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Memories
By
Nana
Chapter 32
Because of the omnipresent paparazzi, Antoinette very rarely ventured out of the estate these days, and would not hear of us meeting in the office. She had suggested that I come to meet her for late afternoon tea instead. Perhaps this was all for the best. Certainly I did not care to meet anyone at de Brun headquarters anytime soon.
I got out of the car and found an assistant already waiting for me at the main entrance of the mansion.
“Good afternoon, Madame Director,” greeted the assistant with a bow. “Madame de Brun is waiting for you in the gardens.”
I followed the assistant as she ushered me to the gardens which were Antoinette’s pride. I followed her as she led me to the lady herself. And always, always, with thoughts of Antoinette came thoughts of him.
Fersen.
Fersen, who had paid me a visit at the office just yesterday. Fersen, who had come as a friend, but even our friendship had not spared our brief meeting from being a harrowing one.
Fersen, who had come yesterday to say goodbye.
“I do as I please with my shares,” I had murmured. “They are mine after all. And my employees have shown by their hard work that they are worthy of being rewarded every now and then.”
“Françoise, you don’t have to talk around in circles with me,” Fersen had said. “Do you really expect me to believe that there’s nothing else behind this sudden, startling decision you’ve just made?”
“So you suspect I’m up to something,” I had said, my tone becoming cool.
“Yes,” he had said, and for the first time since we had been friends, I had sensed exasperation, perhaps even anger, tugging at his voice. Even as he struggled to keep his tone even and mild, a tense hardness had crept into it. “Why now, of all times?”
“Is there any better time?” I had asked. “Perhaps you won’t mind if I throw your suspicion back at you. Can you really say de Brun knows nothing about why its stocks are dipping? Although I must say ‘plunging’ might be a better term to use these days.”
“We’re trying our best to—”
“But why is it happening in the first place?” I had cut in. “These things don’t just happen without a reason, Fersen! Can you honestly tell me you don’t know why?”
“I can’t right now,” he had bit out. “It’s classified information. We’re working on it.”
“And you dare to come here to demand an explanation from me as to why I’m giving my employees more stock options if it means helping them in some way?”
“It’s not as simple as that, Françoise,” he had said, his tone becoming weary. “The other officers at de Brun are seriously considering filing a case of insider trading against you—”
“Oh, really?” I had said coldly. “Pray, on what grounds? First and foremost, I gave away our stocks. I didn’t trade. Secondly, the employees are our shareholders, so there was never the question of betraying their trust. I acted based on my own judgment of the situation, so let those fools at de Brun file the case against me if they want to. If that’s the only reason why you’ve come— to hurl threats at me— then I suggest you leave now, Mr. Fersen.”
Fersen had held up his hands. “I didn’t come here to fight you, Françoise,” he had said. “You know better than that. It’s just that, we just wished you’d have told us first before you make these kinds of decisions. You know very well de Brun relies very heavily upon de la Saigne and your action has caused a lot of speculation to break out in the stock market. It is hurting de Brun’s chances of recovery.”
“But what about our shareholders? What about us?” I had returned. “Don’t you think we’re entitled to know what’s going on? By not knowing what’s happening with our parent company, by being kept in the dark all these months, can you blame us for the kind of inferences we had made based on the situation we are seeing right now? De Brun is going down, Fersen, and you haven’t told me why. Can you really say it can recover?”
Realizing that my voice was rising, I had paused before continuing in a gentler tone, “My employees and our shareholders are important to me. I have their trust, and they trust me to uphold and defend their rights as I see fit.”
“And Antoinette is not important to you?” He had asked softly.
“I never said that,” I had snapped. “I never knew that you would let sentiment affect your judgment so. Do you really think this is all about Antoinette?”
Fersen had shaken his head. “You don’t know this, but based on how our investigation into the corporation’s finances is going, it may very well be that Auguste’s head will roll,” he had said, his voice laced with bitterness and pain. “He and Antoinette are not responsible for what’s happening, but nevertheless, they cannot be extricated from the command responsibility that will ultimately bring everything right at their doorstep. And Auguste…he is far too straight and honorable to run, and Antoinette has refused to leave him.”
