The last thing he remembered was stumbling onto the beach before everything went dark. The darkness was soon followed by the echoes of painful screams. He suddenly felt millions of hands grabbing at him, as if they were trying to rip him apart. He felt some one taking him softly by the hand as they pulled him away.

Things started to get calmer the further away he was taken before it all stopped. He still couldn’t see but he could recognise what he smelt. He’d know the smell anywhere even if he hadn’t smelt it in 28 years. He knew his mother was pulling him away from the danger.

Did that mean he was dead? Or was he just losing his mind? If he dead does that mean he was supposed to be in hell?

She never said a word but he could hear her in his head, telling him what he needed to know. It’s not your time James, you still have time to be redeemed before you end up there. Soon after her thoughts entered his mind she was gone again.

Things began to get clearer again as he felt as if he was drifting back. He began to feel if someone was pounding on his chest and he could hear the sounds of a woman crying. He felt the overwhelming pain in his shoulder once again and he could smell the ocean again.

He suddenly shot up as his eyes opened and he saw that he was on the beach and facing a startled and extremely exhausted Jack. He looked like he had just seen a ghost. He took a few moments to look around the island. It was more or less deserted at that point. Jack of course was there he also noticed a crying Kate who was being comforted by Sun.

“Sawyer” Jack said as he finally pulled himself out of his shock. “Are you okay?” He finally asked.

“Oh I’m great doc, feel like I got shot and then sued as a punching bag” He said sarcastically. That seemed to make Jack smile instead of get him angry like it usually did.

“Oh God! Sawyer!” Kate said as she came over to him and Jack. She quickly kneeled down to his level and wrapped her arms around him as she hugged him.

“Ah ah!” Sawyer yelled out in pain.

“Sorry” She said softly wiping away a few stray tears.

“We should get him back to his tent” Jack told Kate, he still hadn’t said too much. He wasn’t completely sure what had happened, but he was sure everything had just changed.

--

Jack and Kate carried Sawyer over to his tent as they rested him on one of the plane chairs. He was shocked that they hadn’t completely destroyed it after he was gone.

“I’m going to check on Michael and Jin” Jack told her.

“I’ll watch him” Kate replied to Jack, knowing he was clearly worried about leaving Sawyer alone. The man had almost died after all.

“Thanks” Jack said before he headed to the caves with Sun.

“So Jin and Michael made it back?” Sawyer asked her as few moments after they disappeared into the jungle. He was separated from them after he was shot.

“They washed up a few days before you did” Kate explained to him.

“And Walt?” Sawyer asked. Kate noted the look of guilt on Sawyer’s face when he mentioned his name, she didn’t call him on it though.

“We don’t know” Kate told him sadly.

“Is anyone looking for him?” Sawyer asked her

“Sayid took a group out this morning, he should be back in a day or two” Kate told him before she sat down across from him. “I told you to be safe”

“I wasn’t exactly expecting pirate kidnappers, freckles” He told her sarcastically.

“I thought you died” She told him in what was almost a whisper. He almost told her that he thought he was dead, at least for a while. He could of told her about how he was sure at least for a few minutes he was in hell or about his mother telling him about redemption, he would of but he couldn’t form the words and he couldn’t believe he could trust her.

“It’ll take more then that to kill my, freckles” He told her as he tried to lighten the mood.

“Don’t scare me like that again, Ok?” Kate almost demanded him.

“I’m not planning on getting shot again” He told her with a smirk.

“Promise me” She repeated.

“Ok” Sawyer said his face turning serious. “I promise” Kate nodded, she seemed to take comfort in those words. She then took something out of her bag, he quickly recognized it as his letter.

“This washed up with some of your things” Kate told him, he quickly took the letter “No one read it, I’m not sure it survived” Kate told him. He didn’t look at the letter he just put it in his pocket. He never thanked her, he didn’t need to because the look he gave her told her everything she needed to know.

--

He looked over the envelope, before that moment he was to terrified to see if his letter was ok. Though to most people it was just a piece of paper to him it was so much more. It had been such a huge part of his life for 28 years. Sometimes he felt like it was the only thing keeping it go, the only thing stopping him from ending it all.

