|Harry Potter crack ficlets
Author: Asuka Kureru PM
Collection of short stories, scenes, snippets, featuring Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura and Kakashi at Hogwarts. Warning: utter crack. This is NOT A REAL STORY but a dozen small stories. It's also AS COMPLETE AS IT WILL EVER BE.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Parody - & Sasuke U. - Chapters: 13 - Words: 11,377 - Reviews: 624 - Favs: 804 - Follows: 445 - Updated: 04-22-06 - Published: 09-09-05 - Status: Complete - id: 2573257
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
What this is:
-the result of way, way too many "lazy" crossovers, where some characters just happen to pop up at Hogwarts with only the most standard, most cliché and most stupid explanation, The Acceptance Letter.
-a series of ficlets, featuring Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura and Kakashi spending a year at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
What this is not:
-a real story, with an overall storyline, defined sequence of events, or anything relating to a real plot.
-posted in chronological order (there is NO order. Except for the ones where they're not at school yet -- most of the ones happening at Hogwarts could be happening ANYTIME.)
-posted with any sort of beginning or end in view -- the ficlets will be written if the inspiration hits me, and only if. You can make suggestions, but I don't promise they'll inspire me.
-betaread (yes, I suck.)
In other words, please don't ask for a "next chapter" because they are not chapters of a story. They're just random bouts of crack. I'm not even into Harry Potter that much anymore, so don't expect me to be inspired to write more than what there is already. It might happen, but that's not very likely.
"Owls bearing messages."
"To our dimension, or pocket universe, or whatever you want to call the land of the Five Countries."
"Transdimensional owls. Bearing messages of acceptance to a school of a country we've never heard about and are quite visibly -- except maybe the idiot -- not citizens from."
"From a minority possessing powers you can't even explain satisfactorily, because it makes no fucking sense to us."
"They... don't really care that their Prime Minister is never going to swallow that cover story in a million years, do they," Sasuke finished with a sneer.
"Actually, I've been told that weirder things have happened. This one should pass muster," Kakashi replied with an amused grin.
"Man, that's one country that's ripe for the conquering," Naruto quipped, amazed.
Sakura looked up from her study of the map and gave Kakashi a politely surprised look. "Are you sure you don't hail from there, Sensei? Getting lost on the road of life saving kittens from grandmas sounds like it's right up their alley."
"What, you mean he was saying the truth all along? Whoa, sorry Kakashi-sensei, honestly. It's just that it all sounded like the worst fibs I've ever heard in my life. Shoulda known it was too sucky to really be lies."
"Oi." Kakashi chuckled, shaking his head with mock-sadness. "Kids these days. No respect for their elders."
Sasuke snorted at their bantering and read over the rest of the sample letter. Albus blahblahblah Dumbledore... list of titles... Warlock -- well it had war in it, so he could guess at what the position meant... "... Mugwump. " This one, though, he couldn't. He fished out the other letter and stared at the list of books and equipment necessary.
"What else is there?"
"Uniforms. Black uniforms," Sasuke added with hidden relish.
Naruto looked crestfallen. "All black? That sucks!"
"... The uniforms are... Robes. Whatever they mean by that."
"What, like bathrobes and stuff? Whoa. That's kinda prissy. And are we allowed to wear pants underneath?"
"Unless you want to flash people whenever you trip, you better," Sakura replied, giving him a suspicious look.
"One plain pointed hat, black..."
Kakashi looked disturbingly happy. His three pupils turned toward him to give him an evil look. If they had to wear a stupid pointed hat, he would, too.
"...One pair of protective gloves, dragon hide or similar..."
"Ohh. That actually sounds neat. Where are we gonna find a dragon, though?"
"I could always try to summon that bastard Manda..." Sasuke muttered under his breath, and finished the list. There were books next, first-year and fourth-year alike. He supposed they were to read the first-year books before they arrived, so that they'd have at least some basic understanding of the subjects.
"At least they have a sense of humor," Sakura commented. "Their pen names are like an inside joke after another."
"Maybe it's their real names," Naruto replied.
"If you were called Adalbert, would you show your face in public?"
"The idiot doesn't even know how to spell shame, much less what it actually means," Sasuke sniped back. "I get your meaning though. Awfully weird that someone honestly named Spore would actually study plants."
Naruto grinned. "She's one to talk. Spring cherry blossom."
"Hey, shut it, you -- swirly fishcake!"
Kakashi and Sasuke exchanged a Look.
"Oh, you shut it, scarecrow and -- eh, Sasuke, what's your name mean?"
"It's an ancient and respected ninja name. It doesn't need to mean anything."
"It means something stupid, doesn't it? Man, I've got to see the kanji!"
"You wouldn't know how to read them," Sasuke sniped back, and started reading the list again to shut him up.
Of course he was interrupted several times for random comments, but when they started again about his name, he had a comeback ready.
"...Students may also bring an owl, or a cat, or a toad... Naruto, you bring one of your talking frogs and I'll skewer it."