At his last words, he had hung his head, face drawn in harsh lines as he fought for control. In that one horrible moment, I had been certain he was going to break down. But he never did. When he had brought up his head again, his eyes were quite dry.
“Auguste is not well. He’s relying heavily on Antoinette to make the simplest decisions for him these days. I try to do what I can. Keeping your stocks together could have helped them a lot, eased the strain for them a bit,” he had finished.
“Do you really think that’s true?” I had retorted. “Have things become so bad at de Brun that you’re driven to say these things? You know perfectly well the stocks will only buy them some time. It’s not the solution and you know it.”
He had stared at me then, stared at me in silent agreement even as he had said, “Right now, it might be the only way. I can think of no other means to avert disaster.”
“What about Tony Ramolino?” I had asked, feeling the blood pounding in my ears. Everything, everything was just a mess. “Père had said he was buying chunks of de Brun stocks—”
“He has stopped buying and has resold his shares at half the price he got them,” Fersen had answered.
“Good God.”
It had been the first time I had seen Ramolino make a huge mistake. I had stared at Fersen incredulously.
Fersen had sighed as he continued, “De Brun should never have attempted to buy Patrick Smith’s US company last year. The money thrown into that endeavor could help us now immensely, but it’s gone. All gone. Smith’s the only one who gained anything from it. At this rate, we can’t see any return of investment until well over five years. We just can’t wait that long right now.”
Silence.
“How did things end up like this?” I had finally asked. “How could you have not told me sooner? Perhaps I could have helped.”
“I don’t think anyone can stop this from happening. Your not knowing will serve as your own protection. Believe me, Françoise; you’re better off not knowing much. When the time comes I shall see to it that Auguste will not be the only one to take the blame,” Fersen had said, “but right now the damage has been done and so thoroughly that wondering about it will do us no good.”
“And the other shareholders of de Brun? What will you tell them?” I had asked.
Fersen had sighed and said nothing.
“They must be told, and told quite plainly. There will be hell to pay if they weren’t informed.”
“I have advised my superiors to do so, but apparently they’re not listening to me,” he had said. His voice had been resigned, extinguished. “I have advised them to come clean months ago, but they wouldn’t move. Right now they’re quaking at the thought of a possible government investigation.”
“Oh, God.”
I had not wanted to believe Bernard, not even after I had seen parts of the documents that he had presented to me months ago. But I could put it off no longer as I looked at Fersen’s face. I had asked woodenly, “Is there any cause for a government investigation? Fersen, is there…is there fraud involved?”
Fersen had not answered but continued to gaze at me sadly. It was all the answer that I had needed. He had said instead: “Françoise, do forgive me if you think I’ve come here to berate you. That was really not my intention. I’ve just not been myself for so long, the strain at the office...”
I had watched as he raked his fingers through his hair in frustration, and then he had continued, “I think it’s brave of you to have done what you did under the circumstances, to follow your conscience at great cost. Though you and I might not agree as to the approach, though I wished things would have been different, you do have my respect. Your employees are so lucky to have you.”
I realized then that he had come to say his farewells, perhaps for the last time. From then on a great gulf would divide us. I had chosen my side and he had chosen his.
“I think it’s wonderful that you’re there for her,” I had said, gazing at this man whom I had loved just a short time ago. “So long as you’re there, she won’t need anyone else.”
“Goodbye, then, my friend.”
“Goodbye, Fersen.”
So we had walked through the flowering trees in the gathering dusk, talking quietly and inconsequentially. Then her question had come as if from nowhere.
“Yes,” I answered, hiding my surprise that she had remembered. “I remember.”
“It seemed so long ago,” Antoinette said with a sigh. “Back then, things were so much simpler.”
“If I recall correctly, things had not been so simple then,” I said dryly.
Antoinette laughed. “No, but they were far less…well, I don’t really know how to put it. The problems were trivial and far less complicated then, I guess, but that’s not exactly true as well, is it?”
I shook my head. It seemed nothing in Antoinette’s life was ever uncomplicated.
“There are days, Françoise, when I wish I can just turn back the clock and start everything all over again,” she said. “How I wish someone would invent a time machine soon.”
I smiled, saying nothing.