He finally pulled the letter out of the envelope and carefully unfolded the letter. He had to squint to look at it as his glasses had been lost, he could faintly make out the words of his letter. It somehow managed to stay intact.

“Do you need new glasses?” He heard Jack say sounding slightly amused as Sawyer quickly folded up his letter. Jack had always been curious about what was in that letter. He wondered he kept putting himself through that pain he watched him go through every time he read the letter. He also wondered what was in it to make a man as cold as Sawyer look as if he was on the verge of falling to pieces. Most of all he wondered why he folded it up so quickly whenever some approached him.

“What’s with the house call Doc?” Sawyer asked him putting the letter back in his pocket.

“I thought you might need something for the pain” He replied as he handed him two pills and a bottle of water. Sawyer swallowed the pills washing them down with water. “I’ve given some to Kate, if you need anymore she’ll have to give them to you”

“Don’t trust me Doc?” He asked his voice sounding slightly amused.

“I know what pain can do to people” Jack told him, he had treated people who had overdosed on pain killers unintentionally just so they could stop the pain, he wasn’t going to risk that.

“Got it” Sawyer said, he wished the damn pills would kick in already.

“Sun told me to give you this” Jack told him as he handed him tea in a cup made out of a coconut.

“What is it” Sawyer asked him looking down disgusted.

“Herbal tea, she said it should help you sleep” Jack told him. Sawyer reluctantly drank the contents.

“Is she trying to make me sick?” Sawyer asked disgusting.

“Not everyone is out to get you, Sawyer” Jack told him with a laugh. “She told me you needed to drink all of it” He explained, the last part wasn’t completely true but the look on his face was priceless.

“Good news is I just burned off my taste buds so I’ll never taste that again” Sawyer told Jack as he handed the coconut cup back to him.

“I’ll be by in the morning to change your bandages” Jack told him, though he didn’t stand up to leave.

“Is that all doc?” Sawyer asked, he had a sense that this wasn’t just a doctor’s visit.

“Why did you tell me about my father?” Jack finally said after an awkward silence.

“What you rather I didn’t?” He asked his voice sarcastic.

“No” Jack said simply, Sawyer had told him everything he always wanted to hear from his father. “I’m glad you did”

“Then what’s the problem, Doc?” He asked him.

“Why would you do anything to help me?” Jack asked.

“I didn’t do it for you Jack, did it for your old man” Sawyer told him, that wasn’t completely true though. “Plus everyone needs to know their daddy loved them”

“You don’t think yours loved you?” Jack asked him, he was starting to slightly understand the other man. Though there was so much about the man he hated he knew there was at least some reasoning behind the way he was. One thing he knew was there was that very few things hurt more then believing someone who was supposed to love you more then anything in the world never did.

“If he did he had a funny way of showing it” Sawyer said with a bitter laugh. He found it impossible to believe his father loved him. If he did he never would of killed his mother. He still blamed Sawyer for the entire situation, he may not of been holding the gun but if it wasn’t for him scamming his family he never would of lived through 28 years of hell.

“So he’s the one who made you think you did something to deserve it?” Jack asked him, as he remembered the conversation he had in the jungle.

“Not enough pills in the world to make me answer that question Jack” Sawyer told him simply, Jack nodded and he stood up.

“You need to get some rest” He told him as he began to walk away.

“Feel free to send nurse freckles over” Sawyer grinned as Jack walked away. He smiled slightly at Sawyer’s comment, seemed like he would be okay after all.

--

Sayid and his group had been searching for hours. They where all exhausted and about ready to set up camp when the trees came flying out from the ground. Naturally everyone started to run with no question. However Lance tripped over a branch and was the monster had gotten to him before he even had time to process what had happened.

Sawyer woke up in a cold sweat. “What the hell?” He whispered to himself. Why had he dreamt about Sayid’s group and Larry’s death? Though he convinced himself that it was just the crap that Sun had given him as he fell back to sleep