door pulled me away from my inner thoughts. A very timid "Aoshi-sama?" rang through the door. It was Misao. I bid her to come in. She slowly slid the shoji screen, carrying a tray of food. "You didn't come down to dinner, so I thought I would bring you some food." She smiled, and it tasted bitter in my throat. How could she show any affection towards me after that public display? She froze in her step, her gaze faltering away. "Are you mad at me, Aoshi-sama?"

Yes. "No."

"Are you sure?" she said, meekly taking another step towards me.

"I am not angry at you, Misao. However, I am not hungry. Thank you for the gesture."

Her shoulders slumped down, and I saw some of the miso soup spill over the brim of the bowl it was in. "Well, I'll just... leave this here for when you do..." she said, placing the tray a few steps from where I sat meditating. "Well then, I'll be going..." she backed away, still facing me.

I closed my eyes and tried to stop myself from saying the harsh words that I wanted to. If left unchecked, I probably would have said something unforgivable. But oh how I thought she deserved to hear them just then. Instead, I decided on the less subtle, "What is his name?"

She froze, eyes growing wide. "His?"

"The man who accompanied you in the city today, Misao. The one who made such a flamboyant scene with you? His name. What is it?" Perhaps flamboyant was too strong of a word to describe hand holding, as I probably would not have complained if Misao tried to take my hand while in the streets, but what was said was said.

Narrowing her eyes, she placed her hands on her hips. "You were spying on me?"

"I was merely looking out for your well being," I defended. "You did not tell anyone where you would be today, and Omasu expressed her concern so I went out to look for you."

"But Omasu-san knew where I was," she said, narrowing her eyes further.

Now that I thought about the conversation that took place between Omasu and myself, she did seem a little nervous. Then it dawned on me that she was nervous because she was hiding Misao's whereabouts from me. Foolish was not a strong enough word to describe how I felt at that moment. Not only foolish, but I had been caught in the act of worrying about Misao, which I was sure she could link to the affection that I had no denial of having towards her now.

"And his name really isn't important, is it, Aoshi-sama?" She asked as she took another step towards me. "We're just friends."

"You looked to be more than friends when I saw you," I casually replied, turning my back towards her. Now I was acting childish. See what emotions do to a man who is so inexperienced with them?

"If you're worried about me, stop. Kizu-san and I are just friends. Just like the two of us, right Aoshi-sama?" she replied, giving me a firm pat on the back.

"Just friends..." I replied, closing my eyes. If that were true, then I would not have had the desire to turn my head and plant a gentle kiss on those beautiful lips.

"Well, I'll let you alone now," Misao said. I heard her back out of the room.

"But what if we wanted more than that?" I asked, not knowing where it came from, exactly. Who was I to question the relationship between Misao and myself, since I had taken the task of forcing it to stay exactly where it was for all this time.

"We?" Misao repeated.

"What if I wanted something..." I whispered.

"What are you talking about, Aoshi-sama?"

I lowered my head. "Nothing."

"Oh," she said with a pause. "Well then, g'night."

"Good night."

It was to be expected, really. For her to be able to move on with her life while I remained frozen in the memories of the past and dreaming of a future that would never come. Perhaps, one day, she would realize that wanted to move on with my life. And perhaps she would realize further that I wanted her to help me.

Fin

Notes:
If you were expecting this to be one of my more witty pieces, sorry. This was a short inspired by two things, really. One, Gavin DeGraw's song "Just Friends" which is where the title for this came from, and from the first chapter in the A/M doujinshi serial "Wanna Protect the Tomorrow of You", in which Misao meets a mysterious other and Aoshi expresses some jealousy(?). It's really cute and I thought it would be fun to play with that idea.

I didn't really intend for this to be very long, I suppose I could have stretched it out further, but I find myself more and more attracted to shorter oneshots at the moment. Can't explain why, really. Of course, once I finish the HMC oneshot I'm working on, I'll eat those words. But since it is never ending, I will never finish it. So maybe I won't have to eat those words. Hm.

Disclaimer:
This fiction was written for entertainment purposes only. The characters of Rurouni Kenshin belong to Watsuki-san. Standard disclaimers apply.