“But as of now I guess there’s nothing to do but face things as they come,” said Antoinette. “You do know just how difficult things have become for de Brun right now. I don’t blame you for what you did with your family’s stocks. They are yours to sell or give away, of course. But sooner or later we may have to resort to drastic measures. We need to cut back and try to minimize our losses. We can’t afford to hang onto so many of our employees for long.”
I closed my eyes, my heart sinking as I heard the inevitable words from Antoinette. “There must be a way to deal with the problems of de Brun instead of laying off your people,” I said as evenly as I could.
“We have people looking in on it, Françoise, but you know more than anyone else what happens when a company is losing money.”
“I don’t agree,” I said. “There must be something that can still be done to help the employees.”
Antoinette cast me a long, sad look before she smiled, saying ruefully, “I understand that you are totally devoted to the employees. You feel for them, don’t you? I had hoped things would not come to this, but I am afraid it will, sooner or later. We don’t have a choice. We won’t be able to do anything about it once it comes. We have to be realistic.”
I bit back the hot words that were threatening to spill from me— the angry questions that I had asked Fersen yesterday which had met no adequate answer. But I knew it would be useless to ask Antoinette. Fersen had not been able to answer me. Nobody could.
“Of course we can still do something about it, no matter how late the time,” I said bracingly instead. “Please don’t take it out on the employees.”
A spasm of pain crossed Antoinette’s features. “Please believe me when I say I do not want anyone to get hurt by this,” she said softly. “If there is a way out for everyone, I will lay myself down for it. But Auguste and I can only do so much, and Auguste has not been well. If cutting back losses is the only choice left to me, then I will try to be strong. I will do everything in my power to pull things together for his sake…”
Here she trailed off, and I said softly, “For whose sake, really?”
Antoinette stared at me, her eyes wide.
“It’s for Fersen, isn’t it?”
She looked away.
“Why don’t you tell me the truth?” I asked, my voice breaking slightly. “The way you used to in the earlier days? Isn’t it for Fersen’s sake that you’re forced to make decisions for Auguste? Then why don’t you follow Fersen’s advice and let him guide you? Surely he has plans, ideas in which you can—”
“I have decided to send him back to Sweden.”
I turned to face her abruptly, my voice barely audible: “What?”
“I have asked for his resignation just this morning,” said Antoinette clearly even as her lips started to tremble.
“Why?” I asked, feeling the blood drain from my face.
Antoinette glanced away, biting her lip hard.
“He is the only one who could have helped!” I said, gripping Antoinette’s arms. “Why? Why did you do it? I don’t believe you’d send him away just like that. Tell me the real reason why you did.”
“Of course I could not have done it by myself!” burst out Antoinette, misery and pain etched in her voice. “How can I thrust him away when he means the whole world to me? It’s true…it’s true when you say it’s for his sake that I am still trying to work things out. He’s the only reason why I’d still want to live…”
Antoinette finally broke down as I held her, and it was in between sobs that I managed to learn the story; how Fabian, Fersen’s younger brother, had arrived from Stockholm. He never told Lars he was coming. He had asked to see Antoinette privately to hand her a letter written by his father. It had been about Lars. Naturally, word had filtered back to Sweden regarding the troubles at de Brun, and Senator Fersen had asked— had begged— to have his son sent back, not for his family’s sake but for his own. If Antoinette truly loved his son, Senator Fersen argued, he would trust her to do the right thing even if his own son would not.
Given this kind of argument, how was she to refuse?
“You could have asked Lars first whether he wants to go or not,” I said. “It’s his decision to make, after all.”
“I can’t!” Antoinette wailed. “I can’t do it, Françoise! He had not taken it well earlier when I asked him to resign. He had demanded to know why I was doing it, and all I could say was it was Auguste’s wish that he not get implicated. Françoise, Françoise! I wish I could just die when I told him to leave! But I can’t bear to have him stay and see me stripped of everything that I have. I’d rather die!”
“You must not say these things,” I said desperately, even though I knew deep inside that what Antoinette had just said was horrendously possible. “And Fersen will never allow anything to happen to you. No matter what happens, I am sure he will be back. He will come back for you. You know that, don’t you? And you must let me help in any way I can.”
“Oh, Françoise,” sobbed Antoinette. “I have regretted so many things I’ve done, but I’ve regretted most all the times when you’ve tried to help by warning me and I didn’t listen. I am so sorry. I thought…I thought you and I are so different. How can we possibly understand each other? I love you like I would my own sisters but I never understood you, and I suspect that you feel the same way about me too. But I do realize that you are one of the very few friends I can trust to the end, and that is all the more reason why I cannot have you getting involved. It is too late now. You will only get drawn into the mess and your reputation will be ruined.”
“Having those idiots at de Brun around you is no solution either,” I said harshly, feeling that I was close to shedding bitter, frustrated tears. How could Antoinette be so stubborn, so lacking in common sense at a time like this? “Do you really think they will stay by you in the end? Do you think they won’t sacrifice you when the time comes?”
“Maybe,” said Antoinette, raising teary but resolute eyes to meet mine. “But that doesn’t mean I will sacrifice my friends in the process.”
And that was what I meant about Antoinette when I told André last night of her capacity for greatness. She knew where my sympathies lay, knew that I would side with the employees rather than the administrative executives and, ultimately, her. Yet no matter how she would say she never comprehended me, she had respected my stance and never demanded my loyalty, never questioned my view that the people who needed protecting in the corporation were not the high and mighty minority. Few, so very few people would ever realize her capable of such touching nobility. The frivolous queen of the tabloids had a totally different face and a totally different side to her, but why must this particular rose bloom only in adversity?
Why must her stars always fall in the same, fatal pattern?
It took me a moment to realize that tears were streaming down my face. Antoinette touched my cheek lightly. “Go, my friend,” she whispered. “Do not concern yourself with me. Do what your conscience thinks is best.”
“Is it showing in my work performance today?” I asked dolefully. The great conference room was now empty and we were the only ones left, getting ready to get back to my office upstairs.
He shook his head. “It’s not your fault, you know. People determine their fates by the decisions they make.”
“I wish I could have done more. Maybe if I—”
“—You told them about your dreams?” He finished for me, accurately reading my mind. “You did tell Fersen and do you think he paid you any heed all those months ago? You would not be able to change Fersen’s or Antoinette’s minds even if you told them the story of Oscar François a thousand times. It takes more than hearing the story to change things. You have to believe it first.”
“Oh, Andre, let’s not talk about it,” I said, peeved. “Was it…was it obvious at the meeting that I wasn’t paying attention?”
“No,” he replied, “but I wish you’d smile a little.”
“Andre,” I sighed, standing up. “Whatever reason is there for me to smile?”
“Well,” began Andre thoughtfully. “We’re going out to have dinner and a movie later tonight, my treat. And afterwards…”
I raised an eyebrow as his voice trailed off suggestively.
“Afterwards?” I asked, feeling my heart leap as I willed him to continue.
“Afterwards…” Here he leaned in to whisper in my ear. To whisper tantalizingly of the hot, sweet things he would like to do to me once we got back to the apartment after the movie.
“That’s better,” he said, his voice back to normal as he pulled away and saw the flush and the smile on my face.
I hit him lightly with the files. “Let’s go back to work,” I said in a mock severe tone.
As much as I hated to admit it, what Andre said was true, I reflected as we took the elevator up to my office. The Greeks would fully appreciate the dilemma that I was in. Here was a modern-day Cassandra, cursed with knowing all the ills that were in store for everyone’s future and unable to get anyone to believe her. The irony of it all was bitter.
And yet, and yet…here I am with my André, I thought, staring surreptitiously at Andre’s profile in wonder. Here is a miracle that I pray I will be able to keep.
It certainly did pay to take my dreams of Oscar François seriously. She had not appeared in my dreams for so long now. I could only hope that it meant everything was going well, at least with André and myself.
But I was foolish to think so.
As soon as I entered my office and saw her standing by the windows, I knew that I had lulled myself into a sense of false security.
Seeing her there…
But it was impossible. I was awake. Fully awake. This must be an illusion. It had to be!
And yet there she continued to stand, turning slightly as she saw me enter. Seeing her there, standing rooted in the full light of the mid-day sun and my alert senses, I knew that things were not as settled as I fervently hoped they would be.
Oscar François de Jarjayes, the ghost of my past, my doppelgänger, my tormentor, had come to resume her haunting by paying me a daytime visit.
(definition of Doppleganger taken from Wikipedia)